Lurkers

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Lordandmaster -> Lurkers (4/23/2006 12:58:31 AM)
Just a question. Anytime you look at who's in the forums, you'll see many, many names of people who have never posted anything. Some of them have been members for quite a long time. So they must be lurkers. Why do people lurk in the forums without saying anything? I'm not complaining--lurkers have a right to lurk. I just wonder what they get out of it. Do you people really read all the crap we write in here? Why don't you make a comment or two about it?

Focus50 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 3:31:35 AM)
Assuming that the majority of "career lurkers" aren't gonna post an answer, I'll take a stab. I'd think it's no different to anything else in life. Not everyone gets up and dances at a dance and not everyone sings at a karioke bar <shiver>. But most still get something out of it or they wouldn't be there.... As for forums, I'd imagine a lot of lurkers are new to the lifestyle and they're only here for personal research. Then there'll be those who are shy or lack the confidence to post - especially when some hardcore poster jumps down their throat from the outset! The majority of email I get here are from those who have never posted but related to something I posted myself. Not everyone has to post to enjoy their time here. It's all good.... Focus.

DolceFarNeinte -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 3:45:22 AM)
Lurkers should be prosecuted for trespassing.And so should the "gap years" .

twicehappy -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 4:31:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Why do people lurk in the forums without saying anything? I'm not complaining--lurkers have a right to lurk. I just wonder what they get out of it. Do you people really read all the crap we write in here? Why don't you make a comment or two about it? There could be any number of reasons. During the 6 years of my search i kept a profile here under a different nic (now since deleted) and read the boards daily. I felt like this gave me some insight on prospective owners while also keeping me abreast of events, lifestyle changes and new toy shops. Very rarely did i post. Once collared i opened a new profile as my owners are very active on the boards and expressed their desire that i post my opinions as well. I think some people realize that often the same topic is rehashed in many ways so only make a post when a thread really grabs their attention

MHOO314 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 5:55:07 AM)
Many people are not comfortable bringing attention to themselves--or aren't comfortable with the written word--its one thing to do a checklist of likes, wants, limits, its quite another to begin to unravel ones personality, "publically". And I used to find at times, other people were faster at the send button with the same thoughts, I wanted to bring something of value not redundancy.

Aileen68 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 5:59:06 AM)
I lurked for months on that other site before I found collar. Then I lurked here in the forums for a bit before I started posting. It can be intimidating especially when you see someone get flamed (vanilla husband post comes to mind). Some people just enjoy following the advice and the drama without getting involved.

ScooterTrash -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:01:47 AM)
I agree that they might just be content with seeing what bits of wisdom they can grasp from reading the posts. Not everyone is comfortable with stating their thoughts and you have to admit the forums can be a tough place to hold your own at times. I have occasionally received e-mails from someone who just reads the boards and doesn't participate, they seem to be more comfortable with having a one on one conversation than throwing their thoughts out on a public board.

bandit25 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:03:23 AM)
As a new poster, I think it's the intimidation factor. For the most part, I've found that you're a friendly group, but sometimes it seems like you talk mostly to each other and new posters' posts get lost.

LaTigresse -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:08:57 AM)
I agree with the previous answers, many people just enjoy reading and do not wish to interject their opinions. Perhaps they are at a place in life that they are so unsure of themselves that they do not know what their opinion even is. I can certainly say that I find the boards very educational and yes, have definately developed some ideas of the person behind the posts. If I was searching for someone on CM this would be a great place to see what kind of person they are!

dave1212 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:17:54 AM)
Lordandmaster, i would not consider myself as a "lurker" but i do tend to read the forum's quite a lot and get many answer's to my own question's by doing so.. Beside's which by the time i have decided to "ask" something all you (made up word alert) cleverer people on here have beaten me to it ! And usually it is asked (alert again) betterer than i would have asked..~Baaahh..[8\|] Grrrr

cuddleheart50 -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:18:27 AM)
I lurked for awhile, reading the posts. I was trying to get a feel for what was going on, what was being talked about. Plus, I'm on the shy side too..lol

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 6:23:58 AM)
I wish MORE people would lurk! That way fewer first posts would sound so assinine, as so many do.

quietWonder -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:21:01 AM)
i agree with much of what has been already said, and for myself i lurked at collarme sometime back for quite awhile and then just in the last few days came back with less inhibition in what i say here. Part of relunctance i think comes from the tone of the board and the active participants, and self-assurance of ones self to post without worry about being flamed for expressed thoughts. All in all it is a having the ability to freely post when and how you feel with a degree of courtesy to others that counts. As long as the board remains those that lurk may eventually be seen or not, either way there is information available, and its all good in my eyes.

Arpig -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:28:40 AM)
quote: Do you people really read all the crap we write in here? Maybe what we write isn't as crappy as we think.....

sharainks -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:33:48 AM)
I spent several months peeking at posts on here before posting. Only when it seemed to me that this place was considerably more pleasant than another popular bdsm web site did I post. Count me as one who just got tired of flame wars and wanted to understand this place a bit better before posting.

LadyMorgynn -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:44:44 AM)
It is a sad truth, that there are rude people here as elsewhere, who will flame you on absolutely no provocation at all. They may disagree with you, they may willfully misunderstand or twist your words to mean something else, and flames fly. And then there are the people who are convinced they are right, and that in and of itself makes them feel superior and gives them (in their eyes) permission to run ragged over anyone who doesn't believe the same way they do. There's something about anonymity of the Internet that seems to make a lot of people forget every scrap of the manners that one hopes were taught at their mother's knee. But, by and large, I've found that the folks on the boards here are pretty decent. Not that I haven't gotten into a scrap or two here, but I don't really worry too much about what people think of me (their problem, not mine) and if they agree with me or not... it's all about exchanging opinions and (to me, anyway) learning from others who have had different or even similar experiences, and growth, not whether I look good in my posts. I just say what I think and let the chips fall where they will. I do make some attempt to make be articulate so that I'm not misunderstood, and from a childhood of being thought to be "backward" (I was agonizingly shy... can you believe it? LOL!), I tend to belabor my points more than I should just to be sure they are understood. But I really ENJOY the give and take and the dialogue here, and am strong enough take criticism and even learn from it... and strong enough not to let flames and hateful words touch me (consider the source). quote: ORIGINAL: quietWonder Part of relunctance i think comes from the tone of the board and the active participants, and self-assurance of ones self to post without worry about being flamed for expressed thoughts.

MistressOfGa -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:55:42 AM)
quote: As a new poster, I think it's the intimidation factor. For the most part, I've found that you're a friendly group, but sometimes it seems like you talk mostly to each other and new posters' posts get lost. Bandit, Just so you know your post wasn't lost, I am responding to you. I am inclined to agree with you here. In case it wasn't said before, welcome to the boards <s>

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 7:56:18 AM)
Some reasons I can think of: Other people always post what they already think/feel (that's a main reason for me when I don't post on a thread) Not comfortable putting something out in public and the possible reactions it might get The forums really aren't right for them but they enjoy reading And they are just passers-by I'm not completely sure of the lurking motivations- but I know it's a universal on every single cyber board of every single interest group I've been a part of. Mot people lurk, few people participate.

Xploremyworld -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 8:10:00 AM)
I'd suggest that there are many reasons (I've read some of them here) that people choose to 'lurk' instead of being more active. Two that I immediately think of: (1) They've come across a situation in their own relationship or life, and are researching how others have handled it; and (2) While they enjoy reading the threads and find them entertaining, they haven't found a compelling reason to actually respond. Many people enjoy the thought provoking topics found here, but don't feel it necessary to put their own thoughts into words on every issue. When they find something that sufficiently moves them, most people WILL respond actively. Interesting thread! Edited to add: I've been a member since June 2005, and I've only posted ten times. I guess that makes ME a lurker!! X

Shadowsdream -> RE: Lurkers (4/23/2006 8:13:35 AM)
Good morning I am a lurker here on the forums..every single day many times a day if I just wish to relax and read a bit of the opinions of others interested in the same world I live in day to day. I seldom post because I can very easily become a post a holic which eats up more time than I actually should be eating up online...but simply reading is a nice way to spend some time none the less. I enjoy the collarme forums because the ideas are diverse and flames are rarer than on other forums I no longer read or post in. I am not shy or insure of Myself nor am I looking for ideas and have met several people in real time from collarme, some of whose posts I have found particularly interesting. www.mistressmarlene.com

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