RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve

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michaelGA -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:55:45 PM)
end of thread....please feel free to carry on without me

caitlyn -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:56:42 PM)
Deleting your profile isn't going to get you what you want. Giving up will, after a time, remove your daily disappointments, but will add the negative feeling of what might have been. It's a wash. If you really want advice, what I would suggest is that you start taking small steps towards the longer term goal of finding what you desire. If you can't travel to play parties because of some sort of financial limitation, then you need to get that problem at least partially solved, to allow you to attend. If you think you are physically undesirable, then buff up and get in shape. There is no such thing as an undesirable, fit man.[;)] As a complete aside ... I wish you all the best Michael, and hope and pray that you find what you are looking for. [:D]

AAkasha -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:57:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA i have no car And you have no friends that find you charming and pleasant enough to be around that they will drive you places? You have not met any kinky people who have found you to be so helpful at munches that they will go out of their way to pick you up, because you are fun to be around and great for a laugh, plus you make yourself useful? You don't know how to find and use a bus or other public transportation? Do we need to add "lazy and unresourceful" to your list of qualities that make you unwanted? You LOVE being miserable. You enjoy it so much you come back and dig this up again over and over. Go out and start volunteering for a real organization and you will find people happy to pick you up and drop you off. You will get out of your own problems and see the world as different. You will make friends. You will surround yourself with people who have a big heart and want to do good in the world. Your improved attitude and outlook will make you more appealing to the kinky people in your community and they will start being happy to give you rides. Maybe in 6 - 18 months you will be suitable for a femdom. It won't happen any sooner or without any effort on your part. Akasha

AAkasha -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 7:59:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA end of thread....please feel free to carry on without me I'm sure we'll see the same thread with a new title in about 3 weeks time. See you then! Akasha

akisha -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:02:33 PM)
i submit that i am still an unworthy submissive and should discontinue my ad. Ok basic rule of society.... 60% of people will believe what you tell them. 90% of people will believe what they see. If you insist on telling people that you are Unworthy then they will believe you, for who know you better then yourself? Who wants anything or anyone that is deemed unworthy ? If you think someone is going to say " Oh michael no, you're not unworthy, see here let me prove it to you" well you're dreaming. They are going to think to themselve. Well if he thinks he's not worth a damn then he probably isn't. You want someone to notice you and have a desire to get to know you and with luck take you under their care? Well show that you are what they want. Be confident that you are the best one there to serve them. Or atleast the most willing to learn and the most ambitious to succeed at fulfilling the desires they want in a slave or submissive. Everyone is suggesting volunteer work because for one it's a damn good cause and for another it gets you out there thinking about others instead of poor you. People want someone that is willing to go out there and do something for someone other then themselves. It makes people take notice of you and admire your qualities as a human being. There are D/s functions that ask for volunteers all the time if you are soo against vanilla type volunteering. (personally i have no idea what you mean by that but that is neither here or there) No one is going to help someone that is not first willing to help themselves.

MistressLorelei -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:10:24 PM)
Michael, Would you want a partner who did not seem happy with herself? Who often complains that she needs a relationship now and is nothing without one? Who thinks that no one likes her? Who rejected every bit of help that she herself asked for to begin with? I would think such negativity would turn away most people on either side of the whip. your OP seems to call for negative responses. If you expect life to suck... it more often than not will suck... because the negatives are all you will notice. Spend some time bettering yourself, finding happiness and contentment in things other than the idea of a FemDom.. Try cooking classes, massage classes, writing (aside from rants on a message board). the volunteering that seems to make your skin crawl,... Not only would all of these things make you a more complete, happier you, but you would be meeting people in the meantime, and ultimately, you will have more to offer in a relationship (and I mean the emotional stuff, plus a few skills to 'woo' the Domme of your dreams). So, are you having fun yet?

shygirldesires -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:22:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA ok, using your example as a basis of comparison; You say i cannot be a good submissive if i do not volunteer suppose a lesbian sought service, but was told they could not serve if they maintain their choice of women over men. i know this is a stretch, but it is feasible OK..jumping in late... isnt there a section for male subs... no strings handy man? Maybe volunterring for such would find you in the company of a lovely switch or domme who would take to you ??? just a suggestion

maybemaybenot -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:23:11 PM)
You don't want to volunteer. IMO, a mistake, but here is another option for you. Start practicing your service while waiting for your Domme. Do you mow lawns? Can you cook ? Can you do laundry? Do you do " fix it " work ? Hang signs in your town offering to do these things. At the grocery store, the local pharmacy. Elderly housing, Churches/Synagogues. Anywhere and everywhere. Charge a fee if you like, then it is not volunteering. This will serve three purposes: You won't be volunteering, the cash can be spent on an inexpensive car allowing you access to the play parties, and it will make you more proficient in some of the service areas Domme appreciate. I am not being facetious, I am serious. mbmbn

enthralled -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:25:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA what i wouild like to know is, why is it that, whenever i make any posts about service, everyone INSISTS on shoving volunteer work down my throat? Ahhhhhhh ... I get it now! You want to serve, but you want to do it YOUR way. In other words, 'volunteer' work implies NO PAYMENT. Wow, well . . . . I hear you can have it your way at McDonalds. enthralled

ladychatterley -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 8:37:26 PM)
In my opinion and my opinion only, I don't think people should encourage OP to volunteer. Imagine you are someone who had dedicated a morning every week to working at (fill in the blank). You know the worth your service has, you create a lovely community, and you get charged by being there. Then this guy comes in with his "I'm better than any of you and this crap doesn't take skill or devotion; I'm just doing it to do something better and real" attitude, subtly tries to control the situation (which he would) and pretty soon a situation that is energizing and fulfilling just falls apart, not so much for the Original Poster as for all the people who are serving and being served. Volunteering can't just be about the volunteer--the volunteer needs to be able to contribute to a community; wonderful volunteer communities take time to build and very little to dismantle. Someone who thinks he's too good to be there and looks down on the other volunteers would poison the atmosphere; would you want to get up early on your weekend to have him looking down on you and letting you know how worthless you are? Just my two cents, having seen really neat volunteer situations spoiled by the wrong mix.

hidemyeyes -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 9:06:45 PM)
i'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that i have been in a similar place to where you are now Michael. After suffering from depression and being involved in a relationship that was damaging to my self esteem.. i had no job, had dropped out of school, i had moved out of home and had little contact with my family. i truly believed i was worthless and unlovable, to the extent that i found it very difficult to leave my house, or to talk to people, even to order a takeaway. The thing is, you carry that thought with you wherever you go, and it taints every relationship you initiate. i am not speaking of merely kink here, i am speaking of relationships in general. i spent two years on the fringe of every social group i encountered, right on the edge to the point i would remove myself from them. Even my closest friends rarely noticed me. When ever i tried to get close to someone romantically, it failed because of my negative attitude about myself. If you dont valuie yourself, how can anyone else? If you want to know how to change this, the advice you have been given in here is wonderful. i changed my life when i realised that no one i would want to be involved with would have wanted me in the state i was in. i moved home, and rediscovered the support and love of my family, i started working out, taking care of myself and pride in myself again, i went back to uni and found a sense of achievement. Now i am in my second year at uni, and working in customer service, have had a few good relationships and am enjoying a new one immensely. People who all but ignored me last year seek out my company and everyone i know says i am one of the happiest people out there. Anything you can do that will give you a sense of achievement, purpose and self worth will help you, will make you radiate. And the more you shine, the more likely it is someone will see your light. It seems to me that you are saying you cant be bothered doing a kindness for anyone you dont know. If that's the case, what about people you do know, or are all your efforts going to be directed simply to getting what you want back from a Domme? Sounds very selfish to me. And i am sure that many Domme's are reading this and thinking the same. If your problem is that you are unwanted, look to yourself for the answers. Why would someone want to get involved with someone who is merely being good to them, and only them, for the sake of satisfying an urge, and wont even consider lifting a finger for anyone else, or even for themselves. Maybe i was never where you are, i was always willing to put in effort to help anyone in exchange for a smile and some friendship, and to offer my friendship in turn, even when i thought it was worthless. i'm very sorry to rant, and i really do wish you success, happiness and fulfillment in every way, but you need to achieve some of those things on your own before you can look to other people for love/committment. xxx hidemyeyes ------------------------------------------------------- i had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion j kerouac

Dustyn -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 9:22:05 PM)
Hey, if he doesn't want the advice, then the OP really shouldn't ask for advice in the first place. I don't have any sympathy for someone that won't examine themselves to find out the reason people don't like him/her and just want to sit and grousse about it. I don't exist to pick people up by their bootstraps if they aren't willing to do it themselves. I'll help those that ask for it earnestly, but not those that ask just to indulge a pity party. - Dustyn

Contesaluv -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 9:35:47 PM)
Now that's a post I can sink my teeth into! Truth be told I've had too many subs say that all the want to do is serve me in whatever way I want but at the very first request I make, which could be as simple as send me a bouquet of flowers, they run and hide. It's amazing that they're willing to do anything until you ask for something that they're apparently not willing to do. Too funny really!!! Even if you're looking for an LTR wouldn't you want to prove that you're willing to do something as that as a gesture that you're willing to court your Domme in whatever way she deems appropriate for her. The thing is, don't say you just want to serve unless you're really ready to follow up on that. Just my halp pence!

Rule -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 9:57:45 PM)
You have indeed been given excellent advice. I may profit by it myself, especially the ones recommending adopting a positive attitude. As others have noted, you may want to serve and need to serve, but you are not ready to serve. As long as you are not ready to serve, the Universe will not make you cross the path of a Domme. Why should it? It would serve no purpose. A D/s relation is not all about sex. It is about service in any desired capacity. As long as you do not endeavour to realize all of your potential, you are a thief. That is because you are depriving your Domme of skills that she requires. If you do not have those skills, you are useless to her, as useless as shoes without soles. Perhaps it is your potential to be an astrophysicist. Then go study physics and astrophysics. You will find that as soon as you get your degree in astrophysics the universe will arrange an encounter with a Domme that needs an astrophysicist to serve her. Perhaps it is your potential to sell icecream in summer and baked potatoes in winter on a street corner - that is not volunteer work. Then get a licence and learn how to make icecream and how to bake potatoes. When you stand on the street corner selling the stuff, you will find that the universe will arrange an encounter with a Domme that requires a sub with those skills. Perhaps you have other potentials. Whatever those are, get educated in them and get qualified for those skills. Get ready. You are whining about what you want and need. It is what a thief does. The concern of a sub or slave should be to serve the needs of his Domme, whether as an astrophysicist or an accountant or a nurse or a seller of baked potatoes or whatever. Even when you are ready, you most likely will not meet a Domme here, but out there in the world, crossing a street, sitting in a coach, shopping in a mall. It will be up to you and her then to recognize each other.

gooddogbenji -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 9:58:52 PM)
Seems to me a reasonable way to solve your issues. Come online, ask a question to a bunch of people with varying degrees of experience, from none (me) to years and years and years (Others), then when you get advice from whackloads of people, blame them for being idiots (my words), and walk away. And here I am, answering someone who's not even gonna answer. I say fuck 'em. Not Michael, I actually like him on the whole. But in general, people who ask questions without wanting an answer. You ask me for advice, you get it. That, or some smartass comment. You don't do it, fine. But if you're offended by my answer, don't ask me again. As to this thread, I can only say 2 things: I have had great results as being an ass. First off, it's fun for me. Second... well, nothing really. And if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you always got. So Michael, if you decide to read this, take the damn advice people give you, or at least thank them for their time. Yours, benji

NeedToUseYou -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 11:12:41 PM)
If he comes back and peers. It's simple michael, people don't want to be around people that bitch all the time. which follows into .... Usually constant bitching is caused by dissatisfaction with life. which leads to the following logic.... that you need something to make you feel better about life which follows to the conclusion.... Volunteer work helps you feel better because it is impossible to feel bad about yourself when helping someone else. which follows to.... A domme will be more open to a happy sub than a whiny one. Simple. But currently all you are saying is I want a domme now!!! and nothing else. Like some child. I can't, I can't, I can't. But you can really. So your just saying You won't, You won't, You won't. Good advice, but unfortunately if helping doesn't make you feel good, or is viewed as being below you. I doubt you will be happy in any capacity, maybe a chemical imbalance or something. Seriously, I've never experienced a circumstance where helping someone made me feel less happy. Being trapped is the worst feeling in the world, but you're building your cage.

Reasonable -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/20/2006 11:16:53 PM)
Have you gotten any objective advice as to why you seem to be a turn off? It can either be bad luck,or something in your own make up. I once heard a most interesting quote, that went like this, "The one common factor in all of your dysfunctional relationships is YOU." Gives one pause for thought. The best place to begin is always at the start,good luck!

perverseangelic -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/21/2006 12:15:02 AM)
Why not carpool? I -totally- know the feeling of being stranded away from everything and everyone, and unable to get invovled because I have no trasportation. Heck, I discovered who I was really really young, so I had -years- of sitting around, knowing what I wanted, but being unable to -do- anything becuase I was underage. Talk about frustrating. You feel like you're never gonna meet someone, becuase if you -do- they can get arrested just for talkingt o you. Not a very fun time. Needing help is a -great- way to meet people :) At the munches you go to, start asking around about rides to local play events. Offer to spring for gas, or spring for food, or both. Does your group have an e-mail list? I know mine does. Why not put a note up on there that you'd like to get to events but don't have a car. I know here there's -always- someone willing to pick up an extra body, especially if they're chippin in. The places that I play at have volunteer shifts which allow you to get into play events for free, which is -also- a great way to meet people. We volunteered, and worked the door for an hour and got free admission. The next time, we wiped stuff down and cleaned up after and again got in free. Not the best advice, but definatly a way to get out there. And seriously, there isn't a -hurry-. Instead of stressing about finding -one- person, why not maybe see if there's anyone who'd like to just play, experamentally. I dunno if that's your thing, but it's a way to try things. Again drawing from personal experiecne, at the play events I've gone to, people that are there are often willing and eager to try things out on willing bottoms. Pretty much you can (politely) walk up and say "hey, that looks really cool, feel like trying it on me?" And heck, who knows where this goes. ....I was going to e-mail this to you, but your profile is gone. Well. I maintain realtime is better anyway. Try the carpooling thing. .

twicehappy -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/21/2006 5:45:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: michaelGA what does a sub do when they long to serve, yet are unwanted and disliked? not ready to call it quits. I have read many of your posts, occasionally they and the general way you tend to speak about yourself have been commented on in my house. Let me start by saying the 1st and most important thing you need to do is STOP ALL THE NEGATIVITY! People tend to form their first impressions of you by the way you speak of yourself. Think of all the positive things, put those to the front. What are your talents? Your hopes and dreams in the vanilla world? Make mental lists of your accomplishments and use those to your advantage. Use your intelligence to make well thought out posts stating your actual views on issues. Respond to those who are asking for support on the boards, nothing will make you feel better or enable you to look at your own issues in a clearer light. Plus you may develop a support system of your own this way. You can be a optimist;" my glass is half full", you can be a pessimist;"my glass is half empty" Or you can grab life by the balls and squeeze;" Wow, i have a glass with water in it, isn't that amazing". Then drink the water, use the glass to cut cookies, put flowers in it, use it for a spyglass, look at stuff through it like a prism enjoying the pretty colors and at the end of the day call your friends, make margeritas in it and have a party. quote: i submit that i am still an unworthy submissive and should discontinue my ad. Try making a statement unlike this one. Go for something like this" I am of great worth and someday i will find the one who sees my true value" It takes some people years to find their One, it took me six years, do not give up. quote: still hold a little hope that someone would care to train me and show me what it means to serve in the real world. Be of service in other ways, volunteer to help out at your local munch or support groups. Put on a happy face when you do so, people notice how you go about doing things. Volunteer to cut an elderly neighbors grass, walk their dog, give time at a homeless shelter. Look at the world through the eyes of a child. Take time to realize what a miracle a tree is. Learn a new skill, something that has interested you before. Bring yourself alive, you will attract others to yourself.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: unwanted submissive seeking to serve (4/21/2006 6:02:36 AM)
Well in YOUR case apparently you do nothing seriously committed to enriching your life and go online regularly to whinge about how your life sucks

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