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Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:14:40 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Well, I got this email from a really really handsome guy that lives within an hour of me. He is about my age, gorgeous in his photos, enjoys the same exercise as I do, and when he emailed me he addressed the interests I had listed in my profile.

He sent me a few long emails, and we have an incredible amount in common. He listed interests in his emails that I have newly developed myself, and wrote about elsewhere on the interwebs. In short, I almost felt like he researched me and what I am seeking (not saying he did, but it just seemed that way with how well everything he says fitting what i seek). He gave me his number, and I was going to call, but I had the stomach flu the past couple of days, so I put it off. I am hesitant to call him. The last time someone seemed too good to be true, they were too good to be true, and it turned out that I dodged a bullet with anger management issues.

Maybe I am paranoid now? I probably will call him, but I will block my number when I do. I just feel so jaded after my last experience, and more than a little distrustful. Has anyone else ever had someone too good to be true contact you... did you go for it, or did you dismiss it because it just seemed unrealistic someone could be that good?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

Post #: 1

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:22:02 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Has anyone else ever had someone too good to be true contact you... did you go for it, or did you dismiss it because it just seemed unrealistic someone could be that good?

This happened to me when my previous Dom and I were corresponding. I was kind of afraid to take a chance because, like you, I thought it was too good to be true after being burned multiple times by other guys. But I decided to go ahead and call Him, we talked on the phone and then we met and talked for hours.....next thing I knew, we were a couple until He died. Sometimes, too good to be true, is really just really good and really true.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 2

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:27:53 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

You'll never know unless you give it a try. As they say, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained".

BTW, does the term "baggage" mean anything to you?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 3

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:29:55 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

The last man I dated was ivy league educated, and was tops in his field (which because I am not into outing people I am not going to say what he does), he ended up ranting at me, lecturing me, and fairly much was a fucking bully. I don't like bullies...lol. I do not think I was "burned" as much as cut it off before I got "burned".

Thanks for your input. I know I should at least get to know him since we have so much in common

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 4

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:31:16 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

BTW, does the term "baggage" mean anything to you?

Yes, everyone I have ever known has it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 5

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:35:30 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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I had someone research me and cater to what he read about me. Got the badge! It is good to be aware and you can't help but feel a bit jaded or overly cautious, but you can't let that stop you in your tracks either.

Just like you said... block your number, go for it and see how you feel. If that nagging feeling or jadedness doesn't stop and you are being realistic... walk. There is something about him that doesn't ring true or you need more healing or time.

Good luck!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:35:55 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

BTW, does the term "baggage" mean anything to you?

Yes, everyone I have ever known has it.

Well the guy that you described sounds like he might be worth tossing the baggage away for (at least temporarily). If he turns out to be real, leave the baggage in the dumpster. If he turns out to be fake, pick up a few extra bags when you retrieve the original one.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 7

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 2:40:37 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Maybe I am paranoid now? I probably will call him, but I will block my number when I do. I just feel so jaded after my last experience, and more than a little distrustful. Has anyone else ever had someone too good to be true contact you...

I dont' know Julia... but some food for thought. If you are unable to believe that someone can be "that good", then you'll never, ever find a partner who IS that good. That's a pretty big price tag if you ask me. I'd want to at least check things out myself.

Edited to add Carol's response
The logic of needing to avoid perfect partners makes no sense.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 9/11/2010 2:42:11 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 3:27:13 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Maybe I am paranoid now? I probably will call him, but I will block my number when I do. I just feel so jaded after my last experience, and more than a little distrustful. Has anyone else ever had someone too good to be true contact you...

I dont' know Julia... but some food for thought. If you are unable to believe that someone can be "that good", then you'll never, ever find a partner who IS that good. That's a pretty big price tag if you ask me. I'd want to at least check things out myself.

Edited to add Carol's response
The logic of needing to avoid perfect partners makes no sense.

That rings true

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 9

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 3:28:31 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

I had someone research me and cater to what he read about me.

In a way that is kinda flattering, even if slightly weird

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 10

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 3:29:41 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Has anyone else ever had someone too good to be true contact you... did you go for it, or did you dismiss it because it just seemed unrealistic someone could be that good?

Yes, in March of 2009 someone contacted me and I almost did not reply. A few days later, I did reply. We embarked on conversations that continued to spark my interest, even though I did not want a relationship.

We met in person in May of 2009 - instant connection.

I still ask him to pinch me, because it still seems too good to be true. But it is true. And he likes pinching me, so he obliges lol.

Here's the deal though...baby steps. Very slowly. A year & a half later, we continue to very slowly move forward, very slowly learn each other, and are in no hurry to make plans for the future. There's no reason to hurry if it's exactly right.

So yeah, be cautious and get to know him. Let him show you who he is. You might like him, you might not like him, but everything he says, does and shares, is showing you who he is. You get to decide if that works for you or not. And there's no hurry in doing that, either. For me, it took about 4 or 5 months until I knew this was going to be a long term thing for me. Until then, there were so many things he said that, my initial reaction was to say "Yeah right" in my mind. Because it seemed so right for me I didn't believe it could possibly be true. But he walked his talk, and continued to show me who he was - not by way of trying to prove anything to me, but just by living and letting his character show through.

Don't build him up to be "perfect" before you get to know him. But don't knock him down, either. Just get to know him. There isn't much to lose in that.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 11

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 3:56:51 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Thanks for sharing, NV

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 12

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 4:03:05 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

*laughs* Damn you Nueva!!!

See, I wanna be able to write a story like that and usually your posts seem like they could've been about us. But the sad facts of the matter are that Carol wasn't "too good to be true". She was, in fact, everything I wasn't looking for in a partner. Happily, the universe knew better than me and put us together anyway and once in proximity, the inexorable forces of massive chemistry had their way.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 13

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 6:49:33 PM

Malkinius

Posts: 1814
Joined: 1/9/2004
Status: offline

Greetings julia.....

I don't consider it odd to research someone you are interested in if you can do so. If someone contacts me out of the blue I will do a quick search on them before replying if I can. I recently did this to a girl I am meeting this weekend and referenced things about her which she hadn't included in her contact to me. That, plus I did so in about a half hour after getting her email impressed her and worked in my favor. <grins> So, if someone is interested enough in you to research you, take that as a compliment. However, if they keep being into or an expert at every new thing you come up with, put your running shoes on because you are going to be needing them.

I think you should contact him further and I hope he turns out to be whatever he says he is.

Be well....

Malkinius

_____________________________

A questioner by inclination...An Auctioneer for the fun of it
http://www.HouseMalkinius.com The goal is community.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 14

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 6:50:25 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

But he walked his talk, and continued to show me who he was - not by way of trying to prove anything to me, but just by living and letting his character show through.

This, what NV said. There are people who do what they say and mean what they say. They're rare but they exist and are definitely worth waiting for. As far as the anger management? Have the tee shirt. In fact I am cynical enough to say that more men have this than not. But the ones who really are in control of themselves and can still be truly intimate? A connection worth waiting for and better than you ever imagined.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 7:26:48 PM

Shadow-tiger

Posts: 1775
Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

Don't build him up to be "perfect" before you get to know him. But don't knock him down, either. Just get to know him. There isn't much to lose in that.

This is advice I think everyone could use at some point. It gets very easy to get lost in euphoria about maybes. Also just as easy to treat it as too good to be true.

Like DesFIP stated: Some of us weirdos do what we say and mean what we say.

I like to tell people to take their time, and act upon what I do, not just what I say I'll do. It's not always to my benefit, but then I'm far from perfect.

I'd say give 'em a chance julia. You'll never fly if you don't take that leap.

_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to NuevaVida)

Post #: 16

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 7:35:02 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
She was, in fact, everything I wasn't looking for in a partner. Happily, the universe knew better than me and put us together anyway and once in proximity, the inexorable forces of massive chemistry had their way.

Well if it's any consolation, I didn't want a partner. I even told him that. I was perfectly content to live out myself as a single woman. As I told him, "My life is really good right now. It's gonna take someone pretty spectacular to add to the goodness I already have."

It's only a year and a half in. I still wonder sometimes if he's as cool as I think he is. But those wonderings are less and less frequent.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 17

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 7:39:13 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
As far as the anger management? Have the tee shirt. In fact I am cynical enough to say that more men have this than not. But the ones who really are in control of themselves and can still be truly intimate? A connection worth waiting for and better than you ever imagined.

I was concerned about anger issues, too. Before we even met, I asked him open ended questions about how he handled his anger, and what types of things made him angry. Interestingly, he had similar questions of me, but from a different angle.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 18

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 7:52:40 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

As far as the anger management? Have the tee shirt. In fact I am cynical enough to say that more men have this than not. But the ones who really are in control of themselves and can still be truly intimate? A connection worth waiting for and better than you ever imagined.

I am not used to men screaming at me in uncontrolled rage, especially when we have only been dating a couple of months

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 19

RE: Too Good to Be True - 9/11/2010 8:01:07 PM

Shadow-tiger

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Joined: 6/8/2008
From: California
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Uncontrolled rage tends to negate the whole anger management thing. And gives those of us who do have reign on our temper more trouble, as we can been seen as losing our heads at the smallest provocation. I suspect what DesFIP was getting at with that comment is that someone who can direct their anger in an intimate encounter can be quite ... fun.

_____________________________

Just some guy (profile)
Just a tiny bit evil
My kind of love song

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 20

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