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haven't found that it slowly disappears. I have found that it waxes and wanes. In times of more stress, obviously we just try to keep our heads above water. Less stress, and it will reassert itself.

As far as beoming a vanilla relationship? Not as far as I see it. There's still the same rules as before, it's just that they're internalized and neither of us needs pay attention to whether or not they're being followed since they automatically are. They've become habits. But that doesn't mean they still aren't his rules.

What does disappear is that feeling of being actively controlled that comes during the training process. But that's easily enough replaced with small acts of dominance or submission. Him coming up behind me and biting me on the neck. Me noticing he hasn't eaten and bringing him a plate of healthy snacks to keep him going or whispering what I'd like him to do to me later. Stuff that makes us sit up and take notice of each other for a minute.

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CP, since this is a topic that you have brought up in the past, is it possible for you to link the old thread? That way, folks could have the old answers as well as the new.

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This might simply be an artifact of how sterile our dynamic is, but the truth is that we don't have a dynamic in this sense. We have a life. As that life happens, shit happens and someone's gotta decide what to do about it. When those decision points come up, carol looks at me and says, "So, what's it gonna be?" and I make a choice. We have no "D/s edge"? in the sense you seem to be implying.

Sometimes the decisions I make may look like some sort of "scene", but they are not in my head. For instance, if I feel like seeing Carol dressed in silks and belly dancing, I just tell her to do it. That is what one has a slave for, right? I don't think of it as a "scene" or some sort of interruption from our "normal life". It's no more a "scene" than cooking dinner is.

I'm not sure that our marriage can "erode into a vanilla relationship". It never stopped being whatever it was before the collar... we just got more savvy about us as people. I think there's a reasonable debate over whether we are vanilla or not... assuming one cares about such things. Generally I don't but for the purposes of questions like this it's relevant and I don't know the answer. What I do know is that leading is just generically "what I do". Following is "what she does". Nothing can really change that so as long as we are together, we will continue to do WIITWD. We may accentuate that and call it "M/s". We might downplay it and call it "vanilla". But the underlying truth is not something we choose.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
Might it be possible that the two of yopu have reached the zenth of the D/s dynamic and not recognize it as such? By that I mean it is inbedded in your subconscious and needs no deliberate effort to manifest itself?

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But what really works is that we fit- His natural Dominant leadership and wisdom mesh perfectly with my need to please Him, to make a strong, reality-based relationship that has weathered some nasty storms.

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I suspect this is both true and false.

It is true because outward displays--particularly the erotic ones--would be ill-advised it not outright illegal in many settings (WalMart just isn't going to let you walk a slave naked on a leash while shopping). Those mundane aspects of daily life are always going to have a vanilla aspect.

However, the subtle habits of command and obedience are sustainable full time, and should be sustained full time for the good of the relationship. A man does not stop being a man, nor does a woman stop being a woman. Whether in the bedroom, the dungeon, or the shopping mall, the man should command and the woman should obey; they should do thus because to do otherwise is to disrespect who and what the other is--and no relationship will endure where there is not a 24/7 attention paid to respecting each other.

When you describe a relationship "eroding" and people looking elsewhere, to me that speaks of a failure to respect each other.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince


Texangael,

Some good points on keeping the dynamic alive and thanks for your input.
*slips a cap T over to the lad.

CP

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The expectation is that I obey him. It's as simple as that. I agreed to submit to him. He agreed to be a dominant personality. Really..there is nothing else to it to keep the dynamic alive. He is dominant. He takes the lead. I obey...always. We just live life with him being the lead between us.

I don't think we're all that different from any other relationship on the planet. We get up and go to work, we spend time with friends and family and we spend time with each other, we clean, we eat, we sleep, blah blah blah...but always with the dynamic running in the background that the decision is always his.

I don't need daily reminders or whatever that you hear about a lot of times. I don't need long lists of chores or him telling me what to do 24/7. I know what needs done. I know what is needed for our lives to run smoothly. I don't need to be reminded that he is the one with the power. It is the way it is because he is who he is...and I am who I am.