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Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:07:41 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Looking for some advice here from those of you who may have or have had problems with a bad temper. There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:15:21 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Funny story, actually.

As a kid, I had horrible temper tantrums.  Not in public, but in private I would just get SOOOOO mad....  I punched walls, I jumped up and down, I once kicked the dog (Something I suffered for quite a bit, and felt HORRIBLE about later!!!!!I think anyone with anger issues can relate to that feeling)

The way I ended up getting over it for the most part was my brother commenting to me one day when I was mad:

Who pissed in your cornflakes????

Then I got a mental picture, and it started laughing.  Which he did not understand at all, because he was expecting me to ream him out.

To this day, when I get mad, I think of that....  And I always end up laughing out loud, or at least giggling.

Prolly won't help you a lot, but that's what worked for me.

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:16:52 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Um, still looking..........

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:20:36 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Looking for some advice here from those of you who may have or have had problems with a bad temper. There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.


First.......hi pretty lady ..... okay, tempers. I've always had one (NOT a violent one though). A couple of things, other than growing up, helped me reduce my anger quite a bit.
 
1- Ask yourself if the thing making you mad will matter in 3 months... or even a week from now. If not? Drop it, it isn't such a big deal.
 
2- Meditation. This makes a difference, I kid you not.
 
3- Thinking of all the things that you are grateful for, every day.
 
Hope this helps some.
 
Level

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:26:18 PM   
Moloch


Posts: 1090
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I deal with anger, by cracking  sick twisted jokes and saying  and talking about nasty disgusting things.

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:26:37 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.


Don't have a bad temper, but anytime I'm frustasted, I either run {at the track} or go to the gym and use the speed bag until I have it singing to some pretty music. Never drop the hands.



 - R

< Message edited by UtopianRanger -- 4/19/2006 5:27:32 PM >

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 5:33:04 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

quote:

There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.


Don't have a bad temper, but anytime I'm frustasted, I either run {at the track} or go to the gym and use the speed bag until I have it singing to some pretty music. Never drop the hands.
- R


Good one, Ranger, exercise does wonders.
 
Level

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:23:09 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

quote:

There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.


Don't have a bad temper, but anytime I'm frustasted, I either run {at the track} or go to the gym and use the speed bag until I have it singing to some pretty music. Never drop the hands.
- R


Good one, Ranger, exercise does wonders.
 
Level


Thanks brother - It really does cure most ailments, though!


 - R


_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:34:59 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline 		I find hitting somebody tends to help

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:37:28 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		LOL...I didn't know that was an option.

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:40:26 PM   
michaelGA


Posts: 1194
Status: offline 		being one that has a bad temper and attitude, i find it very difficult to control such behavior. some subjects just tend to set me off into an major rant session...for that i am sorry.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:41:54 PM   
SirCumsSlut


Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25

LOL...I didn't know that was an option.


Only if jail is your final destination.....
 
Bad Welsh temper here..........find that singing helps (and i do it badly), counting to ten or even humming helps when my temper gets the best of me

_____________________________

Peace
His slut


"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:42:42 PM   
TNstepsout


Posts: 1558
Joined: 8/3/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks all. OK, I guess I should clarify though. I'm not the one with the bad temper. I'm pretty easy going. It's my 19 year old son. He's had a REALLY bad temper all his life and is finally realizing he needs to get serious about doing something about it, now that it's cost him a job and his friends have told him they don't like being around him sometimes because of it. After he loses his temper he gets really embarassed and ashamed that he acted that way, but just can't seem to control it at the time. So we've been kicking around some ideas and I just wanted feedback on things that might have worked for others.

He's considered meditation or yoga, but he tends to be pretty fidgity and hyper. Has anyone with that kind of hyper energy been able to make meditation work for them?
He also suggested martial arts. Kind of along the lines of exercise, but worried that he might be dangerous.
Counseling
Support group

Looks like I'm in charge of the program whatever it's going to be so any suggestions on a plan of action would be appreciated.

TN


(in reply to UtopianRanger)
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:48:55 PM   
unquenchable


Posts: 155
Joined: 4/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Thanks all. OK, I guess I should clarify though. I'm not the one with the bad temper. I'm pretty easy going. It's my 19 year old son. He's had a REALLY bad temper all his life and is finally realizing he needs to get serious about doing something about it, now that it's cost him a job and his friends have told him they don't like being around him sometimes because of it. After he loses his temper he gets really embarassed and ashamed that he acted that way, but just can't seem to control it at the time. So we've been kicking around some ideas and I just wanted feedback on things that might have worked for others.

He's considered meditation or yoga, but he tends to be pretty fidgity and hyper. Has anyone with that kind of hyper energy been able to make meditation work for them?
He also suggested martial arts. Kind of along the lines of exercise, but worried that he might be dangerous.
Counseling
Support group

Looks like I'm in charge of the program whatever it's going to be so any suggestions on a plan of action would be appreciated.

TN




Actually studying the Martial Arts would probably be very good for him.  It takes discipline, exerts physical energy, and includes meditation. 

i would however have him speak to the Man in charge about his issues with anger management prior to beginning.

i wish him luck

un------------

(in reply to TNstepsout)
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 6:56:01 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: unquenchable


Actually studying the Martial Arts would probably be very good for him.  It takes discipline, exerts physical energy, and includes meditation. 

i would however have him speak to the Man in charge about his issues with anger management prior to beginning.

i wish him luck

un------------


Excellent suggestion, unquenchable.
 
As for fidgety folks and meditation.............YES.

(in reply to unquenchable)
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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 9:03:22 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		i've a massively bad temper.  Got it from my pops.  i found with him, that when i pointed out excatly what he was about to do, and even standing up to him helped quite abit.  Even though i was pretty sure doing so would have him dropping me, i did so.  Point out later that "you were about to deck me" just finally hit home.  But then no ones ever stood up to him before, cos he DID study the martial arts, karate - in japan where its much stricter and more difficult.  Also my father being pure muscle and a weight lifter also the fact that he he's just damn tough.  Quick, intelligent.  Just basically not some one you want pissed off at you.    So i found that losing my fear of his temper and holding my ground with him really really helped.  Proud to say that he stopped losing his temper and didnt ever beat up the two younger kids.  AND he never actually dropped me for doing it.  = ) 

With me, i find listening to music helps.  i find breaking things helps too.  Throwing things into walls and watching them shatter helps.  LOL Maybe throwing a baseball at something appropriate would be better.. never thought about it.  Some one once suggested a punching bag.  i've had martial arts suggested too.  Walking away, watching TV.

i've also found meds to help.  They suppose and suggested that i'm bi polar and its where the out of control/high temper come from.  Started taking the meds and i'm dont get pissed off so quick nor even tho i might have every right, do not lose my temper.  It just lessened the depth of the emotion i felt.. makes things so less extreme.

And also, oddly, Himself hugging me.  Just him, only him.  i find being generally nasty and unpleasant helps, but i usually feel bad afterwards.

i find writing helps ALOT.  i start writing.  i've pages of pages all over the net and here on my computer of things that drive me up the wall.  Its like purging. 

There is also a game out there called Savage - Battle of Newarth to be an exceptional good way to deal with anger.  Cos you get to kill ppl.  Its a mass multi player game online, with its own servers that you can dive into, be in another world and go around killing other ppl.  Its got a little chat box at the bottom so if you want to you can even laugh at the fact that you've killed them.  You get to see blood and Gor and if you kill your opponent actually see them fall to the ground dying.  You get to destroy your opponents base and watch buildings on fire and then finally watch them be destroyed as you destroy them.  Its actually one of the most violent games out there.  Which violence isnt nessacarily good, but when you feel such violence inside of you there are very few positive, non destructive, and non hurtful to others ways to purge it.  Cos in the game thats what you're supposed to do.  Kill or be killed and help your team win.  Generally its a really good group of ppl that play it.  And its absolutetly free.  Just need a suitable video card, enough room on your computer, and something to listen to the game with.  Each game is on a map, which is rotated on different maps.  Each team "builds" their base, getting an assortment of weapons and each team trys to destroy the other team, with ulitematly one team winning and the other team destroyed. 

Fantastic game.  i find playing helps purge and it also helps take me "somewhere" else as its like stepping into another world and you really are there.  Right now they're switching from the Ex2 version to Sep.  If you want, i'll go find the suitable links and post them. 

Ah so yes, i find finding something else to focus on generally helps too.  i find going to sleep helps as well, as by the time i wake up what was bothering me or driving me up the wall isnt.  But thats hard to do and usually i'm ordered to bed and usually i lay there pissed off about whatever and then pissed off i have to go to bed, but eventually i fall asleep and in the morning or after a nap everything is okay. 

Hope this helps, if i remember any other random things i do, i'll come back and post em.  LOL i find taking long walks helps with depression! 

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 10:52:38 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		TN, et alii;

I must ring in here because, well I must. I have dealt with such situations. Do not send the kid for martial arts yet, at least until you talk with his Dojo to be.

I can't tell you the whole story of how I got here, it would take too long. I now can actually face anger down, and I will tell you now how I learned to do this.

See, I drink. Now when I drink I am an intellectual type drunk. I like to discuss things and, it is nice to be liked and have people want me around, so I keep my cool. Many years ago it was not this way. My anger (while drimking) got me to commit ADW and arson. (ADW is Assault with a Deadly Weapon). I did not get busted for either of these things. It was so shocking to me that I started to think. Actually prison probably wouldn't have done me any good.

My Father and I used to be true sociopaths. It was determined at one point I belonged with him. It was cool at first, I was like 14, he bought me a car, there was a drawer full of money, usually at least $1,000, but if I used it I needed to answer for what. By the time I was 15 I was driving around some, in a very fast car I might add. Not your average upbringing.

You see my anger is awesome. I don't feel anger anymore, I refuse. Not so in the old days. This was the only way I could do it being so high strung in the past. Now I thank my Parents for my upbringing, with all it's curves, it was effective. I had almost no formal education, do I write like a 10th grade dropout ?

When I got shot years ago, actually decades ago, my Dad said "An inch higher and you could've lost an eye". Didn't mention the brain behind it.

I got a DUI, he sais "Dammit, why the fuck didn't you take Rte. 176 ?" .

He worked for two weeks once with a metal sliver in his cornea, slashing his inner eyelid every time he blinked.

OK, I am not normal and proud of it. I have not hurt anyone in quite a while (even by accident) and am much prouder of that.

Most of those you know with anger management problems do not have anywhere near as far to go as I did. But I am glad I did.

I will give you a quickie, and post it in more detail later.

Step two: Realize that noone else can make you feel anger, you make yourself feel that. I have proof. Consider yourself sparring, or slap boxing, or wrestling with children. You get WHAPPED in the face. Where is the anger ? It is not there. That proves it. Even in slapboxing or something, you get a bit tired of it and say "I'm bout ready for a beer" and your opponent says "Me too".

The other side of the coin is that this proves that love comes from within as well. When you are actually able to refuse anger, you can also refuse love. I am not saying to do it, nobody says you have to. The control over your whole life coming together is what it's about.

There is no substitute for controlling one's self. I am not Mr. Spock either, but I didn't have to go through that wedding ceremony. Yeah "If both survive the lirpa....". right.

If you can refuse anger, you can probably refuse love, and if you can refuse love you can refuse hate. Stands to reason. I will start a new post on step one. For now, don't do anything stupid.

T

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/19/2006 11:02:05 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TNstepsout

Looking for some advice here from those of you who may have or have had problems with a bad temper. There are a LOT of options out there that might work, but I'd like to know from those of you who have worked on taming an out of control temper what actually worked for you.



I have had temper issues in the past... it is the Irish and German in me. The advice so far has been great. Any hyper person will benefit from physical exertion because it will allow them to concentrate their hyperactivity on whatever it is they are doing. Weight lifting, martial arts, jogging or something of that ilk should be a good outlet.

I learned to control my temper in many ways but the most humbling one was watching someone that I knew (not well, but knew to say hello to) die in the throws of a major temper episode. The police were on the scene and they took him out in handcuffs and he was kicking and screaming and generally losing it and they placed him on the ground. About a minute or two later he let out a scream and was completely still. He died right there. I have since reminded myself of that whenever I feel that my anger is likely to get away from me and it has done wonders. I realize that in the long range scale of life that whatever it is I am angry about will pass and it isn't worth losing it over.

Therapy may be a good idea because they can teach relaxation techniques and other good and helpful, healthy ways to deal with anger. I wish you luck with this and please keep us informed on how things are going.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/20/2006 9:06:07 AM   
Chaingang


Posts: 1727
Joined: 10/24/2005
Status: offline 		I think your plan will have to suit the individual. Try these links (these are just quick google links):

"Controlling Anger -- Before It Controls You"
http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=29

"Strategies for Controlling Your Anger"
http://www.apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=30

Note how anger is often the result of the person feeling the anger being at fault somehow - sometimes they don't assert their needs, sometimes they fail to communicate effectively, etc. I would tell your son that when he gets angry, it's his fault because he didn't do something to better manage his stress, his situation, his needs, etc. When he is out of control IT'S HIS FAULT!

I would like to add that being out of control is unacceptable. Sure, it happens to us all sometimes - but flying off the handle all the time is not a very good every day strategy.

Hope that helps...

_____________________________

"Everything flows, nothing stands still." (Πάντα ῥεῖ καὶ οὐδὲν μένει) - Heraclitus

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RE: Bad Temper Treatment - 4/20/2006 9:57:26 AM   
MissyRane


Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline 		Anger? Did somebody mention anger?? .....I take it out on the people who made me angry by .....expressing it...not in a ehm delicate wayI've got a big mouth..and fists too...or I take it out on the next person I meet..not good idea I know..but I still do..

(in reply to Chaingang)
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