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A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:02:39 PM   
subforherMaster


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		When submitting to a Dom/Domme who has expectations that the sub maintain a particular weight, is it then generally acceptable that the sub have the same type of expectation? Do the expectations of the sub hold just as much importance? Weight is just one example, everyone has different expectations.

The question arose due to a vanilla couple I know that have agreed neither of them is to gain or lose more than 10 pounds (pregnancy being the exception). This agreement comes with the threat of divorce. They are happy and have been married for 15 years but theirs is not a D/s relationship.
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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:12:02 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		It is "acceptable" if both parties in the relationship accept it.

Carol's has a great many expectations of me and they are critically important to the healthy functioning of our marriage as well as our M/s dynamic.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:13:49 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

When submitting to a Dom/Domme who has expectations that the sub maintain a particular weight, is it then generally acceptable that the sub have the same type of expectation? Do the expectations of the sub hold just as much importance? Weight is just one example, everyone has different expectations.


I can only give my opinion, but in our case, the answer would be "no, a servant -should not- expect that, if we have certain physical requirements for hir, that we should have to have such requirements placed on us as well". While our servants may, certainly, expect certain things from us (protection, clear instructions, proper management, just to name a few), in simple point of fact, I require things of myself that I would -never- require of one of my servants... and at the same time, as the dominant party in the relationship, SR and myself -do- get to have our say about what we require of our servants, without there being a 'tit-for-tat' requirement on our end. This is, after all, an authority-based relationship where we, as Keepers, hold the authority, and our servant(s) yield to that authority. All of this is explained before an arrangement is made, and reiterated throughout the probationary period, so if it won't work for a certain person, we'll find out pretty quickly and they're welcome to not let the door hit them on the tush on the way out.

Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/30/2010 2:15:39 PM >

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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:18:47 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It is acceptable if they both agree to it and can do what is required to have it happen.

If however, she works 60 hours a week, then comes home to do all the housework, overseeing homework, etc and has no time to attend the gym, then it's wrong.

For something like this, help is needed to maintain it. Which may well mean paid housekeeping, him overseeing homework, and so on. Oh, and he isn't allowed to sabotage it by announcing they are going out for ice cream.


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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:35:14 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subforherMaster

When submitting to a Dom/Domme who has expectations that the sub maintain a particular weight, is it then generally acceptable that the sub have the same type of expectation? Do the expectations of the sub hold just as much importance? Weight is just one example, everyone has different expectations.



That'd depend entirely on what we agreed to.

But even so, there are plenty of *unspoken* expectations that just are *there*, borne out of knowing someone so very well. My expectations of M have grown through a long history and his of me too.

agirl




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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:36:11 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		wow, I haven't seen a post of yours in a while agirl. Wherever you've been hiding at, it's nice to see your name show up.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 2:48:47 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subforherMaster

When submitting to a Dom/Domme who has expectations that the sub maintain a particular weight, is it then generally acceptable that the sub have the same type of expectation? Do the expectations of the sub hold just as much importance? Weight is just one example, everyone has different expectations.

The question arose due to a vanilla couple I know that have agreed neither of them is to gain or lose more than 10 pounds (pregnancy being the exception). This agreement comes with the threat of divorce. They are happy and have been married for 15 years but theirs is not a D/s relationship.

It sounds like a broken record but it depends on the dynamic and the individuals involved. 

you can look at a dynamic such as Calla structures and see that there is no such thing as tit for tat.  Whether that is due to her servants entering more into a "service" dynamic than what many submissives enter into on here, I cannot honestly say since I have not talked to her about it.  Calla, what say you?

Then again, there probably are D/s or M/s dynamics which are more sexual/romantic/loving in nature than a "master/servant" dynamic in which the dominant feels that he/she can dictate the appearance of their submissive/slave and yet, the reverse...the submissive/slave dictating to the dominant their appearance...does not hold true, just as it may or may not in other areas of the dynamic/relationship.  Surprise...it IS a D/s or M/s dynamic, not a relationship of vanilla "equality" and besides...in most cases, all this is worked out to at least a basic extent before the union is entered into.  

Or, each of the partners may have differing expectations of the other which may not have so much to do with dictates as they do with partners communicating with each other about what their expectations are and agreements being reached as to the level of satisfaction and adherence each can expect from the other based on their positions within the dynamic.



< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 8/30/2010 2:52:48 PM >

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 3:01:04 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't know. In that specific situation, I don't think I'd have a problem with it. Hell, I'd love it if I could find someone who wanted to whip my ass into shape, and step up as my personal 'trainer'. I'd move him right in, and worship him as my GOD!

But, in general, it really does depend on the dynamic agreed upon in the relationship.


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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 3:35:51 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Forgetting about the roles for a moment, if one person is a couch potato and the other prefers to spend weekends rock climbing, that's a glaring lack of compatibility there. If you expect your partner to keep in shape so you'll be attracted to them, you'll also want them to be attracted to you, and therefore you also will keep in shape.

In a nonsexual servant only position such as Calla referred to, there's no need for reciprocity.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 3:46:54 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		the only expectation I have of my Master is for him to be the man I fell in love with. Yup he has lots more for me but that's how it goes in our dynamic. As he is apt to say "This isn't a democracy!".

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 3:51:33 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		As many are saying, I don't think their is a spoken "standard" but if a beach bunny slave finds her Hercules turning into Jabba The Hutt . . . I imagine she will look for greener grass no matter the protocol demands.


~~~~~~~
ETA: Hey winnie... gym memberships are about $10 month in Daytona.  . . .  just saying!


< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 8/30/2010 3:52:41 PM >

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I give good thread.

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:22:44 PM   
subforherMaster


Posts: 25
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		ResidentSadist...Being Hercules would you want the subject brought up before you turned into Jabba or just expect that she look for "greener grass"?

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:24:54 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


ETA: Hey winnie... gym memberships are about $10 month in Daytona.  . . .  just saying!



Hey RS - wanna be a Snow Bird? You can stay with me in Michigan during the hot summer months (and hurricane season) and we can migrate south during the winter!

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:26:54 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance

I don't know. In that specific situation, I don't think I'd have a problem with it. Hell, I'd love it if I could find someone who wanted to whip my ass into shape, and step up as my personal 'trainer'. I'd move him right in, and worship him as my GOD!

But, in general, it really does depend on the dynamic agreed upon in the relationship.




I would also like someone like Eric from True Blood to be my personal "drainer."

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 8/30/2010 4:29:21 PM >

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:32:37 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
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Status: offline 		I can't even speak of Eric! I'm still in mourning from his loss. The wound is too fresh

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:39:38 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Win, I doubt he is gone permanently. I am sure someone will run out to save his gorgeous self, Bill maybe?

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:40:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist


ETA: Hey winnie... gym memberships are about $10 month in Daytona.  . . .  just saying!



Hey RS - wanna be a Snow Bird? You can stay with me in Michigan during the hot summer months (and hurricane season) and we can migrate south during the winter!




OOH be careful, Win!! RS will make you... do stuff!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:42:13 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

Win, I doubt he is gone permanently. I am sure someone will run out to save his gorgeous self, Bill maybe?


I'm afraid to hold out hope for that. The blow would be too crushing.

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:45:24 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OOH be careful, Win!! RS will make you... do stuff!


But he's so sweet, and cuddly and adorable! Surely I don't have anything to worry about?

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RE: A question of expectations... - 8/30/2010 4:52:23 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

OOH be careful, Win!! RS will make you... do stuff!


But he's so sweet, and cuddly and adorable! Surely I don't have anything to worry about?



Oh, no, the cage is super comfy!! And he IS adorables! Has a rockin girl, too.

STUFF. [runs away]

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



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