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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/8/2010 8:21:45 PM   
JanahX


Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline 		My ex-master is in New Zealand right now ... I wonder if he's the one she ran off to.  Sounds about right.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 2:30:12 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		Well, there is no way to put the details all here that would justify my anger.  All I can say is take a person who has never been mentally stable, add a mother getting murdered, a son dying a year later, a husband who works 60 hours a week to allow the mentally unstable person to be her self and never have to feel any pressure or go to work, life of total fantasy on line that took over for a while, a family that has always forgiven everything because of "its just how she is. bless her heart", and several other factors.  You may get the gist of why worry and anger are the raging rivers of emotion being felt now by so many who know and love her.

I too hope she has found her bliss.  History tells me that it is yet another mess made that those who love her will have to pick up the pieces of and help her recover.

And that is ok.  I wish her nothing but good.  It can get tiring sometimes though, and thus the rant.

Hell, there are days I wish I could run away!!!!  Today is one of them.  But, I would never ever be able to leave those who have always been my support system, without a word to any of them.  That is selfish as hell to me, yet it is bout par for the course for her.

Gawd I love her.  Gawd i want to kick her fuckin ass too!

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 2:42:16 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Jez - why do you love her again?

She sounds like an emotional leech, so there has to be something good about her.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 5:45:49 AM   
mtlpoly


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I felt it perhaps a bit strange, but also necessary to post the "other side's" perspective here.  Oh and believe me i got CRUCIFIED for doing so...but in 2004-2005 i was at a point of complete misery in current marriage (also keep in mind that i am bipolar which will make the mood swings worse for me) that it was either "run away" or just kill myself.  Everyone i have talked to in my family during and afterwards had judged me yet not raised a finger to help me, so I just left...I am now in canada permanantly since 2006.  I left behind a husband and a son...and I heard what a terrible mother i was, and everything else folks could think of.  However, in my current mind state back then it was either, be far away from my son but still see him and call him, or just BE DEAD....So I cannot say in this situation that the circumstances were the same, but what if they were? We dont know what went on behind closed doors in her marriage, if she was happy or selfish or just trying to find a better life for herself.  I have a loving husband now and two MORE beautiful sons that would not be here unless i had left....so I can only say I hope she has found what shes looking for.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 3:52:04 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Jez - why do you love her again?

She sounds like an emotional leech, so there has to be something good about her.

She is my cousin.  We made mudpies together, ate dog biscuits together, pooped on the shores of lakes together, learned to ski together, learned to smoke cigs together, smoked our first joints together, ran away at the same times when we were kids and drove our parents crazy together, buried our daddies together, cried and held each other through the murder of her mom and the trial shit that went on for 2 years, tried to help her through the sudden death of her son as best I could.

Hell she taught me that if you wear a tampon on a date, you can still get felt up when you are on the rag!!!!!  That is reason enough to love her.

She is family, I love her and always will.

She is family, that gives me the right to kick her in the ass.  She loves me and always will too!

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 3:53:18 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I am happy that you found your bliss.  Congrats.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 4:37:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I "ran away" when I was 18, didn't tell a soul until I got there and called to say "hey guess where I am and guess what else? I'm engaged".

It was the best thing I ever did in my life up to that point imo. Would I do it again? Yup. I've actually been thinking a lot about it again lately but this time around there are no ties that bind me to where I am currently.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 5:20:10 PM   
SorceressJ


Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The heart wants what the heart wants.  Anything can happen on the internets!  Long live the internets!

ps     52 is NOT too old to run away!!


age edit



I met my Husband and Soulmate online. I am living proof that although the margin for error is great, it can happen.
Burn a candle for her, and wait. This is all you can do.


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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/9/2010 8:48:47 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I would think that at 52 she's old enough to do whatever the fuck she wants to, without having to get anybody's approval. Maybe she didn't tell anybody because she didn't want to deal with all you naysayers telling her what she can and cannot do...lighten up, its none of your fucking business


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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/10/2010 2:35:40 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		None of us would have tried to stop her.  We have known her and her behavior all our lives.  The fact that she did not let anyone know she was leaving swhows a total lack of respect for the feelings of anyone but her.  It is a matter of common decency to not shit on your family, at least in my world.

There has been no fighting, no hating on her, nothing like that that gives her any right to be such a thoughtless bitch to those of us that have always been there for her and always helped her pick up the pieces.  In fact, I think we may have been enabling her all her life, allowing her to just be who she is and not accept any responsibility or seek help.

I guess we will find out soon enough.  It wont be long til she realizes that this dude is yet another crazy folly of her life and she will be back.  I just don't know if we will be able to forget this one and accept it as "her just being her"

You are right Arpig, at our ages, none of us owe anyone an explanation.  We are adults and responsible to ourself only.  In order to have that responsibility as an adult, we also have to be willing to accept the consequences of our actions.  

It is not what she did, it is the manner that she chose to do it.  No one would have tried to stop her, but we could have damn well known this dudes real name, address, ways to contact her, etc etc.  If it is acceptable to treat those who love you and you claim to love in the manner she has treated us, fuck a bunch of love and caring. 

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/10/2010 3:35:00 AM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

She did this without telling her family or oldest dearest friends, (of which I am one), and, well, we, the above family and friends have been worried and hurt and pissed as hell.

Then there are her "on-line" friends, who have told us how we are haters and how dare we think it is right for us to do anything but wish her well and wish her happiness.

I wish her happiness, hell I hope she has found her bliss, but the earthquake she left in her wake here makes the earthquake that got her stuck in Sydney for several days seem like a lil rumbling.

We ran away when we were teens.  Shit, we did all kinds of things when we were teens, and enjoyed every moment of it.  No regrets at all, all of those things made us who we are today.

Except, she is fucking insane obviously, cause she had run away at the ripe old age of 52. 

So, I and my family are all insane for thinking this could have been done differently, and I am good with that.

(and congrats, Term, on the cleaning out the body thing)


(((((((hugs)))))))
You found out about this after she already left?  She didn't talk to her dearest friend about him the entire time, and you had no idea he was in her life until she was gone?  That would have felt like a huge shock and betrayal of your friendship. 
 
Or had she ever said anything to you, and you reacted negatively?
 
When I was in love I was never reasonable about it.  If someone said one thing negative about my man, the well of information dried up...see...I was the ONLY one allowed to talk junk about him and my friends were not allowed to agree with me and start talking negitively about him. 
 
I know you feel like she ran away from home, because it feels that way to you.  I am sure you are going to miss her company very much and might feel shut out, not one of her priorities anymore. 
 
Be supportive instead.  This might be the biggest wish she's ever had and if everyone else is against her decision, it would be so wonderful to have one of her best friends still on her side...and not ready with a bunch of "I told you so's" if this relationship fails.  Emotional support should be a free gift to show how much you love someone.  Love her enough to wish her every happiness, and think it over why she didn't trust your support enough to let you know beforehand about her decision.  Don't say one word about this new relationship being doomed to failure...this will hurt her more and make her feel that she cannot talk to you anymore.  It is hard to be open with someone when they make you feel defensive.
 
I don't want to say anything hurtful, but...each time we love and trust it's a big gamble.  This is her gamble to make...her choice...her life.  Be part of her new life by telling her you love her and will miss her very much, and will pray for her happiness.  It's okay to feel upset right now, but please don't treat her like she betrayed you personally...she might feel betrayed because she knew her best friend would fight her on this to her very last breath or treat her like she was being childish. 
 
She didn't trust you with this.  To me, that is the biggest issue to deal with and to heal...because you both are "the oldest and dearest of friends."  
 
Friendship comes from loving and caring, love her enough to accept her decision.  Whether this works our or not...you have one very brave lady as your friend.  She is 52 and too old to be treated like a child.  I wish this could have been done differently too, to avoid your entire family having to be so upset.  There must have been reasons why she felt it had to be done this way though.
 
Maybe is was selfish of her to *abandon* her family and friends like this, but some of our dreams come at great cost...and she must have thought him worth the sacrifice.  If this works out and you haven't burned all your bridges behind you, you might decide for yourself that he is worthy of her esteem and add a new best friend to your family's circle.

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/10/2010 4:00:39 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia

(((((((hugs)))))))



Super message! I can't find a word in it I disagree with it, nor anything in the manner in which it was presented that struck me as off (by "off" I mean off the mark of when it comes to assistance due to to the fact it is self-centered, selfish, hostile, sarcastic for the sake of sarcasm, arrogant, attention-whoring--and all the other childish stuff people on here often respond with). Perspective will eventually help in this situation, and you've offered some generous but, imo, quite gentle pointers in that direction. These pointers take into account the other person's genuine pain--which was essential.

WTG! :)

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/10/2010 12:07:42 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I have decided that everyone is right, she is 52 and it is none of my business what she does.  I have also decided that, after a lifetime of being there for her when she fucks up something else, I cant do it any more.  I wish her well and hope she has found her bliss, but if or when she comes back broken yet again, she is on her own.  She has the right to do what she wishes, and I have to use my right to rid my life of toxic people who take and take and take but dont care enough to show what, to me, is common courtesy and respect.

It sucks, family is family, but just as she had to do what she had to do, I am gonna do what I gotta do.  I am sure she feels no guilt, and while I am sad right now, just making the decision to let it go has made me feel like a load has been lifted off me.

This growing up shit sucks some days!!!!!

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/10/2010 12:10:41 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Being a grownup fails hugely!!

It's good to have boundaries for yourself, though. It's not like you stopped loving your cousin, right? But you don't have to be the one to bail her out every damn time. She made an...interesting...life choice for herself, and it will work, or not. It's not on you!



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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 5:42:17 AM   
mtlpoly


Posts: 17
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub

I have decided that everyone is right, she is 52 and it is none of my business what she does.  I have also decided that, after a lifetime of being there for her when she fucks up something else, I cant do it any more.  I wish her well and hope she has found her bliss, but if or when she comes back broken yet again, she is on her own.  She has the right to do what she wishes, and I have to use my right to rid my life of toxic people who take and take and take but dont care enough to show what, to me, is common courtesy and respect.

It sucks, family is family, but just as she had to do what she had to do, I am gonna do what I gotta do.  I am sure she feels no guilt, and while I am sad right now, just making the decision to let it go has made me feel like a load has been lifted off me.

This growing up shit sucks some days!!!!!


I know you want to be the best cousin in the world to her, and your concern is evidenced in your posts, along with your shock :D This by far is a very good step in the right direction, as we all individually need to learn from our mistakes and our decisions.  Had my leaving and goin to be with my current hubby not worked out I would not expect anyone but myself to have picked up the pieces.  theres a line in a song i like and it goes "Ah stick ya chest out, keep your chin up
'Cause sometimes you gotta get knocked down to get up"  and part of her learning process is learning how to pick up the pieces of her own decisions.  :D I know its hard on the ones that love, but this is how we grow as people :D

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 11:14:00 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

I have decided that everyone is right, she is 52 and it is none of my business what she does.  I have also decided that, after a lifetime of being there for her when she fucks up something else, I cant do it any more.  I wish her well and hope she has found her bliss, but if or when she comes back broken yet again, she is on her own.  She has the right to do what she wishes, and I have to use my right to rid my life of toxic people who take and take and take but dont care enough to show what, to me, is common courtesy and respect.
BINGO!!! Now you got it!

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Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 3:07:43 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

BINGO!!! Now you got it!
Did I finally win a kewpie doll? lolol

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 4:32:36 PM   
sappatoti


Posts: 14844
Joined: 10/30/2006
From: the edge of darkness...
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Did I finally win a kewpie doll? lolol

Sure, why not... take your pick...

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If you don't like my attitude, QUIT TALKING TO ME!

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 4:57:34 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		From your description, she sounds like she meets the medical definition of a lifelong sociopath. Take a look at it and see if I'm right.

I don't want to say that sociopaths should not be held accountable for their actions - they should - but it's reason enough to alter your expectations of what she will give you in terms of open & honest communication.

If she's been your friend for this long, then that shouldn't change. Such childhood friends are hard to find and impossible to replace. For your own sake, I wouldn't cut her off at the knees. But don't let her make promises that she is incapable of meeting, and don't rage at her for not being something she is not.

In Buddhist thought, misery and pain stem from defeated expectations. From clinging too hard to false attachments. Their solution is not to avoid life, or relationships; but to accept that everything is temporary, even failure. Even loss. So too is it with your friend.


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bloody hell, get me some aspirin and a whiskey straight

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RE: Vent, hissy fit, acting like a cunt... - 9/11/2010 5:00:16 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sappatoti


quote:

ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub
Did I finally win a kewpie doll? lolol

Sure, why not... take your pick...
dang those pics brought back some memories!

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