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RE: Challenging/Being Challenged - 9/26/2010 11:40:27 AM

kdsub

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Changed my mind

< Message edited by kdsub -- 9/26/2010 11:49:04 AM >

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RE: Challenging/Being Challenged - 9/27/2010 9:08:05 AM

leadership527

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Yes, I challenge Carol... deliberately. Sometimes it's just me handling a life-challenge that has come our way. Sometimes it's me deliberately pushing the boundaries of her trust. I wouldn't be able to see myself as a credible leader if I wasn't doing so.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Challenging/Being Challenged - 9/27/2010 7:03:23 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I wanted to ask everyone about challenges and their relationships. Have you ever been challenged in your relationships, or find aspects about them challenging? Was it intentional on the part of your significant other, or just a stumbling block for you? This is a question for both the D and the s..

Greetings Julia,

I don't view the situations mentioned as challenges, but merely opportunities for expansion instead. Some are relatively simple and others stretched me in ways I never anticipated. Oftentimes the most difficult were those that required me to address things about myself that I didn't wish to alter. My response was varied. Sometimes I welcomed them and in other instances I balked or resisted. The possibility of failure was a big motivator for success. However, I've moved away from that way of thinking. I feel it's counterproductive and really a defense mechanism instead.

quote:

I just want to know if you found value in the struggles of being challenged, did the struggles make the relationship better, or tear it apart? Did you learn about yourself through it? Did you overcome it? Did it change you or how you felt about your role?

Yes. Some of the challenges I've undergone in the last year have left me weary, lost, and feeling defeated. However, the low points provided much needed insight and were an unexpected catalyst for change. I don't know if I'd be where I am right now without it. In its wake I've become softer, tempered, and embraced a deepened appreciation for unconditional love and service. I understand both far better than I did in the past. But more than this, it's the presence of subjection and the lack of intentional force that's a real surprise. There's an effortless flow that's devoid of struggle and intentional direction. Things simply click.

In terms of relationships, I look beyond the individual impact and focus on how the partnership benefits instead. I view gains and losses as a collective response that we both bear. While a successful outcome is always desired, my emphasis is on a willingness to try when afraid or uncomfortable for something far greater than he or I. It's the third entity called 'we' that truly inspires me.

Namaste,

~porcelaine

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RE: Challenging/Being Challenged - 9/27/2010 8:59:22 PM

sexyred1

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There are two types of challenges.

The first type are exhilarating; challenges that offer growth and that are rewarding. There are challengers inherent in living everyday, careers, finances, family, etc.

The second type are draining and disappointing. Those challenges usually happen in relationships where communication has eroded or never exited. Where the relationship and what each gives to it are unbalanced.

My last relationship was challenging in many ways, emotionally, physically and soulfully.

It took a long time for me to realize that I could not fix something was broken to begin with and that I could not make my partner be who I really needed him to be. That was a challenge and instead of taking it on for so long, I should have abandoned it long ago.

However, now that I am out of it, I don't regret my ability to keep trying for a positive result, I only regret the amount of time spent in a fruitless endeavor.

I like a partner to challenge me intellectually and emotionally; I can handle those challenges. I cannot handle a challenge that is posed out of being adversarial and mean.

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RE: Challenging/Being Challenged - 9/27/2010 9:42:54 PM

sunshinemiss

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The biggest challenges I've had in relationships (of many sorts) has been dialing it down. I have had to dial down my intellect, my passion, my joie de vivre, my laughter, my truth, even the color of my clothes.... greying my vibrance I call it. It has created a kind of confusing response in me now where I'm saying no more, but I still recognize that my 100% makes other people uncomfortable, and I like to make people feel comfortable... but being me makes them not... and then... it's a conundrum.

best,
sunshine

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