Aneirin
Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
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FR
Reading here I am beginning to understand something, something in relation to my own hoarding and that is I never used to do it before the situations that I believed caused me the ptsd. My ptsd led to the break up of my marriage, the loss of my job, my home and most of my things. I started again in another part of the country, that after trying to start over in another country, but it seemed I needed to hear the voices of my own kind to feel anywhere near comfortable to start the recovery.
So perhaps four to five years on from that time I feel I now understand the mechanism that leads to my stress disorder and as a result consciously keep myself away from the things I know will lead to a questionable outcome, socialising anywhere with anyone I am unfamiliar with is a recipe for what may come if I am unfortunate enough to receive the correct stimulus and that stimulus comes with me letting my guard down, relaxing as most can. Sure I can survive such situations without incident, but in such situations where I am on guard, I annoy myself and others with my inability to relax and socialise.
True, I do have a level of Asperger's syndrome which people may say when they know it, social situations aspies can't do, but I have only found I am aspie last year, so I have had thirty odd years of trying to cope and there at an early age aware of my difficulties, I have developed many a coping strategy to at least attempt socialising with others, a requisite for all or at least most of human kind.
So the hoarding, yeah, I guess I hoard and honesty with myself, I do, but am at least cheered that of my hoarding I am hoarding things that have a use to me, for I hoard tools, hand tools for all manner of work and of those tools whatever they may be, the curiousity that struck my interest to obtain the tool, I learn to use it and teach myself the use of the thing. The result is of the myriad of hand tools I have, mostly antique tools, I know their use, and I am very proficient in their use having taught myself their purpose.
But prior to this thread, and my thinking over the past few days whilst this thread has been in progress, I have come to understand that of my collections, I am a collector, I cannot help that, it is just me, but now I am beginning to understand my collections are perhaps linked to my time before the years the ptsd came to me, for I understand I am now doing what I was prevented from doing before and replacing some of what I have lost, the biggy being about £6000's worth of Snap-On tools, which I had accumulated via weekly payments over ten years, the tools of my profession.
I am understanding now that I appear to have gone circular, for I am trying to get myself back to where I was, by repeating much of what lead to the position where it all went wrong, healthy or not, I don't know.
_____________________________
Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha
Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone
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RE: Hoarders and Obsessed - 
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