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If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 10:39:16 AM

leadership527

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OK, sweetgirlserves asked over on the ask a sub forum:

Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle?

Carol was intrigued by that question and wanted to ask the corresponding question here...

If you had an 18 year old son that had some dominant/masterly traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it? Why or why not?

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 8/15/2010 10:40:41 AM >

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 10:53:38 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

If you had an 18 year old son that had some dominant/masterly traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it? Why or why not?

i am the sub half, but to answer your question....heck no.

First...they have not been as sheltered as you might think. No matter how careful you think you are, the perceptive lil shits will pick up subtle signs.

Eighteen is such an age of transition and a scary time for most. They are leaving their youth, home, and family for college and reaching for adulthood with both hands while still digging their heels into their childhood. They do not need an introduction into anything additional...they are on overload as it is.

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(in reply to leadership527)

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 10:55:04 AM

Musicmystery

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holly is right.

I work with 18 year olds all the time, and flat out, they are kids, not adults.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 12:00:33 PM

littlewonder

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my answer would still be the same...hell no! It's still creepy. I don't wanna know about his sex life. He wouldn't want to know about mine.

Gender makes zero difference.

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 4

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 12:40:38 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I have a son, no daughter....

If I saw him telling his girlfriend to call him "sir" or something like that, I might point him toward literature on the topic, like I do anything else that comes up in his life. We have a really good open sort of relationship, and he can talk to me about anything he wants information about... I would want him to have good info, not Castle Realm BS.

I wouldn't take him to lifestyle events, etc...I wouldn't assume he was a dominant because of personality traits, because he does have dominant traits, but so do I personality-wise.. that tells you nothing. I would think it was creepy to out of the blue say "Hey, son, I noticed you have an alpha personality, so you might want to tie up your girlfriend and tell her what to do all the time"

I do find it interesting that both of these threads feature a femsub maledom prejudice on the topic

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 12:55:17 PM

LadyPact

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Yes, I would, if he came to Me asking. Knowing Me the way you do, Jeff, do you really think I want him learning from the internet?

People need to remember that not every location is especially available to the 18-20 crowd. There are a lot of places that I still couldn't even take him to the local munch because they still have an age requirement of 21 and up. Especially if he's going to be topping, where is he supposed to learn to do it safely and with good techniques?

If he doesn't come to Me, then it's none of My business. I'm not here to sway him one way or the other.

Though, I think it's worth noting that BDSM isn't exactly a completely foreign concept to a good portion of 18 year olds these days. Listen to music, watch tv, and see movies. It is out there more than it ever was.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 1:07:38 PM

sweetsub1957

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~FR~
When they're 18? No. But my kids asked me about it last year, and I told them what I could, without any personal details about my personal life. She's 29 and he's almost 32 now. I think 18 yr olds are dealing with too much as it is, without throwing bdsm into the mix.....unless they ask about it. Then I'd try to give them accurate information. As it turns out, it appears that my 29 yr old is a young Domme.

~sweetsub~

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 1:13:20 PM

Missokyst

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I am curious why this is limited to dominant/masterly traits? What is your son exhibited submissive traits?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

OK, sweetgirlserves asked over on the ask a sub forum:

Would you introduce your 18-year-old daughter to the lifestyle?

Carol was intrigued by that question and wanted to ask the corresponding question here...

If you had an 18 year old son that had some dominant/masterly traits, yet you have kept them sheltered from the lifestyle... would you introduce them to it? Why or why not?

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 8

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 1:25:32 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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MM not all 18 year olds are "just kids" Some of them are very mature, and have a whole life, including marriage, and kids of their own going by then.

It's very dismissive, in general, and to the ones that are above and beyond maturity of their years to say that 18 year olds are not adults, they're just kids.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

holly is right.

I work with 18 year olds all the time, and flat out, they are kids, not adults.

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 1:28:06 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Submission and Domination can be more than a "sex life" To some it's a whole personality, and has little to do with a "sex life" Now sure, a lot of people find that either one ties into their sexuality, and they're sexually a S or a D, yes, but it's short sighted to just wrap all those who're D's and all S's up into it being " a sex life"

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

my answer would still be the same...hell no! It's still creepy. I don't wanna know about his sex life. He wouldn't want to know about mine.

Gender makes zero difference.

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Post #: 10

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 1:40:41 PM

sweetsub1957

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True, for a lot of people, being D or s is not just about sex. It's not just about sex for me either.

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 11

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 2:01:27 PM

littlewonder

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If it's just their personality traits then what would there be to explain or teach????

You let them live their lives like every other human being on the planet.

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Post #: 12

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 2:07:44 PM

pogo4pres

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery

holly is right.

I work with 18 year olds all the time, and flat out, they are kids, not adults.

Great point Music, my son though 18 physically, is about 10 or 12 mentally (autism is a bitch). I being a submissive, would have no real clue how to talk to him any way, so as some one the the "daughter" thread (juliaoceania iirc) said I'd intro him to the "standard beginners literature". I would also intro him to some Male & Female dominants closer to his own age to mentor him. I mentioned in the other thread that my 17 year old daughter looks like she will be headed down the Domme' path, and I plan on doing the books and age apropos mentor gig should she ever ask. As for my son well lets just say I remotely doubt that as an autistic he'll ever develop an interest in the kink lifestyle. The daughter though scares me.

Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 2:41:50 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I would want to teach them about not falling for the ploys out there many doms use about if you were a real sub you'd............ or real subs don't............. Or that if you express needs and are polite but stand up for yourself that you're topping from the bottom.

There's a lot of pitfalls and it just being part of your personality, doesn't mean you are already aware of the predators out there, and the tricks they may play. If I can save someone from falling prey to something they could of avoided with a word from mom to be wary, then I want that for them.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If it's just their personality traits then what would there be to explain or teach????

You let them live their lives like every other human being on the planet.

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One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

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Post #: 14

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 2:45:20 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Pogo, but if you're son is mentally handicapped, or mentally and emotionally the age of a 10 year old, I am sorry but he has no business doing kinky things, where informed consent and being able to comprehend emotionally and mentally what you're getting into is important. And you're not doing him any favors by teaching him things he has no business knowing and doing as an emotional child.

quote:

ORIGINAL: pogo4pres

Great point Music, my son though 18 physically, is about 10 or 12 mentally (autism is a bitch). I'd intro him to the "standard beginners literature". I would also intro him to some Male & Female dominants closer to his own age to mentor him.

Fatherly,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 8/15/2010 2:47:13 PM >

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 2:49:43 PM

Tantriqu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Pogo, but if you're son is mentally handicapped, or mentally and emotionally the age of a 10 year old, I am sorry but he has no business doing kinky things, where informed consent and being able to comprehend emotionally and mentally what you're getting into is important. And you're not doing him any favors by teaching him things he has no business knowing and doing as an emotional child.

quote:

(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 16

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:05:22 PM

Tantriqu

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I wouldn't want detailed sexual advice from my parents: icky!
But christ, I wish I'd read some positive literature/seen some positive movies about dommeliness: all I'd seen was a Wambaugh movie [New Centurions? The Choirboys? Can't remember which one] about a rookie cop who killed himself after he was caught submitting to a domme: ew. They showed a man torturing/beating a woman with a belt on primetime TV when I was really little [Walking Tall II?] but they still can't show positive sexuality?
Luckily it alllll worked out even with my first 'real' boyfriend, just would have been nice to have a bit of a roadmap . . . and a toybox. I was 29 before I bought my first vibrating strapon: hurray for the interwebz!
Just watched a rerun of a slightly more BDSM-positive 'Bones' episode about pony-play; too bad about the murder. But still, 'Preaching to the Perverted' is the only one I've seen that's more realistic, even though it's extreme.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 17

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:09:40 PM

pogo4pres

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

Pogo, but if you're son is mentally handicapped, or mentally and emotionally the age of a 10 year old, I am sorry but he has no business doing kinky things, where informed consent and being able to comprehend emotionally and mentally what you're getting into is important. And you're not doing him any favors by teaching him things he has no business knowing and doing as an emotional child.

HELLO I know he has no business being interested in kink. The scenario was meant hypothetically, did you read the entire post where I said he likely will NEVER develop an interest in it any way. That I even need to explain the hypothetical nature of the post is really sad.

Incredulously,
Some Knucklehead in NJ

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"All life is pain highness, anyone that says different is just trying to sell something" The Man in Black (Dread Pirate Roberts)

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Post #: 18

RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:16:21 PM

Twoshoes

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Just no. Between 18-22 my personality has changed so much... And it's probably still slightly in flux.

Just no, no and no.

Traits don't mean a person should be D or s.

My close family wouldn't be suprised if I told them I had Dominant tendancies, but I'm glad they didn't influence me.

The worst thing you'd need at that point is wondering whether you're doing something to satisfy someone else's suggestion or expectations.

^^ Just no.

Actually, the more I think about it, if my parents had talked to me about this I would have became a monk. I would have hated myself that much.

(in reply to pogo4pres)

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RE: If you had a son... - 8/15/2010 3:27:38 PM

alatheia

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If I had a kid, I wouldnt introduce him/her to the lifestyle. If I saw "dominant traits", Id take it as I take anyone I see with those traits in. Alpha personality, good leadership skills, completely vanilla traits as well. Now if he/she came to me and directly asked me for information about wiitwd then sure Id answer as accurately as possible.

I do believe that if it's meant to happen, it will happen. Especially in this era where information is so easily accessed.

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