Behavioural chart (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

Gagmadandtoy -> Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 1:53:49 AM)

Hello A/all

I have started using a chart similar to one you would use with a child to monitor my toys behaviour, she has 3 area everyday where she has to excel in order to get a sticker on her chart. The 3 areas are rules, manner and attitude. The chartworks in two ways firstly it monitors my toys behaviour for which she either gets punished or rewarded and secondly she finds it humiliating to be treated in such a childish way!

My question to all you lovely people is what subjects would you grade your submissives in?

I look foward to hearing your responses



peppermint -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 3:52:13 AM)

Your chart would not work for some around here.  Not all D/s and M/s relationships are based on a reward and punishment system.  Your system seems like a lot of work, however, if it works for you, your submissive, and your relationship then it's great for you both. 





DesFIP -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 4:46:03 AM)

I'd walk. Being graded does not work for me. I am not a trained seal to be rewarded with a fish or punished. If his desires aren't sufficient inspiration then there is a major problem in the relationship. Why does she need to be humiliated and punished? Why aren't you capable of inspiring her to do better? Or teaching her to accomplish it effectively?



Doow -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 8:58:24 AM)

Doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. It's harmless and humiliating, I know my submissive would love it at least. But like peppermint said it does seem like you have to put more into it than you are going to get out of it.



sirsholly -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 9:04:32 AM)

quote:

she has 3 area everyday where she has to excel in order to get a sticker on her chart.
wondering if Tucks would asst you with removal of the stickers resin....

http://www.tucksbrand.com/



poise -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 9:10:25 AM)

I would much prefer to be rewarded with the gleam in his eye, or the tone of his voice.
However, this would probably be a wonderful "tool" where the relationship is Daddy/girl.



phoenixmoonn13 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 9:26:22 AM)

maybe if there was something i was really struggling with and the reward for getting there was somthing out of the ordinary i would have to know before wht it was but as i write this i am not sure if it would work for me. and dont think it would work for my master



Abstracts -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 10:17:59 AM)

I think everyone is forgetting the original question. It wasn't if it would work for you or not. The question was asking what subjects you would grade. Apparently his sub likes being humiliated. If she doesn't then I feel sorry for her, but apparently she does. When I read the OP, I didn't imagine a great deal of people would like the idea, but that wasn't what he was asking.

Bearing that in mind, I really have no interest in this kind of structure, so I have very little to contribute in that regard.



leadership527 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 10:53:32 AM)

Wow, what an interesting set of responses to this. I did this with Carol for a while and neither of us thought of it as "degrading". For us, this was simply a method of clear communication -- exactly like a performance review at work. The point was simply to ensure clarity about what I was looking for in her growth as my slave. My version, however, was not gold stars on a sheet of paper. I had detailed descriptions of the categories I was looking for and exactly what each score (from 1-5) would look like. We sat down and discussed the topics monthly.

It was a long time ago so I don't have the data anymore, but I'm sure there would've been categories like, "attentiveness", "obedience", etc.

For us, there was no punishment or reward other than the feedback itself. It worked quite effectively. She appreciated the clarity.



CalifChick -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 11:25:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gagmadandtoy

My question to all you lovely people is what subjects would you grade your submissives in?


The ability to act like an adult. 

Does she get a chart to grade you? 


Cali



DesFIP -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 11:30:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Wow, what an interesting set of responses to this. I did this with Carol for a while and neither of us thought of it as "degrading". For us, this was simply a method of clear communication -- exactly like a performance review at work. The point was simply to ensure clarity about what I was looking for in her growth as my slave. My version, however, was not gold stars on a sheet of paper. I had detailed descriptions of the categories I was looking for and exactly what each score (from 1-5) would look like. We sat down and discussed the topics monthly.

It was a long time ago so I don't have the data anymore, but I'm sure there would've been categories like, "attentiveness", "obedience", etc.

For us, there was no punishment or reward other than the feedback itself. It worked quite effectively. She appreciated the clarity.


It's the trained seal stuff that bothers me. He isn't talking things out, teaching her, helping her grow. He just lets her fail and then punishes her for him not being able to communicate and help. And if she happens to do well all by herself, then he pats himself on the back and condescendingly gives her a gold star.

You folks sat down and had discussions on what was working, what wasn't, why it wasn't, what needed to be done to change it and so on. Adult communication. Which the op has made clear is too much work for him.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 12:24:55 PM)

~FR~
Daddy isn't into the sticker chart thing, but if He were, I'm sure I would be graded on things like....obedience, attitude, manners, attentiveness/availability, willingness to please......things like that.

~sweetsub~



gungadin09 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 1:39:48 PM)

If it were me, talking with me would have a better effect than making a chart. Although i would appreciate Your clarity and directness. Trying to guess what Someone wants makes me anxious.

i think You should evaluate her on whatever characteristics are important to you.

pam



Gagmadandtoy -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 2:09:16 PM)

Just to reply to desfip at no point did I say that there would be no communication or "training" as such, you have taken it upon your self to assume that and as it was stated by abstracts very few have answered the actual question, did not place this on here to have the way that my other half and I decided to act/play judged by people in a position where they are not able to see the whole situation I merely wondered what areas other dom's would choose to grade upon.

It is clear that people are very quick to judge here and I find myself taken aback by peoples narrow mindedness just cause it may not work for you or be what you find enjoyable or exciting dosnt mean that it dosnt work for others

so to reiterate my question to those who wish to answer it what areas would you grade the other half of your relationship on?



gungadin09 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 3:17:38 PM)

For my part, i did not mean to judge You. i stated what would work for me in case it would be helpful, not as criticism. At first You didn't say whether You would also be following the chart up with verbal communication and training. i think that would be a good idea, which is why i said so, but i didn't mean it as a judgement, just as a suggestion.

Like i said, if i was Your sub, i would be grateful for the feedback. Having to guess what my Master wanted would make me anxious.

pam



leadership527 -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 3:26:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gagmadandtoy
so to reiterate my question to those who wish to answer it what areas would you grade the other half of your relationship on?

If you want the "right now" answer to that question, the things I'm working on are

Emotional Obedience: Her willingness and ability to change her mood and/or emotional reactions to a situation on command.
Intellectual Obedience: My viewpoint is the right viewpoint.

I haven't thought how I'd exactly detail scoring on those two items but now that you mention it, perhaps I should?




crazyml -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 3:41:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gagmadandtoy
so to reiterate my question to those who wish to answer it what areas would you grade the other half of your relationship on?


Hmm... setting aside the fact that this really would not be my bag, you could take the humiliation thing further - Grade the appropriateness of her dress or the cleanliness of her underwear (although I shudder at the thought of that).

What about setting goals and targets - learning a new skill or getting fitter.

Whatever you do though, don't grade her on grammar or spelling.



CalifChick -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 3:56:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gagmadandtoy

It is clear that people are very quick to judge here and I find myself taken aback by peoples narrow mindedness just cause it may not work for you or be what you find enjoyable or exciting dosnt mean that it dosnt work for others

so to reiterate my question to those who wish to answer it what areas would you grade the other half of your relationship on?


Isn't it great how the internet, and this site specifically, let people answer how they wish? People know what your question was, you don't get to dictate the answers.

How are you evaluating yourself? How are you grading yourself? Before you grade your girl, or "the other half of your relationship" (I thought a relationship was one whole thing), how are you measuring up?

Sometimes it amazes me how dominants are relationship and behavioral experts, and submissives are unable to get by from day to day, unable to obey their dom, unable to use the tools that their parents and life taught them as they were growing up and learning how to communicate effectively.

Even corporations have learned that graded performance reviews do more harm than good in inspiring people to improve. Perhaps your girl likes the grading system because you're treating her like a 5 year old; if another adult wanted to grade me, my behavior, or my participation in the relationship I would tell them I gave up being graded about thirty years ago, unless their name happened to be Gary Chapman or John Gottman.

UngradedCali



dreamerdreaming -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 4:18:08 PM)

I don't have a reward/punishment dynamic. So if I did something like this it would only be for feedback, and to promote understanding and improve the relationship. So I'd only do it if we both had a chart. Because I want to improve, too. And I wouldn't expect my slave to be able to improve the relationship without me holding up my end of that effort. I do hold ongoing discussions and negotiations toward that end, of course- some written and some spoken. But there hasn't been a set structure for them other than the normal communication of any productive conversation. So thank you for the idea of a more structured format. I'll see what I can do with that.

If I graded us, I'd grade me on whatever my slaveboy thought was important to him, to see me graded on- as well as the areas that I myself would like to improve on. Then we'd have a section to track the progress of the relationship. And I'd grade him on the things he wants to work on, and the things that are important to me to have in a slave.




Gagmadandtoy -> RE: Behavioural chart (9/7/2010 5:41:35 PM)

Califchick, I fail to see the reasoning behind your post and I can't see it's relivance at all, this post was never intended to be a view over my relationship! The chart to which I refer is nothing more than a minor addition to an ongoing serious relationship and any grading of myself is done in an apropriate fashion as and when it is needed, this chart will not be something which we come to live and die by it will merely be a physical representation of other parts of this relationship, it will be used predominantly to to act as a visable reminder to the other half of the positive things which has happened of the course if the week.

Where as I appreciate that I do not have the ability to dictate the answers given to questions asked I fail to see the relivance in a number of the answers predominantly at the top of this thread which fail to even comprehend the question at all and instead dive straight into an evaluation on how aparently pitifull my relationship is and not taking into account the fact that people are different something which I find amazing in this lifestyle.

And the final point I have is that your correct the relationship I have is a whole of which myself an my partner constitute half each therefor she is my other half and I am intact unashamed to admit my better half!

Crazyml. I am at a loss as to your comment with regards to underware and the clenliness of said garments and I trust this is not directed as a slanderous comment towards my other half, but I would never dream to attempt to grade her on speling and crammed firstly because she is a school teacher and much better educated than I and secondly because as I am sure you have noticed I am terribly dyslexic and replying to these threads on my phone stops me from being able to spell check the etc befor posting




Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.09375