Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle?

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Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the li... - 8/15/2010 9:51:52 AM

sweetgirlserves

Posts: 373
Joined: 4/14/2009
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I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:04:19 AM

nephandi

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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Greetings

I have no children but if I did, as long as that person was an adult I would have no problem with introducing them to BDSM, why should I have a problem with it? It is not a shameful thing that someone need protecting from. If my offspring seamed interested I would give them books to read and addresses to web pages and forums and perhaps take them to some event where they could meet and talk to pepole and then let them figure out for themselves if it was something for them or not.

I wish you well.

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(in reply to sweetgirlserves)

Post #: 2

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:10:32 AM

juliaoceania

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If I found evidence that she was already experimenting with aspects of BDSM I would recommend she read several books on the topic that are commonly recommended to those starting out. I might even buy them for her. I would also tell her about the "munch" concept and recommend that she go to one to understand how people combine this with their real life. I may even warn her that most looking for 24/7 seemed to be more fantasy based than reality based on the internet. I would warn her strongly against meeting people in an unsafe manner and tell her she would be better off meeting men at a local munch or lifestyle event...

Would I get involved in her personal sex life or relationships.... NO. This is something called "boundary setting", I have boundaries and I raised my child with them too. If she wanted to come to me with advice, I would give it, but I would not insert myself into her personal life unasked...

I have a friend with a 19 year old daughter that is submissive. This friend has asked me to field questions for her daughter if she had any. I have gotten a few emails from her, but I don't interject myself into her life. I love her mother, and I am honored that her mother thinks enough of me to set me up as a go-to person for her daughter, whom she worries about greatly. I treat young adults like adults... but I do not feel a teenager is a peer, and I act accordingly

As to your question? No, I would not interject myself into my child's life just because I thought they might be submissive. This is their journey, the pitfalls and the mountain tops are theirs too. I could be wrong about their orientation, and I feel it would be inappropriate to bring that up if there was no real evidence they were into BDSM

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Post #: 3

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:18:38 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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simple answer..hell no! that just seems very extremely creepy to me. I don't wanna know about my daughter's sex life. She doesn't wanna know about mine. I'd like to keep it that way.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:28:55 AM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
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First of all, there is no definate link between one's dominance/submission towards the world and their sexual partners. Unless you've had sex with her yourself, I wouldn't assume anything. If you approached it with a "Hey I think you might be the type of person to like this." and she isn't, you're setting her up for a good little bit of failure. Some submissive-minded girls like to be comforted and taken care of. Not have sperm on their face while someone is slapping their ass.

Second of all, I can tell you from recent experience that people's personalities develop way into their early 20s.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:33:54 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves
I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

Sure I would. If I had a child gifted at chess, I'd introduce him/her to chess. If I had a child gifted at music, I'd introduce him or her to music. Why would this be any different. The key here is the word "introduce" rather than "lead". I would want my daughter to find her OWN way in the world. My contribution would be to demonstrate some possible alternatives that perhaps aren't so obvious.

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(in reply to sweetgirlserves)

Post #: 6

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:45:53 AM

slavekal

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I would never introduce an eighteen year old family member/child to any of this. But if they asked me anything, if they showed predilections, I would give them any information they needed. And I would definitely let them know that what they were into was okay. You are not crazy, and you are not going to hell.

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:49:01 AM

DarkSteven

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I like juliaoceania's answer!

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 10:57:04 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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If she was asking me about it and was into it, yes I'd direct my (hypothetical, since I don't have children) Adult child to this.

Now I wouldn't play with her, or arrange people for her to play with or nothing, but I would teach her about toys and how to use them safely, and point out books to her on the subject she might like, and how to play safely and she should always have her own toy bag for insertables and things that could spread diseases, but not only that because she'd have a few basics she knew SHE liked, and that would sometimes make play easier to do, and what to do if play should go wrong, and safety gear to keep in her toy bag, like good sizzers for cutting rope, and how to find munches, and play parties and events that she could go to and have fun at and be safe.

It'd be just like anything else in her life I taught him or her to do safely.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to sweetgirlserves)

Post #: 9

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 12:35:50 PM

subwaythru

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Joined: 3/31/2010
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It all depends on the definition we are talking about when we use the word "introduce". I am not sure that we are all talking about the same thing. "Introduce" to me usually means that I am the one bringing up the subject, just as if I were bringing a friend home and and acquainting the two of them out of common courtesy.

I would not bring "the lifestyle" home and introduce it to my offspring, daughter or son. Should they bring the subject home, however, I welcome the subject and their thoughts, as well as offering my standard statement, "I have an opinion about that, if you ever are interested to hear it."

Should the subject be broached by my offspring, I would not avoid it. As with any other topic that my offspring may bring up, I would answer their questions to the best of my ability, and as also with any subject, express my love and my concern for their safety always. Therefore, I urge them to learn all they can about any subject in which they may take an interest, and to especially learn to keep themselves safe and healthy in all things.

I also offer my interest in that part of their life they may wish to share with me, and I earnestly hope that I have kept the doors wide open on our relationship so that they may feel comfortable approaching me about any subject and find their mom supportive and nonjudgmental about anything that does not harm their emotional, mental, and physical well-being. I do not push my own beliefs on them, so that they know Mom might be, for example, goofy about gardening or bonkers for Buddhism, and also that they are safe from any proselytizing or jumping on any soapboxes.

I have, however, endeavored to provide the example of curiosity in learning everything that may be learned about a subject by using not just one or a few sources of information, but seeking many different angles and points of view.

It is none of my business if my offspring ever choose to approach "the lifestyle" for themselves. If they do, and choose not to discuss it with me, that is their decision to make. For my part, I can offer support and any knowledge I may have on the subject, without injecting my own stuff onto them. It is, frankly, not about me. The are grown-ups, and as such, I respect their right to privacy and autonomy, just as they have proven that they respect mine.

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(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 10

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 12:46:17 PM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

I kinda think it's up to the eighteen-year-old daughter to find BDSM on her own. If she came to me for advice, I'd give her advice. Otherwise I'd stay the hell out of her sex life.

(in reply to subwaythru)

Post #: 11

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:18:06 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

If she was asking me about it and was into it, yes I'd direct my (hypothetical, since I don't have children) Adult child to this.

Now I wouldn't play with her, or arrange people for her to play with or nothing, but I would teach her about toys and how to use them safely, and point out books to her on the subject she might like, and how to play safely and she should always have her own toy bag for insertables and things that could spread diseases, but not only that because she'd have a few basics she knew SHE liked, and that would sometimes make play easier to do, and what to do if play should go wrong, and safety gear to keep in her toy bag, like good sizzers for cutting rope, and how to find munches, and play parties and events that she could go to and have fun at and be safe.

It'd be just like anything else in her life I taught him or her to do safely.

My kid knew *vaguely* that I was into this, even before he was 18. By 18, definitely. Yes, I knew that he leans toward this, I learned by watching tv with him, how he reacts...nakedness doesn't push his buttons, but D/s behavior does. He felt abnormal about this, wanting the women to have more clothes on, lol, more mystery about them than the bikini allowed. We watched Etrapment together and he almost caught on fire. The blindfolded scene, where the girl had to learn to "dance" through some ropes that represented the pattern of red beams that would sound an alarm if one of them were interrupted. Connery "training" the girl like this blew my kid away, lol.

Yes, I was suprised.

My cousin was also surprised when her son went into D/s. She isn't, but knew that I was. They live in Ohio and I had nothing to do with "corrupting" him, he found everything he needed on the internet.

I would mentor my son the same way I mentor others...it's non sexual, no rituals, no roleplay. I guide them into reading and then we discuss it. I am here to answer any question they throw at me to the best of my ability. I am their anchor as they start exploring with other people, and I make myself available to them 24/7 if they need help during subdrop or with having a safe caller.

Everything Toppingfrmbottom mentioned, I cover. Yes, if he ever gets unbashful enough, I will take him to buy toys even for masturbation and tell him how to take care of them and be safe. (I have had to intervene on several unsafe things already.) I will show him how to make floggers, etc.

He's an adult in this state at 18, but cannot go into a bar until he is 21. He is almost 21 now, and whenever he is old enough, I will encourage him to go to munches with me.

If/when he ever wants to scene, he will have read several books and know most everything in advance so all he will have to deal with is the initial awkwardness and...feelings. All of us have to gain our own experience over time, but I will be there for him.

When my sister's daughter learned how to drive a car...in Texas it was required that a teenaged driver have a licensed adult driver in the car with them for the first year. One time the roads were icy, and mom (living in WV) told my sister to take my niece out. Go to a big empty parking lot and then have her drive. Get her used to what to expect when the road is iced up. I feel the same way about D/s. I am not just going to hand my son the keys and walk away, leaving him to sink or swim.

Some people would use mentoring as an excuse for taking advantage of someone else. I am totally against that.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 12

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:25:37 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs

That'd be a personal decision, totally up to the person. Without having an 18 year old daughter myself, I can't say I would or I wouldn't. I'm leaning toward yes, but it would depend on her.

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:32:56 PM

DarlingSavage

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I like juliaoceania's answer!

Me, too!

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:46:23 PM

Lucylastic

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My daughter was fascinated with my interest in BDSM when she was 18, she asked questions, she read books, she is more dominant than submissive, but altho she is very open minded, she decided it wanst for her at this time
That was a while ago tho , shes now 24.

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:50:44 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs

No, not when they are 18, unless they asked me about it. My kids are 29 and almost 32 and last year they each asked me about it separately, so I did my best to give them intelligent, accurate information. As a matter of fact, my 29-yr old was a little worried about her Dominant tendencies w/ her boyfriend and asked me if it was normal. I tried to explain D/s to her as best I could. It turns out she's a young Domme, rather than a sub, and she's very happy about it now that she knows it's nothing freaky.

~sweetsub~

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 1:57:44 PM

pogo4pres

Posts: 593
Joined: 1/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

That'd be a personal decision, totally up to the person. Without having an 18 year old daughter myself, I can't say I would or I wouldn't. I'm leaning toward yes, but it would depend on her.

Well I have a 17 year old daughter, I am her dad and the answer is NO, HELL NO, NO F--KING WAY. I would point her as Julia said in the direction of the literature for beginners, I'd take her to a friend or two who are a bit closer in age. Lastly My daughter shows all the signs of being a D.I.T. (Domme' In Training), so the submissive part is moot. She like her dad "takes no shit from any man, woman, child, small mammal, or vending machine."

Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

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RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 2:04:26 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

quote:

ORIGINAL: wittynamehere

That'd be a personal decision, totally up to the person. Without having an 18 year old daughter myself, I can't say I would or I wouldn't. I'm leaning toward yes, but it would depend on her.

Well I have a 17 year old daughter, I am her dad and the answer is NO, HELL NO, NO F--KING WAY. I would point her as Julia said in the direction of the literature for beginners, I'd take her to a friend or two who are a bit closer in age. Lastly My daughter shows all the signs of being a D.I.T. (Domme' In Training), so the submissive part is moot. She like her dad "takes no shit from any man, woman, child, small mammal, or vending machine."

Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

I also really like this guy's answer!

_____________________________

<-- Easily amused.
<-- Easily impressed.

Strangers have the BEST candy!

Puppy dogs are my favorite people!

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Post #: 18

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 2:13:47 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

My 18 yr old daughter has a dominant personality.

Why would I need to introduce her to anything at all? She seems to be doing just fine without me having to tell her anything about bdsm.

Just because someone has a certain personality doesn't mean they have any interest in any kind of kinky sex or making someone a slave or sub or whatever.

Yup she likes to be the leader in a relationship. The boys she gets involved with are little puppy dogs who follow her around with their tails between their legs. Not quite sure why I would want to tell her all about "the lifestyle" lol. She's pretty good at figuring out things for herself and getting what she wants.

Besides, when you were 18 did you REALLY wanna talk to your parents about sex? Did you really want to hear mom say "now darling make sure you put a cock leash on him and don't cut off the blood supply". eerrmm...yeah, I think I would have been scarred for life.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 8/15/2010 2:14:52 PM >

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Post #: 19

RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to th... - 8/15/2010 2:29:21 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Not taking shit from nobody and nothing, doesn't make you a Dom, or a DIT. It just means you're no nonsense.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

Lastly My daughter shows all the signs of being a D.I.T. (Domme' In Training), so the submissive part is moot. She like her dad "takes no shit from any man, woman, child, small mammal, or vending machine."

Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

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Post #: 20

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