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ORIGINAL: dvdmtz1234

safewords suck. having safewords allows a sub to top from the bottom. if i'm somebody's property, they should do whatever they want. if i can stop it, then they dont really have the control after all and i would feel cheated. i would limit safewords to life and death kinds of things, like hey, do you know i can't breathe? (of course if she does know and continues, then too bad...)

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ORIGINAL: stef

Safewords are a placebo, nothing more.  They make people feel somehow safer than they would be without them.  There is nothing that you can accomplish with a safeword that can't be accomplished with normal, everyday language and communication.  You can still cry, scream, beg without things coming to a stop and strangely enough, if you yell "FUCK, I THINK I JUST DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER!", things *will* come to a stop just as fast and with much more clarity and useful information than yelling "RED" or "PUMPERNICKLE" or whatever.

But hey, if it makes you feel better to use them, knock yourself out.

~stef

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ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

A safeword is a fine manifestation of SSC bullshit.

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ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

quote:

ORIGINAL: stef

Safewords are a placebo, nothing more.  They make people feel somehow safer than they would be without them.  There is nothing that you can accomplish with a safeword that can't be accomplished with normal, everyday language and communication.  You can still cry, scream, beg without things coming to a stop and strangely enough, if you yell "FUCK, I THINK I JUST DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER!", things *will* come to a stop just as fast and with much more clarity and useful information than yelling "RED" or "PUMPERNICKLE" or whatever.

But hey, if it makes you feel better to use them, knock yourself out.

~stef

Yes you are right. However I think the safe word was most likely started by kinkster who wanted more intense, brutal, play. Painpigs come to mind. Thus the sadistic mistress could ruthlessly punish her slave making him/her cry, squeel, and beg for mercy. Stopping only when she wanted, unless the slave safe worded because of a situation as you have stated. Or maybe it was some early attempt to be politically correct in kink.

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ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Yay, let's get the BDSM police!

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ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

Never been pressured to not use. Coresponded with a woman, or supposed woman, who said she doesn't play with anyone who wants a safeword. Never replied to that letter.

If your dominate partner is telling you this, run, don't walk, run fast, run far, and spread the word. Let us know or let someone know.

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ORIGINAL: AAkasha

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ORIGINAL: MichMasochist

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ORIGINAL: stef

Safewords are a placebo, nothing more.  They make people feel somehow safer than they would be without them.  There is nothing that you can accomplish with a safeword that can't be accomplished with normal, everyday language and communication.  You can still cry, scream, beg without things coming to a stop and strangely enough, if you yell "FUCK, I THINK I JUST DISLOCATED MY SHOULDER!", things *will* come to a stop just as fast and with much more clarity and useful information than yelling "RED" or "PUMPERNICKLE" or whatever.

But hey, if it makes you feel better to use them, knock yourself out.

~stef

Yes you are right. However I think the safe word was most likely started by kinkster who wanted more intense, brutal, play. Painpigs come to mind. Thus the sadistic mistress could ruthlessly punish her slave making him/her cry, squeel, and beg for mercy. Stopping only when she wanted, unless the slave safe worded because of a situation as you have stated. Or maybe it was some early attempt to be politically correct in kink.

No one "invented" safewords.

200 years ago in a random country in Europe when a couple was experimenting with rough sex and play rape or bondage, they agreed maybe it would be a good idea if they had a code so that the dominant person would know when the submissive person was serious about wanting them to stop.

It was probably happening simultaneously in places all over the world long before that.  As long as couples have been fucking, people have been dabbling in power related exchanges.  No one invented BDSM and then decided to add a protocol called "safewords" and then sent out a press release announcing its use and rules.

Saying that safewords were "invented" is like saying S&M was invented and marketed through word of mouth.  People have been coming up with ways to make rough sex/fake non consensual play "safe" for as long as they've been doing it -- if they were consenting and wanted to make sure no one got hurt.

Long before I read anything about S&M and what it was, I was tying up my boyfriend. I had a code word to give him to tell me if he was really serious about wanting to be let go, because I liked it when he begged and demanded that I release him. 

There are people practicing power exchange in places with no Internet and no access to information.  I'm sure many of them use safewords, but they don't know that the term exists.

Akasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: ladylexington

Safe words are just like SSC -- any easy way to teach the basics of BDSM play. They serve a vital role in this regard. They are no substitute for good communication, judgment, and keen observation. But, I'd encourage anyone learning about BDSM to use them until they learn the skills and practices that safe words represent.

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Safewords in BDSM to me seems almost like "learning to speak Klingon" at star trek conventions. The ubergeeks who want status in a huge way have to wave it like their flag and don't even consider that simple communication often acheives a much greater level of understanding and is safer.

Akasha

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ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Not even sure who i'm laughing at. The Dom that is dumb enough to expect no safe word.... or the sub/slave dumb enough to except this from the get go. But to each their own I guess.

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Owned... still waiting on an answer from you about your Master....

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ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

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ORIGINAL: truesub4u

Not even sure who i'm laughing at. The Dom that is dumb enough to expect no safe word.... or the sub/slave dumb enough to except this from the get go. But to each their own I guess.

Then laugh at us both, babe

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Owned... still waiting on an answer from you about your Master....

Answer?  i must have missed the question....?

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I'm a proponent of having a safeword for myself because I'm 'very' verbal and the stuff that spews out of my mouth can make it appear as if he's killing me. We don't use colors or numbers.. just a word that would never be said in scene that points to something dire going on. Because he reads me so well, I've never had to use it, but it sits there, collecting dust as it were, ready to be invoked if and when it's necessary. It's short, sweet, easy to remember and will immediately stop all action so that whatever dire emergency arises can be addressed. I understand that I have the option of yelling out a sentence to explain more completely what's happening, but I truly believe that seconds can be the difference between life and death or injury and it would take me longer to yell out a sentence which may or may not stop the action immediately because he may or may not know if I'm just doing my normal spewing or if I'm really in trouble. If I yell out.. Muther fucker, yer breaking my arm.. he may just say 'too bad'and a second later, my arm snaps because I actually meant.. Hey Mutherfucker, yer breaking my arm. I yell out that safeword instead, he stops all action immediately, the arm doesn't break and we go on our merry way. To each their own. Play with safewords or don't.. it's a matter of personal choice. To me, it's just an extra tool in the arsenal of communication. No more, no less but as a heavy S/m player who rarely shuts her mouth, it's probably best it's in place for me. ::chuckles::

Celeste

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ORIGINAL: slaveofdarkhold

- What do you consider an appropriate use of a safeword? Is this a hard and fast rule or does it depend on the partner and situation?

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Is it ever ok to not have a safeword? 

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Does a safeword automatically stop a scene? Do you instead use it as a break to assess the situation or continue in a different direction? Do you have more than one safeword to denote different things?

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Should subs be able to safeword in a punishment?

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Have you ever felt too ashamed or embarassed to safword? Have you ever been pressured by a dominant partner not to use it, or been made to feel bad or 'not a real sub' if you did?

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ORIGINAL: slaveofdarkhold


o with all that in mind, these are the general points I'd like people to consider
- What do you consider an appropriate use of a safeword? Is this a hard and fast rule or does it depend on the partner and situation?
- Is it ever ok to not have a safeword? Should subs be able to safeword in a punishment?
- Does a safeword automatically stop a scene? Do you instead use it as a break to assess the situation or continue in a different direction? Do you have more than one safeword to denote different things?
-Is the safeword effective? Have you ever encountered a situation where a sub may have needed to safeword but was unable due to being in too much pain/emotion/ in sub space to remember or even think of it?
- (To the subs) Have you ever felt too ashamed or embarassed to safword? Have you ever been pressured by a dominant partner not to use it, or been made to feel bad or 'not a real sub' if you did?

Sorry for an extremely long post. Just looking to open up an intelligent discussion on a concept which is often thrown around and taken for granted in places like this. Thoughts from anyone are very welcome, and don't feel you have to answer all of my many questions!

jen