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Joel1973 -> RE: What does a sub man want? (10/28/2010 4:05:52 AM)
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Since I am wholly new to both exploring my submissive nature and to this site, and have thus far had no experiences of any sort, I am not sure if I am qualified to respond. As has been said in prior post, each submissive, like each person, is different, and no doubt has different impulses and desires.
What would I desire, if I were not a mere submissive, and were permitted such indulgences? A genuine, authentic experience, whether for a single meeting or an extended relationship, with someone who derives as much pleasure from fulfilling her dominant role as I derive from submitting. I think a certain connection (and it doesn’t need to be of the knee-trembling, once-in-a-lifetime sort) is every bit as important on a D/s “date” as it is on the vanilla variety. I also believe that such chemistry transcends attention to established protocol or traditions (“you haven‘t done this, so I can‘t do that, and we can’t do the other“), or the urgent, self-seeking desire to fulfill any particular kink.
My own sexuality is complex and multifaceted. I am not sure even I understand it all. There are new elements surfacing all the time. In every case, however, it revolves around submitting or being made to submit. There is a large part of me that would love nothing more than to be physically and violently made to serve a woman, both sexually and non; being forcefully held down, stripped, and made to submit. There is another part that would derive pleasure from serving a woman in a loving relationship, attending to her every whim, and having all control taken from me by her. And much in between and around the peripheries.
What I would hope for in a first meeting such as you describe is someone who is confident and assertive (and strict). Someone who commands attention with a look. Someone who knows what she wants, even if she is not yet sure how to take it. Also, intelligence, depth, a sense of humor, a certain mischievous wicked streak. Most of all, I would want her to be natural and unaffected, and candid (if it suits her). I would, of course, expect nothing, save for what had been revealed through previous correspondence. Whatever happened, I would go with the flow, and allow her to take the lead. I think much of the excitement of such a meeting lies in the anticipation, the uncertainty, the trepidation. I also think that taking things gradually, delaying any sort of “play” for one or several more meetings, would not detract from the experience, and might even prolong the feeling of anticipation (on both sides). There is no need to rush straight to the bedroom (or dungeon, or wherever). You are in charge after all. So take charge. Tease. Torment. Savor.
Perhaps you could send potential subs some personal item to wear to the initial meeting, or even a device (a chastity device for example, while you have the key- though I can see from your profile that you are not much into chastity) that might be uncomfortable and would remind them of their situation; something to subtlety break the ice- something intimate and kinky, a secret shared by only the two of you. Something that conveys to the sub the message that he is yours, if you want him. And, if there is chemistry, or at least a mutual attraction, tell him that he will meet you at such-and-such place and this particular time, to wear this, do that, etc.
Much advice has been offered on the merits of being “yourself.” Well, this dominant nature, these appetites you wish to explore, are just as much a part of that self as your other traits. And the same is true for the submissive. He is not a person first and a submissive second. His submissive nature shapes his entire sexuality. Be open, be honest. If you need a connection, attempt to establish it. If it is more appealing to objectify the sub, aim for something more forceful and superficial.
I am certain, as other have said, that maintaining that balance between a D/s relationship and something more friendly and vanilla, is a delicate affair. Grow too familiar, too quickly, and you risk breaking that fourth wall, and shattering that D/s dynamic. It is a bit of a game, I suppose, almost a dance, as with any courtship; a bit of posturing, feeling one another out, defining borders and establishing trust. I think that I would prefer to maintain that tension, that Mistress/slave relationship, at least in the beginning. If the potential is there, then perhaps it will evolve (or devolve, depending on your preference) into something else.
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