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What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 12:08:21 PM

LadyPact

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There are two threads dancing around this topic just now. I thought I'd create a thread to ask the question more directly.

What kinky or sexual activity could you not see yourself giving up for a partner?

When I say kinky, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of BDSM. It doesn't matter to Me if it's one particular act (such as flogging or being tied up) or if you consider all of BDSM as a whole (such as sadism or masochism).

When I say sexual, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of physical sex (such as oral) up to all physical sex.

Are you the type of person who says that you could give it all up if your partner was no longer willing or able to engage in sex or kink with you?

Does your answer change if we are just talking about a perspective partner, rather than an established one?

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 12:34:24 PM

Zevar

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quote:

are you the type of person who says that you could give it all up if your partner was no longer willing or able to engage in sex or kink with you?

Yes, this decribes my nature when related to a Companion that I have formed a bond of love with! My love superceded any sexual desires of mine when My Companion was no longer able to engage sexually due to her battle with cancer. I never thought twice. My sole purpose when she needed my daily care was to freely offer my all to her. She was all I thought of day in and day out. My deep love for her over-ruled my sexual needs. Afterall I vowed to care for My beloved Companion without reserve when I claimed her as my own. But then I am known to love intensely. Relentlessly intense is more like it. So yes I am sacrificial when I love & am known to forsake my sexual needs for the higher good of My beloved when required.

Take care!

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 12:46:52 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Are you the type of person who says that you could give it all up if your partner was no longer willing or able to engage in sex or kink with you?

This is another of those questions that one can never truly know the answer to until you're there. But in my best ability to look into myself, I can't honestly imagine anything that I would not give up for Carol. I mean seriously, I would give up my very life for her. Surely blowjobs must be included in there somewhere?

Our relationship is love-based, not kink-based. I don't think I could sustain the relationship if she stopped loving me. I'd give it one hell of a try if she somehow convinced me that that was what she needed. I could not guarantee success.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 12:50:49 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

This is another of those questions that one can never truly know the answer to until you're there. But in my best ability to look into myself, I can't honestly imagine anything that I would not give up for Carol. I mean seriously, I would give up my very life for her. Surely blowjobs must be included in there somewhere?

Our relationship is love-based, not kink-based. I don't think I could sustain the relationship if she stopped loving me. I'd give it one hell of a try if she somehow convinced me that that was what she needed. I could not guarantee success.

This.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:00:45 PM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I'm gonna keep this simple because I don't think the OP was really looking for a discussion on whether things are loved based or kink based...

I love being flogged and face slapped. I love rope. I love being spanked by his bare hands. I love being whipped. I love his hands on my throat.

I hate the fucking blindfold. I hate being caned. I hate anything involving food.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:05:29 PM

NuevaVida

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I'm gonna keep this simple because I don't think the OP was really looking for a discussion on whether things are loved based or kink based...

I love being flogged and face slapped. I love rope. I love being spanked by his bare hands. I love being whipped. I love his hands on my throat.

I hate the fucking blindfold. I hate being caned. I hate anything involving food.

It was about what we can or can't give up for our partners. And for some of us, we could probably give up the kink & sex, which is what we stated. And the reason for this is because of the nature of our relationships.

Of what you listed above, could you give up those things you loved, for your partner? That was the question.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:14:52 PM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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Being that I'm in love with him, I'd absolutely choose him over a thing. Yes.
If love wasn't part of the relationship...if it was casual...I'd find a mate that matched my kinks.
Which is what I did at the beginning with Shore. I think if we weren't as compatible with our kinks, the relationship wouldn't have evolved into love.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:22:43 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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~FR~

I don't see myself completely giving up any sexual activity I enjoy for a partner's sake. However, being poly, I could possibly see myself refraining from an activity with one of my partners if that particular partner didn't enjoy it. I have or could find other partners who are/would be happy to engage in it with me if it's something I desire enough.

In the realm of the kinky, I can give it all up and have for periods of years. I'd rather not, I'm much happier with kink than without, and I don't think I'll ever choose a "vanilla" partner in the future, but I am capable of living without BDSM if I must.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:31:26 PM

Aynne88

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My sexuality is so intermingled with my love for him that I can't really seperate them sometimes. It is because of how in love I am that I go to the depths I do sexually, so that is kind of part of my answer.

I can't see myself giving up being tied and flogged. I love love love it. Also, an OTK spanking while I am naked across his lap and he is fully clothed, especially in business clothes....that is my favorite thing, something so hot about being nude at his feet while he is dressed like that makes me instantly hot. Oh and random no warning face slapping. Hell yes. Instantly puts me in that place.

I would give it up if he were having medical issues absolutely but if he just decided he didn't want a kinky or power exchange relationship that would truly suck. I don't see that ever happening, and I hope it does not.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 1:45:39 PM

Lockit

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So far, I haven't found that any one thing in life/love/kink/relationships cannot be worked out between two people who wish to find a solution. Whether it be poly relationships, open relationships, a different way to achieve a similar result or whatever out of the box thing we could come up with. Sometimes being creative is just the right thing, added with love... no problem.

I'm flexible at least emotionally and mentally... physically, we may have a problem! lol I am getting older!

I've thought about this a lot within relationships and outside of them, open for a relationship. So far I have only come up with things I could not do, would not do and might not even want my partner to do and thus they wouldn't be my partner. Breath play is one of them. Another would be toilet service. No surgery will be performed by me and no way am I doing anything that goes against my moral/ethical/honor base. (I tried that, it just doesn't work and am not going there again!)

I don't want to live without being in a female led relationship. I love a man kneeling and those two, I think are my hard stands.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 2:58:47 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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We're in our late 50's. The day is visible when we can no longer participate in kink. I'm less flexible than I was ten years ago, I figure I'll be that much less flexible in another ten.

I wouldn't give up a fulfilling relationship with a man who reads me like no other for anything. I enjoy being tied up enormously, but not more than I love him.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 3:06:14 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I could give up sex entirely, and have for years at a time. If my partner was unable to perform, I could live with that.

If I fell in love with someone at work, or a neighbor, etc... someone I come into contact with often enough to establish feelings, I could live without sex or kink. I would rather pursue those things together in a partner and this is why I keep looking here, and other venues, for a partner that is kinky and sexual.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 3:30:58 PM

Lucienne

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Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Does your answer change if we are just talking about a perspective partner, rather than an established one?

Quite a bit, I'd think. That and the reasons why I would be considering giving it up. The d/s stuff is less important to me than the sexual stuff. Physical issues, at the outset or having developed in an established relationship, would be easier for me to deal with than attitudinal/preference issues. In terms of an established long term relationship, I think I'm flexible enough and have a big enough sexual menu to choose from that as long as there was some remaining way for me to get off with my partner I'd be ok. At the outset, I'm probably not going to deal with a guy who announces ass play (on him) as a hard limit. (Although that hard limit seems to soften pretty quickly when I inform them of the incompatability on those grounds, I prefer to deal with men who have sufficient control over the homophobia society ingrains in them to not consider rejection of anal pleasure a sign of true manhood. Sorry! I probably just offended some people. Different strokes, etc.)

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 4:26:51 PM

femasoslave

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If something were to happen to my Master (a stroke for instance) and he were physically no longer able to dominate me.....it would make no difference, I love and adore him and I would do anything for him, I would nurse him and be there for him till the end of time.
In the long term, its only the physical side that would miss out. How I feel about him is more important than my body.
So......I suppose my answer to your question is that there is nothing I wouldnt give up for him.
I love Him.....end of story.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 4:35:14 PM

littlewonder

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Honestly I'd give up any of them as long as he stayed a dominant personality and I was still in a relationship with him. If one day he said he no longer wished to be a sadist, no longer wanted to do bondage or any of the other kink activities I'd be perfectly fine with that.

I fell in love with him, not the kink.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 5:30:57 PM

hereyesruponyou

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Good question. I would say I could give up anything, because in some ways I feel I could, BUT i got out of my last serious relationship because he would or could not participate at all in any type of bdsm. I did care about him, but the lack of sexual fulfillment took it's toll over time and erroded our closeness.

My husband now I found through this site and we are both more open to exploration than anyone I have ever met. I can't imagine either of us walking away because the other could no longer do something we desired. My mate likes bisexual experiences. I can't give him those myself, but I can give him the opportunity to have them through couples play and other play with my permission. I guess for us the sex part is recreation, so if either of us had to step outside our relationship to get a need met, the other would be open to it, with some boundaries set of course. As long as we can both give good cuddle, I think we can make it through anything else.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 5:47:45 PM

dreamerdreaming

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A theoretical answer to your theoretical question:

If it felt like I was giving up something, then I'd be unlikely to give it up. If it felt like a natural progression that was needed to transition the relationship into something that still worked well for both of us going forward, then presumably everything would be on the table. I value the relationship, and our well-being, over all. I trust my partner and myself, to find whatever works well for both of us. That's not giving up anything. That's keeping everything important and being able to change and adapt over time, to one another's changing desires and needs.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 6:00:18 PM

Icarys

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There are two threads dancing around this topic just now. I thought I'd create a thread to ask the question more directly.

What kinky or sexual activity could you not see yourself giving up for a partner?

When I say kinky, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of BDSM. It doesn't matter to Me if it's one particular act (such as flogging or being tied up) or if you consider all of BDSM as a whole (such as sadism or masochism).

When I say sexual, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of physical sex (such as oral) up to all physical sex.

Are you the type of person who says that you could give it all up if your partner was no longer willing or able to engage in sex or kink with you?

Does your answer change if we are just talking about a perspective partner, rather than an established one?

They only way I'd be willing to give up something I wanted would be if she was unable to do those things...I mean physically unable. Since I'm not in a sexual relationship at this point even though I could be I'm "giving up many things" anyway...so I could go without...Yet those wouldn't be fulfilling to me because many other things would be missing so it doesn't feel like I'm giving up anything to begin with. Know what I mean or is this another post where you can't tell what I stand for?

< Message edited by Icarys -- 9/6/2010 6:44:46 PM >

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 6:01:54 PM

Twoshoes

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I can't give up walking on sunshine.

That and the "being quiet" activity.

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RE: What Activities Could/Couldn't You Give Up? - 9/6/2010 7:12:10 PM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

There are two threads dancing around this topic just now. I thought I'd create a thread to ask the question more directly.

What kinky or sexual activity could you not see yourself giving up for a partner?
Kink wise, I could not give up the pain and percussion play along with elements of D/s thrown in. If push came to shove, I could go back to being monogamously oriented though I can't see that happening any time soon.

As for the sexual activities, I don't think there is any activity which I couldn't give up for a partner, based on the assumption that the compatibility between myself and my partner was strong enough to begin with.

When I say kinky, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of BDSM. It doesn't matter to Me if it's one particular act (such as flogging or being tied up) or if you consider all of BDSM as a whole (such as sadism or masochism).

When I say sexual, I mean any acts that you enjoy as a part of physical sex (such as oral) up to all physical sex.

Are you the type of person who says that you could give it all up if your partner was no longer willing or able to engage in sex or kink with you?
No. The last relationship crashed and burned because I had to give up too much because my ex partner was not able to engage in sex due to age and not taking measures to correct that. For me, sex plays too important part of any relationship I enter into hopefully on a long term basis.

Does your answer change if we are just talking about a perspective partner, rather than an established one?
With me I have to answer yes it does change. With an established partner, we have build a strong base to the relationship on compromising on what we will accept and what we won't accept to make the relationship work. With a potential partner, the activities I state I will or won't engage in are merely guidelines or a starting point which we will work from when we enter into an agreed relationship and build from that.

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Take the pain
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Post #: 20

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