CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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"Do you ever find yourself just... not being able to stop? Does anyone else out there feel like they might be taking this a little TOO seriously?"
Yes, I do. And quite frequently. I try to affect it though, I moderate it, like turning down the heat under a kettle when it's singing too loud.
All I can say is that it's perfectly normal and not at all wrong to feel these things things and that other people around you are probably feeling them as much as, and in some cases, far more than you. Don't beat yourself up over having a normal part of human nature in you. It's not necessary (or even helpful) to to eliminate these emotions, people who do that usually just end up repressing them and then later fooling themselves in _another_ way about how "good" they are. What helps is to keep them under a little control (it doesn't have to be a lot), to give them a safe outlet (here is fine for that--with your master or future master is not: sometimes couples or groups unconsciously reinforce this particular vice in each other because it feels so good to do so: Beware The Rightous Pair, lol!). If you feel you're going overboard a bit (spending too much time on a forum like this), then work at stepping back a little, not a lot, just spend a little less time here and gradually increase it to a moderate level. Force yourself to do something else in your "collarme time" for a few days. Luckily for us, we live in a time in which we are surrounded by thousands of facinating diversions (or maybe it's not so lucky--people who just had fields to stare at tended to be the ones who found a universe in wheat grain--or soemthing like that).
But do not quit a habit like this cold turkey or indulge (yes, it's another indulgence) in feeling like such a bad, selfish person and how virtuous it is to curb yourself. Again, you want to be careful not repress the things you have so clearly described because they'll just burst out stronger later on, and in a harder-to-recognize form, if you do. And if you're doing things like this and do not realize you are doing things like this, then you are lost.
"That's why i'm so obsessive about the forums, why i edit my posts two or three times, and then spend the rest of the day overanalyzing them. "
You don't think other people, many other posters, do that? o_O If so, I suggest you think again! I don't see you dominanting the message boards they way those who are really hooked do. You're just aware that you are getting to that point.
"That's why i'm on collarme too much (besides not working full time...)"
I think the part in parentheses is actually the key. People need things to fill their time. It's far better for them if these are productive things, that make them feel good. Especially, submissives want to feel like they're doing something constructive, I've noticed. But that can't always be the case, and so there's this big bunch of time in front of you...and you can't just stare at the walls, you've got to find a way to fill it. What works for me if I get disgusted with myself at spending too much time in relativly fruitless activities is to force myself to do something else during the time I had allotted to the first thing. But not something hard or constructive. NOT cleaning the house, or running those annoying errands that are halfway across town, not committing acts of good or charity, but doing something I really enjoy or something I'd been meaning to try out for a long time, but never found the time to do.
Posting here is tricky. It "feels" constructive because you feel like you are giving good advice. But ultimately, whether it has a good affect or not, depends far more on complex factors other that go far beyond how smart your words are (like the minds and attitudes of the people you've aimed the thoughts at--if they aren't receptive in the right way at the right time, it's like sowing seeds on rocks).
It's hard not to feel self-conscious like this--if you are already in the habit of feeling it. It take a skill, I think, and you aquire this skill by practicing "forgetting yourself." If you practice it a lot it can become second nature. Lots of people never even go through the self-conscious stage, even in the years when people are most likely to develop this awareness (teens). This is not good, as these types just mash blindly through life, unaware of almost everything (yet they always have something to say about it all--usually something robotic). I'm sure a few of them are here making totally clueless remarks, not because I've read beyond your post, but because these types of messages always inspire a sort of dumb, animalisitic resentment in such people.
But anyway ,that isn't you. Self-awareness is, however, a quagmire that you can get stuck in just as much as never being self-aware is. It's something that won't let you move on to bigger and better things, if you ascribe to it too much importance. So you have to find ways, not to mash it to the ground (seldom does anything good come out of total internal desctruction) but to get around it. Trickery works very well, I've discovered. But YMMV, I personally have a nature that is easily tricked--so I work that. :)
"I NEED others approval...That's why i'm so obsessive about the forums, why i edit my posts two or three times, and then spend the rest of the day overanalyzing them."
I'm not so sure about the cause-and-effect here. Do you realize that what you are describing--the editing over several times, the overanalysizing--is how art is normal made? Take a painting. Starts with a pencil sketch, often, parts of which gets erased or drawn over, or crossed out, over and over, before the paint finally comes and starts to cover up the sketch and the paint image often doesn't even resemble the sketch very closely and it, also, gets edited to death until the creator gets it just "right." And you better believe overanalyzing goes on big time in the creation of many a fine work of art, athough with a picture medium it is easier to create without thinking than it is when you are working with words. A different part of the brain is used. And yes, some people, most professional authors in fact, do this with words, not because we're bad indulgent people but because bees make honey, artists make paintings and scultures, and we make constructions out of words. And again, yes, the same animalistic types who are totally controlled by their negative emotions and resent it if you shout "BOO!" deeply resent the sight of somebody crafting away. Probably because they do not make anything, except strife. Ignore them. They are ignorant of many important things (like how creating works) and their negativity isn't worth an ounce of one's attention.
< Message edited by CaringandReal -- 9/17/2010 5:58:55 AM >
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: mouthing off on collarme - 
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