What exactly do subbies mean by growth

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What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 9:40:39 AM

cillydom

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I often read and hear that subbies want a dom that will facilitate their growth as a subbie. My question is what exactly do subbies mean by growth and how do they envision that happening.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 9:46:37 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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You'd have to ask the person. It often means growing as an adult- growing more secure, more stable, more trusting, more appreciative of the world, more self-aware, likely also getting their "limits" pushed and trying all sorts of kinky things.

It could also be the mundane stuff- getting an IRA going, keeping budgets, getting a college degree, whatever.

How it happens depends on the person and what they want. Usually time and experience.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 9:49:56 AM

bandit25

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For my part, it means someone that will help bring out my submissive side. By that, I mean help me find those buttons to push....find those "triggers" and use them, of course :)

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 10:34:21 AM

CrappyDom

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LA is here to represent the side of goodness. Lucky for me, the role of devil's advocate is open...(and why exactly DOES the devil need a lawyer anyway?)

SO, growth all to often means things like "lets see how deep my cock can go", "what wierd shit can I make you do", "I am a dipshit but if I can make her think it is "growth" I can probably get away with it".

Lucky for us, nobody here does any of those things, but I have heard rumors about people out there...

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 10:39:05 AM

bandit25

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LOL...so true.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 10:44:16 AM

sweetbbwsub31

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For me it's not only about pushing my limits and working toward things i never thought i would do let alone do well. It's about personal growth, learning about the strength within. Actually becoming a stronger all around person. It is my opinion that a Dom can teach you and help you grow in many ways. That is if he cares enough to respect you.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 11:11:10 AM

SirCumsSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetbbwsub31

For me it's not only about pushing my limits and working toward things i never thought i would do let alone do well. It's about personal growth, learning about the strength within. Actually becoming a stronger all around person. It is my opinion that a Dom can teach you and help you grow in many ways. That is if he cares enough to respect you.

You too the exact words right outta my head

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 12:08:50 PM

dave1212

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirCumsSlut

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetbbwsub31

For me it's not only about pushing my limits and working toward things i never thought i would do let alone do well. It's about personal growth, learning about the strength within. Actually becoming a stronger all around person. It is my opinion that a Dom can teach you and help you grow in many ways. That is if he cares enough to respect you.

You too the exact words right outta my head

Have to agree here as it has been worded puuurfectly..But Domme in my case

But i would also say to also help you grow and learn all the different aspect's of the lifestyle too

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 12:43:54 PM

tmdwldchld

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As human beings, we all grow and change over time because of life experiences and our environment. We also choose the path of life's journey. As a submissive, I know I need help in some areas more than others. For example, it took years of experiences to figure out that being submissive isn't just a want in my life but a need. But there are mundane things in my life that I need help to learn, like not being afraid of doing something new (ok, so that can be applied to any area in my life), or being more responsible for myself and setting up things like the IRA that LuckyAlbatross mentioned. I'm also going back to school, so learning how to balance work life, school life, and home life will be a challenge that could use some help.
Ok as I write this I'm thinking that I need more guidance/help than growth. Growth is a natural output of life as you live it, kind of like a growth spurt as a child and having a healthy lifestyle.
I think I'll have to think this through a little more and come back.
Lin

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 1:23:08 PM

Lordandmaster

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Usually they mean getting fucked in the ass for the first time. Something like that. Something allegedly dark and dangerous that they've always fantasized about doing and never found the right person to do it with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

My question is what exactly do subbies mean by growth and how do they envision that happening.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 1:53:02 PM

akisha

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For me it's not only the expanding my limits and such. The major part of growth is learning more about who i am. Even in my vanilla relationships they helped me discouver more about myself and what i am.

i was introduced to this at the age of 16, but really i didn't fully accept myself until just a few years ago. i didn't want to tell anyone, i was afraid they would chastise me or think i was a freak *g* and now, well i'm not shouting it from the roof tops but i'm alot more open and honest not only to myself but to anyone that is willing to ask.

i think alot of that comes with normal maturity as well but i also grew as a submissive.

< Message edited by akisha -- 4/19/2006 2:03:42 PM >

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 2:14:19 PM

enthralled

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For me .. . . I have personal obstacles ..... stumbling blocks per se. Not that I expect nor want a dominant to 'fix' this for me, but to help me to find ways to overcome these things... support, guidance, etc..
Like LA said, it's completely individualized. And yes, according to who you're talking to, it CAN mean anything from getting fooked in the ass to setting up an IRA.
Go figure!

P.S. +5 points in many a books if you use 'submissives' instead of 'subbies' *lol*

Respectfully,
enthralled

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 3:12:51 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

what exactly do submissives mean by growth

Enhancing/discovering/accepting qualities which make me a better person and shedding or minimizing those qualities which cause my potential to be stunted.

quote:

and how do they envision that happening.

Consistent effort.

Celeste

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 3:51:41 PM

petcerina

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For me, growth meant going from a sub to a slave. It also means learning to trust my Master more each day and expanding my limits. It happens with time, patience, understanding and communication.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 4:49:59 PM

unquenchable

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

I often read and hear that subbies want a dom that will facilitate their growth as a subbie. My question is what exactly do subbies mean by growth and how do they envision that happening.

Growth: to work on becoming the best i can be. Never settling for less.

How: With His guidance.

un-----------

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 5:06:33 PM

KatyLied

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To me it means A Dom seeing a sub's potential and guiding her to reach it. It's not necessarily about sex (although it can be), but it's bigger life issues. Guiding her in her thought processes, actions, in general. Using domination to help guide her life.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 5:12:53 PM

littleone35

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For me it means personal growth but also growth in our relationship. Some (not all so please don't jump on me)think once they get a collar that it their job is done. Many others like me see it as a chance for growth in a new relationship growing together learnin how to please the other. Just my thoughts. Oh by the way i hate the word subbie.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 4/19/2006 5:25:47 PM >

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 5:23:30 PM

cariad

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quote:

I often read and hear that subbies want a dom that will facilitate their growth as a subbie. My question is what exactly do subbies mean by growth and how do they envision that happening.

what do subbies mean by growth?

well, girl means she wants Someone who can help push her limits: ie: pain limits, getting over her fear of needles, or any other fear she may have. Someone who will help her grow as a person, as a slave and will work with her on helping the relationship grow into something very beautiful.

how does she envision this happening? Communication, Communication, Communication.......always being open with each other, talking about fears, things we wish to accomplish together in the relationship..

oh please someone just push that "STOP" button now or girl will go on forever in how she evisions this happening. LOL

seriously though girl evisions this happening in a variety of ways and while the list may be long she knows that when she does finally find that Someone special she will be able to talk to Him or if she joins a poly family then she will be able to talk to Them about how she wishes to grow and how she feels it could be done.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 7:46:35 PM

ladychatterley

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For me, I see three separate issues--one is I want to be pushed in ways that will make me better able to be who he (whoever he might be) would want me to be. So, if he loves sex in kiwi jello, I want to learn how to make kiwi jello.

Second, for me relationship level: I don't do vulnerability. Sooner or later, I need to learn how to do it. My fear, of course, is that if someone sees me vulnerable they'll disappear. I'm sure there are other things to, but that's the big one I'm aware of right now.

Finally I would also love support getting rid things that are holding me back; support for accomplishing real-world, professional goals. Like, say (hypothetically speaking) I was procrastinating by reading and posting anonymous on-line message boards when I should be finishing a project in real life, or something (just hypothetically speaking, of course), I would love to have someone who would be interested enough to provide a little external nudging and discipline.

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RE: What exactly do subbies mean by growth - 4/19/2006 10:25:30 PM

sskitten

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For me, growth is about peeling back inner layers and more inner layers to reach my core. I have had hints about what might lie at my core, based on my lifelong fantasies, but I have had no clue about how to reach my core and no inclination to go on that journey by myself. No one in my vanilla world has shown any interest in helping me reach the darkest parts of myself. That is where a Dom comes in.

BitaTruble (Celeste) put it beautifully in a recent message musing about what we give up and what we gain when we submit. In one part of her post she said that she had spent much of her life in a cage of her own making, and now as a slave she has found freedom. "By being his slave, I am no longer a slave." That was an eye-opening thought for me. I realized I have also spent my life in a cage of my own making, walled in by fears of facing my own dark side and fears of societal rejection if I went exploring in that direction.

(Another dichotomy I've been thinking about is: finding pride in humility.)

I guess for me, growth as a sub means discovering and embracing the whole of myself. Submission doesn't just mean something as mundane as obedience. It means bringing up more of my long-hidden self from my depths and laying my newfound self bare to another.

I do not know that it is for the sub to envision how the process is to happen. That's why a sub turns to a Dom. But I think a wise and caring Dom listens and observes closely and expects a sub to be a very active participant in his/her own growth journey and a very good communicator as well. Using the term "facilitate" is exactly right. That's all the Dom can do. No one can force growth - not the Dom nor the sub. But a good Dom can: guide a sub to reach deep into one's self; call on more of the sub's hidden strengths; support the sub in vanquishing fears and rising to new challenges; and help the sub explore growth-inspiring dichotomies.

Kitten

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