RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (Full Version)

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texangael -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 2:58:26 PM)

quote:

What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

Acknowledge that she's the dominant and you're the submissive, then improvise from there.




Bobanna -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:14:17 PM)

Its obvious "shes just not that into you" anymore.  When someone starts to not call, not visit, not pay attention, gives you reasons why they cant come over and they are not really valid reasons (like I have to hang out with my family.. come on dude, what 19 year old wants to hang out with their mom and dad over their love interest) .. it is clearly a sign that they are losing interest in you and dont want to be with you.  She is making this perfectly clear by her actions.  Your ego of course looks like it might be rather big, so Im sure that this might be difficult for you to accept and take in.  Its not even that she doesnt want to serve you, it sounds like she doesnt even want to hang out anymore.  Whos cutting who loose here?  Reality check.

My advice to you, deal with it, say goodbye and move on.

Bo.



wittynamehere -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:16:27 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to. I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is. I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

TY in advance

It's not her age. It's the relationship. Sounds like she's not as into you as you are to her, which is an uncomfortable situation for everybody. Have an honest discussion about it, and yeah, you may need to move on.



Twoshoes -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:20:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: texangael

quote:

What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

Acknowledge that she's the dominant and you're the submissive, then improvise from there.




That was pretty good; I laughed.



Lockit -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:21:00 PM)

What does it mean when someone has to force someone to call them and threaten punishment if they don't?

That is manipulative, backhanded, passive aggressive and immature. That is not dominance.



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:22:46 PM)

OP,
Novel idea. Perhas live just happens. I know for myself and my owner, we often go weeks without seeing one another due to our schedules. Yes, it sucks.However, we are both parents, he works 70 hours week (on a slow week), we both have house hold chores, shopping, ect to tend to. I am greatful my owner would NEVER punish me because I had to deal with life and couldn't physically serve him.

Infact, i would venture to say that no matter what i am doing, where I am. I am serving him. So if my life is in order than I am serving him well.



LadyPact -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:25:56 PM)

From your post history in addition to this thread, I really don't think she's that into you.  Which really is ok.  Not everybody wants a serious relationship (BDSM/power dynamics involved or not.)  She has her family, hopefully thinking about furthering her education, and/or starting on her own in the world.  She may very well have other priorities while you, on the other hand, are very deep into this.  I don't think you are on the same level of commitment about any of this.  It may very well be time to let her spread her wings.



Lockit -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:29:21 PM)

I actually think she does love him or needs something from the relationship. Why else would this be continuing? I just think she can't handle the relationship for different reasons and is trying to hold on but at the same time escape.

Most the people I know had a relationship similar to this early on and sometimes later in life.

It is often how we get a clue. lol



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:33:06 PM)

OP

I do have a question. Did you make her aware of your expectations of her regarding phone calls and spending time with you BEFORE implementing a punishment for those things not happening?



reynardfox -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:33:42 PM)

She's a kid, take her on a date and spoil her rotten, then have a farewell session and let her go. Don't look back, always try to end on a high note. Aceept that at that age, it's never going to last for long, just get one more session out of it to remember her by.
She's not what you want, accept that she can't give you what you need, it's nobody's fault but nature. You get your life back and a billion other playmates to choose from - Enjoy!



BonesFromAsh -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:36:25 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now.

Which means what to you...and her?

Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to.


19 year olds are like that sometimes...fact of life. The fact that she wants to spend time with her family and you only want her to "serve" you makes me question what exactly you mean by that word, "serve". If she doesn't understand "her duties" then who's fault is that? Who's the dominant in this relationship? Again, I ask, what exactly does it mean to "collar" this person...to you and her?

I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is.

You love her but you're considering "cutting her loose"? Explain that collaring thing again please.

I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

For g*d sakes, figure out what all of this means to BOTH of you before you go any further. You want "served" and she wants "submission"....what does that mean?
Sounds to me like the two of you need to talk...and talk...and talk...before you start assigning roles and titles to all of this.

TY in advance



quote:


Yeah but she would probably break it off. She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.


Am I the only one who did a double take when reading this? OP, could you please explain what you meant by the above quote?



EasyE -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:39:39 PM)

Thanks for the good advice. I was quick to judge you earlier. I think she does care or she would just get rid of me. She's very attractive and can do better. LOL. I'm going to leave her a voice message solemnly explain how I feel and ask for what she needs or want different. I would love for this to work as I love her dearly. She is young and may not be ready to feel that way yet and doesn't understand why I yearn to be with her. I never understood love until now either. Its a strange creature.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

I actually think she does love him or needs something from the relationship. Why else would this be continuing? I just think she can't handle the relationship for different reasons and is trying to hold on but at the same time escape.

Most the people I know had a relationship similar to this early on and sometimes later in life.

It is often how we get a clue. lol




EasyE -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:41:14 PM)

He's being sarcastic. Meaning she's dominant and I'm not.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now.

Which means what to you...and her?

Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to.


19 year olds are like that sometimes...fact of life. The fact that she wants to spend time with her family and you only want her to "serve" you makes me question what exactly you mean by that word, "serve". If she doesn't understand "her duties" then who's fault is that? Who's the dominant in this relationship? Again, I ask, what exactly does it mean to "collar" this person...to you and her?

I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is.

You love her but you're considering "cutting her loose"? Explain that collaring thing again please.

I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

For g*d sakes, figure out what all of this means to BOTH of you before you go any further. You want "served" and she wants "submission"....what does that mean?
Sounds to me like the two of you need to talk...and talk...and talk...before you start assigning roles and titles to all of this.

TY in advance



quote:


Yeah but she would probably break it off. She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.


Am I the only one who did a double take when reading this? OP, could you please explain what you meant by the above quote?



DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:43:35 PM)

My current Slave Leah is not fulfilling my needs and desires. I am looking for a replacement.

From the OPs profile. If I were your currently slave and saw this I would give YOU your walking papers. Its not respectful of her, its not respectful of your relationship, its not acting mature in sense of the word IMO. Infact its rather pathetic especially if you dont have the balls to inform her that she is being replaced so easily.

OP how do you profess your LOVE here yet disgaurd her and attempt to replace her so easily in your profile?



HisEvelyn -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:44:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

What does it mean when someone has to force someone to call them and threaten punishment if they don't?

That is manipulative, backhanded, passive aggressive and immature. That is not dominance.



Thank you, Lockit. That describes perfectly why I was so uneasy about hearing about the lashes. It didn't seem like healthy, strong dominance to me. You articulated it very well for me. I just couldn't find the words at the time.



EasyE -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:45:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

He's being sarcastic. Meaning she's dominant and I'm not.
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now.

Which means what to you...and her?

Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to.


19 year olds are like that sometimes...fact of life. The fact that she wants to spend time with her family and you only want her to "serve" you makes me question what exactly you mean by that word, "serve". If she doesn't understand "her duties" then who's fault is that? Who's the dominant in this relationship? Again, I ask, what exactly does it mean to "collar" this person...to you and her?

I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is.

You love her but you're considering "cutting her loose"? Explain that collaring thing again please.

I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

For g*d sakes, figure out what all of this means to BOTH of you before you go any further. You want "served" and she wants "submission"....what does that mean?
Sounds to me like the two of you need to talk...and talk...and talk...before you start assigning roles and titles to all of this.

TY in advance



quote:


Yeah but she would probably break it off. She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.


Am I the only one who did a double take when reading this? OP, could you please explain what you meant by the above quote?



my mistake i didn't read the first one.

Collared means we have a contract that we both signed which defines the expectations and limitations of each. I want her to spend time with her family. She seems to be using any excuse not to spend time with me though.

I am considering cutting her loose because she doesn't seem to love me back. Its painful to be tossed aside when your heart yearns to be with her.





Icarys -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 3:45:56 PM)

quote:

Thanks good advice. She earned herself 35 lashes for not calling me this morning. I'm going to offer to take some away if she calls and we can talk things out. Add to them if she doesn't. I want this to work we just need to figure out what is missing.


I'm a little surprised why you need help figuring this out...I'm a mean mother at times but never have I dolled out that kind of punishment..It's too much pressure on someone and a relationship no matter how "serious" they are about the lifestyle.

Why don't you take a hiatus from the punishment for a second and sit her down to talk..She's probably scared shitless that she'll get her ass beat if she says anything..that's probably why she's drifting to other areas..away from you.

Hardcore is fine if your partner is the same.

To add: She's also probably feeling a little inadequate as well..with all of the punishment.



Zevar -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 4:01:34 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to. I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is. I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

TY in advance


EasyE:

Your ongoing saga appears to have increased miserably, aye? Now you are seeking help to get clues to control a 19 year old that you claim to have under your rule? I seriously urge you to take a few steps backward, sit down and seriously reconsider your motives.

To begin, I will say the following:

Mastery is not a quality that is forced on another. Instead your lack of mastery indicates that you have been repeatedly demonstrating what is indicative of being domineering, tyrannical and overbearing.

Question: Where do you draw the line in dealing with a 19 year old who you claim is under your rule?

Answer: To begin YOU must possess the developed ability of self mastery. Ordering 35 lashes due to a missed phone call sounds to be indicative of your loss of self control.

This 19 year old needs LOTS and LOTS of what you do not apparently posses. Patience, self control, wisdom, self examination and moreover self honesty are pre-requisite to mastering another. A female is not a hunk of play-doh that you can form to become what you like.

Instead you must learn to inspire her abilities. Listen to her heart AND defiantly be a man that is worthy of her respect. Yes, worthy of her respect! If you continue to act like an out of control fool she will never respect you NOR will you ever inspire her heart to kneel to your guidance.

A genuine word of caution: You might also refrain from thrashing her for not phoning you else serious legalities could become an issue if somehow something goes awry during one of those out of control sessions. Throwing caution to the wind has a tendency to redirect back to whence it came.

In closing: Stand UP! Be a man AND let her go! Else learn to live with this foolishness that you call mastery AND that tends to lead you here to present for yet more input that you apparently have disregarded. Oh yes, lest we not forget those 35 thrashes for merely not phoning you, correct?

Time to re-think and re-group EasyE, aye!



MsLadySue -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 4:02:43 PM)

EasyE, I just read your profile and in it you state:  " My current Slave Leah is not fulfilling my needs and desires.  I am looking for a replacement."  Why have you come here to complain about your situation if you've already decided to replace Leah?



BonesFromAsh -> RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave (8/8/2010 4:02:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
He's being sarcastic. Meaning she's dominant and I'm not.

<snipped out my post to keep this short and sweet>
quote:


Yeah but she would probably break it off. She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.


Am I the only one who did a double take when reading this? OP, could you please explain what you meant by the above quote?



OP, I was hoping you would take the time to explain the quote above about her abusive past lending itself to this lifestyle. That makes no sense to me. Neither does your first reply.


quote:


my mistake i didn't read the first one.

Collared means we have a contract that we both signed which defines the expectations and limitations of each. I want her to spend time with her family. She seems to be using any excuse not to spend time with me though.

So you signed a contract outlining limitations and expectations, cool. But, what exactly does it mean for her to be collared? Anyone can sign a piece of paper...what does it mean to each of you in regards to your relationship dynamic? I have a feeling there's a disconnect going on.
quote:


I am considering cutting her loose because she doesn't seem to love me back. Its painful to be tossed aside when your heart yearns to be with her.


Like others have said...maybe she's just not into you. It sucks, I know, but sometimes you need to accept the reality of the situation and move on.

This thread and some of your other past posts have me wondering just what it means to you to be a D-type. This isn't meant to be cruel just realistic. I'm of the belief that being a D-type is more than just telling people what to do.

BTW...all of this can be said of her, as an s-type, in questioning what it all means for her.

Good luck

*edited to fix quotes



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