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What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 7:50:09 AM

inteligencia

Posts: 4
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

I am a new Domme and have had a huge number of replies to my profile but when I meet people things don't seem to quite work as I expected. I've met about eight people 'in the flesh' and all have found me physically attractive. The feeling was mutual in two cases, but I suspect I have just been too 'nice' in person and not Domme enough but I don't know for certain as subs will not say. I suppose it's not in the nature of a Sub to give constructive criticism but that is exactly what I would like. So I know not all subs are the same but I would love to hear from submissive straight men on how they actually like to be treated, from the moment you meet your Domme to the moment something sexual happens.

Post #: 1

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 7:55:57 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

may i suggest you ask this in 'Ask a Mistress' you might get more answers there, from both sides of the equation.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to inteligencia)

Post #: 2

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 8:00:17 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

What do YOU want?

If you're fixated on what you do to please them you might be a submissive. What is it within you that makes you identify as a Domme?

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 3

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 9:12:45 AM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

For me--and this is just ME--every male sub out there is looking for something different I'm sure--- I want a woman who isn't looking for a man to take care of her....she wants a man who will serve her needs. Someone in manner both subtle and quiet--but at the same time, commanding. Someone who doesn't make "honey-do" lists--instead, she knows that her boy will ensure that the household is maintained as she expects it, and the errands will be performed without complaint, and to her specifications. Someone strict, firm and at the same time, loving and fair.
Compassionate and kind....except when things warrant her sadistic side to step in. Intelligence and humor a must.

I've often served a Household for a finite period of time--and in those cases, I get the satisfaction of serving and the discipline that I believe a boy needs.

But for the long term, if I were seeking a Domme--for life--and I could dream (which I do...) my ideal would be someone who was my partner in life--adventurous in and out of the bedroom--who knows that when I go to work, I'm in charge, but when I come home, that control is relinquished. Someone who respects the discretion that my profession demands--and equally enjoys the notion that while she may be on my arm out in public, I'm at her feet at home. Someone who doesn't need or want to be "on' 24/7, who would relish sharing experiences, conversation and support with all of life's ups and downs....and she would know that whatever she needed, whenever she needed it, I would be there to support her, unconditionally.

Don't mean for this read like a personal ad, but since you asked what subs want, well, there you have my one individual take.

< Message edited by hausboy -- 9/26/2010 9:19:08 AM >

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 4

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 9:14:13 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

What do YOU want?

If you're fixated on what you do to please them you might be a submissive. What is it within you that makes you identify as a Domme?

While I agree she perhaps should be focused on her wants, can you really say that dominants never consider what will attract the S side, and what will inspire them to submit? It is a chemistry thing, not a one sided coin... right?

Even if she isn't a domme, that would not necessarily make her a submissive... she might be a top, for example. We aren't stereotypes all cut from the same cloth after all.

To the OP, I think lally has some good insight, perhaps by asking other mistresses how they approach the first meeting might help you see what works for them, and what hasn't. They seem to be a pretty cordial bunch on that forum, and I am sure they would have a lot of insight for you.

I do have one suggestion as a submissive female... personally I try not to worry about what a man thinks when I meet him the first time. I try to focus on being myself. If "me" isn't good enough or right for a particular man then I would rather know on the first date instead of after we are in some badly conceived long term relationship. I would encourage men to be who they are, and be who you are... and take it from there.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 9:55:12 AM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

I just want to be humiliated, tortured and controlled by a woman who loves, respects and cherishes me. Is that so hard?

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 6

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 11:07:46 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
Someone who doesn't make "honey-do" lists--instead, she knows that her boy will ensure that the household is maintained as she expects it, and the errands will be performed without complaint, and to her specifications.

I'm a little confused, if she doesn't mention to you that the knob on her dresser drawer is falling off, how would you know? Because that's what a honey-do list is to me, just a reminder of what needs doing. If she has the drawers on the right and yours are on the left, you wouldn't normally know that one of her drawers needs the glide fixed. Or am I misunderstanding?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 7

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 12:59:59 PM

Wheldrake

Posts: 477
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inteligencia

So I know not all subs are the same but I would love to hear from submissive straight men on how they actually like to be treated, from the moment you meet your Domme to the moment something sexual happens.

For me, hypothetically (since I'm not actually looking at the moment), it would depend on the circumstances of the meeting. If I already knew the woman (on-line and through phone calls, for example) and had agreed to submit to her, then I'd expect her to start giving orders more or less right away. The content of those orders might vary from "get us each a cup of hot chocolate and then tell me how you feel about being here today" to "come inside and take your clothes off", depending on where we were meeting and how fast she wanted to move things along. Either way, I'd be hoping for clear, firm instructions and a sense that the woman was comfortable with her power over me.

If the meeting was more to get to know each other and decide whether we wanted to start a relationship - in other words, if her authority wasn't already established - it would be a little different. I'd be polite and even deferential, but I wouldn't expect to be ordered around. Until I explicitly agreed to submit, we would just be two people having a conversation. At that stage I would probably respond best to someone who came across as confident and grounded, but not overtly aggressive (although ominous hints about her capacity for dominance and sadism would be more than welcome). Physical attractiveness wouldn't be much of an issue compared to the woman's attitude and personality. But that's just me, and as you pointed out, not all subs are the same.

(in reply to inteligencia)

Post #: 8

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 1:21:34 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: hausboy
Someone who doesn't make "honey-do" lists--instead, she knows that her boy will ensure that the household is maintained as she expects it, and the errands will be performed without complaint, and to her specifications.

I'm a little confused, if she doesn't mention to you that the knob on her dresser drawer is falling off, how would you know? Because that's what a honey-do list is to me, just a reminder of what needs doing. If she has the drawers on the right and yours are on the left, you wouldn't normally know that one of her drawers needs the glide fixed. Or am I misunderstanding?

Honestly--I think you're taking what I said a touch too literally....but if we're going to get into the minutia like that, the answer is "no." my Domme would only need mention what she needs done, I should be able to remember it. While an enviable skill, telepathy is not one of my stronger capabilities. But there were always certain things that were a part of my responsibilities--grocery shopping, laundry, yardwork, housecleaning, pet care, washing/cleaning/maintaining the cars, and any labor/assistance that she required for her business. She never had to explicitly tell me to do these things. She knew that after a long day at work, she would come home to find the house spotless, the lawn mowed, the cars sparkling clean and dinner ready with a massage after. And if she dropped a hint that she was in one of "those" moods-- she knew that when she arrived home, I would be in the bedroom silently waiting for her, bent over the bed, paddle balanced across the small of my back.

it was delightful. and it was exactly what *this* sub wanted, and fortunately for me, it was what my Domme wanted too. Don't know if I'll get so lucky twice, but you never know...

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 3:45:52 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

Chocolate. Submissive men want chocolate. :D

Seriously, one of these things is that people are different, even submissive people. They want different things. Some may want you to be strict and cruel from the get-go. Others want you to act like a normal human being until they agree to submit.

I suggest you act how YOU think is appropriate, not how the submissive wants you to act. Because otherwise, how can you truly call yourself a dominant?

P.S. I can tell you one thing, I don't like dominants that think being mean = dominant.

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 10

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 7:32:42 PM

Cy83r

Posts: 29
Joined: 9/24/2010
Status: offline

What do 'we' want? No freaking clue.

What do I want? Again, no freaking clue- well, that's not entirely honest, I 'think' I want a woman that enjoys turning me into a helpless toy and then teasing me until i can't help but jump through every hoop she sets down (not necessarilly physical hurdles as you will see in a second) and then scolds me for contradicting myself and being a hypocrite just to get a little intimacy. And then when I show a little backbone and assert my freedom to make a fool out of myself (I have no idea how this scenario can be done more than once) she'll smile and reward me how she sees fit, perhaps I get upgrade from sleeping on the floor to sleeping in her bed, maybe I get a more substantial reward, but I don't care if I only get so much as a smile or a warm body next to mine instead of carnal pleasure so long as she's proud of me.

Certain parts of me will definately harshly disagree with such an outcome, but that's the price you pay for trying to quantify your fantasies.

I don't think having a detailed plan of what you want to do is the way to go, just set the boundaries and any specific fetishes you'd like to try out that night and let the sessions develop from there. Once a you're is comfortable enough, you can skip the rough draft phase and spring surprise sessions on your sub, feel free to plan those out, but be ready to jump off the planned path at any time.

Actually, being a Dom/Domme sounds a lot like running a session of Dorks&Dweebs, amusing.

< Message edited by Cy83r -- 9/26/2010 7:37:13 PM >

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 11

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 7:34:47 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Id like a double scoop of ice cream and a foot massage......please.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Cy83r)

Post #: 12

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 10:12:31 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Hausboy,
I loved your response. I was going to give one, but your wrote pretty much what I would have said. Thanks for saving me the time.

Inteligencia - What Hausboy said. Only I do expect to see a bit of dominance early on. Not too much, because I have not officially become your sub. However, I like to see some in the initial meeting so I feel confident that you are capable of being dominant. I guess you could call it a preview of things to come.

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 13

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/26/2010 10:58:10 PM

atursvcMaam

Posts: 1195
Joined: 5/10/2004
Status: offline

There are probably as many different answers for this as there are sub men.
Be who You are, and let it build from there. If You have specific expectations do not hesitate to share them. If You state them in such a way as to leave room to be impressed, than You may be. Howver, i tend to get messed up often with vagueness and subtlety. i have been assured that this is not an uncommon male trait. Mainly clarity on what MUST be done, and room to impress on what You would like to have happen seems to be an effective blend for both the Domme and the sub.

_____________________________

live hard, die young and leave a good looking corpse when you die.
Love ya, but, when the zombies start chasing us, i am tripping you.
The glass is always full, the question is, "with what?"

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 14

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/27/2010 2:22:44 PM

SubPet715

Posts: 337
Joined: 8/24/2010
From: Brooklyn, NY
Status: offline

I made it nice and clear what I want in my profile and I make sure too separate myself from the herd so to speak.

Too many join this site and fall off as soon as they don't get something in a week, so I make sure to update my journal, put how I am in the profile and keep myself mindful that is isn't all about me.

Simple things, takes a while results will be slow but the result will be a great one.

_____________________________

Passion isn't really happiness.

(in reply to atursvcMaam)

Post #: 15

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/28/2010 9:23:07 PM

hausboy

Posts: 2360
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Hausboy,
I loved your response. I was going to give one, but your wrote pretty much what I would have said. Thanks for saving me the time.

Inteligencia - What Hausboy said. Only I do expect to see a bit of dominance early on. Not too much, because I have not officially become your sub. However, I like to see some in the initial meeting so I feel confident that you are capable of being dominant. I guess you could call it a preview of things to come.

Lol. no problem. The women I find myself attracted to lately, are definitely strong-willed, intelligent and courageous. Now if I can just find one who is single.....

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 16

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/29/2010 2:12:59 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I am also in a position of not looking but if I were (as a Domme) I would be looking for what suited me. Of all the subs out there, there is going to be one that is looking for the same thing as me.
As a Domme you will get literally hundreds of letters from subs. They read your profile, try and work you out and send you an appropriate letter stating they want what you want. This doesn't really help because most of these subs are compromising what they are looking for and for this reason, I wouldn't be stating many give aways on my profile. By second guessing me, I am far more likely to find someone with similar interests.

So where did potential sub males go wrong when trying to get it together with me?
They were too eager to please and being too eager cries of desperation.
They offered far too much too soon and wrongly second guessed me.
They came over as fantasists and fantasists got firmly put in the ignore box.
They showed little interest in me but were more intent on proving their submission.

What did I want?
I wanted someone who could show themselves. Someone who was interesting, strong minded, articulate and thoughtful. I wanted someone who wasn't just going to submit to anyone. Someone with a lot of self respect and good self esteem, is far more attractive than a guy who thinks he has to behave pathetically to get my attention. I wanted someone who I felt dominant towards, someone who sexually pushed the right buttons and someone who would have the potential to eventually become my lover and my partner. I didn't want anyone argumentative but someone who could quietly relish and celebrate his submission within my household and yet still be able to converse with me and enjoy light hearted banter
I was fussy about what I wanted and it was VITAL that the sub male that came into my life was equally fussy.
Some male subs expect you to immediately start dominating them. Some Dom/Dommes jump to that expectation and serve the subs needs. I have had male subs desperately try to get me to jump to their tune but I will absolutely not dominate anyone whom I don't feel dominant towards

When male subs behave like female subs do, they are much more attractive but I find all too often, they are too keen drop to their knees without getting to know me first.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 9/29/2010 2:25:08 AM >

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to hausboy)

Post #: 17

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/29/2010 4:28:30 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

What I admire is a woman who is true to her desires and who exercisess her power. I like a woman who demands what she wants and who does not feel the need to get "permission" all the time. I want a Mistress, not a girlfriend.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 18

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/29/2010 6:11:59 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

I want a Mistress, not a girlfriend.

Interesting perspective. Personally, I want both. I don't see them as being mutually exclusive. How are the two different in your opinion?

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 19

RE: What does a sub man want? - 9/29/2010 9:12:24 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

Not really mutually exclusive. The two roles can be blended. But I would rather not have things go too far to the vanilla side. I'd rather be led on a leash than hold hands whenever possible.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 20

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