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what do you prefer??? - 9/8/2010 11:14:46 PM

nawtycountrygirl

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When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 3:02:54 AM

DarkSteven

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to collarme!

What kind of relationship do you envision? If you want something like 1950s household, which is mostly about obedience and service submission, experience shouldn't be that big. If you want someone to whip you and do breath play, then experience is a factor.

If you live close to a metro area, then you can likely find mentorship and training, if he's willing to learn.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 3:14:56 AM

keyhole

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I don't care what they state about their experience. Well, maybe with one exception: those who emphasize it in their profiles, stating the great number of years they've been doing blateeblahlifestyle, seem less suited because they're placing so much emphasis on externals, kind of like the guy with a fancy car who sometimes waves a jpeg of that in front of sub females thinking the shiny hunk of metal will draw them like fleas. What I look for is whether they understand me, understand my nature. I believe I'm more than clear in my profile about what I am and what I'm looking for. Somebody looking for someone similar and also (and this is key) capable of managing someone like me will approach me in a manner that doesn't engender disgust, anger, pity, or other negative emotions or symptoms of repulsion, a manner that strongly encourages me to write back.

Or maybe they will have such things in their profiles, compelling me to write them. Such people are quite rare. When one comes around I could care less about their stated experience or lack of it, as their actions will tell me they've got all the experience they need to own me.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 3:51:35 AM

DesFIP

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The Man was an experienced bondage top, I'm his first submissive. I can assure you it didn't matter to me that he hadn't a string of subs to wave about on a resume. In fact, that would have been a major red flag. I wanted someone who was capable of maintaining a relationship long term, meaning years and decades. Someone who changed subs every few months would not have been able to prove that.

You can always take your time and learn whipping. You can't learn relationship skills in a one hour demo.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 8:15:19 AM

Missokyst

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I never cared one iota about how much experience my partner might have had. It is the man that attracts me, not the hype.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 8:25:12 AM

juliaoceania

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I prefer a man that is hot, sexy, and has the same approach to life. Experience domming others is really not important to me

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:06:13 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: keyhole

I don't care what they state about their experience. Well, maybe with one exception: those who emphasize it in their profiles, stating the great number of years they've been doing blateeblahlifestyle, seem less suited because they're placing so much emphasis on externals, kind of like the guy with a fancy car who sometimes waves a jpeg of that in front of sub females thinking the shiny hunk of metal will draw them like fleas. What I look for is whether they understand me, understand my nature. I believe I'm more than clear in my profile about what I am and what I'm looking for. Somebody looking for someone similar and also (and this is key) capable of managing someone like me will approach me in a manner that doesn't engender disgust, anger, pity, or other negative emotions or symptoms of repulsion, a manner that strongly encourages me to write back.

Or maybe they will have such things in their profiles, compelling me to write them. Such people are quite rare. When one comes around I could care less about their stated experience or lack of it, as their actions will tell me they've got all the experience they need to own me.

Great post. And I agree wholeheartedly.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:38:54 AM

leadership527

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Gee, I wonder if you've asked this question quite right. By asking it as a theoretical preference, you allow a lot of room for ... uh... PC interpretation. I'd be interested in hearing a more factual answer. Perhaps to something like,

In the past, have your dom or masters been generally younger or older than you?

I may be wrong, but I have it stuck in my head that when this question has been asked in the past, the doms were older than the subs by an overwhelming majority.

And DarkSteven, how funny that you answered that way. I would've said it exactly the opposite. So much for my theory that I could stop posting here entirely because you had it covered *laughs*.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:39:42 AM

IronBear

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From the 'tother side of the kneel, I don't give a tinker's cuss if a slave is experienced or a rookie. bothy have their attractions and distractions. It is the personality, the chemistry and if we can form a bond and she feel comfortable with my Lady and the canines of Bruin Cottage. Locally, however I have found that few uncollared slaves (never sure about subs0 if any are interested in a Master unless he has a demonstratable (as in performing in the public scene0 history and experience. This applies even more so to us old farts. It's something akin to obtaining credit with no credit history. You need credit history to get credit, and yet you need credit to build up credit history. friends who are very wealthy found this out after decades of paying cash.. (I taught them as long as you have suitable assets and an income over AU$25,000 a year you can get a Visa Card. pity we can't do that with BDSM experience and creditability, especially you shy away from the public scene which prefers old farts to stay away.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:41:52 AM

stef

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quote:

ORIGINAL: nawtycountrygirl

When y'all are looking for a dom or master, do you prefer someone with experience? Would you consider someone starting out?

I consider a person's character long before I question their experience. The size of a person's toybox or the number of people they've played with are near the bottom of the list of things I'm concerned with.

~stef

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:42:49 AM

peppermint

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Experience really doesn't matter all that much unless we're planning on doing fire play or activities that take skill. Actually, when I read profile that brags about how many subs the Dom has trained in the past I wonder why he's still looking for a sub. Can't he form a long term relationship? Does he dump his subs when he gets bored? It might be that after a short time his subs discover that he's not really dominant and leave him. Bragging about how many past relationships a person has had just seems plain tacky for many reasons.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:43:44 AM

leadership527

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And since IB did, I'll go ahead too. From the D-side of the leash, I have a pretty strong preference to "inexperienced". It's generally my feeling that many of the relationship aspects of BDSM are incompatible with me. So I'd rather try to find a submissive vanilla woman and enslave her than deal with a bunch of retraining to teach my partner that a relationship is about both of us (and about 4 jillion other BDSM memes that'd have to go in any relationship with me).

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:50:07 AM

BOUNTYHUNTER

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Experience dosen't matter as I will teach them my ways and break old bad habits learn from previous doms, I like to start with a fresh face and a new out look, just two cents from this ol'; Master..Bounty

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 9:56:30 AM

SubPet715

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I would like someone who is willing to learn as I am just starting out as well. It would make me comfortable to know that and put me more at ease, plus I would like a long and fruitful relationship based on trust and mutual respect.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 10:08:16 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

And since IB did, I'll go ahead too. From the D-side of the leash, I have a pretty strong preference to "inexperienced". It's generally my feeling that many of the relationship aspects of BDSM are incompatible with me. So I'd rather try to find a submissive vanilla woman and enslave her than deal with a bunch of retraining to teach my partner that a relationship is about both of us (and about 4 jillion other BDSM memes that'd have to go in any relationship with me).

No offense personally to you, but I am also annoyed when someone states that they want an inexperienced partner so they don't have to "retrain" them.

That would discount quite a large number of women older than 20. It is almost like saying, I don't want a used up submissive.

I personally, am not a trained animal. In my relationships our dynamic is worked out between two people, so no training is involved.

Between two people, in my relationships, our mutual preferences and goals are shared, so the term training has always irked me.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 10:13:12 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
No offense personally to you, but I am also annoyed when someone states that they want an inexperienced partner so they don't have to "retrain" them.

No offense taken. And I should be clear. If I was looking for a partner, I would more than happily accept any reasonable partner. I just don't think I'm likely to find such a person from among the ranks of experienced BDSM slaves.

quote:

That would discount quite a large number of women older than 20. It is almost like saying, I don't want a used up submissive. I personally, am not a trained animal. In my relationships our dynamic is worked out between two people, so no training is involved. Between two people, in my relationships, our mutual preferences and goals are shared, so the term training has always irked me.

I actually wasn't thinking of "BDSM training". I was thinking of general relationship training. Like you, I'd prefer to not have to train my partner in how to have a relationship. Unfortunately, history and experience tells me that I do. I'd rather not make the effort harder than necessary.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 10:13:59 AM

sexyred1

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Thanks for clarifying. I am sorry if I misunderstood your use of the term training. :)

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 10:56:57 AM

Twoshoes

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Good news in this thread.

Edited to add: I'm assuming people asking for experience are asking for life experience and not BDSM experience.

In which case I'd totally agree. I have enough life experience to know I don't have much life experience.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/9/2010 11:44:32 AM >

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 11:11:44 AM

LadyPact

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From the other side of the kneel here, too. Just chiming in for fun.

I actually do prefer folks who have some prior experience. If they don't have that, they need to show Me that they have a sincere desire to learn. For Me, that means show initiative! Don't wait around for your first D/s dynamic to teach you everything. Do independent research. Read a book. Try a munch. See if there is a demo that interests you. Any other interest in your life, you'd want to find out more about it, right? Why not this? Especially when "this" has a lot of safety concerns tied up (excuse the pun) in it.

There's no reason whatsoever to delay learning. Education, and the willingness to learn more, is always attractive in a potential.

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RE: what do you prefer??? - 9/9/2010 12:23:52 PM

sothernnyte

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amen Lady Pact

i chat often here at CM. and yes, we get alot of wankers etc..but then we tdo get those that are truly interested. and i try to give that same advice to the new subs...read, research, learn some things on your own. it makes you more appealing to a Dominant. people want someone who is willing to put the effort in... if you cant even put the effort to read something..what good will you be in the long run.

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