RE: Deal Breakers (Full Version)

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SorceressJ -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 2:07:10 AM)

Broken trust. Yeah, that's a biggie and I know it encompasses many variables.
Lying. See item 1.
Fooling around behind My back and without My consent. Again, see item 1. I ain't that Gal.
Lack of self-control and discipline. I'd think about this one because maybe there's something else going on that I don't know about, like some sort of health or mental issue or other major stressor that is especially upsetting. If the other deal-breakers are not present, I might be willing to try and work through this one.
Emotionally or physically abusive behavior of any kind. Full and Immediate Stop.



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 3:11:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

2 years after joining a poly as a slave, saying that they want to go vanilla and get married to you.


no problems with the marreid bit we may as well be. but the going vanilla no couldnt do that again. did it for way to long before i found out abuot this wonderful life



DesFIP -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 4:29:59 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShoreBound149

Mets fan



I take objection to this. Having been born and raised in Queens, of course I'm a Mets fan.
We lived near Tom Terrific and would see him out cutting his lawn on the weekends.

Seriously, uncontrolled anger is my biggest.
After that comes being a bad parent. I've met so many men in my life who get divorced, deliberately move into apartments with no spare room for their children and then complain that the ex drove a wedge between them and their kids, refusing to recognize that when they told the children they weren't welcome in his new place, he caused the breach. And don't get me started on those who won't pay child support.



lally2 -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 4:44:39 AM)

well, im teetering on the edge of a deal breaker and im not even sure what it is - i just feel crap about it.

sometimes youre 'gut' does the walking and you can only trust in it and follow the feeling.  meh and fecking hell and bollox to all of this right now!! -



DomImus -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 5:09:34 AM)

If I were looking and in no particular order:

Excessive tattoos or piercings. Any tattoo or piercing above the shoulders (edited to add: except earrings).
Having been born the same gender that I was born.
Smoking isn't a deal breaker yet but I am heading in that direction quickly. If you smoke you better be smokin' hot.
Recreational drug use. Recreational alcohol use is ok and encouraged. :)
Excessive limits. Either you wish to submit or you do not. Your submission is on my terms - not yours.
Bleeding heart liberals... but then she wouldn't be interested in me if she was.
Religious fanatics. There again, she wouldn't touch me with a ten foot pole.





dreamerdreaming -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 5:26:11 AM)

DISH!  [:D]

.... Whatever it is, its no problem. You can just pretend it doesn't bother you, until it rears its ugly head again. And again, and again... Then just keep on pretending it doesn't bug you all those other times. And then when it turns out that there's other, way worse stuff anyway about this guy, that one thing won't seem like such a big deal in comparison. 

I just love myself. I'm always so helpful!  [:)]

deal breakers:
dishonest
clueless
asshole
no morals
no self-awareness or willingness to work on issues of self or relationship
bad parent
bad citizen
racist/sexist
shallow
not goal-oriented
unable to show/feel love and affection both physical and emotional
unable or unwilling to form lasting, trusting relationships
unable to delay gratification (to plan and work toward goals)
lack of financial readiness or retirement planning, etc. - being clueless about money management
substance abuse of any kind, or other addictions (except exercise)
not staying on top of his physical/emotional health (to include dental)
physical/emotional abuse or intimidation
selfish and immature, or emotionally stuck or stuffed
manipulative, gets off on jerking you around
drama queen
pessimist
irresponsible
can't apologize- always has to be right
mental health issues that he doesn't manage agressively
anger as a default emotion, or other problems with anger
...and my #1 deal-breaker:
He's just not that into me. Hey- everyone deserves someone who is crazy about them! [:)]

That's all for now.

*smooches the lallylicious one*



Tantriqu -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 6:23:10 AM)

Hey, thanks for asking!

Excluding obvious stuff like lying/cheating as described above:

HARD LIMITS:

Chronic lateness

Psychiatric illness including Asperger's

Doesn't smell good [:'(]

Belief in astrology, naturopaths, and other perversions of SCIENCE!

Addictions including alcohol, gambling, veganism; any street drugs

Sexually: anything but monogamous straight or sub male, but especially switching; cross-dressing; bisexuality; objectifying fetishism including foot-worship; bottoming; and smartass masochism

Non-femme positive and racist belief systems including: Gorean / Islam/Judaism / Mormonism / Scientology / Conservative / Libertarian / country and rap music /wrestling/NASCAR. Catholics OK as long as they know they'll be spending Sunday mornings calling out to God . . . in bed!


The only semi-hard limit: computer science. But I'm this close to making it a hard one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That felt gooo ooood.

So basically, I love and loved smart, good, happy, positive, empathetic, straight, single, orally-inclined-in-all-senses sensuous men, who are always on time, smell good, and love bedsports more than TV sports, and possibly the gods :-) [sm=candles.gif]



Edited to add:
Icing on the cake would be if he doesn't want a real relationship beyond closed doors.
There ya go!



CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 6:27:10 AM)

Deal breakers:
(Since lying and stuff is obviously on my list, I'll skip to the quirky.)
If he is not also someone I would choose as a friend.
If he doesn't do as I ask and keep daily contact with me.  (If he misses a day without giving me advanced warning, he had better be in the hospital or dead.  I will talk this out a few times, in the beginning.) 
Smoking or any kind of tobacco use (IMO, kissing a smoker is like licking a dirty ashtray, lol)
Drinking problem
Drug use
Bisexuality
Polyamory
If they have too much MONEY [:D]
If they have a job that gives them too much power, like a lawyer.
If they are deathly allergic to cats.
If submission begins and ends within scenes only.
If someone doesn't have the same God that I do.
If someone is a religious fanatic.
Someone who thought it was my job to financially support him...so he could live in a cage in my basement and never see the outside world again.
Poo diapers as part of infant play.
Someone who needs to be cuckolded
Someone who disrespected me by...turning our private life into a public three ring circus just to get proof of how unreasonable I was being.
 
We should have an "icing on the cake list" as well as a deal breaker one, lol.  I won't do that myself cuz I am terrible at watching over threads I've started. 



Tantriqu -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 10:05:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Hey, thanks for asking!
Excluding obvious stuff like lying/cheating as described above:
HARD LIMITS:
Chronic lateness
Psychiatric illness including Asperger's
Doesn't smell good [:'(]
Belief in astrology, naturopaths, and other perversions of SCIENCE!
Addictions including alcohol, gambling, veganism; any street drugs
Sexually: anything but monogamous straight or sub male, but especially switching; cross-dressing; bisexuality; objectifying fetishism including foot-worship; bottoming; and smartass masochism
Non-femme positive and racist belief systems including: Gorean / Islam/Judaism / Mormonism / Scientology / Conservative / Libertarian / country and rap music /wrestling/NASCAR. Catholics OK as long as they know they'll be spending Sunday mornings calling out to God . . . in bed!

The only semi-hard limit: computer science. But I'm this close to making it a hard one.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
That felt gooo ooood.

So basically, I love and loved smart, good, happy, positive, empathetic, straight, single, orally-inclined-in-all-senses sensuous men, who are always on time, smell good, and love bedsports more than TV sports, and possibly the gods :-) [sm=candles.gif]



Edited to add:
Icing on the cake would be if he doesn't want a real relationship beyond closed doors.
There ya go!


Wups!
Since no relationship is a big deal breaker, that would be '*evil* icing on the bad cake,

GOOD icing [broiled coconut or cream cheese] is that he ALSO wants a real relationship.
I want my cake and to eat him, too!



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 10:42:37 AM)

I would say if you have anything about you psychically, like bad rotting teeth or horrid halitosis, that make me think eww get away, for gods sake get away from me! That, that would make it a deal breaker. I am not going to have a relationship with someone when parts of who they are, or what they do disgust me.



m0nk -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 10:47:26 AM)

discipline should be done in private.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 11:01:15 AM)

I don't wanna' be fucking my bitch while she is buns up kneeling and have to stare at Freddy's name on her ass.  Having someone's property mark that isn't mine, like a name tattooed or a brand, just sits wrong with me.  It would be like looking at used cars and one of them was covered with old corporate logos and advertising.  Who would want to own that?



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 11:01:23 AM)

To me it depends on what the disipline being done is, and where we're at. Scolding me quietly because I am not listening to him,  or behaving properly, or have done something my partner finds inappropriate, no, it doesn't need to wait for privacy. Belting me on my ass or something that could bring the cops down on our heads, or invite un needed public scrutiny and or trouble,  yes, it needs to wait till we have privacy.

But then, it's a moot point because we don't have that type of relationship, and I don't act out in public in ways that'd get me very much more than a look and a  request to calm down please.
quote:

ORIGINAL: m0nk

discipline should be done in private.



Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 11:03:09 AM)

And for me, if you want me to get a brand, or a cut, or a tattoo, or any body modification to show I belong to you, it's a hard limit. I am not into body modification and won't do it for any one, or for any reason.




DaddysInkedSlut -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 11:24:53 AM)

Deal Breakers

Married (to someone other than me)
Neglects his children (physically, emotionally,or finacially)
Asking me to untie my tubes or have more children
Interfering with my doctors
Interfering with my parenting my children
Insulting my children's father or interfering with his relationship with his children
Abuse of any kind
Heavy drinker
Use of illegal drugs or misuse of perscribed drugs
Lying even lies of omission
Cheating (physical, mental and or emotional)
Ignoring my needs
Demanding I participate in his religious or political activities (if they are not my own)
Asking me to remove my tattoos or havin issues with tattoos or other body modifications
Bad personal hygiene
Vegitarian
Racism on any level
Tries to isolate me from friends, family, or others


ETA:
Tries to micromanage me
Inability to make me a part of their every day life.
Inability to communicate consitantly with me in an open and honest manner.



leadership527 -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 11:54:20 AM)

I don't think in terms of absolutes. I suppose if Carol attempted to pour gasoline on me and light me on fire that'd be some serious issues, but in more realistic scenarios you're not going to get me saying "Thing x and she's out". I doubt she'd be willing to put anything on that list either.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 12:09:59 PM)

But . . . but . . .   Carol is smart.  If you caught her playing with gas around you, she would claim it was fire play rehearsal.  



peacefulplace -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 12:33:10 PM)

Wow. I'm afraid if I start a list of deal breakers, I will still be writing this post 30 minutes from now. It's not because I am picky and unreasonable; it is because there are so many variables out there...and sometimes what you believe would be a deal breaker isn't and vice versa.

However, to answer the original question, I would be much more upset about being lied to and the dom in question lying to his wife. It isn't fair to either, and any Dom worth his salt knows this.

Besides lying, the biggies I cannot abide include:
Physical and emotional abuse
Asking me to have children (I do not want to, but my time for that is quickly passing, anyhow)
Interfering with medical decisions made after my consultations with actual doctors
Drug addiction
Refusal to interact with family and/or vanilla friends of mine
Never asking for my thoughts/opinions about things
Confusing bossiness with domliness




DesFIP -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 12:40:45 PM)

Having cats and smoking. I might adore him but if every time I got near him I had an allergy attack, that's a no go. That's a bad breath play idea.

And to whoever said that all Jews are fundamentalists, I suggest you rethink this. Reconstructionist Judaism is not.



Tantriqu -> RE: Deal Breakers (8/28/2010 5:27:24 PM)

How could I have forgotten the ultimate deal-breaker: COCKSHOTS!![sm=discipline.gif][sm=ofcourse.gif]



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