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unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 12:44:10 AM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		Inspired by the post of another sub, I write this under the influence of Southern Comfort. Probably wouldn't have the nerve to post otherwise My gripe, well question, is if Dominas are just too unyielding? I have read numerous  posts from Dominas, complaining of no true subs, or slaves, heavy on the slaves. But most are totally unyielding on their demands. Thats great, it shows absolute dominance, and we sub/slaves really want your total control. .But if you wait one year for a 12 month slave to come along, as oppossed to say, one who is there 10, it will take 6 years to get the same devotion.I love my youngerst daughter more than anything, but after taking her on a vacation for a week, I feel the need to have some time away from her, and I am damned sure she wants time away from me. So I question if you would really want 24/7/365? For those currently without a slave, wouldn't it be better to have one there 'almost' every day, than without any at all? It would seem even a 24/7 sub, would be better than doing everything yourself. Besides, if something better comes along, you can release a slave/sub, anytime you want. So should Dominas be just a little tolerant, or am I just not 'yet', subservient enough? I believe there many boys out there who desperately want to please, but just can't manage the 365 days a year1
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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 12:49:55 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I think what I'm reading from your post is that you feel that Domina's should settle for less than they are seeking? My only response to that is.. why should they? I mean, Domina's are human, too. Most people don't want to just 'use' someone till someone else better comes along. They'd rather wait and get the real deal. That's why they are so careful in their choices. You offer what you have to offer and if that's not good enough for someone else, then you'd be settling for less than you require as well. That just doesn't sound like a very sound strategy for life-long happiness to me. If you are in service and some better Domina comes along, are you willing just to dump her for this new, improved model? Something to think about.

Celeste

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 1:02:05 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf
I have read numerous  posts from Dominas, complaining of no true subs, or slaves, heavy on the slaves. But most are totally unyielding on their demands
Really?  Show me one dominant posting who is totally unyielding?  Most of us are realistic enough not to expect perfection.  We do however know what we can/cannot live without, so there are those things you might call deal breakers to keep us from yielding.
quote:

Thats great, it shows absolute dominance, and we sub/slaves really want your total control. .But if you wait one year for a 12 month slave to come along, as oppossed to say, one who is there 10, it will take 6 years to get the same devotion.  It would seem even a 24/7 sub, would be better than doing everything yourself. Besides, if something better comes along, you can release a slave/sub, anytime you want. So should Dominas be just a little tolerant, or am I just not 'yet', subservient enough? I believe there many boys out there who desperately want to please, but just can't manage the 365 days a year1
This would be a great idea if I lived in a home without an unmentionable, and indeed could invite thee over to clean, cook and lick my boots once/week, with no strings.   Of course I cannot do anything without strings anymore than you enjoy cleaning with no strings, or you'd get off doing it at your house.

Personally, I cannot compromise because my family/living situation does not allow for random people to come and go, and neither does my emotional make up.  
As for 24/7, or 365days/year, I don't believe anyone expects you to drop everything and move in together before you get to know one another, and trust you can tolerate one another as housemates...  In my opinion that is much like vanilla dating where things progress to committed relationship or they dont.   M

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 4:26:54 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		BINGO!!!

I got the exact impression BitaTruble!

I was single & without for several years before I my current partner & I found one another. Sure I was alone, sure I found myself quite miserable at times... I even took a lot of heat from the "community" around me because I was single (everyone was trying to hook me up)

I made that commitment to self that I was not going to settle for anything less than what was best for me & by gosh I'm glad I did. I am extremely happy with my mate, my friend, my submissive, my lover.... my everything.

Settling for temporary fixes does nothing except take your focus of the ultimate goal.


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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 5:14:04 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline 		Actually, I find that just like in seeking vanilla relationships, most r/t Dommes compromise quite a bit when it comes to seeking BDSM relationships.  But as BlkTallFulFig mentions, there are definately deal breakers.  I find dealbreakers tend to center around things like the sub being "single", "sane", moreso than "will lick my boots for 3 hours" or "can take 50 lashes with a cane".  It's a matter of priorities. 

Most of those looking for something more 24/7 oriented "get" that those involved are not in full kink mode the entire time.  People work, have family obligations, and should spend some time with friends and pursuing important interests to keep good mental balance.   You seem to see 24/7 as being kept on a leash at all times.   That's a total fantasy.  It's more about Her having say over your time outside of "hard" obligations like going to work or being a parent to your daughter.   You shouldn't expect to be allowed to hit the bar every Friday and Saturday night with the boys, but you should be permitted to do so from time to time.  


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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 5:20:32 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think you may be over-estimating what actually goes on in 24/7 relationships and in owner-slave relationships.

Everyone I have ever known face-to-face who lives like this spends a fair amount of time in very mundane activities and dealing with non-BDSM people in their lives. They also tend to have times for privacy for each person plus friends, family, jobs, etc that they both interact with at some level.

Plus someone can be 24/7 without living together because in reality only the two people involved can really say whether they are 24/7 or something else. If you aren't living together you definitely have time alone and apart.

There's the fantasy found in porn and erotica and in our minds then there is the reality of living it day to day. They are not the same.

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 5:20:38 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

For those currently without a slave, wouldn't it be better to have one there 'almost' every day, than without any at all?


Look at it this way...

Have you seen that commercial about the snickers bar? It states that when hunger sets in eating this will get you through until meal time. Ok, have a snack... then hunger sets in again & all you have is another snickers, so you eat it... & again & again & again. What happens? You get sick & tired of snickers & start craving that damn steak & potatoes.

quote:

Besides, if something better comes along, you can release a slave/sub, anytime you want. So should Dominas be just a little tolerant, or am I just not 'yet', subservient enough? I believe there many boys out there who desperately want to please, but just can't manage the 365 days a year1


Your statement of the female dominants as being "unyielding" translates to me that you just aren't getting what you want out of the contacts you have made. Someone that will use you when you have time available... someone who can essentially cater to your desire to serve, but only when you find you have the free time to do so.

If this is what is best for you then go for it. I'm sure there are women out there that are perfectly ok with a part-time sub. In fact I have seen many make comments that they like living alone & prefer to have someone come in from time to time. You'll just have to keep searching for someone who seeks the same thing you seek. Just like these women you say are unyielding will continue to seek what they deem as best for them.



< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 4/21/2006 5:22:33 AM >

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 6:43:37 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I think what you are asking is would a Domina accept part time service rather then none at all while waiting for someone to come along that is or could be full time?
 
I don't believe I could do that. I think that over time a bond would build between the two of them and release wouldn't be as easy as you think. And for me, there would have to be a bond.
 
But, on the other hand, I think I would accept part time service from a submissive if I knew that in the not so distant future it would be full time.

quote:

I love my youngerst daughter more than anything, but after taking her on a vacation for a week, I feel the need to have some time away from her, and I am damned sure she wants time away from me.


Hon, these are two totally different critters. I love my kids more then I love my own life... just please don't ask me to spend weeks on end with them. Been there, done that. But my life partners? My husband and our girl... there isn't enough hours in the day, days in a week or weeks in a year for me to get tired of being around them. When you find that person that is perfect for you there won't be that "I just need a break from you" thing going on in your mind. It will be replaced with "I need more time to spend with you".

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 8:27:36 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Right here... totally unyielding in my demands <waving>

My slave will NOT be allergic to cats, and he WILL do what I say. 

Now I feel soooooooo unreasonable <sigh> 

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig
Really?  Show me one dominant posting who is totally unyielding?  Most of us are realistic enough not to expect perfection.  We do however know what we can/cannot live without, so there are those things you might call deal breakers to keep us from yielding.


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www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 8:32:17 AM   
Real0ne


Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline 		well most people out here are seeking full blown relationships of some sort.  The problem is that when you serve someone and they train you often times, no most times feelings get involved.   

What domme who wants ltr is going to risk being heart broken to have you for a couple of weeks only to know full well it wont work up the road because you are only part time and not what she is looking for?

Its about as foolish as dating someonw who is married expecting a wedding band and no one wants to go thru that.

i suppose if feelings were not involved that would be different.

there are lots of play bars where you can play with people.

If you look around you will see most people in the nilla world unyielding too and for the very same reasons.

There are dommes out there who want part time people, lots of married dommes are seeking part time just have to do a little more looking imo




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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 8:40:12 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I see where you are coming from, and yet, here is the thing.  I don't want a part-time submissive.  It's not about having my house cleaned, or the foot massages and back rubs.  I mean, yeah, that's the perk of being the Domme (and a very nice perk it is, too <g>), but that is not what it is about... that's not why I want a 24/7 slave.  What it is about, for Me, is someone who is completely and totally devoted to Me, who looks up to Me to make the right decisions for him and for both of us, who will do the things I ask (yes, the perks above), not because he wants to do those things but because he wants to please Me by doing them.  ME.  Not just any ol' Domme who comes along because she's a Domme, but ME.

And honestly... I've had soooooooooooo many emails from subs wanting to come clean my house for me part time.  And I can tell you, there are ALWAYS strings attached!  They want to be nude, or cross dressed, or chained, or spanked, or dressed in a uniform or costume of some kind.  Doing the housework is the price they are willing to pay to get their kink/fantasy played out. Face it, there aren't many Veronica's out there.  And while that is perfectly fine, I am NOT knocking these subs for this, I am saying that this is not what I want. 

You're not the only one on collarme who likes to criticize others for not providing what YOU want, because you haven't yet found someone who matches your interests.  But it gets awfully tiresome. 

One last point, a lot of the types you mention who can't enter into 24/7, can't do so because they are married or in a relationship, and that is a hard limit for Me.  Personally, I will have no cheaters/adulterers/liars (no matter what pathetic excuse they have come up with) in My home under any circumstances.  Period.   My views on this are, yes, as unyielding, as they are well-known.

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf
So should Dominas be just a little tolerant, or am I just not 'yet', subservient enough? I believe there many boys out there who desperately want to please, but just can't manage the 365 days a year1


< Message edited by LadyMorgynn -- 4/21/2006 8:42:08 AM >

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www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 8:45:07 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		What's the deal here Bub?   In your profile you say
quote:

Seek a 24/7 relationship, as a sub, or possibly slave.
and here you are whining that all the dominas you meet want a real-life 24.7 relationship.....if that's what they all want, and its what you want, then I don't see what you have to bitch about....unless of course you only put that into your profile to make you appear more appealing...


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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 10:21:34 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		I can only answer for me personally...
I am not opposed to having a part time sub. (Yes, I know this is a direct contradiction of my profile. But please read on, as I explain.)
This medium we call the internet, allows for far, far too broad range of submissives to reply to me. I can honestly say that I get simply overwhelmed with the amount of email I receive from subs whom I have absolutely nothing in common with, haven't read my profile, have diabolically opposed interest lists, are married, want their own fetish fulfilled, live across the ocean, and on, and on, and on. 
One tiny way I can cut down on that, is by putting it out there, that I only seek 24/7 full time slaves. (Which, for the most part is true anyway.)
In different mediums of communication (i.e. my semi-local munch group), I'm not opposed to sitting down with the single sub that's been attending for the past few months, and discussing the possibility of him coming over 3 times a week as a part-time sub. I've already started becoming familiar with him. We have a general idea of one another's presence. He's seen my style of communication, and play. We already know that there is some kind of compatibility there to work on, and the prospect of him coming over may very well lead into a 24/7 situation as time goes on. Or we might find that it wasn't what we thought, and take it back down to the level of friends or co-munchers.
I can't really give that "part-time" opportunity to the 10 different submissives who message me on the internet, because I have zero level of familiarity with them. (By the way, that comes out to about 3,000 messages a year.)
In all honesty, part-time status is probably going to be a precursor to actual 24/7 status. Just like vanilla dating is a precursor to marriage. But I don't want to "advertise" myself out there on the internet, for thousands upon thousands of submissives (a majority of which are married, or fetishists, or overseas, or wankers, or whatever) that I'm content with a part-time submissive.
Ultimately, yes, what I seek is 24/7. I do understand that part-time status is (can be) a step toward that direction. It's not that I'm against having a part-time submissive. It's that I don't have that as my ultimate goal. It's a stepping stone.

(PS - I understand that you are new at this, and still trying to find those definitions and meanings and relate it all to what you feel inside. I think it's great that you are asking the questions and trying to find the answers. It will all fall into place, and when it does, you'll have a clear grip on what it is you're looking for and how you define yourself. No one can do that without learning, and you are taking those steps to learn. I think that shows a lot of character on your part.)

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 11:32:06 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		We are unyeilding, in your mind, because the most important thing is the mindset.  And most boys who are seeking this, can't get to that mindset.
It takes time and habit to get used to, and be happy with, the mindset.  It's an automatic micro-management, without the constant micro-managment. It is the realization that you just don't make plans and the decisions related to those plans without the discussion with and approval of your Dominant. And it can get tiring very fast if these discussions and approvals for extra-curricular activies are happening on a weekly basis.
In other words, it looks like you are seeking to have approximately 2 months away each year.  Maybe sometimes more, sometimes less.
 
quote:

But if you wait one year for a 12 month slave to come along, as oppossed to say, one who is there 10, it will take 6 years to get the same devotion.

 
Interesting math, and a good point.  But I, and most of the Ladies I know, are not willing to settle for that.  Your primary focus is to be on the Femdom relationship.  She is your end all and be all.  When you find the one you want to serve, don't demean your service with the "as long as I can still do My thing when, where and how I want."  For Me, it completely negates the flow of the relationship.  No one is saying that you will not have time for family or other activites within reason.  But your 2 months could easily become three and then three and a half because there was this emergency or that special occasion.
This is not a job where you have a certain amount of vacation, or you go home at the end of the day, and it is nobody's business what you have planned, as long as you show up again the next day to work.  It is a relationship.  And it is a relationship style that many boys claim they want, until they realize it might cramp their current and habitual personal lifestyle.  Sometimes a boy realizes he cannot trade the personal lifestyle for something he has only dreamed of.  If he can't get there, into that mindset, and feel good and safe and secure and fulfilled within that mindset, then he needs to do more thinking.  This is when, for the uninitiated, a part time, living very nearby, and subjugating one's self to the Domina's will (in Her presence several times a week and checking in according to instructions when not) can be very telling.  Both then know it is temporary with a view toward 24/7, and if it doesn't work out, the Domina can deal with the disappointment while the boy has discovered that this isn't what he wanted after all.  Please don't gripe, however, if there is more than one of you, and know that I, for one, dislike the idea of having a revolving door.  A boy may also be taking the risk that I choose not to choose him. 
I have many offers to try Me on for size, when, in reality, the boy is trying the lifestyle of a slave on for size.  It isn't really about whether or not I am the right Domina.  It is about whether or not the lifestyle is the right lifestyle. We all have different expectations and different preferences, but there is great commonality regarding the meaning of 24/7 with a slave boy. 
As always, My old standby is "Be careful what you wish for."

*Edited for My usual dyslexic typos

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/21/2006 11:35:16 AM >

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 1:40:01 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		First of all, like several before me have written I would prefer to be alone rather than accept a half-ass relationship. Because that is what I want, a relationship not a spanking toy I can call whenever I get the urge. Secondly I am VERY flexible in many ways. For example...I do not care for breast implants, don't believe in them. However there is a girl I have known for quite some time now. Timing and other life issues have always in the past, created a situation that we could never quite get it together. I adore her, would just LOVE to have her belong to me. She got implants years ago before I even knew her. Also, she is 5'10" and I am 5'6". I have always loved the idea of a petite girl that would fit snugly into my lap. This young woman's personality is divine. She is smart, witty and beautiful. Should I pass her by because she is taller than I and has breast implants? I think NOT!!!! No, she is not perfect and I damn well am not perfect.........(shhhh don't tell her) however I would be a fool to not explore every option of having her in my life in the manner she and I both would wish.
LT

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 4:21:00 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I did not want someone, I wanted the one--did I have subs here on occasion? Yes as I searched for the one--is that unyielding? Probably--but I wanted devotion, passion, submission, the darkness before the dawn--love. Am I demanding? Yes--but unyielding in My present relationship? Never--as long as its My way...<smiles>

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 9:39:10 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		I will try to keep it short. After reading my post several times, I fail to see where I was criticizing anybody. I emplied it was a question. There are question marks at the end of many of the sentences. I was not griping, I was asking.I wasn't bitching either. No where do I see part time mentioned. I did not mean for you to settle, for someone who did not meet with your expections. Its the 365 days a year, I was QUESTIIONING! If the boys service and attitude, were everything you desired, and he was compatible with almost all your disires, you would tell him,being here 90% of the time is unacceptable! Your not charging around the country, 36 *%#Z^x days a year! In my very humble opinion, that is unyielding. I do not seek part time, maintaining two homes would be a needless drain on financial rescources, and time for serving. But if a boy's service, devotion, attentivness is exemplary, is 1 week, every other month, asking too much.Don't know how to seperate the differeant quotes,  so I would just address a few.  LadyMorgan, if I am ever in Greensboro, and see you in public, I will embarrass you,  when I fall to my knees, and kiss your sandals, or boots or whatever. My kink list that I 'hope' I get to experience, consists if sitting at her feet, and maybe even get to give a foot massage.Proprietrix, thanks for not being as criticle, but you misunderstood. Put a number after the 24/7, just please don't make it 365. GoddessDustyGold, the 10 month thing was just an example. A week every other month, is also hypothetical. But if the boy is serving you, and you are very pleased, wouldn't a 'minimum', of 46 months totally devoted to you, be an indication you were the most important thing in his life.I want 24/7/365, but have to be honest about it, I am not sure I can offer it. Probably should have waited till I met someone, and used alot of her time, before I admitted I was not available every minute of every day. I swear this was not a gripe, it was a question, mostly for those of us who are not currently involved.

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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 10:17:27 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Yes, because I want him to live WITH Me.  If he lives with Me, he won't be charging around the country at all.

I'm not sure what about this you are having difficulty understanding.

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf
Its the 365 days a year, I was QUESTIIONING! If the boys service and attitude, were everything you desired, and he was compatible with almost all your disires, you would tell him,being here 90% of the time is unacceptable! Your not charging around the country, 36 *%#Z^x days a year!


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Lady Morgynn
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RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 10:26:37 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		LadyMorgynn I apologize, I mispelled your name before. I should no better, I read all your posts. Really enjoyed your version of the perfect sub.I think it was the perfect sub. Almost described my perfect day. But really! Not even one day  off in a year? Thats unyielding alright. Thanks for responding, I look forward to all your posts.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: unyielding dominas - 4/21/2006 10:37:50 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I think you're under a misapprehension.  This is not a 24/7 job, nor is it pain and chores 24/7 a day.  It's a full Lifestyle, in which My slave would enjoy our life as much as I would.  I don't think you've really got your mind wrapped around what 24/7 really entails, either to the Domme or to the slave.  This is Real Life, and no one gets a day off.  We can take vacation days, and spend the occasional weekend day lying around doing absolutely nothing, but you don't get a day off of life where you just leave home and work and family.  Unless it's a planned vacation. 

I honestly do not understand where you are coming from with this.  I mean... to enter 24/7 with aDomme, I would assume because you felt a devotion and love for Her and a desire to serve Her to the best of your ability.  But it seems like your main concern here is how much time off you'll get. That doesn't seem very devoted to Me.  I mean, why do you even WANT 24/7, if you don't want to serve 24/7?  If you 're looking for part-time, why not just go find someone you can serve a week here, a month there?  If you don't want 24/7, why are we even here having this conversation?

quote:

ORIGINAL: liks2plzlf

LadyMorgynn I apologize, I mispelled your name before. I should no better, I read all your posts. Really enjoyed your version of the perfect sub.I think it was the perfect sub. Almost described my perfect day. But really! Not even one day  off in a year? Thats unyielding alright. Thanks for responding, I look forward to all your posts.


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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to liks2plzlf)
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