I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette and manners.

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I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette and m... - 8/24/2010 9:48:39 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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We're going to a elegant dinner, and I assume there'll be use of salad forks dinner forks desert forks an all that stuff, and I realize I have no clue about formal dining etiquette, and if I had been raised back when all this was trained and ingrained into ladies from a very young age, and was old hat for women by the time they were in their early 20's- 30's, this wouldn't be a brand new concern for me.

It's a shame these things, like formal manners, and how to run house holds an stuff are no longer in fashion to ingrain into your kids as they're growing up.

< Message edited by Toppingfrmbottom -- 8/24/2010 9:55:16 PM >

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:06:22 PM

FelineFae

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Here's a modern guide;

http://whatscookingamerica.net/Menu/DiningEtiquetteGuide.htm

Here's the Silverware and dinnerware rule:

Eat to your left, drink to your right. Any food dish to the left is yours, and any glass to the right is yours.

Starting with the knife, fork, or spoon that is farthest from your plate, work your way in, using one utensil for each course. The salad fork is on your outermost left, followed by your dinner fork. Your soup spoon is on your outermost right, followed by your beverage spoon, salad knife and dinner knife. Your dessert spoon and fork are above your plate or brought out with dessert. If you remember the rule to work from the outside in, you'll be fine.

( The above link has more information )

http://www.emilypost.com/table-manners/73-top-ten-table-manners

1.Chew with your mouth shut.
2.Avoid slurping, smacking, blowing your nose, or other gross noises. (If necessary, excuse yourself to take care of whatever it is you need to take care of.)
3.Don’t use your utensils like a shovel or as if you’ve just stabbed the food you’re about to eat.
4.Don’t pick your teeth at the table.
5.Remember to use your napkin at all times.
6.Wait until you’re done chewing to sip or swallow a drink. (The exception is if you’re choking.)
7.Cut only one piece of food at a time.
8.Avoid slouching and don’t place your elbows on the table while eating (though it is okay to prop your elbows on the table while conversing between courses.)
9.Instead of reaching across the table for something, ask for it to be passed to you.
10.Always say ‘excuse me’ whenever you leave the table.

< Message edited by FelineFae -- 8/24/2010 10:20:15 PM >

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:18:32 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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Do not begin eating until your host/hostess unfolds their napkin and begins

When in doubt as to which untensil to use, follow the lead of those near you, or your hosts/hostess

Don't fret too much, most of the people there probably wont' know which fork to pick either! Rule of thumb is to start on the outside, and work your way in as the meal progresses. Never put a used utensil back on the table.

Do not place your napkin on the table until after you have finished your meal, if you have to excuse yoruself for personal reasons, and are not finished with your meal, place your napkin on the chair.

Be mindful of the tone of your voice and laughter. Use your soft, inside voice.

Have fun, be polite and considerate and you'll do just fine

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:24:47 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Thank you ladies!

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:27:15 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Now one guide said do not show up with out a small hostess gift, and one guide said DON'T bring one, One says don't bring wine, it's an insult to the host, it says you don't trust their ability to pick a good wine, and the other one says wine, for the host to potentially serve for dinner, is a good gift to give, which is thought to be the most correct route?

No I won't be bringing wine, there'll be wine there already, but the discrepancies in etiquette guides is very interesting.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:32:53 PM

WinsomeDefiance

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You bring wine as a gift when you are invited to someone's home. If the formal dinner is at a place of business, you definitely do not bring a bottle of wine. Most establishments frown on that. Unless you know how to pick a nice wine, you should probably just forgo that ritual.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:34:35 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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I don't know how to pick wines lol, half the time I like the cheap arbor mists stuff lol.

And someone else will be providing wine, so no need for me to:)

I am thinking if our hostess likes candles,I will get her a small candle or something.

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

You bring wine as a gift when you are invited to someone's home. If the formal dinner is at a place of business, you definitely do not bring a bottle of wine. Most establishments frown on that. Unless you know how to pick a nice wine, you should probably just forgo that ritual.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 10:34:55 PM

WyckedIndulgence

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Here's a modern guide;

http://whatscookingamerica.net/Menu/DiningEtiquetteGuide.htm

FelineFae, thank you for sharing the link to some very useful information.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 11:33:37 PM

FelineFae

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You are welcome.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/24/2010 11:42:24 PM

sirsholly

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Relax and enjoy yourself!

Silverware is used from the outside to inside, as was said. And never allow the silverware to "clank". It should not make noise when stirring coffee, the fork should not clank against the plate, and lordie...it should never hit your teeth!

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/24/2010 11:49:06 PM >

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 2:14:35 AM

DarkSteven

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The heck with wine.

My route is to ask bluntly "What can I bring"? Last time I was told nothing was needed, so I just brought some flowers.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 2:16:46 AM

FelineFae

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Flirt !

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 4:31:48 AM

tropicalhoney

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Less noted rule that was my mother's indication of someone who had, or didn't have, good manners, was that one breaks one piece off the bread at a time, butters that single piece, and eats it. Never butter the whole role or slice of bread at once.

My favorite hostess gift to receive was always something like homemade jelly that was not necessarily something to put on the table, but thoughtful anyway. Second was a box of delicious chocolates which I could either, unselfishly, serve with dessert, or, selfishly, keep for myself. Though, personally, I never thought poorly of those who did not bring a gift as they were often something with which I had to bother when I was in the middle of a dozen other things.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 4:32:11 AM

DesFIP

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Or you can send flowers after as a thank you. It is also very nice to send a handwritten thank you note to your hosts.

If you do bring a candle, tell them if it's scented. As the scent may clash with the meal so they'll want to put off lighting it right then.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 8/25/2010 4:33:47 AM >

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 9:33:34 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Good point. Thank you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Or you can send flowers after as a thank you. It is also very nice to send a handwritten thank you note to your hosts.

If you do bring a candle, tell them if it's scented. As the scent may clash with the meal so they'll want to put off lighting it right then.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 9:52:01 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I avoid flowers, because they create the work of having to put them in a vase--unless you bring an already-done arrangement! I also do not put flowers on the table, since the scent clashes with the food... but that's me!

Wine... iffy. I would avoid it unless you know exactly what folks like. If they like chocolates, that's good---the idea of the gift is as a thank you, NOT "here, put this on the table", so match the taste of the hostess, not you!

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 9:57:04 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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Most certaintly. I pmed her privately to ask if she liked scented candles, though she'll probably think my question is off the wall so far left park she may not even bother to answer it, but if she doesn't oh well.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

so match the taste of the hostess, not you!

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 10:31:30 AM

LadyTeazer

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5.Remember to use your napkin at all times.

5-a -- your napkin is to be opened, and laid flat across your lap, NOT tucked inside your blouse like a bib.

5-b -- use your napkin to gently "dab" at the corners of your mouth; do not rub it across your face like you would if using a towel to wipe your face.

As was mentioned before, if this dinner is at a restaurant (or a rented hall), best to not bring a gift with you, but to send it later, along with a handwritten thank-you note.

As a Hostess gift, I like to bring flowers. But if the Hostess has allergies, that could be a problem. If the flowers are to be used on the table, remember that the flowers should not be tall -- they should be short enough so that you can easily see the person across the table from you over them.

For Me personally, intead of sending flowers as a "thank you" gift for the hostess, I like to send a dish garden. And I ask the florist to include a few fresh flowers in it. The plants will be a lasting reminder of the event, and your thoughtfulness.

How well do you know the Hostess? Does she "collect" anything? Cat figurines? Angels? Tea cup and saucer sets? Get her something specific to what she collects.

Candles are a relatively safe gift. Unscented ones in fancy candleholders are safer still. Do NOT go to Wally World and get a strawberry scented jar candle. This is a formal dinner, so the hostess gift has to be ramped up accordingly. A set of 3 brass or glass stemmed votive holders in varying heights is a good idea. And include the candles. Do you know her favorite color, or scent? Get those candles.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 10:34:21 AM

mnottertail

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the who gives a fuck snobs guide to dining, eat using utinsels from the outside towards the inside. no elbows on the table, don't eat with your mouth open. don't talk with your mouth full.

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RE: I am woefully un aware of formal dining etiquette a... - 8/25/2010 11:30:15 AM

LadyPact

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Depending on how formal is your formal........

Do not bring wine. Any wine that is served at a formal dinner is specifically selected to accompany the course that it is being served with. It's not some random selection of red or white. This is a part of the menu planning just as much as the actual food being served.

Flowers can be a good idea, however, do not bring something that would look like a center piece for the table. A formal table is usually set (including the center piece) before guests arrive and is usually symmetrical. Anything that you bring should not be suggested to place on the table during the meal. That includes flowers, candles, or any other addition. Anything that is appropriate for the coffee/brandy area will be fine. If you are attending a formal dinner that is not being held at the home of the host, it's usually a much better idea to include a small gift when sending a post event written thank you note.

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