I've turned....

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

I've turned....

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> I've turned....

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 5:57:04 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Last weekend was one of the worst experiences I have ever had when it comes to any kind of BDSM relationship. I should have seen a sign or a redflag but no.

All systems are a go and get ready for me to submit.

Until this Domina downgrades me to friend status while I was sleeping. She told me she was leaving for elsewhere permanently. Second day was incredibly depressing. She had told me she was SO ALONE and no one liked her.

Then I went and was ALONE in her FUCKING ONE BEDROOM HOUSE FOR HOURS AND HOURS. TWO FUCKING DAYS. ALONE AND BOUND TO THE APARTMENT SO I DID NOT HAVE A KEY <capslock off>

Abandoned. She would not let me go with her to any club. She was embarrassed to be around me or getting dick. Plus I though she was going to be responsible with money so where did my hard earned savings go? I don't know and don't care. She is permanently out of my life. Glad I got out alive.

Depression sucks like the gravity of earth. Damnit it.

So hear me out: I will never submit to anyone ever again. In no way shape or form. My compassion and generosity have been terribly eroded and I will live my life gaining leverage over everything.

I crossed because I have been crossed too many times. It is time to let a beast out because humanity needs some serious rearranging. I am going to shoot for a few stars and multiple doctorates.

so let me ask a question or eight:
Are there any Masters on this board that have changed like I have?
Is this a common thing?
What advice do you have for a new Dominant that was a submissive?

Sincerely,

~Pyrofreakingaquatic.

so rambly.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

Post #: 1

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 6:04:54 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

eerrmm...yeah...this is the worst reason in hell to turn. All you're gonna do is take your bitterness and anger out on another instead of being someone who a leader.

Do me a favor. Put your reason for switching over in your profile so that others will be aware and know what they're getting into with you.

I've seen this turn extremely bad more times than I can count.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 2

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 6:06:09 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Changing your orientation is not going to guarantee any success in picking an appropriate partner.

_____________________________

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 3

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 6:09:09 PM

wittynamehere

Posts: 759
Joined: 2/5/2010
Status: offline

Take a few days off and calm down. Your post made almost no sense, and it sounds like you're hurt and confused - really poor frame of mind to make decisions, let alone decisions about how every relationship in your life will be from this day forward. Chill out, sort your head out, and THEN make broad sweeping statements about life.

_____________________________

I almost never return to a thread, so if you saw my post and want me to hear your reply, please message it to me.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 4

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 6:22:13 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

So, pyro, due to a poor experience, you have decided that you are now a Dom? Not because of your nature or preference, but because there was an unfortunate outcome of the situation where you had better hopes. Why not just as well decide that you are no longer interested in females and seek only male company instead? It's no different than deciding to change your orientation of another way. Ask any person who has gotten married so as to avoid the fact that their preference is for the same gender.

We all have our disappointments in life. This doesn't mean that we should stop being who we really are and instead decide to act a role that isn't really ourselves. Take the time, lick your wounds, and save major decision making for later. To "play" Dominant because you have had a bad match as a submissive only allows for you to put another submissive in the place you are yourself just now. One where the reality is less than someone else will have hoped it to be.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wittynamehere)

Post #: 5

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 7:07:09 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You've had bad experience after bad experience. Yet you are missing the one common factor in all these relationships. You. You picked all these partners, you chose the bad ones instead of the good ones. Time to do some serious work on your life and figure out why you automatically are attracted to the people who are the worst for you.

But don't take it out on others. And besides, until you understand where you are coming from and change it, you're only going to pick bad partners from the other side of the kneel.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 6

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 7:14:47 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Okay. So I have become squashed. Sure me changing orientation may do nothing and I am bitter and angry. Perhaps jaded and drained. Shots called for me... so gullible.

Worst reason to change? No. No it is not. I will still cherish and adore her but I am the one calling the shots.

I've worked my testiclads off. I have a home and income. I don't go to bars and pick up chicks or anything like that. You know, remain pure. Not a single Domina wants to step up and properly take what is hers. I've been told I was a gem in a pile of crud.

Right now I feel like a pile of crud.

What is the point? I'm too skinny, too young, too old, too fat, too far away, worthless piece of shit, oh fuck you, too emotional, too stoic, too insane. I don't feel valuable at all. Like a giant fuck-up.

Until then I am going to embrace the grace of being stricken with melancholia.

and embrace being logical and sane. and alone.

and embrace the possibility in increasing my dosage of meds.

having a two day nervous breakdown does not take well to the body. i will recalculate my situation and forget it.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 7:17:03 PM

StrongSpirit

Posts: 575
Joined: 4/10/2005
Status: offline

First, you appear to have made a simple mistake - assuming you want to beat the Jones (as in keeping up with the Jones.) It sounds like you went way beyond your limits and found out the hard way.

You clearly do NOT want the extreme submission that you described. Most likely you fell for the "Oh, I am so extreme, I am more submissive than you" crap that some people put out there.

Screw that crap. Being submissive does NOT mean you have to be a doormat. It does NOT mean you have to be 24/7, and it does NOT mean you have to give up your money or your keys.

There is nothing wrong with finding a nice young woman to put you over her knee and spank you. Maybe lead you around on a chain. And do whatever other fantasies you enjoy. All in the privacy of YOUR home, which YOU own, using your money that you got at your job and you invest.

Find someone that will obey your limits but still treat you the way you want. Just because you are submissive does not mean you have to submit to whatever bitch wants you. Don't go beyond what you want to do and ignore the shmucks that underestimate you simply because you don't want the total slavery that they do.

As for the idea of turning, that I find very unlikely. From my experience, dominance and submission are long standing personality traits that take more than a single bad relationship to change. The cases of 'turning' I have heard about usually eventually result in someone admitting they were a switch all along. It would be like suddenly expecting a pedophile to become a granny chaser.

< Message edited by StrongSpirit -- 9/27/2010 7:26:13 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 8

fine then. goodbye. - 9/27/2010 7:21:56 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Damn voodoo powers of healing. This advice would of been great before this incident. I'm smart and emotional but not too keen on societal venues.

Cool down. Relax and don't let it destroy my inner piece.

thankyouforhelpingmenotmakeimpulsivedecicionsbaseduponsomemysteriousforce.....

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 9

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 7:48:14 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Yeah, I agree that saying you're a dom cause you're tired of being fucked over as a submissive is a piss poor reason to become a dom.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to StrongSpirit)

Post #: 10

:) - 9/27/2010 7:54:50 PM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

Your profile was an intriguing read. Your sincerity inspires me.

If you included Borderline Personality Disorder in seriousness:

quote:

The disorder typically involves unusual levels of instability in mood; black and white thinking, or splitting; the disorder often manifests itself in idealization and devaluation episodes, as well as chaotic and unstable interpersonal relationships, self-image, identity, and behavior; as well as a disturbance in the individual's sense of self. In extreme cases, this disturbance in the sense of self can lead to periods of dissociation.
BPD splitting includes a switch between idealizing and demonizing others.

A possible explanation for the waves of resentment and stark lights drawing you elsewhere? Not that I'd wish to defend the Domina you mention, but your projection of her to every other Dominant woman has more influence than an uninspirational person shall ever wield. Could she have ordered you to no longer be submissive?

quote:

So hear me out: I will never submit to anyone ever again. In no way shape or form. My compassion and generosity have been terribly eroded and I will live my life gaining leverage over everything.

Ironically, compassion and generosity are two excellent ways to influence people. People will willingly die for ideals and not for anything less. Power out of fear only lasts until you turn your back. Many a Diplomacy game have I lost to fearful allies. Many have I won by attempting to lose.

Granted, most of us can only inspire a tiny amount of love, respect, trust or even "this guy isn't too bad after a few drinks", but it'll go further and more naturally than "leverage" over weakness or desperation - emotional, monetary or physical.

Respect and trust is often what works for leaders. However, it's the love that's to die for.
Not necessarily cuddly snuggle-bunny love. It could be the kind that IronBear refers to when he talks of the men under his command.

I'll offer the following words:
Actions taken out of hurt result in a furtherance of our and others' misery.
Those taken out of hope lead down unforeseen paths of contentment.

Now, you noted your desire to be Dominant in months past.
But do not dare use this as an escape from your reality lest your experience will be muddled by the underlying current of unhappiness you'd be desperately trying to disregard.

(Feels like a Zevar-like, "Aye!" would be appropriate here.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine's sig.
The most benevolent gift we can give is to become the embodiment of our truth rather than its keynote speaker.

Sadly, in this case, I cannot give you more than my half-empty words, because I do not even remotely measure up to my peddled wisdom. Luckily, dreams don't have expectations.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: :) - 9/27/2010 8:05:47 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Well DAMN. I am human and I do err. Pyroaquatic is bowing out.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 12

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 8:10:27 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic

so let me ask a question or eight:
Are there any Masters on this board that have changed like I have?
Is this a common thing?
What advice do you have for a new Dominant that was a submissive?

Sincerely,

~Pyrofreakingaquatic.

so rambly.

Greetings:

I have never changed who I am, period. I have made personal changes to improve who I am as man yet I have never even thought of changing the fact that I am dominant. I aim for masterful in all I do and this is not simply related to sexual connotations. Have I had experiences that were difficult to work through? Of course. I cannot imagine that is uncommon for anyone regardless of who they are.

However, I do believe that you might be reacting VS being proactive. Difference being; reacting lends itself toward a premise of victimhood; thus leads to poorly made decisions VS proactive which lends itself toward making choices that work for who you within your own personal identity/selfhood regardless if others refuse to accept who you are and treat you in all kind of ways that are filled with storms and tragedies.

What you decide to do with how you were treated deserves an objective decision that will serve your highest best AND not something that might lend itself toward yet more sorrow if acted upon AND is not truly who you are within where NO one can see except YOU!

Take good care!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 9/27/2010 8:24:28 PM >

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 13

RE: :) - 9/27/2010 8:18:14 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes

(Feels like a Zevar-like, "Aye!" would be appropriate here.)

Pardon?

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 14

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 8:26:53 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Being a dom/master/owner won't prevent people from taking advantage of you. I've flown to a date and the woman didn't show. Another time, a woman begged me to let her visit, so I bought her a plane ticket, and she canceled the night before the flight. Nonrefundable fare. Those are examples where I just lost money and time. I could give other examples where I lost confidence, or lost face.

Both those women had profiles here; they may still be active. I never posted about those events before, because I see no reason to run down other people. However, any dom who takes risks will sometimes get burned. It's like dating. I have been rejected by a lot of women. Why? Because I prefer to date supersmart-and-superhot, and women who have both of those going on also have a lot of options. So I have heard "no thanks" a lot. But it only takes one "yes."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 15

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 8:27:36 PM

daintydimples

Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

Pyro, I feel for you. Being a sub can suck big time, especially when people take advantage of it.

That said, please don't stop being who you are. This particular thread lets me tell you that if I was looking for a sub and you were closer, I'd be talking to you. That might not seem to help much now.

But let me tell you why. You are different. You have a unique way of thinking and of expressing yourself. You appear to be a totally out of the box thinker (I don't think you are even IN the box), which at your age is impressive.

Someone really great is going to snap you up. During the meantime, work to be the best pyro you can be.

Please.

_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 16

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 8:27:52 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

Many people have bad experiences, even distastrous experiences in life and in their pursuit of BDSM relationships as well as vanilla ones.

That is a given. What is not a given is to give up based on one, two or ten episodes of perceived failures.

Zevar mentioned a very important distinction: reaction vs. proaction. The person who simply reacts to bad things loses their power.

The person who is proactive in learning from what happened and in adopting a new mindset, regains their power.

The most important thing in life is retaining who you are and being fine with that. If you are not fine with it, then take steps to improve yourself.

But never let anyone rent space in your head to the extent that you lose your dwelling. You own your own past, present and future. Always remember that.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 17

RE: :) - 9/27/2010 8:35:15 PM

Twoshoes

Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar

quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
(Feels like a Zevar-like, "Aye!" would be appropriate here.)

Pardon?

My mind links you with the word "inspirational". I meant no offense. (I sent you a cmail.)

Pyroaquatic: It's been my experience that someone always "understands" when you least expect it.

Anyway, pardon my ideological attack on this thread. (His journal posts hit some of my triggers.)

(in reply to Zevar)

Post #: 18

RE: :) - 9/27/2010 8:55:02 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Zevar
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
(Feels like a Zevar-like, "Aye!" would be appropriate here.)
Pardon?

My mind links you with the word "inspirational". I meant no offense. (I sent you a cmail.)

Thank you for the clarificationTwoshoes. What I needed to say outside of my gratitude for your clarity was included in my Cmail reply to you. As far as the Op I stated my views for him to consider or disregard in my posted entry #14.

Take care!

(in reply to Twoshoes)

Post #: 19

RE: I've turned.... - 9/27/2010 10:33:08 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Pyro, you know that I think you are amazing and wonderful. You are young, and we all change and (hopefully) grow and make mistakes no matter what age we are...

But your youth is the time to be making these kinds of mistakes because that's how we learn, and youth is the time when we're best able to learn and move forward. Later in your life mistakes can hurt more because you've got more to lose then. That's why people tend to become more conservative as they get older. They have more to lose, and more to protect.

So you're on the right track, as long as you don't hit yourself over the head for your mistakes. As long as you learn from them, and move forward: you are doing well! So don't be down on yourself. You'll be fine as long as you take good care of yourself. Remember that you are the owner of your own self- so take as good care of you, as you'd want to be taken care of by another. Be a kind, loving, forgiving, patient owner to yourself! Then you'll be acting from a positive motivation, instead of reacting to a bad experience.

{{BIG HUG}}

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> I've turned....

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094