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Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 1:57:01 PM   
mstrslve4fun


Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline 		I am in a master/slave relationship, with my Master/husband collaring me a year ago.

Not only do we have 5 kids (2 together, I have 3 from a previous) but I also have my own business that causes me to have to do a lot of work from home.

Often, my Master gets upset because He wants to go out to meet other couples (He also likes to swing) and i am busy doing something with the kids or making something for the business.

For example, earlier today i went downtown to hand out flyers for my business, and ended up walking around for almost 2 hours. Now that i'm home, i need to get busy to make candles to sell at markets over the next 4 days, since my stock is almost depleted.

He just called and got upset that i didn't want to go meet another couple because 1. i'm tired from all the walking, 2. i have to get this stuff made, and 3. i have to be a mother to the kids that just got home.

How should i react to His upset? i don't know what to do. i want to tell Him sometimes that yes, He's my Master, and i accept that, but He also has to realize that i have another part of my life that needs to be taken care of, too, and that He can't be #1 all the time.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 2:30:43 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline 		Its never easy finding a comfortable balance where you can tend to everyones needs
without feeling as though you are being pulled in many directions at once. I think
with some careful planning on your behalf, you will not only be able to share in
the things your husband expects your participation in, but you will not have the stress
(and resentment) when you do spend those times with him. Can any of the children assist
in the candle making..or at least double up with you when passing out flyers?
Are there any couples that you have met that are interested in learning how to make candles?
(you could always have a candle making party....with more fun stuff to follow!)
How would you have dealt with this issue prior to being collared?

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 2:34:27 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds to me that you know what needs to be said.   And should.  But he also needs to know that you make him a priority - over the kids and over the business. Perhaps you could present the problems to him and ask for solutions?   Kids need to be fed, homework needs to get done, and all the housework that never goes away  ............... perhaps he could organise a housekeeper or baby sitter for when he wants to play.

The thing is, just as subs and slaves want to be a priority, so do dominants, and husbands. When i was married i was so tied up in the house and kids and work, i made little time for the spouse. Now, the fact that he was an abusive arsehole has little to do with it - lol  - but if in the beginning i wasn't so overwhelmed by all the demands, and actually had tried some of my own medicine, things might have been better  - or not. Who's to say?

For the sake of your relationship, the two of you need to work it out so that you can have some time to work on your business without distractions, and work on your dom/husband without the same distractions.

good luck.




(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 2:34:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Ask him who is going to make the candies or earn the money you would otherwise make from their sale. Ask him who is going to make dinner for the kids, oversee homework, signing forms that came home, getting them to bed. Tell him you'll be glad to go with him, although you're too tired to participate, if he can provide a qualified substitute.

Is he going to pay for a nanny? Otherwise just set up one night a week when you will be able to do all this and plan ahead. Yeah, I know, scheduled sex isn't as fun as spontaneous. But when it's scheduled, you know it's coming, you do all the work ahead of time and you get your mind set to go and do this. It isn't spontaneous for him because he's been thinking about it all day, but it is spontaneous for you. He wants this to happen, he needs to man up and handle all the responsibilities needed so you can do it.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 2:36:40 PM   
mstrslve4fun


Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

How would you have dealt with this issue prior to being collared?


Always was a problem. I've always been the breadwinner in the family.

Thing is, we didn't swing before, either, so we didn't go out much then. We were a old, vanilla couple then...LOL

The kids are 9 and 6 (the older ones are always at work), so they really can't help with the candlemaking, as much as I would like that.


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 2:44:07 PM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Tied up in the work would be no excuse now and complaining about being tied up in work in the worst recession in history with so many wanting your job and so willing to take your place is a pretty lousy attitude to be honest. You should be delighted that You have a job. So many of your equals would give their right hand to have that privilege
kevin

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 3:12:47 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		tell him to come home and take over all of your responsibilities so you can go out and meet the couple; or, tell him to get over himself, he's expecting too much!

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 3:43:34 PM   
peacefulplace


Posts: 157
Joined: 8/22/2010
Status: offline 		Sir has always been accommodating of my work schedule. He stated from the outset that he would never request anything of me that would jeopardize my career, my safety, or established important relationships in my life. And this is from a man who does like control. So your Master's objection to your other obligations seems pouty to me. Yes, he should come first, as Sir comes first in my life, but unless you are independently wealthy, interfering with your job, especially if you are the primary breadwinner, seems counterintuitive. Yes, you are there for him, but you are also a mother and a wage earner who cannot be expected to drop everything at his least beck and call. Talk to him. That is the only way to resolve this. Bring it up respectfully and lovingly when neither of you is tired or hungry and after you've had time to give him a bit of a massage, and the conversation will go better.

_____________________________

If voting changed anything, they'd make it illegal.
~~Emma Goldman

One thing is clear to me: We, as human beings, must be willing to accept people who are different from ourselves.
~~Barbara Jordan

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 3:46:37 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		In my relationship with Master if he told me to meet him somewhere then that's what I do...I meet him. Now if I know I have other things to do then I may make him aware of them but it's his decision on which is more important. I do as I'm told. There is nothing complicated about it for me. I trust him to make wise decisions. That's why I'm with him.

(in reply to peacefulplace)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 4:52:16 PM   
pwnerandpwned


Posts: 83
Joined: 4/13/2010
Status: offline 		Not everything, but a decent percentage of the glassware and plates. She's pretty clumsy. We may move to plastic only.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 5:26:19 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I can't even begin to say how YOU should react in your relationship.

I can tell you that Carol and I also have what we self-identify as a "master/slave" relationship. And for us, I expect her to belong to me... literally... to do whatever I tell her to do whenever I tell her to do it.

HOWEVER... If I want to go do something and Carol's exhausted, that is going to factor heavily into my thinking... as would children... as would pretty much anything. I'm building a union between two people and she's a full 50% of that. This is exactly why Carol thinks I am a responsible owner. It sounds to me like you're having some internal questions about whether your master is a responsible owner. I'd suggest that you discuss them with him.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 5:29:46 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		For my part, I would no sooner expect a slave to drop what she was doing because I wanted a coup of coffee or something trivial and something which i can easily get for myself. To expect her to drop everything would be both counter productive and unset the balance of the household routine. In urgent or emergency matters then everything is set aside to be completed later and the matters requiring urgent attention is dealt with on the spot. It is for this reason I post appointments, meetings and other similar items on the board so the whole home knows what is happening.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to pwnerandpwned)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 5:41:44 PM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi 4fun,

If you are the primary breadwinner, what does hubby do? Sit around making playdates for swinging? Why isn't he making the candles? Why isn't he putting out flyers? Something seems off kilter in your relationship.

Are you having fun?

January



_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 6:00:16 PM   
FredW


Posts: 27
Joined: 9/1/2010
Status: offline 		If he wants the 24/7 thing, let him know what it will cost.  Your business income will be lost, and something will need to be done to take care of the kids and house.  You can't be a 24/7 slave as well as a business woman, mother and housekeeper.  And that is assuming you wish to take on being that 24/7 slave.

Just tonight, I called my collared sub (I am reluctant to use the word 'slave' for her) to see if she was available.  Granted, I was disappointed that she couldn't make it, but she needs to have her life too.  I personally prefer that she keeps her own life in order.  I find a capable woman much more attractive than one that is less capable.

(in reply to January)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 7:15:10 PM   
mstrslve4fun


Posts: 60
Joined: 12/18/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: January

Hi 4fun,

If you are the primary breadwinner, what does hubby do? Sit around making playdates for swinging?

January




i'm sorry, i should have stated, he does work, i just make more money then he does.

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 9:04:19 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The problem is that you are working with him on a case-by-case basis.

If he is your Master, it is his right to determine if you should be dialing down your business so that you have more time/energy for other activities.

In an ideal situation, the Master makes decisions like this after taking into account all factors.  You sound like he is not taking all factors into account, or else that you do not trust him to be acting in the best interests of the two of you.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 9:15:53 PM   
BlackTigerDragon


Posts: 180
Joined: 4/1/2010
Status: offline 		The day I expect a sub to drop everything just for speshul snowflake me is the day I wouldn't be surprised if he hands me his collar, then looks for another domme with a higher IQ level and doesn't baawwwwwww as much as I do. I probably deserve it. I would do the same thing if I were a sub.

And also this:

quote:

tell him to come home and take over all of your responsibilities so you can go out and meet the couple; or, tell him to get over himself, he's expecting too much!



(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 9:24:48 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FredW

If he wants the 24/7 thing, let him know what it will cost.  Your business income will be lost, and something will need to be done to take care of the kids and house.  You can't be a 24/7 slave as well as a business woman, mother and housekeeper.  And that is assuming you wish to take on being that 24/7 slave.

Just tonight, I called my collared sub (I am reluctant to use the word 'slave' for her) to see if she was available.  Granted, I was disappointed that she couldn't make it, but she needs to have her life too.  I personally prefer that she keeps her own life in order.  I find a capable woman much more attractive than one that is less capable.



This. And I fail to comprehend the level of selfishness that a husband with a working wife and mother would possess to complain about tiredness and family life coming first over playing.

There is a time and place for everything in a full fledged relationship and especially a marriage.

In my opinion, you are man and woman first, husband and wife second and Dom/sub last.

There are these things called compromise, communication and careful planning to try and fit everything in life into their proper and fulfilling places.

Once again, some of the advice given here speaks only to the D/s part of life when that is second to work and family. At least in my world.

(in reply to FredW)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 9:38:29 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

Always was a problem. I've always been the breadwinner in the family.


If you have always had this problem then it seems it's not a Master/slave problem at all.  It's a relationship problem.  I will assume that over the years you have discussed this problem many times. 

Good luck.  Seems to me that your Master is not very considerate which is a shame as the kids are also his responsibility as well as yours.  Sorry that you have had to do the breadwinning with a partner who is not considerate.  It's a real shame but you'd be best off getting help from a marriage counselor. 

(in reply to mstrslve4fun)
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RE: Do you expect your sub/slave to drop everything? - 9/22/2010 10:45:06 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pwnerandpwned

Not everything, but a decent percentage of the glassware and plates. She's pretty clumsy. We may move to plastic only.


LOL!!! 

_____________________________

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(in reply to pwnerandpwned)
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