New and scared but still curious

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

New and scared but still curious

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> New and scared but still curious

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

New and scared but still curious - 8/9/2010 2:21:42 PM

iwant2byourslv

Posts: 2
Joined: 6/27/2006
Status: offline

I have been on this site for quite sometime, but not always actively.. I still have yet to experienced what it is like to be a sub.. however
last night I was introduced to some of the things that are used for play. Mostly just looking .. ii did get to experience leather wrist cuffs put on wrist to get a feel of what it would be like.. I can honestly say I was very nervous, scared but also aroused.. My one wrist was hooked to a door frame but I would not allow my other wrist to be hooked... How long does it take to get over the nervous and scared feelings.. I think it was the loss of control that stopped me.. What is to be expected as a first time sub and what should happen at that first or second introduction.

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/9/2010 3:10:52 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

I believe a lot of it boils down to whomever your partner or play partner is. When you feel you trust that person (and your feelings, equally important) to go to the next step, you do.

Having said that, if you trust your partner sufficiently but your feelings are still a little too skittish, that person might take the initiative and take the next step if they feel your feelings are becoming too much your barrier. Does that make sense?

Nobody ever said that 'what we do' constitutes a race. Go as quick or as slow as is necessary to taste the deliciousness of our world.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to iwant2byourslv)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/9/2010 3:12:10 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

First off, a submissive serves. Sexually, domestically, in play, etc. What you experienced was an intro to scening, which is just a part of it all.

To answer your question it takes as long as it takes. Keep doing what you just did, and push further when you're ready. This isn't a competition.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to iwant2byourslv)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/9/2010 4:06:43 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: iwant2byourslv

I have been on this site for quite sometime, but not always actively.. I still have yet to experienced what it is like to be a sub.. however
last night I was introduced to some of the things that are used for play. Mostly just looking .. ii did get to experience leather wrist cuffs put on wrist to get a feel of what it would be like.. I can honestly say I was very nervous, scared but also aroused.. My one wrist was hooked to a door frame but I would not allow my other wrist to be hooked... How long does it take to get over the nervous and scared feelings.. I think it was the loss of control that stopped me.. What is to be expected as a first time sub and what should happen at that first or second introduction.

The "how long" is dependent on how much you trust your partner (and yourself) and what role general society has played in conforming you to believe it's "wrong" to pursue and enjoy that which excites and attracts you.

I've had a few "first time" subs and mostly I allow them (or their body language) to initially dictate how far a scene progresses. But once a new step is accomplished (ordered to strip naked, for eg), I'm not tolerant of hesitation next time or from then on.

D/s *IS* about unequal control. Everyday egalitarian society is NOT. And the latter is what most have been "engineered" to believe and the hurdle you have to get past in your personal relationships. What consenting adults do together in the privacy of their own home is NOT society's business.

You're clearly wanting to explore an obvious submissive need. It won't happen until you can let go and give up control to another.

And welcome to the public Forums... :)

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to iwant2byourslv)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/9/2010 8:00:44 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

trust takes time to build in any relationship and scening is no diffrent. if you play with the same person/s you will build more trust in them and become more relaxed during play. i trust my Mistress completly. i know She will hurt me but never harm me. i stsrted as you just watching and slowly playing more and more intensly as well, now i am a maso slave collared to my sadist Mistress.
just relax and enjoy the journey

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/10/2010 12:16:53 AM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

depends on the person. my ex i was married for 27 years i never trusted hiim enough to even tie me up if i could wriggle free even. my master i trust totally and when playing he has full righn he knows my limits and can tell if hes pushing without me saying anything. its one of those how long is a peace of string questions

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/10/2010 2:25:33 AM

joether

Posts: 5195
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I've been on occasion, on the opposite side of the whip, with a 'first time Domm'. You think being a first dome submissive is tough? Try being a first time Domme. They all seem to believe, they should know exactly what they are doing. And that, is simply unreasonable, in every sense of the word. When you are new, step in to things, at your speed. Your partner, should be adult enough, to go at your speed. However, if you start stalling, then you are not communicating. Dom/mes, just like submissives, are not mind readers.

I recalled the first dungeon I actually stepped in to. I almost fainted. But my Domme at the time, urged me in, and simply walked around (with me), to allow me to look at everything. Of course, trying to bind me to some stuff, proved a challeng with my height....

As you grow, in being a submissive, so to, will your undertanding of being a submissive grow. You will learn new things, that you never knew existed. But always, always, always, communicate with your partner, if something is making you uncomfortable.

(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/10/2010 3:14:01 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i think being tied up by someone you dont know very well, if at all, when youre nervous and new and its youre first time ever is going to be scary.

i usually try to spend a certain amount of time getting to know a person and get to feel comfortable with that person before i feel its ok to submit to them on any level.

aspects of play can make a sub nervous even when theyre in a relationship with someone.

trust in a person doesnt just ping out of the air, it has to be given a chance to develop. it sounds like this person was new to you and you went straight into play so there was no strong element of trust, you were going on a wing and a prayer a bit.

if you are this nervous and scared you should maybe try to get to know a person first, talk on the phone, meet up and go into play situations where maybe youre not tied up at first. it might take a few play sessions for you before you relax and can trust enough. finding someone who is prepared to go gently with you i think is very important too.

it really isnt about 'how long does it take' its about you feeling comfy with someone you trust.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to joether)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/10/2010 9:32:44 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

For our first few meetings Master and i just taked finding out what we both wanted/needed from a relationship. No i did not let him toe me up at first, it can be scary untli you know you can trust that person not to cause harm to you while you are helpless. When i did trust him i let him do it and it was wonderful, now i ask for it.

Don't rush it or let youself be pushed/bullied into it. When you gain more trust you may be ready for that next step. Just take things slow and communiate what you are feeling that is very important.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to lally2)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: New and scared but still curious - 8/10/2010 10:06:54 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

As noted above: trust takes time, to develop. A certain amount must be advanced initially, in order for the rest to be earned. Move at a pace that feels comfortable to you.

However long you need- THAT is how long it takes.

Take time.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to iwant2byourslv)

Profile

Post #: 10