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at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/25/2010 11:29:06 PM   
yourcumdumpster


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Hello. I've recently withdrawn from a M/s relationship because Master ended up being more deceptive and less communicative than i would have liked. In the end i felt like His skills and judgement were lacking in some areas, and i need to be able to admire my Master and his trust His word if i'm to expose myself to the deepest of my abilities.
Now though, i feel absolutely lost. Three months ago i went from someone who thought the term Master had a cheesey ring to it and would laugh at the sight of a paddle to a 24/7 submissive who loved her Master more than she knew she could and would stay connected to Him at all times, including by symbol, cell phone and mental bondage. Has anyone out there lost a Master/slave and is left feeling completely emotionally untethered? He was so amzing on so many levels i have doubts i will ever find Another. The sadness and confusion i feel far surpass anything i've experienced when cutting off ties to a conventional relationship.

A slave without a Master can be quite a pathetic thing indeed.

...desperately seeking a twisted, gorgeous, healthy and sinfully intelligent Dom on the West Coast of Canada.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/25/2010 11:36:09 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Was this relationship in person, or online? & how long did it last?

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The Verbossinator

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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 12:27:58 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

A slave without a Master can be quite a pathetic thing indeed.

To some, they believe you are either born a slave or not.  However, you were not born with a Master.  So you are no less now than you have been before.  Miss your man for what it is worth but do not change your personal values.  You are still the same slave you always have been. 

Good luck.


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I give good thread.

(in reply to yourcumdumpster)
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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 12:29:20 AM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Sorry, that sounded curt. I just want to understand what all you lost in order to see if there's some assistance I can render . .. . . .

(in reply to DemonKia)
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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 1:29:27 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		with your last line you sound like you desperately need rebound sex
breaking up is always awful most people go through it
... maybe you need to slow down a bit...
you say in three months time you made the journey from thinking things were a bit silly to deep slavery? and then you broke up cos your master was not communicative enough for your liking.... and now you are actively looking for another/ better Dom...
... take a breath... sulk about your failed relationship... masturbate... give it a few months and then start dating again... 
dear cumdumpster life in the fast lane is bound to end in a crash
and the perfect Master does not exist.
All the best

(in reply to yourcumdumpster)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 6:00:57 AM   
ScaryJello


Posts: 103
Joined: 10/19/2006
Status: offline 		Breakup sex is an excellent recovery tool. Clears the mind temporarily, floods the body with endorphins elevating your mood and making you feel better.

I have never found sulking to be too helpful. Figuring out what went wrong, yes. Sulking? Not so much.



< Message edited by ScaryJello -- 8/26/2010 6:01:26 AM >

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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 7:56:12 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think rather than 'sulking', the term 'grieve' may be more appropriate.

OP, what you are experiencing is something that is common to many of us who our first M/s dynamic didn't remain in tact until the end of our days.  Kind of the same thing as those of us who didn't marry our high school sweetheart, the first person that we had sex with, and stay married for fifty years.  A whole new world opened up and then it ended.

If you're experiencing emotional hurt over the dynamic ending, I'm not going to say that your solution is orgasms.  Time is the solution.  Not especially jumping into an arrangement with someone else.  Use the information that you now have about what works for you and what doesn't to improve your search for someone more compatible for you. 


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to ScaryJello)
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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 8:08:59 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what Lady P said

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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 10:42:17 AM   
yourcumdumpster


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		Thank-you all for your advice and support. Wise words, i'm definitely resonating with everything that has been said. And i take back the part about being desperate. DemonKia i'm very new to this but almost three months ago i acquired the first Master i've had in my adulthood (lost my virginity to a dom though i didn't quite understand it all or know the terminology at the time) It's been an entirely realtime relationship, although we did meet (and spent a few days connecting) online. He was just about everything i could have asked for...we immediately had a shockingly deep connection on so many levels. He is more gorgeous than i could have imagined, more complex a spirit than i've ever known to exist and treated me in a way that was la consistant comfort i had never felt before. (until towards the end, but that's another story) I've learned a lot, (still am) but when i originally exposed the slave in me those few months back i had no idea to what depths this journey would take me. It's all rewarding in it's own sense of course but damn, lementing the loss of a Master is tough.
Thank-you all xoxo

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 3:13:16 PM   
DemonKia


Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline 		Thanks for the reply.

Yeah, patience & persistence & letting yourself heal are probably your best friends now . ... . You're young & there are many fish in the BDSM sea & next time you'll hopefully find someone who's an even better fit . . .. & what LadyPact said . . . . .

(in reply to yourcumdumpster)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 4:36:12 PM   
AnnaOfAramis


Posts: 523
Joined: 7/30/2008
Status: offline 		to the OP:

I think what LadyPact said is spot on- at least with my own experience. My first M/s relationship lasted a year and a quarter and when it ended, even though I came into the hands of a very capable Master and a situation that was at least 10 times better (maybe 100 times better!) than my first (I also had dealt with a lot of deception as well as other stuff)... still it took about a year to get over the hurt. Like LadyPact said, it was the whole world opened up to me because it was the first time I discovered D/s and I expected it to last a lifetime. I was emotionally shattered when it didn't, not to mention the trust that was broken in the process, the disillusionment. It was hard to get over. Now I look back at it and think that getting out of that relationship was the best thing I could have done. But even so, it doesn't negate the pain it caused at the time. Give yourself time.

Hugs,
anna

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in obsequium hominis

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RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 7:57:10 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Many of us experience a tough break up. I am going through one right now. Mine lasted 12 years. Be thankful yours was only 3 months.

So, while people say, masturbate, have rebound sex, etc., for me none of that is the solution.

Not sure what the solution is, but some say time. When you have a major D/s connection and it ends, it hurts really bad.

So I have no comforting words for you, OP, other than I empathize with your pain.

(in reply to AnnaOfAramis)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/26/2010 8:42:41 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		What Lady P said.

I'm 8 months into grieving the death of my Santa. It's been very difficult but made easier by allowing myself to actually *grieve* his death. Too often in the past I'd push things away, sweep them under the rug, bury them deep inside, rather than just allow myself to feel what I felt. I'm not saying to stay in a perpetual pity party but there is a need to allow yourself time to grieve. Recognizing your pain, the despair, and everything else you're going through is part of grieving. Rebound sex wasn't in the least interesting to me, though I had a few offers. I went through a period of thinking I'd never find another master/dominant. I went through another period where I didn't *want* another one. I just allow myself to feel the experience and wait for the grief to subside on it's own.

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Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/27/2010 2:19:00 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think rather than 'sulking', the term 'grieve' may be more appropriate.




Yes, thank you LadyPact

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/27/2010 5:32:29 AM   
Hillwilliam


Posts: 19394
Joined: 8/27/2008
Status: offline 		An important aside. Take your time and DONT rush into another relationship. You must properly get over this one, then, take your time. Figure out what went wrong with the last one and learn from the mistakes (I'm not saying your mistakes, you can learn even more important stuff from the mistakes of others).
Stay active with friends and the community but just PLEASE resist the urge to run to the first Dom(me) with an evil smile and an empty collar on their well-notched bedpost.

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/28/2010 8:37:06 PM   
subspacepilot2


Posts: 18
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

A slave without a Master can be quite a pathetic thing indeed.

...desperately seeking a twisted, gorgeous, healthy and sinfully intelligent Dom on the West Coast of Canada. ORIGINAL: yourcumdumpster


A D/s relationship is intense.  The hormones oxytocin and endorphins can intensify bonding.  I believe that a close d/s relationship is often far harder to recover from than a vanilla one.

However the second part of your quote connotes a complete willingness to jump to a new partner ASAP so I'm sorry but I cannot perceive you as being quite a pathetic thing at all.

Had you said: "I cannot imagine finding another, and don't feel like even looking now" I would be far more inclined to believe that you are truly hurting.  It sounds to me that your relationship really never grew much.

This is not to say anything bad about you, there are no rules, and people often do the "monkey thing," (have one hand out to grab the next branch) and for some it seems to work well.  For others it only leads to bad decisions.

Time to chin up and move on--the dude didn't live up to your expectations so move on and stop trying to make yourself appear pathetic else I'll come and spank you soundly!

(in reply to yourcumdumpster)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/28/2010 10:14:07 PM   
yourcumdumpster


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/23/2010
Status: offline 		You're right, pathetic is not a word i want to be associated with. I'm getting stronger, rekindling my bond with nature instead of relying on people for support. Though it's nice to be able to whine a little on here.
I won't be swinging to another brach any time soon, though i think i am the type to appreciate the distraction good sex can bring. But i'm aware that if i want a relationship with a solid foundation i need to think with something other than my pussy and a broken heart...

(in reply to subspacepilot2)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/28/2010 10:30:23 PM   
slavemichael001


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline 		you should try a three year marrage and juggling two step kids and a baby....
long story short,
i feel ya, im where your at in my life too,
but seriously, three months??

(in reply to yourcumdumpster)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/28/2010 10:32:28 PM   
slavemichael001


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/21/2009
Status: offline 		kinda bothers me that your jumping head first into a fickle thing like full time bdsm...how old are you??

(in reply to slavemichael001)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: at the end of an M/s relationship and i feel so lost - 8/29/2010 12:39:08 PM   
txurinal


Posts: 209
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline 		As an ex-owned 24/7 slave, i can tell you that being released is a difficult time. The reason my MASTERS and i "seperated" was THEY were moving. we all set down and discussed options, i could have gone with THEM, and had i wanted to , i would be with THEM still. But THEY saw (as did i) that it was best for me in many respects to stay behind. And they were right.

You go through seperation anxiety. For the 1st time i had free time on my hands, was not constantly at someone's beck and call, and to be honest, i missed what had bcome a comfortable routine. If honest wth myself, i was probably in love with one of my MASTERS and so maybe it was time to leave as there was no indication the feeling was mutual. It sounds cliche, but time helps to heal. Hopefully we learn lessons from our experience that will help us in the future and in future releationships.

(in reply to slavemichael001)
Profile   Post #: 20
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