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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 5:40:40 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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No it's not something "every one knows"

Trantriqu I don't think that's always an accurate judge of how good he'll be or not, I've had plenty of men, and most of them were normal to large size dick, an they have all been good lovers, because they were good people who cared about my sexual satisfaction.

The ones I've had with very small penises, sucked in bed because they sucked at careing for an bout my satisfaction.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

Everyone knows the best lovers have average-to-slightly smaller penises, and the biggest dicks have the biggest dicks.
Compliment your new lover on his penis, and you'll soon know what to make of him. If he says, 'HELL, yes!', he'll be crap in bed. If he turns away, blushes, makes a deprecating moue and winces, 'No!', ladies, that man is a go-er! Like the old Avis ads, '5.5": we try harder!'

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(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 21

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 5:41:44 PM

SorceressJ

Posts: 2968
Joined: 7/24/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Humiliation breaks someone down. I want to build her up.

..and this is why I love You, Steven.
In answer to Your question: I have not played a scene like this, but I read this book once, where the gritty dark detective protagonist had this gal with him, that he was trying to help, who had some serious image issues (and as it turned out, other issues as well) - so one evening at his apartment, he took her, made her stand in front of the bathroom mirror, and told her to look and say what she saw there. Everytime she turned away from the image in the mirror, he slapped her on the ass, hard. When she said she was big and fat and ugly, same deal, until he had her well into the epiphany of self-realization, with tears of absolution pouring down her face. I thought it was beautiful, and powerful, and very very positive.
So like yeah, Your idea rocks. Just sayin'.

Attachment (1)

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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 22

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 5:42:22 PM

camille65

Posts: 5746
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From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented. I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

I foresee a scene in which I make a submissive strip naked, and compliment her on aspects of her body, her style, her sense of humor, etc., and she is forced to reply "Thank you" to each one. I don't know what you'd call a scene like that, sort of an antihumiliation scene.

Anyone ever do something like that? It sounds hot as hell to me.

My Owner does this to me, or would that be 'he does this for me'? Either way.. he has done this ever since our first RL meeting. Yes I have body issues.

Because of his loving help and consistancy I am now able to be comfortable in my body, take pride in my body and revel in him using my body.

When he arrives he strips me even before removing his shoes (there is such a curious and delicious sensation that comes with being nude while he remains fully dressed!) and looks at me, then the verbal compliments start along with is hands touching me.

At first it was just awful, oh it was awful lol. I felt a ton of negative emotions from shame to total worry that he'd see me as I do. I'm a very slow learner on some things but I'm doing really well with this.

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Post #: 23

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 5:42:26 PM

Twoshoes

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Well, I just felt self-doubt...
I guess this means your opinion matters to me some.
And I can see your point.

I incorrectly assumed something there. I should have just typed that DarkSteven's example sounds more intense since he seems to want to dedicate an entire scene to deliberately focus on a person's self-doubt.

I don't doubt your prowess at making women blush, VC.

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 24

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 5:46:46 PM

camille65

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Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: styxxUK

Maybe I am missing something here - but the idea of this being a "scene" somehow sounds somewhat wrong to me. Would it not be better to simply tell her every day whilst shopping / when you go out together ..... and in more inimates respects whilst sessioning her how beautiful she (and her body) is ??

Dunno which is better. Your suggestion involves something low intensity, repeated often, in places that are public and everyday. I'm talking intense sessions in places under my control. The end result should be the same but the headspace will be very different.

The headspaces are indeed different. He often compliments me while we are out but there are always distractions, for both of us.

Doing it at home with me nude means he is truly and soley fixed upon me, there is a focus there that is lacking while running around doing stuff.

This technique is one I respond to. Humiliation makes me shut down. Building me up on the other hand gets him the results he wants and gets me some great self confidence.

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Post #: 25

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 7:19:11 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SorceressJ

This. I have this photo on my bathroom mirror, so I can't miss it.

~sweetsub~

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Post #: 26

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 7:20:12 PM

subforherMaster

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Joined: 7/4/2010
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That you want to build up your sub is so womderful! The type of Dom you are would be apparent and known by that time. I can not see her feeling insecure or beat down by this type of scene. Long as you don't go posting her responses on the boards! lol

(in reply to camille65)

Post #: 27

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 7:33:15 PM

FetishRose

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My Sir does this periodically, especially if I have been particularly down about some part of my body. At one point, when I had been moping about my tummy for a few days, he tied me up, naked, and proceeded to touch the parts of my body that he hated, and to tell me how much he liked them and why.
As awkward and uncomfortable it was at first, it really did help to know that he finds me beautiful, from my tummy, to my table legs, to my "manly" shoulders, haha

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Post #: 28

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 7:47:04 PM

Tantriqu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I loves me some Tantriqu spirit.

You rock, woman

Thanks!

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)

Post #: 29

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 8:08:01 PM

Tantriqu

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Joined: 12/29/2006
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I love average/below-average sized penises and the good men attached to them; your mileage may vary. Growers, not showers!

As we also know, penis size is just a genetic crapshoot; it's not the size of the ship, it's the motion of the ocean and how long the ship stays afloat. Besides, smaller not only works harder, but tends to hit the G-spot juuuuust right!

We've all seen how cruel men can be about women's appearances: what we don't hear about is how they're even crueller to their own sex!
Men who have been humiliated in the locker room from adolescence on can have a crippling body image problem, and not realise their own rampant beauty until a handsome and kind Princess comes along to Queen them, and they literally blossom :-) in gratitude.

A good man released from self-deprecation is literally beautiful.

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 30

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 8:12:26 PM

Twoshoes

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tantriqu

not realise their own rampant beauty until a handsome and kind Princess comes alongand they literally blossom :-) in gratitude.

A good man released from self-deprecation is literally beautiful.

This entire thread is just full of positivity.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/10/2010 8:18:05 PM >

(in reply to Tantriqu)

Post #: 31

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 8:15:11 PM

sweetsub1957

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Joined: 4/28/2009
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~FR~
And the size of the whole man does NOT necessarily have anything to do w/ the size of the penis. I remember maaaaany years ago, seeing a pygmy in a National Geographic mag with a massive-looking cock. lol

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 32

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/10/2010 11:50:19 PM

sophiesback

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quote:

- Teasing and denying someone until they actually say that they are "The most beautiful woman" or "really pretty". (something out of the beautiful/pretty/sexy/smart category).

Would you rather be beaten with something or have to compliment yourself? Sometimes pain is preferable to emotional vulnerability.

This. Master did this to me not long ago, making me say positive things about myself I wasn't comfortable with. It let me know how HE really sees me. It was quite an ego boost

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Post #: 33

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 3:55:56 AM

allthatjaz

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Geez I had that sort of thing done on me about 18 months ago and it did no end of good

Steve is very complementary and I have always been the typical woman that shrugs compliments.
The experience I had with him was similar to what you describe in your initial post (I don't think of it as a scene because it wasn't planned)
He started to compliment my body but I retorted with my usual embarrassed replies. He then sat back and glared at me. I asked him what was wrong and he said
'Why is it that every time I say something good about you, you retaliate ? why can't you just smile and say thanks? In future, if you retaliate at one more compliment I am going to punish you so hard you won't know whats hit you.
Saying thanks to his compliments seemed very alien at first but after a while it started to feel good and once it felt good, I could start to believe and enjoy his compliments.

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(in reply to Toppingfrmbottom)

Post #: 34

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 10:32:08 AM

LadyPact

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I've read this idea before somewhere, but I honestly can't remember which book it was in. I'll flip through a few more pages today and see if I can pinpoint it.

If I recall correctly, the person who wrote it said it was a very positive thing. The gal in the story did have a poor self image when naked and doing this had helped to reaffirm that he saw her as beautiful and it aided her in seeing herself as beautiful, too. She was more willing to accept her beauty because while she was naked and felt he would see all of her flaws, he was giving her positive reinforcement the whole time. It helped her see herself more as the way he saw her, rather than being critical of herself.

I think it could be exceptionally positive if done in that situation.

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Post #: 35

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 11:04:15 AM

Abstracts

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I'm not discounting that this would work on some subs, but in my opinion, I don't see why it would work for even most. First, you can force someone to wear a certain style of clothing, to say certain things, and so on and so forth. But forcing them to fundamentally change their opinions on something, even themselves, is trickier. In my experience, if you want to build someone up, it's important that they don't know what you are trying to do. However, this approach is entirely too obvious. Forcing her to say thank you and act agreeably won't necessarily make her believe it in her head. Sure it might work after consistent repetition, but it seems like it would be a fragile solution.

Someone posted earlier that they would suggest telling your sub how much you admire different aspects of their person on a daily basis. I agree with this. There is scening, and then there is the overall psychology of the relationship. I think this would fall into the latter. This is the male of this account speaking and I've been with plenty of women with low self image. But I made damn sure they knew I thought they were amazing and by time each of those relationships were over, they were more confident and even more independent. I never once told them to agree. I just told them they were wrong when they disagreed.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 36

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 11:53:07 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Well I'm confused....

You mean a submissive you're seeing naked for the first time?

And by "antihumiliation", you mean a submissive you feel might have body-image issues...?

Focus.

Not the first time. Hell, no. This would be a woman with whom I have an ongoing relationship. The nakedness is to make her vulnerable.

Humiliation breaks someone down. I want to build her up.

This starts to sound like relationship "thin ice"....

You don't think a woman you're actually in a relationship with might see a bigger picture? That maybe you're trying a bit too hard to "fix" something not necessarily broken...? A compliment is one thing but "I want to build her up" brings self-esteem (or lack of) into play. Anyone of average intelligence will pick up on that....

The thing about a genuine compliment is mostly the sincerity it's delivered with, esp from your own partner. They *know* you, that gives their bullshit-meter fine tuned sensitivity....

The nakedness = vulnerability thing is easy to grasp in any D/s relationship. False platitudes, incl anything remotely ressembling minute insincerity, is courting danger.... Be veeeeeery careful.

Focus.

FOCUS you make this all so frikkin complicated !
Let it be.

Nakedly standing in front of my Sir, him giving me compliments after three years of belonging to him is very uplifting. Not shallow but something like this to me would indicate that "like I am, he still adores me." THANK YOU SIR !!

Get a grip that women are emotionally different than men and DS came up with something totally awesome.

(in reply to Focus50)

Post #: 37

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 11:57:41 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented. I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

OK, "scenes" are neat and all, but I worked through this problem quite a bit more succinctly with Carol simply by reminding her that the proper english-language response to a compliment is "thank you". The proper english language response to "thank you" is "your welcome". We basically did what you're proposing but as a part of ongoing day-to-day life which I suspect would be quite a bit more effective than a "scene" -- repetition and all that.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 38

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 12:17:41 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented. I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

I foresee a scene in which I make a submissive strip naked, and compliment her on aspects of her body, her style, her sense of humor, etc., and she is forced to reply "Thank you" to each one. I don't know what you'd call a scene like that, sort of an antihumiliation scene.

Anyone ever do something like that? It sounds hot as hell to me.

I understand the underlying principle with encouraging someone you care for to overcome insecurities. I do not see doing this as a specific act or scene per se though. Nor do I see it as a sexually related act or erotic.

Instead encouragement is an integrated aspect of human relating. Not to give false hope, not at all. Instead to speak the facts as to how I view the one I love. I cannot separate encouragement from how I relate. False hope on the other hand is fully separate from how I inter-relate. If what I say has no solid foundation then naturally my efforts to reverse insecurities in the one I love would be futile. Herein is where the ability to sift the wheat from the chaff is essential.

I do not see physical nakedness so much as a sense of being flawed as much as I see it as being total vulnerable. I have not found my efforts to transform an insecurity in a woman I love to be effective when she is at her most vulnerable place within herself. I am rather inclined to offer in the moment what she needs and does not necessarily want due to her conditioning to reject the truth of her nature as a woman.

But then everyone has their own approach to reach the goal which they deem right for them and the one they love. I know I did when I was in a committed relationship with My beloved Companion. Transforming insecurities on an inter-personal level does not have to occur in any set pattern. I believe when the method is found which is effective is the path to follow.

Although as I stated earlier I do not see a relation to transforming insecurities with any aspect of eroticism. I see it solely as a human relational issue. Gaining an increased internal sense of self will indeed increase ones ability to accept compliments on all levels. At least in my experience this has proven to be true.

Take care!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 39

RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 9/11/2010 12:23:33 PM

DesFIP

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He simply forbid me to criticize myself or refuse a compliment. Not being allowed to say "Oh, I'm really not beautiful" turns out to be very powerful over time. We tend to put ourselves down all the time. "I can't wear that bright a color, I need to minimize everything in dark colors" to "I hate my hips". We say these negative things about ourselves all the time and it makes us focus on our bad points and ignore the good ones.

By not being allowed to focus on the bad points, by not being allowed to mention them, and by being required to say thank you to a compliment you slowly change how she sees herself. It isn't something that can really change in one scene, it takes constant reinforcement to do so.

In addition, I had a year or so where I had to meet people's eyes and talk to at least one stranger a day and smile at them. I must have opened doors for every elderly person in this town! But it worked.

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Post #: 40

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