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RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 5:26:58 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

This may come as a shock, naughty, but not all BBW are insecure. Just saying.

Oh gesh, this kinda throws your premise out of the water. Sorry (okay, not so much).

That's right and not all people are understanding about them. In fact they get downright insulting and call her names.

Personally I think the OP has major problems dealing with women. It could be that he has built up this idea that they get all the breaks and the poor men get picked on all the time. Now others are picking up on his hate and are staying away. Which will only feed into his feelings of inadequacy, thus causing the circle to continue. Kinda sad when you think about it.

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Post #: 21

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 5:52:07 AM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

sunshinemiss

Backing it up will mean linking profiles. This will get me in trouble and banned. I am sorry if you are not aware of the obvious trend. Looking at these types of profiles says it all.

ALL profiles? No, but it's not hard at all to find.

I'm curious, ignoring the negative appearing online profiles, what-if any-experience have you had with healthy, mentally secure fat chicks? I have no problem with that term...fat chick...as I happen to be one who finds the acronym, BBW, misleading. Just like the one for fat guys...BBM. Beauty isn't found just in the shell we wear. That being said, if someone needs to call themself a BBW/BBM to gain some sort of confidence...so be it. Where's the harm in it for you?

I have no problem with people who aren't attracted to me because of my size. I do have a problem with people who mistake online for offline/real life and who need to foist their own insecurities onto other people in order to make themselves feel better.

On a personal note...OP, your posts about women tend to be tinged with anger and insecurity....maybe you should focus on that instead of all these "offensive" profiles that seem to concern you.

Just sayin'

< Message edited by BonesFromAsh -- 9/28/2010 5:55:13 AM >

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 22

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 7:24:18 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
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reading the original posting i was thinking this post was about the different way society treats men and women - as in, men are encouraged to be independent and women are encouraged to be dependent. And yes, when the issue is one that would warrant sympathy, men tend to get the short end of the stick. OP, this is nothing that women do deliberately, so your ..... observation isn't going to accomplish anything, except make you annoyed.

as for the fat thing - meh - i'm a chunky chick, and i have had one dom who loved fat women and my current, who doesn't care about body type. He doesn't love fat or skinny, it just doesn't matter to him. What he loves is me, my mind and sense of humour - and i love that about him.

and if you are fat and no-one loves you, hugs to you. I did go to your profile to see if this was the case, but it wasn't there.

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 23

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 7:51:01 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt
I suspect that it only feels odd to those who choose to make endless 'victim' posts, blaming their lack of success on others and posting assumptions about what it is like on the other side of the fence without the knowledge to back them up. As for being a BBW, I probably qualify but don't care for the acronym. I also couldn't care less about the men who don't find me attractive; I simply think 'incompatible' and move on. That said, I don't think you have any clue about the drive by insults and nastiness that most women here are subjected to in cmail, or you wouldn't be posting about how we are 'perfectly accepted'. A man who says he isn't into BBWs or says 'thanks but no thanks' isn't awful, but one who feels the need to message a female out of the blue and/or call her names for no reason at all is just that... awful. Pretty simple.

Depends on how that insecurity is expressed. If he's bitching, whining, and blaming others, that's exactly what he will hear (same goes for females, BTW). On the other hand, countless males have asked polite questions on how to improve their profile, skills, how to handle a situation, etc, and have been given great advice in reply. Others have posted about intensely personal situations and received tons of concern and support. IME, the wording, combined with the OP's posting history, usually determines how a thread will go.

As has been pointed out, not all women above a size 0,6,8, whatever are insecure.

Have I told you lately that I love you?

I agree completely with the above. I don't happen to think someone saying they are a BBW (I don't happen to care for the term, either) is a sign of insecurity. I see it more as a person attempting to be realistic about their outward appearance. It's only been in the last couple of decades that there has been a greater acceptance of various body types for women. That's not exactly something that is an overnight change of mindset. There's a huge disparity in the target audience of advertising certain industries, the diet industry being one of the largest.

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Post #: 24

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 8:44:05 AM

strangedesire

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I'm a fat chick. It doesn't really matter whether or not you accept it. Reality does not change to suit your perception.

You don't have to find me attractive. However, if you mail me to say that I'm a cow or should eat more cheeseburgers, fatty, I will think that you are rude. That isn't coddling my insecurity, it's basic etiquette.

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Post #: 25

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 10:50:59 AM

Wolf2Bear

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Joined: 9/6/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Doesn't it feel odd how women are perfectly accepted or sympathised when they are insecure. Such as being a BBW etc. "You have to accept that I'm a BBW" or else these men who don’t are awful.

Yet, if a man is insecure about his stance as a man for ANYTHING, he is likely to be belittled/told to man up, and basically all the blame is on him with shame.

Why the double standard?

Not that I have anything against BBW's but the insecure factor is a prime example

Double standards exist on both sides of the coin.

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Post #: 26

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 11:58:38 AM

Voodali

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Joined: 10/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Doesn't it feel odd how women are perfectly accepted or sympathised when they are insecure. Such as being a BBW etc. "You have to accept that I'm a BBW" or else these men who don’t are awful.

Yet, if a man is insecure about his stance as a man for ANYTHING, he is likely to be belittled/told to man up, and basically all the blame is on him with shame.

Why the double standard?

Not that I have anything against BBW's but the insecure factor is a prime example

For some reason, you're not viewing the situation accurately. Insecure women are sometimes accepted, frequently not. More often than not, certain kinds of people will sense insecurity like wild animals and pounce, regardless of what gender is the "prey". Just observe school children picking on someone for whatever reason. or even...dare I say it...these forums.

BBWs are an emotionally charged example. The fact is, many people have an irrational hatred and disgust of them in this culture, and will get very vocal and nasty about it. This begins in childhood and continues indefinitely with everything from random strangers on the internet to every magazine on the shelf reminding one that one's first duty is to be slim and therefore beautiful. If you're not slim, you're not beautiful, and therefore a complete failiure as a woman. So we've been told. This, I suspect, is one reason anorexia in girls is rampant. You have no idea how ridiculous it is until you've walked a mile in a woman's shoes. "Perfectly accepted" ? Fuck no.

Heavier women who chose not to or for whatever reason can't lose weight have managed to cope with hatred and disapproval by embracing terms like "BBW" and using makeup and clothing to emphasize beauty and voluptuousness. Some say "accept me or fuck off", and understandably so ! We as women have tapped into our power and inner beauty, and some of society is starting to buy it. We have rebelled because the alternative of being constantly shamed and valued only for our appearance is unacceptable. We're fortunate that we have such weapons as makeup, clothing, hair and female sex appeal to use in our rebellion against bullshit. Heavier men don't have those things in their arsenal.

However, I do think there are more relaxed standards for heterosexual men when it comes to appearance. They are judged by their accomplishments, which to me seems just a little bit more sane, since they have many opportunities to improve upon that. A man with a few extra pounds or a beer gut will generally fly under the radar. I'd say you have an advantage in that department. Sadly, though, unless you're a tranny, you don't have the options of makeup and clothing, so if you're really fat, you'll probably get plenty of hate. Maybe you need to take a page from the BBW's book and start telling people to accept you or go away. When people are unnecessarily judgmental, that is always a nice sane option.

BBWs have found their coping mechanisms for a cruel world full of stupid people. What I would propose is that you find yours.

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kwh_yOzJ6AY , in my opinion, is a particularly fabulous option for men. This way you can actually reap some of the benefits of BEING a BBW.

< Message edited by Voodali -- 9/28/2010 12:20:29 PM >

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 27

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 3:41:53 PM

naughtynick81

Posts: 890
Joined: 3/23/2007
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WyldHrt

quote:

I suspect that it only feels odd to those who choose to make endless 'victim' posts, blaming their lack of success on others and posting assumptions about what it is like on the other side of the fence without the knowledge to back them up. As for being a BBW

To be honest, I don't blame most men on here for not having luck. Being a woman, you get countless emails and yet ignore 99 percent of them while you are just simply the average woman your self who is no better than most of the population. But its totally acceptable for a woman to sit here and claim that most men are not decent, most men only want to use women for sex, most men are boring etc etc etc. In other words, its socially acceptable for a woman to blame men for everything. Yet when its in reverse, the man is a social outcast.

Deny the double standard all you want. It's the only political correct reaction to the opinion. And oh fuck, how dare a man expose this sexist double standard. He must be ostracised immediately.

quote:

That said, I don't think you have any clue about the drive by insults and nastiness that most women here are subjected to in cmail, or you wouldn't be posting about how we are 'perfectly accepted'

Some men may entertain and humour themselves saying nasty shit to women in email, but in a social stance in the open, it’s undeniable that a woman is accepted to be insecure.

quote:

Have you seriously never experienced a proper 'fat' thread before?? I suggest that you do a search, as I can assure you that there is no universal acceptance of BBWs. You might also want to check out the political forums, to see just how much the men on this site kowtow to the women when discussing real life issues *laughs my ass off*

No universal acceptance of BBWs? ROFL There are countless websites out there that show appreciation towards BBWs. There are beauty pageants for BBW's. Yet big men get no where near this amount of appreciation.

Have you experienced many profiles from big women?

It’s very common to see a sentence in the profile that goes along the lines of “you have to accept that I am big”… BANG that’s insecurity right there. This is not something rare.

And that aside, as I was saying earlier in this thread, it’s practically the social norm for a woman to think until proven otherwise that most men only see them as meat and not value them as someone special in relationship terms. Again, this is undeniable insecurity.

If a man had the same level of negativity/insecurity, he would be deemed as totally undesirable. Not to mention, he would be deemed as a misogynist for having such negativity towards women.

But it’s typical for a political correct person to jump on here and try to disguise these types of insecurities in argumentum by making it appear to be something else.

Good luck in trying to convince me otherwise. But I enjoy the controversy.

And regards to what others are saying here….well I pretty much have the same response.

(in reply to Voodali)

Post #: 28

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 4:31:58 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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Nick,

Thanks so much for not listening.

There are women on here who are insecure about their thighs being unacceptably fat and they weigh 115 lbs.

This is what you are missing:
A man who is 5'8", weighs 185lbs, and has a "beer gut" is not going to catch the same kind of flack as a woman of the same height and weight.
(Reminder, you are the one who began a discussion on "double standards" here.)

Women state that in their profiles by the way, because their experience has conditioned them that they need to be clear with the men they interact with, that they are women of size. You see, not telling the men beforehand does often lead to very unpleasant encounters.
And so, the women are clear about this point, bringing focus to it. It is a must that on this subject they are accepted. The other option is to go to a first meet and have the humiliating experience of seeing actual disgust in someone's eyes and have them make a hasty exit.

You haven't seen this btw, but, women here are often told to put on their big girl panties, when they whine and get things out of perspective.

Oh, another point about BBW: there is a lot of focus on them because some men have a true desire for them, just as some women prefer their men on the teddy-bear side of things.

And some men, just recognise that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.
Leonard Nimoy, for example created The Full Body Project, after previously focusing on thinner women.
(While most people think of him as as actor famous for Mr. Spock, he has returned his focus to photography.)

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Post #: 29

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 11:14:20 PM

WyldHrt

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quote:

Have I told you lately that I love you?

Yes, but you know that I never get tired of hearing it!

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Post #: 30

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/28/2010 11:43:59 PM

popeye1250

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You know most of this could be avoided by getting a gym membership and working out 3 or 4 times a week or taking a nice brisk walk for 2-4 miles a day and staying away from the "Sara Lee's".
It's (((really))) not that difficult.

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Post #: 31

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/29/2010 12:39:23 AM

hlen5

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quote:

........No universal acceptance of BBWs? ROFL There are countless websites out there that show appreciation towards BBWs. There are beauty pageants for BBW's. Yet big men get no where near this amount of appreciation..........

I'm wary of men who tell me that they date only BBWs. I find it odd that that is their first criterium. It's not my sense of humor, my interest in social justice, or my occasional limerick?

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Post #: 32

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/29/2010 12:50:23 AM

WyldHrt

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quote:

You know most of this could be avoided by getting a gym membership and working out 3 or 4 times a week or taking a nice brisk walk for 2-4 miles a day and staying away from the "Sara Lee's".
It's (((really))) not that difficult.

Take note, OP. This is a typical 'fat thread' reply. Totally accepting, yepyep

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Post #: 33

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/29/2010 3:15:41 AM

allthatjaz

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Of course there are double standards everywhere. Particular jobs are much easier to attain if your a male but if your a short male, your less likely to get into the managerial section. It has been proven that tall men are generally more successful than small men.
I worked in real estate and when vacancies came up they would interview a couple of dozen people. They immediately rejected blacks and Indians, they rejected short men and large ladies and they rejected mature ladies. It didn't matter if a man was mature but he had to be white and he would stand more hope if he was tall. A female was more likely to land the job if she was young, pretty and slim.
Mature women often have problems when re-entering the work force. If your a large mature woman then you have just doubled your problems of finding a job but a large mature man will be employed for his knowledge, experience and brain power.

Men are much more vocal about what they find desirable in women than women are about men. A small breasted woman often feels insecure about her body and a woman with visible cellulite is less likely to run around in a bikini on the beach. A woman with a bit of facial hair is laughed at and a mature woman beyond child bearing age is too often considered old and worn out.
A man can hide his small penis, he doesn't have to worry about cellulite and nobody will go 'eek' if he is hairy. A mature man who doesn't lose his ability to father a child, is often considered more knowledgeable and more attractive.

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Post #: 34

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/30/2010 6:02:17 PM

thornhappy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81
No universal acceptance of BBWs? ROFL There are countless websites out there that show appreciation towards BBWs. There are beauty pageants for BBW's. Yet big men get no where near this amount of appreciation.

You've not seen the sites that are BBW AND BBM? I sure have.

(in reply to naughtynick81)

Post #: 35

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 9/30/2010 9:12:45 PM

Arpig

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Oh grow up & quit your whining

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Post #: 36

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 10/3/2010 11:07:15 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Doesn't it feel odd how women are perfectly accepted or sympathised when they are insecure. Such as being a BBW etc. "You have to accept that I'm a BBW" or else these men who don’t are awful.

Yet, if a man is insecure about his stance as a man for ANYTHING, he is likely to be belittled/told to man up, and basically all the blame is on him with shame.

Why the double standard?

Not that I have anything against BBW's but the insecure factor is a prime example

because we as a society do and say things we shouldn't it seems to be the ugly side of being human

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Post #: 37

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 10/3/2010 11:39:30 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

just another whiny boy complaining about how women get all the breaks and he's still working at walmart. Is that about right?

I'm guessing you've been hurt by women sometime in the past and you just can't seem to stop being bitter and angry.

Ya know what? Insecurity is a natural home emotion..men and women. Both genders deal with it and move on with their lives. It may be time to deal with yours and move on.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 38

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 10/4/2010 5:46:26 PM

NuevaVida

Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

quote:

Odd. I keep thinking that there are huge industries built around making women buy stuff for their insecurities. Makeup, nails, hair, clothing

I wonder who makes these, puts these on, pushes to advertise these? Women?

Revlon, Maybelline and Avon - all founded by men.

Fat women are constantly put down by both men and women. Fat men, not quite as much. Men can be "stocky" and be totally accepted for that. Women who are mildly overweight get a completely different reception. The prevalent message for women - in media, movies, books, magazines, ads, beauty products, etc., is small and petite. Have you ever seen a "No Fat Chicks" bumper sticker? I have. Haven't seen so many "No Fat Dudes" though.

Having once been petite, having once been obese, and now somewhere in the middle, I assure you, there's a difference in the way one is treated. Same person, just different sizes. The very looks one receives, based on their size, is remarkable and very noticeable.

I don't know what it's like for men, since I'm not a man. But I don't see an equal media push for men to look a certain way, and I certainly don't see basic "out of shape" men being treated in quite the same demeaned way. It's only when they begin pushing obesity that attitudes tend to change.

Society frowns upon fat people. Being a fat woman, you'd be surprised at the unsolicited comments men will make. So it doesn't surprise me at all that "BBW's" will make it clear up front that they prefer to be accepted.

Why does this bother you?

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Post #: 39

RE: Double Standards...Insecurity - 10/4/2010 6:03:05 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

quote:

ORIGINAL: naughtynick81

Why does this bother you?

NV,
I don't think it really bothers him at all.

In his profile he states: "I love being an asshole to dominant women ..."
I think he just likes being an asshole period, preferably to women.

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Post #: 40

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