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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/6/2010 6:52:27 AM

MercTech

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Yes. And using the paradigm that accepting a compliment negatively is an insult to my ability to make a judgement and form an opinion and quite insulting. (wicked evil grin)

Stefan

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

I've known too many women that get squirmy and uncomfortable when complimented. I'd like to help my next sub get past that, if she's got that problem.

I foresee a scene in which I make a submissive strip naked, and compliment her on aspects of her body, her style, her sense of humor, etc., and she is forced to reply "Thank you" to each one. I don't know what you'd call a scene like that, sort of an antihumiliation scene.

Anyone ever do something like that? It sounds hot as hell to me.

< Message edited by MercTech -- 11/6/2010 6:54:34 AM >

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/6/2010 7:08:10 AM

Alpha323

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DarkSteven, yes, it is hot as hell. I always do this. I call the scene, Inspection. I won't go into too many details, but it is a lot of fun. For every compliment, the sub must say, Thank You. In many cases, it is so foreign to them to do this. Some have been raised to be ashamed about every aspect of their bodies. My personal reason for doing this is simple: I have always wanted to see them grow; become more confident in their lives.
Have fun with it. If they pass inspection, I usually keep them. =)

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 5:20:50 AM

Manawyddan

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From: Petaluma (Northern California)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

I haven't done a full scene like this, but I'm familiar with the concept from up close and personal-I have a rule that nobody who is with me is allowed to deny a compliment I give them. They have to accept it with good grace, no matter how much it makes them blush.

I've always maintained a similar rule. Moreover, if they doubt they are attractive or appealing, they are casting aspersions on my judgment of them, and that's not allowed.

(this is so while still maintaining a rule that they are required to stop me if I'm about to do something really stupid ... )

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 6:24:41 AM

Awareness

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In short - no. I would contend it is ill-advised.

A woman's body-image issues are primarily driven by her self-esteem - her projected reality, not her actual reality. This can be driven by historical issues or just the verbal and non-verbal feedback she experiences in her every day life.

The other issue here is that this desire of yours smacks very much of a rescuer-Dom personality. You're not describing an existing problem with an existing sub, but one which you anticipate dealing with in the future. In general, the desire to 'fix' someone is something of a cause for concern - the anticipation of 'fixing' someone is even more suggestive.

Self-esteem is not dealt with by scening. It's primarily about eliminating negative self-talk then establishing a base of self-respect and accomplishment. Conditioning techniques can assist but must be used with care.

What you propose essentially sets the Dom up as a source of good feelings, but doesn't inherently provide the sub with a way of sustaining those good feelings in their Dom's absence. Thus, it can increase the addiction-potential for the sub which only increases their dependency. I realise this may not be your intention, but it seems likely that this will actually be the effect.

Addressing the root cause of these issues, means reworking the sub's fundamental beliefs about themselves. Simple repetition won't achieve it because words are easy and people - even the best of us - lie. Actions are a more reliable guide and the sub's belief structures will be primarily be affected by the actions of her Dom, the people closest to her and the world at large - in decreasing order of significance. However, certain unhealthy personality types will leap onto any excuse to justify their own self-abasement - thus not only complicating the issue, but moving it into the realm where professional intervention of some kind is vastly preferred.

In short, it's not a problem you want to have and if you do wind up being close to someone with this issue, then you may want to ask yourself how you got into this in the first place. But, presuming it's someone you care about, my advice would be to proceed carefully and understand exactly what you're doing. The human mind is not so open and shut as you seem to believe.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 6:39:34 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HisFirstAngel

Hmmm... I think that hearing it and believing it are two different things. If I may put myself in her place...I am complimented often. At a restaurant, men compliment my eyes. At the gas station, men tell me I'm beautiful. At the store, I see the way I'm looked at. I hear that I'm attractive a lot. But I do not believe it. Does that make sense? I have to admit that it doesn't to me.

I'm not certain that a scene such as this, DarkSteven, would make her actually believe it. I agree with Hardbutt, I think that the repetitiveness may help. I think that it would make her more self conscious in the beginning, but perhaps once it's repeated enough, she may actually believe it.

And, DarkSteven, I'll volunteer for the test position. I've always wanted to see CO. I hear they have huge, very intriguing, betta bowls!

Would you brush it off if it wasn't something external he was praising. But instead told you how smart you were, how kind and caring you are, how he loved your ability to make off handed witticisms?

Because someone telling you that you have beautiful eyes doesn't really know you. You had nothing to do with your eye color and shape, they came that way. But internal qualities are ones you developed, ones you've worked on.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 11:30:00 AM

petmonkey

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~FR~
DS,
Yes, i have. Instead of beginning with nudity, the D required i chose an outfit out of clothing i already owned which i thought flattering. Over the course of the scene, I was slowly stripped.
A potential script to work with, if you want to expand beyond body image alone:
http://www.wimp.com/loveyourself/

ETA: For some who have difficulty receiving compliments, it is difficult giving compliments as well. An additional task for a squirmy-when-complimented person is to require them to give them to others--if the person gives them in a genuine manner this might make them more comfortable with compliments in general which will in turn make them more comfortable with compliments about them specifically.

< Message edited by petmonkey -- 11/14/2010 11:50:43 AM >

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 1:42:37 PM

poise

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Lovely post petmonkey. I really enjoyed the movie clip.
Powerful yet oh so tender. I am now mush

Thank you for sharing this.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/14/2010 4:03:15 PM

petmonkey

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Your welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/15/2010 3:43:38 PM

sofldan

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Ive done something like that where I was asked about what parts of her body I like. It was actually pretty hot, I see no problems telling a woman she has beautiful parts to her body.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/22/2010 7:09:04 AM

masterlink65

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Esteem boosting is as important (to me) as discipline. In a lifestyle of protocol and discipline, use and service. The praise a slave gets, is just as important as the punishment. That is,,, if you want to keep them around for any amount of time.

I personally do not take on a slave with emotional problems, and esteem issues. I am a slave owner, not a shrink.

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RE: Anyone ever do a scene like this? - 11/23/2010 8:18:00 PM

Andalusite

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I sometimes blush over compliments, but the scene you describe would feel a little forced/faked on his part, like he was struggling to come up with something nice to say about every single thing rather than a genuine expression of his pleasure in looking at me.

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