Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

how to approach


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> how to approach Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:10:53 AM   
Hisgirladia


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/3/2010
Status: offline 		I was hoping I could get a little advise from someone. I'm not at all new to this lifestyle but the whole internet realm of it is something I came across maybe about a year ago. Most of the Dominants I have served I met through friends or mutual acquaintances. The issue I have is that there is a Dominant here on CM that interests me a lot. I'm not the most outgoing or outspoken person in the world and I find myself really unsure how to approach him. I first noticed his profile back a few months ago when he favorited the profile I had at the time. I was under consideration with someone so I didn't say anything at that point. I ended up having issues with that profile because the Dom I had been speaking to took it over so I closed it out when we parted ways. So this Dom I am interested in I have no idea how to approach him I usually don't approach men. Plus he seems to be very serious so I'm not sure how exactly I should address him. He does have in his profile that if you even hope to be taken seriously to not bother with one liners. I don't want to say I in ever sentence it sounds selfish and self absorbed but how can I talk about him when I don't know him yet? What do some of you think is an acceptable length to a introduction. Thanks for listening and for any help you might be able to offer.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:21:06 AM   
xkittenx


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		Hi there, adia!

If it were me, I would just send him a few lines saying something along the lines of what you said here.

To my understanding, men get very few messages on sites like this. He might even be pleased that you remembered him and took the initiative to seek him out.

_____________________________

- kitten 2.0

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:45:41 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello there,

My advice is to drop him a line! Simple as that.

Speaking only for myself - If someone I'd favourited dropped me a line saying something like "Hello, thanks for favouriting me a while back, I really like your profile and would love to know you a little more" I'd certainly reply.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 3:15:51 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		Before I used to get grumpy and jaded I would tell male subs who wrote crappy first memos how to make them better. The advice went something like this:

Say what caught your eye in his profile-what did you like, and why?

Say what areas you think there might be common ground between you in-do you both think similarly on a particular issue (BDSM-related or otherwise), or has he mentioned a social activity you enjoy?

End with a quick joke or something.

If you do it like that then you're looking at two medium-length paragraphs and a one-line jokey ending-nothing too long, but enough to show you've put some effort in.

It's less crucial for you because you're writing to a man, and they tend to be much more forgiving on this site, but if you feel like you need a structure then I think that one's pretty good.

Hope that helps :-)

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 3:31:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		"Hi there.  I was happy that you friended me a few months ago but unfortunately didn't have the time to chat then.  I have more time now, and I'd love to talk with you now."

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 4:35:47 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirladia

I was hoping I could get a little advise from someone. I'm not at all new to this lifestyle but the whole internet realm of it is something I came across maybe about a year ago. Most of the Dominants I have served I met through friends or mutual acquaintances. The issue I have is that there is a Dominant here on CM that interests me a lot. I'm not the most outgoing or outspoken person in the world and I find myself really unsure how to approach him. I first noticed his profile back a few months ago when he favorited the profile I had at the time. I was under consideration with someone so I didn't say anything at that point. I ended up having issues with that profile because the Dom I had been speaking to took it over so I closed it out when we parted ways. So this Dom I am interested in I have no idea how to approach him I usually don't approach men. Plus he seems to be very serious so I'm not sure how exactly I should address him. He does have in his profile that if you even hope to be taken seriously to not bother with one liners. I don't want to say I in ever sentence it sounds selfish and self absorbed but how can I talk about him when I don't know him yet? What do some of you think is an acceptable length to a introduction. Thanks for listening and for any help you might be able to offer.


You're over-thinking too much....

You say he's someone who interests you - write a few lines as to why that is. And forget the Dom/sub thing and write as one adult to another. You're not *his* sub so if he gets all boorish and obnoxious about you daring to be a free-thinking mature adult then reconsider why such a posturing, presumptuous arsehole would still interest you.

Worst opening line I've ever received - "Hello my new Master...". Avoid that one with probably EVERYONE.... lol

Be polite and human. If you can't at least get that back from a stranger, count your blessings you don't know him r/l....

And welcome to the Forums.... :) SHAMELESS SELF PROMO ALERT: Since you're also a hottie, check out my profile so his at least won't intimidate you anymore - which should make writing to the less uber "also rans" a lot easier for you.... *wink*

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 6:25:25 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		Just jump in and talk to him.

Aside from the scammer mail, girls approach me here and just strike up a conversation. Sometimes I'm interested in them, sometimes not beyond friendship, but I never mind getting to know people better at all.

Besides, the attention is at the very least flattering. Be yourself, be respectful, and what happens happens. Good luck!



< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 8/17/2010 6:26:50 AM >

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 8:19:38 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Did you try perving his profile and putting him on YOUR favorites?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 8:52:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Then don't be selfish and self-absorbed. If you were writing said message to me, I'd hope for something of the form...


  • Hello
  • What you saw in me or my profile that you find interesting
  • What you know about yourself that you think I might find interesting.


In other words, there's no need to talk about yourself. Talk about the two of you and why you think there is potential chemistry.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 9:20:44 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		It's alright - women approach so rarely, that it gets special attention by itself. I'd still mess with them a little bit just to make sure they didnt get lost on their way to the candy store, but I'm generally impressed by the confidence that displays.

Once you have someone's attention, you have a good 2-3 mails to present yourself, before they lose interest. So the first one isn't even that crucial. (Remeber that for confidence).

Best approach:
1. Phrase the "I seem to remember you had me favourited when I was under consideration" as something that needs to confirmed or clarified rather than an apology. NEVER APOLOGIZE for approaching someone.
2. Tell a story about something that happened to you from his non-bdsm interests. (Which is a great way to imply you have abunch of positive qualities without bragging.)
3. The first thing is enough of a hook to get a reply, but anything you leave them wondering about would surely get a response. Could just be a wink.

An extremely lame approach that will work since guys are 1199139% more forgiving to "half assed come ons (your profile)":
"Hi! I'm sorry, I had to change my profile... I'm abit shy, but I'd like to get to know you, since you favourited me before. Do you have any insights on what I'd learn about you? "

I literally had a chick walk up to me in college, brush my hair away and say she wanted to see my eyes. If I were to do that, it'd be considered cheesy. But it kind of worked for her. That is, after I gathered my jaw off the floor.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/17/2010 10:00:58 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 12:08:54 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Did you try perving his profile and putting him on YOUR favorites?

While this is nice, personally I would say that if you are able to to go a step further and send a nice introductory email like many of the others have.

We had a discussion similar to this a few weeks back and many women here said that they would not approach, but I don't think it needs to be that way. I'm fairly well able to read someone once I'm in a relationship with them, but prior to that I don't pretend to have that same power.

I rather like to be approached, and I think I'm reasonably approachable when it comes right down to it.

Hopefully whomever the lucky fellow is will feel most appreciative and be ready for you as you seem to be for him.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 1:20:30 PM   
igor2003


Posts: 1718
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You know that paragraph you started the thread with?  Take most all of that and send it to him in a cmail.  Be sure to remind him what your previous ID was so he knows who he is dealing with.  Then tell him that if he is still interested that you are now available and would like to get to know him better.

_____________________________

If the women don't find you handsome they should at least find you handy. - Red Green

At my age erections are like cops...there's never one around when you need it!

Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers


(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 1:27:01 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Did you try perving his profile and putting him on YOUR favorites?

To be honest, if someone did that for me, I'd likely not even notice.

Plus people do that for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily as a prelude.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 1:31:47 PM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP,

I can't add anything to the good advice you've already been given. You have nothing to lose. Good Luck!!


quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

.........I literally had a chick walk up to me in college, brush my hair away and say she wanted to see my eyes. If I were to do that, it'd be considered cheesy. But it kind of worked for her. That is, after I gathered my jaw off the floor.


Did you go out with her??

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 1:41:19 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Musicmystery


quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Did you try perving his profile and putting him on YOUR favorites?

To be honest, if someone did that for me, I'd likely not even notice.

Plus people do that for all kinds of reasons, not necessarily as a prelude.


In the past I have viewed profiles of doms that I found appealing. This often led to my getting a cmail from them. Not always, but often enough that I would try it before sending off a missive myself.

He added her to his favorites in the past, there is a high likelihood that he would notice her doing it back... not fool proof, but it takes very little effort on her part to try

If he did not email her, she could always wait a day or two and email him a paragraph of what she finds so intriguing about him, he will be flattered if nothing else

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Musicmystery)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:18:41 PM   
Hisgirladia


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/3/2010
Status: offline 		I did try the whole perving his profile thing and adding him to my favorites a few weeks ago and he hasn't so much as glanced at my new profile. I don't typically stress like this over someone but honestly I feel a little out of my league. Thanks for all the advice i think I will sit down here in a few and write him and see where it goes from there.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:26:30 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Perhaps your name gives the impression you are seeing someone

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 2:27:14 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirladia

I did try the whole perving his profile thing and adding him to my favorites a few weeks ago and he hasn't so much as glanced at my new profile. I don't typically stress like this over someone but honestly I feel a little out of my league. Thanks for all the advice i think I will sit down here in a few and write him and see where it goes from there.

I understand completely the whole 'out of my league' thing. On the rare occasion I venture out, all by my little lonesome, and write a nice note to someone who I have little expectation of receiving a positive response, I have yet to have a positive response.

On the flip side, every time I send one of those 'soon to be in the garbage' emails, I tell myself that at least I tried. And oftentimes that is worth the price of rejection.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 4:34:02 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hisgirladia

I did try the whole perving his profile thing and adding him to my favorites a few weeks ago and he hasn't so much as glanced at my new profile. I don't typically stress like this over someone but honestly I feel a little out of my league. Thanks for all the advice i think I will sit down here in a few and write him and see where it goes from there.



Never feel out of your league with anyone. Confidence is key. If you are interested in someone, just say hello, liked your profile, etc.

If someone is not interested in you back, consider it his loss.

Works for me.

P.S. what julia said is right, your screename says His___. I would think you were taken.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/17/2010 4:35:11 PM >

(in reply to Hisgirladia)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how to approach - 8/17/2010 7:23:57 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
I literally had a chick walk up to me in college, brush my hair away and say she wanted to see my eyes. If I were to do that, it'd be considered cheesy. But it kind of worked for her. That is, after I gathered my jaw off the floor.

Did you go out with her??


More importantly, notice how my on-topic and true story revealed 5-7 things about me. (Even about my hair at the time.)

You can do this with any innocent topic/'interest' - like sailing or Nebraska. Better than listing your qualities.



But no, we flirted and talked for 2 weeks then she went off to another city for the next semester. I do agree that I owe her a date if she comes back. When I was 17, I definately wasn't very bold or dating-savvy.

I'm thankful to girls like her who directly and indirectly inspired me to figure it out.

No amount of charm is getting you far, if you won't take any risks!

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/17/2010 7:41:59 PM >

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> how to approach Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094