MaamJay
Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
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Back to the OP:
As someone who identifies as both Domme and sub, i can identify with your struggle to obey. And in my experience, 2 months isn't long at all. i certainly hadn't submitted everything within the first 2 months that Master and i lived together. And like you, it wasn't in the bedroom or in play that i had difficulty, those areas were pretty easy to submit. It was in the mundane everyday life things that i had to stop and think about and consciously relinquish control. He also didn't expect everything all at once, neither did He get it.
We started, like you, with some everyday changes that i didn't find so much threatening, but hard to remember to do at times. We don't do total micromanagement, for eg, He threw up His hands in horror when i suggested He might like to choose what i wear LOL! He took a look in my admittedly extensive (at the time) wardrobe, did some maths and worked out that with over 100 tops and about 50 skirts there were more combinations and permutations than He dared think of. So instead, He drew up some general rules - skirts generally, trousers only with permission, no panties where possible, and the right of veto if He really didn't like an outfit. That works well! However, my "permission" thing was to go to the toilet ... and that is still ongoing some 6 years on. It's had a side benefit in that i have middle-aged-woman-bladder-issues ... and He has more control over it than i have! A stern look and "Not till you're sitting on the toilet!" quells the urgency like nothing else. So this was something i found relatively easy to do once i got the hang of it.
A tougher exercise was stopping my totally unconscious habit of rocking, especially when talking to people. He persevered, i persevered, and now it's very rare. i didn't resent this one, once He made me aware of it and how it made other people i was talking to duck and weave LOL ... just found it hard to become aware of it at the time and stop it.
The first real qualms was when it came to asking Him before accepting an invitation from a friend ... i really had to stop and think whether i could give up that much independence ... now it's second nature to say "i'll check and get back to you". That was within about 3 months of being together 24/7. Financial control ... that took much longer, not only for me to yield it but for Him to be willing to accept it. That was about 3 years down the track. The next biggy was musical control ... i had led every musical group i had been part of all my life (and i'm 15 yrs older than Master, so that was a lot!) ... so it was hard to yield control to Him when we became a duo. After an initial argument, i decided to give it a try, we realised we had both misunderstood, i yielded to His decision ... and all was well. And i find it rather refreshing not to be leader!
There are some things in everyday life where He's decided the best way to lead is to delegate ... that's ok to a point, and it gives my leadership side some outlet, but there are times when i feel it's a cop-out and i insist He takes the reins back for a while. That usually leads to some earnest discussion but we work it out.
So ... that's ONE person's journey into submission. As we've seen in this thread, there are many ways, many journeys ... some quick, some slow. It seems to me from what you said, your journey may be similar to mine in some ways in that in your previous life, leadership featured strongly, even though it was from different motivations. So by giving you these examples, i hope i have encouraged you to feel OK about taking time, perhaps given you some things to discuss with your Dom, and a chuckle or 2 along the way!
All the best
violet[A] best known here as My Domme side, Maam Jay!
_____________________________
Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)
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RE: Obeying isnt 1 +1 - 
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