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My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/15/2010 9:41:20 PM   
VioletGray


Posts: 359
Joined: 10/29/2007
From: Baltimore, MD
Status: offline 		I have a question to ask at the end of this, but first a little background:

My local Baltimore goth club, Orpheus, had a dungeon.  I had several friends who were into BDSM, but I never saw the appeal, and it was maddening. To be honest, I felt so left out.  I felt like the only muggle at Hogwarts.  I mean, I could kind of understand wanting to be dominant (I really didn't, but I thought I did.) I just chalked it up to a childish need to have some other person be your human toy, and have them do whatever the hell you want.

Being submissive completely perplexed me.  Why the HELL would you actually want someone to yell at you, boss you around demanding things of you? I figured that some sexually damaged people actually liked BDSM, but for most people it was kind of like the Emperor's New Clothes, they all pretended it was something they were interested in to seem cool.

That changed one night when they were taking volunteers for a demonstration on the rack.  I volunteered with no concept of the eroticism, but more of a mundane curiousity about my own pain tolerance.  They had me meet Mistress Jezebel, one of the in-house dommes. 

Okay, now this woman was taller than me in heels, thigh high boots and a black corset.  Having never met a dominatrix before I figured she'd be the stereotype.  That she's look down her nose at me and sneer, that she'd yell "KNEEL SLAVE!" smacking her riding crop against her hand for emphasis. But no, she shook my hand and gave me the warmest smile I'd ever seen, asked me to sit down beside her.  I moved to the chair beside her, and she gently informed me that I would be sitting not on the chair beside her, but on the floor while we went over the ground rules and reviewed the contract she had concerning what would and wouldn't be permissible.

And from that moment on my life was different. 

She didn't yell, or feel the need to intimidate me.  She just matter-of-factly let me know how things were going to be from now on.  Her explaining that I was hers now wasn't a demand, it was just an observation.  During that time I discovered something very important about myself: I found it incredibly erotic to surrender my being, to become an extension of another person.  I was just another one of her appendages, and it was blissful.  During that time, I also went from wondering how someone could stand being a submissive to wondering how someone could stand being a domme!

Um.. yeah.. so anyway, my question is this:

When did you find out that D&S was erotic for you? I know people might be tempted to answer with things like "I always knew I was submissive or dominant" but here I mean specifically in a BDSM context.

< Message edited by VioletGray -- 9/15/2010 9:43:23 PM >
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/15/2010 10:37:35 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hrrrrm, I'm not sure that I ever DID find BDSM erotic although in indirect ways it's spiced up our sex life rather dramatically. For us, this is pretty much just a way to organize our marriage and make decisions that fits us. It is how we love each other.

Specifically, we ran into all this when we were already married for 11 years. I was about 43. She was 51. A year after that it came out of the online world and into our living room and she became my slave. That was 3 years ago.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to VioletGray)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/15/2010 10:46:45 PM   
Verfor99


Posts: 46
Joined: 7/15/2009
From: Roswell, GA
Status: offline 		Always been this way, really. Been in the masturbatory fantasies since night one.

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/15/2010 11:09:38 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletGray
I just chalked it up to a childish need to have some other person be your human toy, and have them do whatever the hell you want.

I... admit nothing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletGray
Being submissive completely perplexed me.  Why the HELL would you actually want someone to yell at you, boss you around demanding things of you?

I, again ... admit nothing!

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletGray
But no, she shook my hand and gave me the warmest smile I'd ever seen, asked me to sit down beside her.  I moved to the chair beside her, and she gently informed me that I would be sitting not on the chair beside her, but on the floor while we went over the ground rules and reviewed the contract she had concerning what would and wouldn't be permissible.


Some of those dominants are rather charming; that's how they reel you in. You want to please them, because they are oh-so-nice to you, so likable, so very kind.
Suffering for them — as they whisper sweet things into your ear — seems to only further the desire to please, while drawing satisfaction from the lengths you're willing to go to do so.

(Excuse my ridiculous abuse of grammar... IT NEVER HAPPENED, OK?  Finally worked in that emote!)

quote:


She didn't yell, or feel the need to intimidate me.

Honestly, I haven't yelled at anyone for at least 4 months. I just get annoyed, usually. Seems to me "Dominants controlling their own emotions" is a recurring theme here.

quote:


When did you find out that D&S was erotic for you?

When I was around 9. Who leaves a '90s Femdom magazine under their bed? I'll tell you who: previous tenants.
I didn't realize there was an equivalent male version till I was about 15-16.

quote:


I know people might be tempted to answer with things like "I always knew I was submissive or dominant" but here I mean specifically in a BDSM context.

I understand both. I probably could do both. However, I like to get what I want more often than not.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 9/15/2010 11:52:11 PM >

(in reply to VioletGray)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/15/2010 11:41:33 PM   
xkittenx


Posts: 43
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		I was still in high school when I realized I found all this stuff to be kinda hot.

Prior to that though I was always the girl who wanted to play the puppy when my friends and I played "house". I liked being locked in the closet when I got caught chewing on Daddy's shoes.

_____________________________

- kitten 2.0

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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/16/2010 1:00:14 AM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline 		1970

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I give good thread.

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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/16/2010 2:03:34 AM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		when i sued to play as we called it cruel doctors an nusres as kids i used to hide the fact as possibly the otehr kids did how good it felt. then i realised within a few months of marrage that my now ex would never be into kink we were watching somthing on tv and they were showing shibari and wax play togetehr it had only been on a couple of mins and my ex turned it of saying how discusting and hossible and cruel it was an di was getting hot and excited and then very disapointed and annoyed he turned it off and becuase of his reaction i never said anything. so for me it was in stages so initalyy possibly about 8 or 9 ish then confimed at about 20

(in reply to ResidentSadist)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/16/2010 3:48:39 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I wanted to be tied up ever since watching Nell get tied by Snidely Whiplash in the old Dudley Doright cartoons. Not to a train track especially, but just the tying part.

As far as submission, I never knew what it was till I stumbled on a bondage website. Heard the word, read enough to garner a working definition for me, and realized this is who I was. As far as d/s specifically being erotic? Not till I met The Man. It felt incredibly good to relax and have him take charge.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to phoenixmoonn13)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/16/2010 4:37:28 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Violet, I had no preconceived notions of swaggering leather-clad Doms.  I simply used to get very turned on whenever a girl would get spanked on her birthday at my high school, and was always concerned about others - what they were doing, what I thought was best for them, and how to get them to do that.  It wasn't until I surfed the Internet while unfulfillingly married back in the mid-1990s that I stumbled onto the fusion of spanking and power (and other things) that is D/s.  And then it all clicked and I explored it once separated.

I found out about the Dom stereotype while a member of an online spanking group, that simply considered me an odd exception to the rule (spankos and D/s types tend to be two separate camps).  With the exception of bad porn and raw newbies, I've never seen a Dom that fit that stereotype.




_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 6:40:11 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I had some ideas when I was around 12 and played tie up and stuff, but it wasn't anything sexual, it seemed like fun. Then after I got married, I was more interested in it, and got some toys, but had to play by myself, since my wife isn't into it.

Then a few years later I started to chat with MADAM's husband, and we had so much in common, beseides being subs. Well he introduced me to MADAM, who was also his wife and Mistress, and at the first session, I knew it was where I wanted to be (a sub). IT was so GREAT ! And I am very shy, but here I am taking my clothes off for someone I just met. I was hooked and been hooked ever since. But since MADAM doesn't do this anymore, I either fend for myself, or get my best friend at work to hold my Harness Keys, or give me ideas of things to try out.

It still isn't much sexual for me, it just FEELS GOOD and NATURAL to me.

Still having the time of my life alone, sub BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to VioletGray)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 7:20:12 PM   
hausboy


Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for posting VioletGray.

I was in my early 20's and at the time, had "come out" into the leather community as a S.A.M (Smart Ass Masochist) and aTopFist--I was attending a conference and play party in Seattle called PowerSurge (now defunct).  I had engaged in a number of scenes earlier, including a very hot fisting scene--and feeling like I had some swagger, I was cruising around looking for another scene to finish off the night.  Across the room, I saw a Domme who was my first Mistress--we had played only once or twice before, but never in such a public locale. She motioned for me to come over.

She was soft-spoken but had a commanding voice that was icy-hot, and when she ordered me to my knees, I immediately dropped, and it was like something just clicked over.  I had no interest in resisting, talking back or showing the playfulness that I was known for--I wanted nothing more at that moment than to do anything--and everything--she asked of me.  I served her--much to the chargrin of  the dropped jaws of  my butch buddies--and I didn't care who saw it or what they thought.   It only took one look from her eyes--the come-hither motion of her curved finger--the cruel smirk in the coner of her mouth--I was hooked.  I realized, at that moment, the beautiful and silent dignity to be found in servitude and submission.



(in reply to VioletGray)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 8:27:26 PM   
D0M1NANT


Posts: 32
Joined: 3/18/2010
Status: offline







I was introduced to the formal lifestyle so to speak in 94.. Prior to that, had just always just been Me.. I'm STILL just Me, but now know that I am not the only one out here who thinks like I do.. But I, too, like the story, am not one who has to raise My voice or belittle.. Those aspects have their place and serve their purpose, do not get Me wrong, but it is rarely something that has to happen every single minute of every single day..







< Message edited by D0M1NANT -- 9/21/2010 8:29:25 PM >

(in reply to hausboy)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 8:33:03 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I always fantasized since childhood about bondage, spanking, captivity...I had no idea why it felt so good to think about it or to play with my little friends and act it out.

When I hit puberty, I read the Story of O and realized the connection between my fantasies and what it meant, what BDSM was.

From that point on, it became intertwined with my sexuality. I think you are hardwired to be turned on to certain things, and this was always who I was and what triggers my intense passion.

(in reply to D0M1NANT)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 8:51:57 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I always fantasized since childhood about bondage, spanking, captivity...I had no idea why it felt so good to think about it or to play with my little friends and act it out.

When I hit puberty, I read the Story of O and realized the connection between my fantasies and what it meant, what BDSM was.

From that point on, it became intertwined with my sexuality. I think you are hardwired to be turned on to certain things, and this was always who I was and what triggers my intense passion.


Substitute "Secretary" for "Story of O" and this is my life

I also used to write stories, from the time I was about 10 years old, about boys in my class doing things to me. Granted, the "things" started out as locking me in a closet, or pushing me down on the ground and then a teacher interrupting (yes, I actually wrote a teacher interrupting into my own junior high erotica), but as I got older the stories got sexier. I don't think I linked BDSM to how I felt until "Secretary," though, because I'm not into pain and I thought you had to be in order to be submissive.

(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/21/2010 10:11:08 PM   
Mistletoe


Posts: 288
Joined: 8/16/2010
Status: offline 		As a young teen I got into romance novels. One day I got my hands on one with a story line of the lead lady being dominated by the leading man and I was hooked. That lead to fetish magazines and so on. 

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"I tried self-restraint once, but I couldn't close the forth handcuff."

A closed profile = tired of stupid cmail's.

Member, of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's
Member: Lance's Fag Hags
Member: Bitch With Tits

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/22/2010 12:09:47 AM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline 		I, too, used to fantasize as a young girl. Living in a single-parent home and being the oldest child, I was basically responsible for all the housework and cooking. To make it more enjoyable, I used to imagine that this horrible (but incredibly handsome) man was holding me captive and making me take care of his home. If I didn't do what he wanted, he would harm my family.

I've also always fantasized about pain in relationships, though not physical pain. This still doesn't make much sense to me as I do not want emotional/mental pain.

I didn't know about D/s or bdsm or anything until I began chatting with a Dom online several years ago. That encounter ended and thats when I ended up here, not knowing anything, but longing for my desires to be quenched. I watched the Secretary not long after that - I love that movie.

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/22/2010 6:15:27 AM   
HisFirstAngel


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		When I was young, most of the kids on my street were boys. I loved playing cops & robbers...I was always the robber, which resulted in me being caught and tied up/cuffed. I always enjoyed them tying me up, even the torment of 8 year old boys.

Like xkittenx, I was always the animal in house play. Or I would be the obedient housewife.

I was introduced to BDSM in HS by a boyfriend.

I'm going to have to see the Secretary.

(in reply to ladyseekinglord)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/23/2010 9:08:22 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		I was in my mid thirties when I realized that I really enjoyed watching someone suffer for my pleasure. That overt and formalized service was something that it felt right to be recieving.  That I really am good in a position of authority and command, and feel best there.

Now, interestingly, in normal life I have no problem with a chain of command, whether or not I am on top;  I have no trouble following someone else's rules. But I get very annoyed if the leadership is bad and pointless and I can't fix it, or if I keep getting contradictory information about what I'm supposed to do.  If you're going to do it, do it right, or let someone do it who can.


_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to HisFirstAngel)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/24/2010 5:59:51 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		it was a transition for me - my early fantasies were tied in with the Ds more than the BDSM, all about a loving man who had the ultimate control.  that was since i was about 7, maybe younger.

the BDSM was something i was introduced to as part of the Ds or Ms relationship - for me its an extension of the Ds or Ms and is very powerful in terms of surrender, trust and just simply letting go - thats when subspace hits, rarely through pain, always through that feeling of having no control over what happens and wanting it that way.

in a way the BDSM element was secondary to the Ds. it was the Ds i came looking for on the net ten or so years ago, the BDSM ive grown to enjoy and accept as part of the package.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
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RE: My transition from anti-fetish to being a submissive - 9/24/2010 6:20:13 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		much earlier and younger than the age in which we can post on public boards

(in reply to VioletGray)
Profile   Post #: 20
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