LadyNTrainer
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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Rule
I wonder... Do you have intercourse with everyone who claims to want to be your slave (and insists that he wants to screw your female slave as well)? I guess them eager self-professed slaves will stand in a queue stretching around the block? Perhaps you ought to charge them, if not for your use, then for the use of your female slave?
People have been known to have sex with those they're deeply attracted to. That can hold true for both sexes; neither gender has the monopoly on it. What I do tend to see more often from men than women is the judgmental attitude that if a woman falls for someone and has impulsive sex with them, she's a whore and she'll do it with anybody. Or maybe she's a prostitute, or even a pimp. That is a seriously fucked up assumption.
Not all impulsive flings end well, but having one doesn't mean a woman has no standards and is therefore a whore and a pimp. It does mean that if a man condemns her for it, it's quite likely to be because he knows on some level that he doesn't meet her standards. It's not always a conscious process, but I do find that men who negatively judge women for having consensual sex are usually projecting more about their personal issues than paying attention to the actual dynamics of what happened.
Some men are shallow horndogs who make poor relationship fodder, but being sexually adventurous and poly does not automatically make one so. It does make them a poor match for someone who is sexually conservative and monogamous. However if they're being safe and responsible and honest with their adventuring, it makes them a much better match for another poly person. It's not at all safe to assume that someone who was asking for a poly situation up front should have obviously been rejected out of hand. If you are poly and a sex worker, evidence that a potential partner is both poly and sexually liberal is not a red flag.
There are other red flags to be sure, but asking for poly in any configuration is not one of them in my world. The only potential issue I see in this particular situation was not that he was asking for poly, but that he was asking for unequal poly. Even that's a pretty minor issue, since stating that you're looking for a closed MFF triad isn't automatically a bad thing. It may not be a perfect fit with who you're dating at the moment. My ideal relationship is an MMF triad, and I have always been honest about negotiating for this. I ended up letting go of this particular ideal because the second partner who ended up being an important part of my life is exclusively heterosexual. So I had to do some thinking about whether I was willing to give up my ideal of a triad and willing to do the extra work involved in being the hinge of a "V". I was, we all were, and now we're living happily ever after. Different poly folks work best in different configurations, and there really is no one size fits all when it comes to negotiating a relationship network.
The take-home lesson here is that negotiating for alternative relationship configurations is not an automatic red flag to a poly person. There is no reason why it should be. People who self-righteously lecture that any woman who doesn't run screaming from a poly proposal must be stupid or a whore really don't have a clue. Seriously, we're talking about a bisexual pro dom who is already in a same-gender poly D/s relationship. She should be finding herself some nice, conservative, monogamous, heterosexual partners at the local Baptist church social, do you think? And avoiding anyone who seems sexually adventurous or poly, because if she doesn't, people might think she is a whore?
I am guessing that you think of yourself as a fairly open minded person, but I would strongly recommend you take another look at your fundamental assumptions about men and women and relationships, particularly nontraditional ones.
< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 9/27/2010 9:54:28 AM >
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falling in love with a slave..... - 
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