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ORIGINAL: Cherylmazana

Sometimes people need anonymous help from strangers, that’s why agony aunts were invented, I don’t remember any agony aunt saying that because anonymous didn’t put down their real name that they considered them wrong for doing so.

Not giving your name gives you the chance to ask for advice without prior knowledge of your past getting in the way. It gives you the chance to look at advice and see if you want to follow it or not without the obligation of having friends say later, well serves you right for ignoring what I said, or I told you so.
Cheryl

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ORIGINAL: subsfaith

This post really pushes my buttons. 

The obvious answer to me, having read all the subsequent posts, appears to be he was pissy because of your poor behaviour.  There may be other contributing factors, but your behaviour would appear to be the major one.

He was right in his analogy, well almost.  Let me put it another way, you go out, you get pissed, you come home and puke on the bed, he will clean it up, but he is going to be cross with you for your poor behaviour.

And on top of that, you argue that he is wrong... more reason to be pissy with you.

You tittle-tattle to his other partner... looking for support?  Ultimately this will cause pissyness!

I think what pushes my buttons the most is that he did care for you, he got you water, her cleared up the bed when you made a mess, he cuddled and talked to you, but you can't even acknowledge that.  I wonder did you say thank you?

No, you questioned if he would be there for you... you used the word ignorant when talking about him, the same could be used for yourself.

He may not have done these things in a manner in which you expected, but why should he, he is your boyfriend, not your lackey and he was cross with you!

OP, grow up and take some responsibility rather than concentrating on woe is me.

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

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ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


No. He doesn't have any 'responsibility to deal with things'. You wanted to go - your choice. You wanted to enjoy yourself - your choice. So why on earth do you think he has an obligation to 'cuddle you' or get you a drink of water?

I think you got off lightly....because I wouldn't have given you a drink of water...I'd have fuckin' drowned you on the basis of your ill-conceived expectations.

Nothing worse than a horrible spoilt bitch who wants the freedom to trapse round the place and then expects comfort and security when it suits.

Did you happen to miss the part about the reason why he did not want to go with her:
He wanted to spend alone time with his other lover?

edit: clarity

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Two days ago on Saturday night, my boyfriend and I were at a kink event in a city other than our own. We were sharing a hotel room with his other partner, and quite a few of our friends were also at the event. After asking him if he wanted to play, either in the room or in the dungeon at the hotel - or just come down and be with me while I tried out the fire cupping or some other tasty new experience - he declined. One of our female friends had expressed interest (bouncing enthusiasm) at the prospect of topping me (we've played before), and I asked if that would be alright with him. He agreed that would be alright.

Our mutual friend that will be topping me arrived at the hotel room door, and I once again clarify what he is comfortable with me doing for the evening. Can I play with anyone? What is acceptable? I'm asking this again because there are professional riggers downstairs and lots of other people that can do awesome cool things. If I get the opportunity I want to take advantage of it.

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ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

She may not be his responsibility. Holly, but she has the right to walk away from someone who has such an inhumane attitude too. The thread seemed to be about her mental processes in figuring out whether to stay or go. It is not about responsibility or even right and wrong. It is about whether or not she will continue in a relationship. She has as much responsibility to remain in an unfulfilling relationship as he had to care for her.... As you stated, her first responsibility is to herself, she should exercise that by finding a compatible partner.

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

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ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

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ORIGINAL: NorthernGent


No. He doesn't have any 'responsibility to deal with things'. You wanted to go - your choice. You wanted to enjoy yourself - your choice. So why on earth do you think he has an obligation to 'cuddle you' or get you a drink of water?

I think you got off lightly....because I wouldn't have given you a drink of water...I'd have fuckin' drowned you on the basis of your ill-conceived expectations.

Nothing worse than a horrible spoilt bitch who wants the freedom to trapse round the place and then expects comfort and security when it suits.

Did you happen to miss the part about the reason why he did not want to go with her:
He wanted to spend alone time with his other lover?

edit: clarity

Then i must have missed it too. As per the opening post:

quote:

Two days ago on Saturday night, my boyfriend and I were at a kink event in a city other than our own. We were sharing a hotel room with his other partner, and quite a few of our friends were also at the event. After asking him if he wanted to play, either in the room or in the dungeon at the hotel - or just come down and be with me while I tried out the fire cupping or some other tasty new experience - he declined. One of our female friends had expressed interest (bouncing enthusiasm) at the prospect of topping me (we've played before), and I asked if that would be alright with him. He agreed that would be alright.

Our mutual friend that will be topping me arrived at the hotel room door, and I once again clarify what he is comfortable with me doing for the evening. Can I play with anyone? What is acceptable? I'm asking this again because there are professional riggers downstairs and lots of other people that can do awesome cool things. If I get the opportunity I want to take advantage of it.

This does not sound like a selfless act on the part of the OP. She did not leave so her boyfriend could have some private time with his other lady. She wanted to play.

Now...I am an adult. I am an adult who is married to my Dominant. There are ties that bind me both emotionally and legally to my husband. That said, there is still no freaking way in hell i would ever...EVER...expect him to accept responsibility for me. EVER. I accept responsibility for myself. Always and to the best of my ability. If my ability will be compromised by a situation i have put myself in, i do not put myself in that situation.

The OP willingly put herself in a situation where her ability to accept responsibility  for herself was compromised. She then refused the care offered by those she attended the play party with, stating instead she wanted her boyfriend to care for her. She knew her ability to function normally was negated, yet she refused the help of those offering, choosing instead to dump herself onto her sleeping boyfriend.

Now, it would certainly have been the humane thing to do on his part to give her the care she required. I would have. Most others would have cared for her as well. His behavior sounds like anger, and frankly i do not blame him for feeling that way.

The fault as i see it lies with the OP for assuming and expecting him to accept responsibility for her. She was NOT his responsibility in any way. If responsibility lies anywhere other than with the OP, it lies with those she played with and who were a party to her level of sub-space. They willing accepted that responsibility but were refused.

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His not going was an opportunity for him to have some private, intimate time with his other partner. He was happy to have me occupied and out of the room. I certainly did not ignore him all evening, I was gone for about 90 minutes. I even made sure to ask what the minimum time was that he wanted to be left alone with her, as to not interrupt their intimacy. It seemed to be a good plan for everyone involved. No one would be left out or lonely and everyone would be happy. He knew it was midnight when I left, and knew when (approximately) I would be getting back. My friends, our friends, would have happily helped me if they had known he would not. [quote/]

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to sirsholly)

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ORIGINAL: sirsholly

The OP willingly put herself in a situation where her ability to accept responsibility  for herself was compromised. She then refused the care offered by those she attended the play party with, stating instead she wanted her boyfriend to care for her. She knew her ability to function normally was negated, yet she refused the help of those offering, choosing instead to dump herself onto her sleeping boyfriend.

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Angelika...the way i see it, she decided to attend a play party without him and thus he was presented with the opportunity for private time with his other partner.

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Allow me to use a different scenario, as i fear i am not making sense. Many here know i had a pretty bad accident a few months ago. I was mostly unable to care for myself while in the hospital, depending on the hospital staff to meet my needs. What if i refused the care of the doctors and nurses, called a cab and suddenly showed up at home, expecting my husband to care for me?
Certainly he would have done whatever he could, but he would have been justifiably furious at me for leaving the setting where there were others who had the experience to meet my needs and instead dumping myself and the responsibility for my care squarely on his one set of shoulders. I would have forced him to be responsible for my care, and i have no right to do that to him or anyone else.

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ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

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Allow me to use a different scenario, as i fear i am not making sense. Many here know i had a pretty bad accident a few months ago. I was mostly unable to care for myself while in the hospital, depending on the hospital staff to meet my needs. What if i refused the care of the doctors and nurses, called a cab and suddenly showed up at home, expecting my husband to care for me?
Certainly he would have done whatever he could, but he would have been justifiably furious at me for leaving the setting where there were others who had the experience to meet my needs and instead dumping myself and the responsibility for my care squarely on his one set of shoulders. I would have forced him to be responsible for my care, and i have no right to do that to him or anyone else.

You know Holly, I usually agree with you, but not this time.
In your above scenario, it appears that you would be in control of your mental faculties. Would he be just as angry if it turned out that you were completely incoherent at the time from injury/ medication and didn't really understand what you were doing? If the only thought that you were capable of at the time was wanting to be close to him? Somehow, I doubt it.

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OTOH, were you to trip and fall (not that that ever happens )

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then drag yourself into the house with a sprained ankle only to have him say, "You did it to yourself. Get your own ice and bandage", I don't think that would go over too well. Of course I could be wrong.

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I think if we replaced "public play" with a sport such as baseball, etc, we would see dramatically different responses if she woke him up and said, "Hey, I got nailed in the head with a ball and I am dizzy and sick to my stomach" .

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I wonder if it is the public play with others not her boyfriend that is upsetting to people, perhaps it shows how poly relationships can be very complicated as to the responsibilities that people feel towards one another?

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Your point is well taken, Wyld. To answer your question...no, Jim would not be angry if i were completely incoherent. But was the OP in that state? Certainly her level of consciousness was altered, but she was able to walk to her room, verbalize what she wanted and needed (wanted to be with her boyfriend, needed water and food, was cold) was able to recognize and verbalize what was wrong ("endorphin reaction") and seems to have excellent recall of the events that occurred. This simply does not add up to someone who is completely incoherent, nor does it add up to someone who is not responsible, at least in part, for their own behavior.

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OTOH, were you to trip and fall (not that that ever happens )

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wise ass!!

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That would float like a box of rocks. If i had tripped and stumbled (shaddup!!) Jim would be right there with the ice pack. However...if there were others around that could/would help, but i refused their help and put the responsibility solely on him, i could understand it if he was a bit miffed.

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Still as it stands for me I would still be looking at this as a great learning piece. She would never again do something like this without making sure her bases were covered