RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (Full Version)

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sophiesback -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 3:01:23 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Besides, when you were 18 did you REALLY wanna talk to your parents about sex? Did you really want to hear mom say "now darling make sure you put a cock leash on him and don't cut off the blood supply". eerrmm...yeah, I think I would have been scarred for life.



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Lucylastic -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 3:07:22 PM)

well a blood locked priapic cock isnt exactly healthy, or comfortable altho it might look pretty in purple...so safety should be included:)
Please know this is said with tongue in cheek



DesFIP -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 3:50:01 PM)

Actually my daughter did ask me several questions back when she was about 18. I answered them honestly and thoughtfully with no reference to my sex life. She was satisfied and hasn't asked since. If she did, I would find her more info and get her books I approve of for a beginner.



marie2 -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 4:30:14 PM)

No, I wouldn't.

My daughter has all sorts of various personality "traits". I do not necessarily see personality traits as either dominant or submissive, and I don't see ds as just a sexual thing, so I'd rather just let her find whatever particular "chemistry" that works for herself and her potential partner/s in their relationship. Whatever kinks or sexual desires she may or may not have whether it's getting whipped and fucked in a mud pit, or making romantic love under the stars, are none of my business.

If she were to come to me and specifically ask me questions about BDSM, I wouldn't encourage or discourage her, but I'd give her some general advice about being careful and putting herself only in the hands of someone she trusts. I might also point her to some reading material that pertains to safety and precautions etc, but that's about where it would end for me.




Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 5:39:01 PM)

Actually, and maybe I am a rarity, but discussing our sex lives together mom and I, never skeeved me out. I was glad we were close enough to feel safe and comfortable talking about that kind of stuff.

And I wasn't into kink at 18, and she's never been to much into kinky things but if I was, and she was No, it wouldn't of "grossed me out or sent me running for the hills or scarred me for life "if she gave me advice like make sure the cock ring isn't to tight.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder


Besides, when you were 18 did you REALLY wanna talk to your parents about sex? Did you really want to hear mom say "now darling make sure you put a cock leash on him and don't cut off the blood supply". eerrmm...yeah, I think I would have been scarred for life.






sublizzie -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 6:29:09 PM)

When my eldest was 21 we discovered that we both knew about "this stuff". So did her younger sister. I was *not* the one who introduced them to kinky play and they were shocked to find out I knew about such things. It was an interesting conversation!!

However, when my youngest was in college and not around knowledgeable kinky people I did take her to a munch and introduced her to some of the younger members in this area so she could join the younger group  and get some good information.

Since this is not about my sexuality I have no problem discussing this with my adult children. How I choose to live in my relationships is my business but they see how I interacted with Santa so they knew. His kids, not so much. They wouldn't be surprised but we don't discuss it.



texangael -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 6:50:15 PM)

quote:

If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point?
Which "lifestyle" would that be?

Children should not be "introduced" to any lifestyle.  They should have the freedom to find out who and what they are. 

Would I raise a girl child to bind herself to a strong man?  Absolutely.  Did I raise my boys to lead and care for the special woman that will someday enter their lives?  Absolutely.  I taught what I know and what I have lived.  Had I a daughter I would have done the same.

What the children do with what we teach them is up to them.  That particular bit of discovery should be theirs alone.



laurell3 -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 6:53:08 PM)

I don't have chldren but if I did have a daughter and if she came to me and had already developed an interest in it and was exploring it then like julia, I would really not want to know the intimate details of her sexual life. I would however sit down honestly with her and tell her my viewpoints on power exchange relationships and some of the mistakes I have made because I would hope it would help her. However, I would do that with regard to my thoughts on ANY relaitonships and finding someone that's really right for you and knowing you are good enough and all that jazz. If I just saw "traits"? Nah...I don't really know what that means, like katie points out, we all have "traits" on both sides. I certainly wouldn't try to push my hypothetical child into bdsm.



JstAnotherSub -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 6:55:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs
No I wouldn't, cause, well, just because.



sweetgirlserves -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 8:39:25 PM)

Thank you to everyone for your thoughtful replies. When I asked the question i was actually thinking more along the lines of the types of relationships in this lifestyle than just the sexual kink... but i think both points are relevant. Thanks again for your thoughts and opinions.

~sgs



femasoslave -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 9:52:44 PM)

No....definately not....if my daughter did happen to stumble upon it, i would talk to her about it but I would not encourage it. Its a lot easier to get on in this world of ours to be 'normal'.



Zevar -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/15/2010 10:31:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetgirlserves

I was wondering what others thought about this. If you had an 18 year old daughter that had some submissive/slavely traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it, or would you leave them to stumble across it on their own at some point? If you would introduce them to it, how would you go about it? If you wouldn't, what would your reasoning be for not?

~sgs


Greetings ~sgs:

My(our)daughter was raised by her mother and myself to be a self sufficient female. At no time did I or her mother interfere with her exploration regarding her sexuality or anything related thereof. However she knew there was an open door policy for her to ask anything she needed be become informed about.

Nonetheless our daughter was taught to make autonomous decisions regarding her life. My beloved Companion always reinforced my interactions with our daughter as did I for my beloved Companion. Apparently My beloved Companion and I did something right. Our daughter has become quite the accomplished woman. Surely this would have made her mother quite proud.

I wish you most well, ~sgs!



NuevaVida -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 6:55:15 AM)

~ Fast Reply ~

Just some thoughts on this subject from a non-parent (what every parents wants thoughts from lol).

I am finding it interesting how many answers assume this "lifestyle" is limited to sex life.

I am wondering, if a parent saw their child (son or daughter) being submissive in an unhealthy relationship, would that change their answer and would they offer more about submitting and what it means?

From someone who was once an 18 year old and clueless submissive, I would have fared much better had my parents (or someone looking out for me) talked to me about what types of men I was attracted to (in my case, dominant), and certain behaviors to look out for, and to figure out who I was first, so I could be true to myself going forward.  Discussions on sex wouldn't even have to be part of it.  Discussions on submitting to a man could have gone a long way for me.

Finally, watching my owner raise his daughter is interesting.  She is a teen, and while he is NOT having discussions about anyone's sex life with her, they do have lots of conversations about the way men and women interact with each other.  She asks me why I do so much for him, and why I do what he says.  I tell her it's my way of expressing my love for him, and he's earned my trust in making good decisions for us, and it makes me feel good.  But then I've told her if something doesn't feel right in a relationship, to rethink it, because relationships should add to your life and let you thrive - however those relationships are set up.   I suppose that's a far cry from "introducing to the lifestyle" though, and I really don't see girl-child's father doing that, either.



VaguelyCurious -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 8:28:44 AM)

FR (obviously I have no children, so I'm speaking as someone not far off the age you're all discussing).

Do these kids you're talking about have computers/friends with computers? Because if they do, and you think you've got them to age 18 with no introduction to any form of BDSM then you are likely to be kidding yourself.

The amount of kink-porn I'd get told about/shown/emailed by vanilla schoolfriends was enormous. It's not so much a case of introducing them to the lifestyle as that it might be a good idea to check they aren't already thinking about it in a massively distorted way.

Seriously, I'm one of the few people I know whose parents really talked to me about sex, and I'm also one of the few sexually active girls in my friendship group who haven't had at least one traumatic sexual experience. They aren't all necessarily kink-related, but most of my friends have majorly screwed up at least once and I put that down to their parents not talking to them about sex in a relaxed and open way.

So do me a personal favour please: talk to your daughters about whatever you think they need to hear, and make them feel that it's safe to talk to you about whatever they think they need to discuss. But maybe do it before they're eighteen, because that's kind of late.



sublizzie -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 8:49:19 AM)

Maybe part of the reason my kids and I discussed this when we mutually discovered our interest in it is because we've always had open discussions about sex and relationships. I'm the one who made sure they watched TV programs about sexuality and discussed it with them. I'm the one who told them that celibacy won't kill you, it'll just make you want to die. I'm the one who made sure the lines of communication were open for such discussions. Sometimes *they* weren't ready to talk with me about things, but I made sure they had adult friends who could talk with them.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 9:44:44 AM)

VC That could be, but my family was very open and honest about sex, and sex ed, and I was still molested, BY  my family.


However, there was one woman on here who, said she talked openly to her son, and dis spelled a bunch of myths and notions that were going around back then, and then when her son did want to have sex, he was able to inform a girl when she said I am a virgin I can't get pregnant from our first time together, that" yes indeed you can"

So it was a good thing they talked so openly.



quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

but most of my friends have majorly screwed up at least once and I put that down to their parents not talking to them about sex in a relaxed and open way.





FetishRose -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 9:52:12 AM)

Although I am many years away from having a child that is eighteen years old, I have recently had the experience of a younger cousin, who just turned nineteen, asking me about it.  She has always lived a VERY sheltered life, never been out on a date, etc. She had no idea of my predilections, although she assumed that me being the "crazy" cousin (ie, nose pierced, tattoo, has a boyfriend), I would know about it if anyone would.
For me, it was an awkward experience, because I have never pictured (nor wanted to picture) her as a sexual human being.  However, I gave her a reading list, and went over your basic safety stuff, as well as reassuring her that her sexuality was her own business, and that she was not sinful, etc etc.
Do I want to know more than that?  NO!  Would I be her "safety net" and be the person she calls to tell me where she is when meeting a new person?  Sure.  But that's as far as I want to go.  If I went to a public event as she was there, I would probably be uncomfortable enough to consider leaving.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 11:19:17 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I would never introduce an eighteen year old family member/child to any of this.  But if they asked me anything, if they showed predilections, I would give them any information they needed.  And I would definitely let them know that what they were into was okay.  You are not crazy, and you are not going to hell.


That about sums it up for me, too.  I've become slightly more bolshie recently:  I think it's time BDSM was slightly more in people's faces.  I'm more inclined than I used to be to think 'You can put with us, or you can feck off'. 



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 11:23:14 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I would never introduce an eighteen year old family member/child to any of this.  But if they asked me anything, if they showed predilections, I would give them any information they needed.  And I would definitely let them know that what they were into was okay.  You are not crazy, and you are not going to hell.


That about sums it up for me, too.  I've become slightly more bolshie recently:  I think it's time BDSM was slightly more in people's faces.  I'm more inclined than I used to be to think 'You can put with us, or you can feck off'. 


So should I send off a warning to Lady Constanze? [;)]

~~

I have known folks whose children were very obviously pervs from adolescence. Keeping them OUT of the candy jar was a problem... but when they came of age, the parents set them on the right track, at least. The interest came from the kids though, not vice versa.



PeonForHer -> RE: Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle? (8/16/2010 11:50:05 AM)

Heh.  I'm so looking forward to meeting her.  She'll try not to look as though she's thinking 'Will he? Won't he?" - but she won't manage it.  [;)]

Unless she brings that psychopathic doberman of hers to the station, blast the animal.  She'll feel a lot more reassured, and rightly so. 

I have known folks whose children were very obviously pervs from adolescence. Keeping them OUT of the candy jar was a problem... but when they came of age, the parents set them on the right track, at least. The interest came from the kids though, not vice versa.
 
That's it, for me.  Besides, I've overheard conversations amongst 18 year olds along the lines of "He's into femdommes"  -"Really?  Oh, OK" . . . they seem to be a lot more blase about it these days.





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