Proprietrix
Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline
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Well, although I disagree with the definition of sex being used here (I personally see any genital play or anal play as sexual), I'll still answer the best I can.
Sexuality is the biggest aspect, in which I have to be able to do some substantial giving at the expense of my own discomfort. I am perfectly happy with no sex. In fact, I am much happier with no sex. I could merrily live my life without ever doing anything sexual ever again, and not miss it one bit.
BUT, I understand that most of the population of mammals is different from me in this regard. And I understand that there's a 99% chance that any submissive or slave who enters my life will have a sexual drive.
That being said, the first thing I would do is to teach them about asexuality and asexuals. I think it would be important for them to understand me as a full person, and this includes my complete lack of libido.
This would also help with communication because they would understand the terminology I use regarding sexuality. They need to clearly understand that I'm not going to initiate sex with them. Communication is vital because I am not only not a mind-reader, but I also have no conceptual understanding of how their particular sex drive works. How much? How often? To what extent? These are things they have to be able to communicate to me.
It's important that they understand that if and when I do engage in sexual activity with them, it is not because I am "tolerating" it. It is not because I "desire" it. It is simply because I care about them and their needs. And they have to understand that it's not going to be a routine thing they can expect from me, and that it may happen much differently than they had imagined.
As for chastity... I've tried many different aspects of chastity with several different people. In my experience, it really just draws attention back to sexuality. How can you not be thinking about your penis when there's a little cage secured around it rubbing against you all day long? It's kind of like that little game where you tell someone to not think about a white polar bear, and the first thought in their head is a white polar bear. (I also severly hate to see a man sitting down to pee. That holds a high squick factor for me.) The more time & thought I've invested into chastity, the more I've noticed my submissives talking about their sexuality. As if they are living out their sexuality vicariously through language since they can't live it out physically. For me, instead of playing the little chastity device game, it's just easier for all parties to be honest and forthright and lay their needs/wants/frustrations out on the table to their partner.
It would be easiest for me to say that I just prefer my submissives ask to go to the bathroom and relieve themselves when they feel like they need an orgasm, but I also understand that their sexuality is a part of them and they may very well want to share that with me. So I try to accomadate that, the best I can. Normally it would probably end up a situation where they are allowed to masturbate, with me present. I probably wouldn't be too hip on them going to a 3rd party for sexual release. Although I might bend a bit on this depending on how much we've discussed the issue, how involved each party is, etc...
I think the most important thing I would want to instill in them is that the "sacrifice" they feel they are making through extended periods of no sexual interaction, is nothing compared to the "sacrifice" I make each and every time I have that interaction with them. We both have to do a lot of giving in this aspect. (Hence the importance of them learning about asexuality.)
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