Finding A Domme

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joshslave111 -> Finding A Domme (4/21/2006 10:58:01 PM)
i am a 31 year old sub male in the NYC area. i guess it wasn't smart of me to think finding a Domme here would be easier than finding one anywhere else. Actually, it seems harder. i'm a decent looking guy, tall, well read, funny. my only problem is that i'm picky. i can't submit to just anyone. Submission, like sex, needs to be with someone i'm attracted to and it's turning out to be an impossible task. i've been here for well over a year now and the only Dommes i've met that were close to my age were pro Dommes. It's so very dissapointing to get a reply back from a Domme and find out that she requires a "tribute". No offence to the pro Dommes here, but for me, knowing that all it takes is some cash, really doesn't do it for me. i'm looking for someone who WANTS to take me..own me..use me. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've gone to plenty of events...just keep coming up empty.

Real0ne -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/21/2006 11:07:33 PM)
picky is a bitch, i am too and i have been here for 2 years. i am picky too. alls ya can do is keep looking and hope someone pops up that meets your needs. dont let the pros get you down! good luck man r1

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/21/2006 11:28:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i'm a decent looking guy, tall, well read, funny. my only problem is that i'm picky. i can't submit to just anyone. Submission, like sex, needs to be with someone i'm attracted to and it's turning out to be an impossible task. Part of the problem might be your profile is on the skimpy side; you don't say much about the man you are, what you enjoy in everyday life, nor what you find attractive about a lady... So how would a lady know what it is you seek? According to your profile any dominant female from 18-99, any height, any weight, regardless of quality of character (including the pros) can contact you because you'd be compatible??? P.S. If you are also attending events, look and sound like you describe yourself, you should attract some women... If not, work on your charm/manners, and courtship thing. Good luck, M

MsMacComb -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/21/2006 11:32:25 PM)
Try AFF. Craigslist, local alternative papers , keep going to events. Usually people "find" each other in the most unlikely places. And while its painfully obvious, keep in mind your next play partner/life partner may be the lady at the grocery check out, the mail lady, your neighbor and so forth. And lastly from a networking standpoint, I noticed this is the first message you have posted. Thats not really putting your self out there as well as you could is it? [:)]

MistressLorelei -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/21/2006 11:38:34 PM)
The majority of those on this website are here because they have yet to find the right match. I have seen quite a few Dominant Females around here who are close to your age and who aren't Pro's requiring tribute (and I mean besides Me), so they are out there. More than likely, like you, they are picky too... and before she will want to take you, own you and use you she will want to get to know you first. My suggestion would be ... since you are here in hopes of finding "the one", make the most of it. Try updating your age on your profile to accurately reflect it, and add some details which would make a Woman look at it and think how it stands out from the rest as being a gem... something that would make a Domme more inclined to want to take a step in getting to know more about you. Add details, show that you have made an effort and take your search and desire for a relationship seriously. Same with the intro e-mail (if you do that)... the e-mails I have responded to have been from those who obviously read My profile, wrote detailed e-mails addressing interests they knew I have, and who made a genuine effort to stand out from the rest. And yes... if worse comes to worse... groveling at the grocery store might get a Domme's attention. Good luck.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 5:20:26 AM)
Here's the thing - a lot of "subs" shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to finding a Domme because they don't present themselves in the best light. Update your profile to reflect you as being more than an "oral slave" (wasn't there a thread recently on how boring and cliche THAT concept is?). Show yourself as a whole, well rounded person. We ladies are more than a pussy, and you need to be more than an "oral slave" to interest us. Post a tasteful picture. Locally - Join TES. Join DSF. Go to events. Be friendly with everyone, not just those you perceive will top you. If you are single, decent looking, intelligent, with your life together, as you say you are - you won't have trouble finding someone.

thetammyjo -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 8:34:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i am a 31 year old sub male in the NYC area. i guess it wasn't smart of me to think finding a Domme here would be easier than finding one anywhere else. Actually, it seems harder. i'm a decent looking guy, tall, well read, funny. my only problem is that i'm picky. i can't submit to just anyone. Submission, like sex, needs to be with someone i'm attracted to and it's turning out to be an impossible task. i've been here for well over a year now and the only Dommes i've met that were close to my age were pro Dommes. It's so very dissapointing to get a reply back from a Domme and find out that she requires a "tribute". No offence to the pro Dommes here, but for me, knowing that all it takes is some cash, really doesn't do it for me. i'm looking for someone who WANTS to take me..own me..use me. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've gone to plenty of events...just keep coming up empty. You live in the NYC area and you are having a hard time? I used to live in Manhattan, dude, for five years. There are always BDSM events, workshops, clubs, etc going on in the City. You have got to get involved if you want to find a partner - casual or long-term. Granted you are still a member of the longest group of kinkyfolk but still the more you get involved the more opportunities to meet folks and get known will arise. If you are looking for "THE ONE" then you will need to invest years in your search but if you can relax a bit and just get experience and education you can have a blast while you search.

FLsubmalecd -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 9:56:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thetammyjo quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i am a 31 year old sub male in the NYC area. i guess it wasn't smart of me to think finding a Domme here would be easier than finding one anywhere else. Actually, it seems harder. i'm a decent looking guy, tall, well read, funny. my only problem is that i'm picky. i can't submit to just anyone. Submission, like sex, needs to be with someone i'm attracted to and it's turning out to be an impossible task. i've been here for well over a year now and the only Dommes i've met that were close to my age were pro Dommes. It's so very dissapointing to get a reply back from a Domme and find out that she requires a "tribute". No offence to the pro Dommes here, but for me, knowing that all it takes is some cash, really doesn't do it for me. i'm looking for someone who WANTS to take me..own me..use me. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've gone to plenty of events...just keep coming up empty. You live in the NYC area and you are having a hard time? I used to live in Manhattan, dude, for five years. There are always BDSM events, workshops, clubs, etc going on in the City. You have got to get involved if you want to find a partner - casual or long-term. Granted you are still a member of the longest group of kinkyfolk but still the more you get involved the more opportunities to meet folks and get known will arise. If you are looking for "THE ONE" then you will need to invest years in your search but if you can relax a bit and just get experience and education you can have a blast while you search. Boy did that knock the wind out of my sail. NYC and can't find a Domme? 8 million people! Then to say "invest years" , but gee, I'm not getting any younger! lol Thanks Ms Tammyjo! lol sigh..... Funny, I really feel very lucky to have served 4 different Dommes in the past 6 years since discovering that I even had a submissive side. And I was not even looking at all when the opportunities came up. Maybe I should go back to not looking! But of course now I am looking for the ONE and ONLY. Other then my last Domme, the others were not my one and only. Joshslave111, I feel exactly like you do. You expressed my feelings about who I will or won't submit to, to a tee. I have no use ever for a pro Domme. I'm glad they exist for those that just need to get a fix or whatever. But it is anything but real. It' s play for pay. Not interested at all. But for me to submit, there has to be true feelings both ways. The only price I will ever pay is my heart and soul. Now what's that worth? lol

joshslave111 -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 12:16:36 PM)
Thanks for the words of encouragment. Unfortunatly, many of the events don't allow single guys. i have been to Tes meetings, munches...ect. i have been emailling a woman that claims to know the bdsm scene in NYC very well..and here's what she said. "I don't know-but in my experience younger Dommes are often pros.Its a tough age to be looking for a personal relationship with a Domme." i'm going to an event tonight, and if i don't come across someone...i think i may be done....the constand dissapointment is too much to bear.

LoneGoddess -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 12:32:49 PM)
Okay, for your edification I am going to break it down for you. Why I wouldn't respond to your profile: "i am tall, attractive, smart, and very submissive. LOOOVE oral worship, cbt, bondage, and sooo much more, eager to please." Smart gentlemen use proper English, capitalization, and punctuation, that smartness you speak of isn't evident in your writing. Leave your interests in kink to the checklist (I love, I like, I dislike, etc) section. And out of the body of your text. But i'm not the kind of guy that will submit to just anyone. i'm looking for someone i click with, someone i'm attracted to" That's fine, but could be worded more eloquently. As in, "I'd like to meet someone I can connect with on all levels, emotionally, psychologically and physically. " Then add the positive spin on yourself and your life interests (not kink ones). "I'm tall, thin, smart, well read, and outside of bdsm I'm pretty much an average guy. I have a decent job, many friends, all I need now...is the Domme." This is redundant, you described yourself physically above, take that out and leave in/add more life interests. And remove the "all I need now is the Domme"... why? Because it sounds like you only want her for being a Domme, we really don't take kindly to only being wanted for being Dommes, we are women after all, trust me on this point. Using proper grammar helps too, it wouldn't be "the Domme" but "a Domme" if you feel you have to say that. It would help to give a basic outline of the type of relationship you ultimately seek here. And be realistic, your experience level doesn't really matter, or let me put it this way, those who expect you to have oodles of experience aren't looking for relationships in the traditional sense of the word, generally speaking. Good luck in your search boy. LG~

MsCynical -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 12:47:10 PM)
I am new here and have a different approach then most everyone else. First of all, you have a right to be selective and shouldn't have to sugar coat it. You have the right to meet the mistress who fits your needs. D/s is a two way street. Thus, I suggest that you write explicitly what it is you are seeking, in hopes of attracting a mistress who will make a proper fit for a relationship. I tend to get turned off by subs stating all their physical play and sexual preferences in a profile. The physicalities are secondary in my opinion. I suggest you concentrate on your raw emotion and don't be too quick to "yes Ma'am" every dominant female who writes you. Good luck with your search. MsC

thetammyjo -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 1:54:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 Thanks for the words of encouragment. Unfortunatly, many of the events don't allow single guys. i have been to Tes meetings, munches...ect. i have been emailling a woman that claims to know the bdsm scene in NYC very well..and here's what she said. "I don't know-but in my experience younger Dommes are often pros.Its a tough age to be looking for a personal relationship with a Domme." i'm going to an event tonight, and if i don't come across someone...i think i may be done....the constand dissapointment is too much to bear. If you are younger, you might want to look into Conversio Virium which is a Columbia University group. When I was there only students and faculty/staff could be voting members but the group did allow anyone else to come to meetings. Isn't there also a TNG group sort of alligned with TES? I know the person who started it and I think its still in NYC. Again though, I know this isn't romantic, but honestly if you just go to things to have fun and not to find someone, as FLsubmalecd even said, you might actually have better luck and I think you'll certainly learn alot about yourself. At any age, I think self-knowledge is cool thing and very attractive. I wasn't looking for anyone when I got Fox and its turned out to be my best Ds relationship yet. Just have fun, learn and be yourself.

talmar -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 2:55:21 PM)
Its not a easy process. But you are in a scene mecca in NYC. Try going to more scene events.

talmar -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 2:57:15 PM)
Some of the classiest & geniue women I know are pro Dommes or former pro Dommes.

LadyHugs -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 3:27:41 PM)
Dear Mr. Joshslave, Ladies and Gentlemen; I am sorry you are having difficulties in finding that “one” individual for a relationship. As for me, it is just as difficult because, I am picky and know what I want as well. There is also a difference between slave and submissive, that may be something to explore in your quest. As for me, I don’t want or need sex. I admit I am an odd ball as Oral will turn me off and do a “RED” safe word. Yet, if a slave/submissive nuzzles his cheek on my hand, I go into a state of bliss. I do look for an all around lad myself. I don’t want to hear about how he served another dominant’s private parts and his notches in his submissive pledge paddle. I look for service experience, BDSM experience - not sex experience. I like to learn about a lad’s hobbies, favorite foods, music and wonder if he hates lima beans as much as I do. I am looking for the human submissive/slave; not a man in perpetual heat/need to breed/mate, hump. Anybody can have sex but, not just anybody can be slave and or submissive. Respectfully submitted, Lady Hugs

KarbonCopy -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 3:58:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i am a 31 year old sub male in the NYC area. i guess it wasn't smart of me to think finding a Domme here would be easier than finding one anywhere else. Actually, it seems harder. i'm a decent looking guy, tall, well read, funny. my only problem is that i'm picky. i can't submit to just anyone. Submission, like sex, needs to be with someone i'm attracted to and it's turning out to be an impossible task. i've been here for well over a year now and the only Dommes i've met that were close to my age were pro Dommes. It's so very dissapointing to get a reply back from a Domme and find out that she requires a "tribute". No offence to the pro Dommes here, but for me, knowing that all it takes is some cash, really doesn't do it for me. i'm looking for someone who WANTS to take me..own me..use me. i really don't know what to do anymore. i've gone to plenty of events...just keep coming up empty. Join the rest of the world in crying in their beer because they cant find a good woman. Seriously, you think you're the only one in the world that has trouble finding someone? Might I suggest finding someone to be with the old fashion way. Stop looking for a Domme, and look for a mate. Someone to be happy with. If you like a dominant woman, find an empowered woman. Just because they're not a lifestyler, doesnt mean they never will be. And if they wont, keep looking, its the name of the game. WHat do you think this is? honestly? the only place in the world where people live like this? Thats completely foolish thinking patterns. We're all everywhere, recognized or not. Just go ask all the guys out there, or women for that matter, and ask how many people they went through to find someone they could spend their life with. And ask how many havn't. Now get another beer, keep crying and see how far it gets you.

amativedame -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 5:49:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 my only problem is that i'm picky. Sometimes picky can be a good thing, other times it it will come back to spite you.

joshslave111 -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 8:47:59 PM)
i have gone to paddles, tes meetings, munches, You name it. One older Domme told me that most Dommes my age are Pros. Oh and I can tell you what i'm NOT looking for....someone who speaks to another person like LoneGoddess did up there.

colosubseeking -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 9:21:43 PM)
What the hell is wrong with you? LoneGoddess was trying to help you with your profile, so it looks like something other than the crap in your toilet, and you attack her? No wonder.... quote: ORIGINAL: joshslave111 i have gone to paddles, tes meetings, munches, You name it. One older Domme told me that most Dommes my age are Pros. Oh and I can tell you what i'm NOT looking for....someone who speaks to another person like LoneGoddess did up there.

kittensmailbox -> RE: Finding A Domme (4/22/2006 9:25:26 PM)
i agree with colosubseeking... i tookit as LG, trying to help you

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