RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve

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artglfr -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:50:50 PM)
Go to your local BDSm Munch and as everyone has mentioned Volunteer!!! They most likely have a monthly Play party, volunteer to help set up, clean up afterwards and to serve during the event. As everyone has mentioned be positive, if you volunteer at your local you will have to meet Dommes. Ask them if you may freshen their drink, carry toys to their vehicle, help them clean up and before you know it YOU will have Dommes that are your Friend. Once this happens be prepared to serve to your hearts content because once you are seen as a sub who is really into service as opposed to a do me sub you will be in demand. Write us later and say "Thank You" to all the people here who have given you such great advice.

CERCKL -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:51:46 PM)
quote: i submit that i am still an unworthy submissive and should discontinue my ad. I don't believe that anyone is suggesting that you are an unworthy submissive...rather asking you to take positive steps towards being who you are and then that will atrract the proper "D" in a "D/s" situation... C

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:54:02 PM)
quote: OriginalA: michaelGA (Post 20) let's try to keep this in a D/s capacity. any further explaintions on my part regarding this particular direction would only tend to sound like excuses and would belittle the essence of this thread. concider it a hard limit and be done with it, please. thank You for Your participation. quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA post #1 (thread starter) what does a sub do when they long to serve, yet are unwanted and disliked? not ready to call it quits...not yet anyway. still hold a little hope that someone would care to train me and show me what it means to serve in the real world. (let the negative rants begin) Michael, Your original post is the essence of this thread, since you began it Yourself? You keep asking why you are unwanted and disliked. What causes that, except your own negativity and narrow mindedness? Therefore, you have been given some excellent advice regarding improving your personality, your depressive outlook and your communication skills. What has been suggested is a great way for you to gain perspective and prepare yourself to better serve the Dominant you hope to find in the future. You are so not ready right now! Instead you come back from the advice that you best finish high school or at least study for a G.E.D. before you attempt college with the reasoning that you don't want to waste your time with high school and you don't want to do all that studying, and you should just be able to move into college. Do the groundwork on yourself, and the rest will fall into place. No one can tell you anything more. Take it and chew it over. It is up to you if you want to swallow and digest, or spit it out. Just remember, if you continue the habit of spitting it out, you will probably end up starving to death.

michaelGA -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:55:30 PM)
i have been attending the local munches, as for play parties, they are cunducted in Atlanta or Birmingham and, at this juncture, i have no way of traveling those distances in order to do as you suggest. it was an intriguing suggestion, but unachieveable at this point in time.

KatyLied -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:56:03 PM)
Michael, can you not or do you refuse to see the merit in the many suggestions that have been offered to you? You should be more concerned with finding contentment in your life, and then allow the search to take its path. Do something for you....get involved with other people - as has been suggested volunteer, take on a new hobby, occupy yourself away from "the search." You may reap some good benefits.

AAkasha -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:58:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i have been attending the local munches, as for play parties, they are cunducted in Atlanta or Birmingham and, at this juncture, i have no way of traveling those distances in order to do as you suggest. it was an intriguing suggestion, but unachieveable at this point in time. Do any of these traits seem familiar? passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks; complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others; is sullen and argumentative; unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority; expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate; voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune; alternates between hostile defiance and contrition. The person that suggested you maybe seek help from a mental health practioner was not being facetious. You ask for help, you complain about your situation, you make excuses, you complain more, you blame others, you don't want to take responsibility for your own happiness....this is a huge vicious cycle for you. Get off the merry-go-round and get help. If you are perpetually sullen and unhappy you will never find a playpartner. Akasha

JohnWarren -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 6:58:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: artglfr Go to your local BDSm Munch and as everyone has mentioned Volunteer!!! They most likely have a monthly Play party, volunteer to help set up, clean up afterwards and to serve during the event. As everyone has mentioned be positive, if you volunteer at your local you will have to meet Dommes. Ask them if you may freshen their drink, carry toys to their vehicle, help them clean up and before you know it YOU will have Dommes that are your Friend. Once this happens be prepared to serve to your hearts content because once you are seen as a sub who is really into service as opposed to a do me sub you will be in demand. Write us later and say "Thank You" to all the people here who have given you such great advice. One problem with that is in any group where I've been active it's a pain in the ass if someone claimes to volunteer and then uses the time and energy of everyone around him to feed fantasies. It's not scrubbing floors at the feet of a leather clad mistress with a whip; it's setting up chairs, taking donations, moving equipment in the company of dominants and submissives of both sexes. Michael's demand that the the word be divided into BDSM and vanilla acts makes it unlikely that he's ever find something that will make him happy.

Proprietrix -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:07:52 PM)
Personally, I think volunteering is a wonderful thing (I prefer the elderly myself. Kids are loud. The battered women's shelters always seemed to have a political agenda. The kennels are ok. I just really love the elderly and have done a lot of volunteering in nursing homes.) But... suffice it to say that volunteering isn't your thing. That's ok to. Some people don't get into it for whatever reason. And since you'd like to keep this to a D/s capacity... Hows about some focusing on other ways to improve yourself as a submissive. (We just did a thread on this in the Mistress section I think, so I'll repeat some suggestions from there...) Many Dominas love a good massage. You could take classes to be a certified massage therapist. Many Dominas appreciate a good meal. You could take some cooking classes. Many Dominas love (insert here those things the Dominas keep saying they love).... learn to play an instrument, become CPR/First Aid certified, cosmotology classes, a foreign language, accounting, mechanics, computer repair, plumbing, electronics, carpentry, blanket making, etc.... (feel free to ask how any of these would be beneficial to your Domme once you find her.) hell, go work for a housecleaning service for a month. I bet you'd learn little hints that would be helpful in your service to a Domme. Learn to make toys. Start a local munch group. Kick the bad habits (smoking cessation, drinking, drugging, etc...) {Not saying you have these habits.} Assertiveness classes. <--- I recommend to damn near any submissive who is not currently collared, but looking. Read the nonfiction books out there about the lifestyle. (You don't have to agree with all of them. But most will teach the reader a few things.) Each time you learn something about yourself, or the lifestyle, or your search, tweek your profile a little bit. (Some of us really do notice when we see submissives making an honest effort to improve themselves!) If you know you are an argumentative person, try to channel that positively. (I don't know if you are or aren't. But deep inside YOU know.) There are some decent debate forums. If nothing else, you can learn to support your position. If people annoy you, don't bite back. Use your block button. This shows self-restraint and patience, and the ability to bite your tongue. All of which can be fine characteristics in a sub. Ask advice, and then have a forthright conversation with yourself about the advice before you take it or decline it. And if you try something, come back and let us know if it worked or not, and why you think it did or didn't work. That way we can recommend it to others in your shoes. I tend to tell my subs "Either do something about it or quit whining about it. And if you run out of options, let me know. I'll find more." But you haven't run out of options until you've truly tried them all. Good luck! [:)]

JohnWarren -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:11:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Proprietrix Personally, I think volunteering is a wonderful thing (I prefer the elderly myself. Kids are loud. Kids are loud, move fast and you can't understand a word they say... sorta like New York City taxi drivers

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:17:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i once volunteered in such a capacity only to have the candidate withdraw from the race. i swore i would never fall for that again. in any case, this is all vanilla service, of which takes little knowledge or dedication to do. what i seek in in the form of D/s service. Define D/s service and why you think it takes more dedication and knowledge than vanilla service. Be well, Julie

feylin -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:18:45 PM)
(slow typist now realizes that you have attended local events) Sometimes you can find people willing to share a ride to events, just a thought. It is a great way to get out and see and be seen which is probably the best chance you have to actually finding what you seek.

enthralled -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:20:55 PM)
michaelGA . . . . take more pride in YOU as a human being. If it is of your nature to serve, then when given an opportunity to be of service, you will thrive. I believe that we often receive the very quality that we project. If we project ourselves to be precarious, antagonistic, unworthy, etc., then that's what we will most likely receive. If you want a quality dominant, you MUST project yourself as a quality submissive. . . . and sometimes, it just takes time for those two 'qualities' to find one another. Respectfully, enthralled

ladychatterley -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:26:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA in any case, this is all vanilla service, of which takes little knowledge or dedication to do. I don't care if you volunteer or not, but the idea that 'vanilla' volunteer work takes little knowledge or dedication really offends me. I write grant proposals for a local food pantry. This involves massive research, dynamite writing skills and beautiful layout work. I have also served as a volunteer coordinator, which involved an incredible amount of service--making sure the volunteers felt well-cared for and felt like they had ownership as they came in day in and day out to do grunge work. And I have done grunge work, day in and day out. Making the hundredth call that day and the thousandth call that week to get out the vote may not take knowledge, but it takes a hell of a lot of dedication and it takes passion to remember why you care after the thousandth call. And the dedication it takes to do that day in and day out for someone you may never meet just because you care about what is happening in the country is very, very important to the functioning of our country. Do not put it down. Several of my friends works in hospice. One specializes in working with the families who have lost children. You cannot imagine the dedication, commitment and skills it takes to support a family losing a child. I have a friend that tutors at-risk kids, not just in 'vanilla' subjects, but SAT prep, and calculus. I know people that serve on boards in very proactive capacities, guiding organizations to achieve exciting goals, people that design fundraisers that bring in hundreds of thousands of dollars and meet some really exciting people. The idea that because you are doing something for love or idealism or human connection it must therefore take little knowledge or dedication is insulting and, frankly, ignorant. But I don't think you should volunteer; with your attitude it would be counterproductive and frankly I don't see how it would benefit the organization.

LaMspeach -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:28:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I hope others that have volunteered will attest to how much it changed their lives for the better. Akasha I agree with AAkasha, volunteering does help fill the void of not being able to serve on a regular bases. It is something i can do to help and serve others in a non-threating way . It does not take anything of away from my M/s relationship but it does give me fulfillment and sense of pride to be able to do something for others. quote: michaelGA in any case, this is all vanilla service, of which takes little knowledge or dedication to do. It may not be what you are looking for but it does take knowledge and dedication to volunteer. I wouldnt think of volunteering not knowing what i was doing or with the mind set that i could say "hell with it i am not going today" when i promised i would.

thetammyjo -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:42:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA what does a sub do when they long to serve, yet are unwanted and disliked? not ready to call it quits...not yet anyway. still hold a little hope that someone would care to train me and show me what it means to serve in the real world. (let the negative rants begin) A great way to feel of service and also enrich your social skills is by volunteering. As an added bonus and free of charge you'll find your heart filled with love and soon forget your problems. You also might meet lifelong friends and who knows -- a femdom might be lurking and appreciate your nature. Akasha I'll second this suggestion and add a bit more. Even if you have to drive a few hours, consider finding and getting involved in a local community -- much, organization, etc. You'll find outlets for your serve and learn about yourself and BDSM to boot.

cuddleheart50 -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:45:30 PM)
Giving up is weakness to me.....I am submissive, I have no Master as of yet, but I will continue to work on me, I will not give up, I am alot stronger than that...Sorry, but, weakness and giving up is NOT a part of my nature.

michaelGA -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:47:13 PM)
what i wouild like to know is, why is it that, whenever i make any posts about service, everyone INSISTS on shoving volunteer work down my throat?

michaelGA -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:50:32 PM)
i have no car

AAkasha -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:50:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA what i wouild like to know is, why is it that, whenever i make any posts about service, everyone INSISTS on shoving volunteer work down my throat? Because it is advice that has WORKED for people or for their friends. No one posts in reponse, "Oh I just sat around and complained on collarme and said poor me, poor me and then suddenly femdoms started throwing themselves at me..." What you want to hear is there is a great, free way to sign up to serve a femdom at no charge and be adopted into service while you are waiting for a partner. No such thing exists. The key word in YOUR question is unwanted submissive seeking to serve. You are not going to serve anyone (for free) until you are wanted. Akasha

artglfr -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:53:15 PM)
You have a good point there and it is starting to look like he isn't going to try and follow any of the advice, the Munch and parties are too far away...etc. I agree with You he is destined to stay unhappy. He actually has received some excellent advice which he is determined to ignore so maybe he is telling the truth about himself...and has made himself unwanted.

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