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Question for a master - 9/28/2010 5:12:51 AM   
hotsimple


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/27/2010
Status: offline 		I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 5:15:52 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		How would you handle this if it were a vanilla relationship you were looking for?  Do that.

Editting to add some real life suggestions:

Be a nude model for an art class.
Go to a body awareness group.
Take martial arts classes.
Paint your body (as in put paint on your body).
Get to know your body, love it, it's the only one you've got.
Practice Yoga.
Consider your body a canvas and decorate it.
Experience sensuality. 
If your issue is weight (over or under or just plain can't get it out of your head), read Geneen Roth books, join OA and Weight Watchers.
See a therapist.
Treat your body with respect.
Stand up to bullies.
Learn to salsa dance.
Date decent people.
Look at paintings by Reubens.
Live passionately.
Read and follow anything written by SARK.
Read about the Kings and Queens of Hawaii.
Identify something you want to change, and change it.  Want to be stronger?  Lift weights.  Want pretty hands?  Get a manicure.  Want to show off your pretty eyes?  Get contact lenses.

One thing I've found that helps tremendously for me is music and dance.  When I dance, I am without a doubt the most amazingly beautiful woman in the world.  The rest of the time?  I'm just some gal.  What makes you feel beautiful?  What makes you feel sexy and charming and desireable?  Do that.

Good luck,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 9/28/2010 5:48:10 AM >

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to hotsimple)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 5:52:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		If your profile is correct, you're 454 lbs. If that's correct, then your weight is a major health hazard to you and you ought to be actively working on it with your doctor.

If, as I suspect, you got crossed up between kilos and pounds, then you're about 220 at 5'4".  That's a concern but not a crisis.

You have two issues - weight and finding a Master.  A decent Master will work with you to achieve your goals and set some of his own for you.  And the weight shouldn't prevent your full submission.  Your attitude won't prevent it either.

One word of caution - people online are not always what they seem.  With your attitude of being broken but being desperate for a master, as well as being new, you are very ripe pickings for someone who might want to take advantage of you.  I would strongly recommend getting involved with your local community because most of the fakes, phonies, and predators will prefer to work behind a computer screen.



_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 5:56:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hotsimple

I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen


Unlikely to happen overnight, but being self conscious about your body (or bits of it) is really common. Lots of people are, including me.

As to the *how to*......well, I'm still self-conscious about bits of my body but it doesn't interfere with my ability to be owned because he listened, understood and didn't expect me to just *stop* feeling that way.

Basically, I just became more confident because it was clear he wasn't remotely bothered by the things I was bothered about. What did I want more? To let my small hang-ups keep me from ever getting naked, or just getting on with it and giving myself a chance to get it in perspective.

It depends entirely on you and what you want at any given time. It will obviously depend on who you're with and what you want the most. It's more about your mindset than your body.  Cost/benefit will determine what you do. If it's more important to you to NOT *fully submit*, as you put it, because you're bothered about how you look then you probably won't.......... If it's more important to *submit fully* then you're more likely to give that priority over your self-consciousness.

I'm sure other people will have all sorts of ideas about * how to*, but for me it boiled down to cost/benefit.

Oh, that, and the fact that I became owned despite it and had to get naked whether I was comfortable or not about my body .......lol

agirl








(in reply to hotsimple)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 6:14:12 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'd have to echo what agirl has said about the fact that the men that have been with me have always accepted what I look like and even..gasp!...liked it. That's been a huge factor in making me feel more desirable. They don't look at me and see a collection of problems the way I do so I've come to realize that they must actually enjoy the way I look even if I don't.

Another thing that has helped immensely is taking charge of myself and making changes. I had a lot of weight to lose at one point and went to the gym religiously until it came off. I still go now, even with having a severe accident this summer. I just logged 900 workouts last month at my gym - it's something I've been doing for a long time but I had to start somewhere. I can't go as often now as I was going before the accident, I dont' have my stamina built back up again yet, but I still go 3-4 times a week.

Most men if they can see that you have something that you are addressing will admire you for that and find it an attractive quality. Don't give a prospective Dom a fixer upper project...show him that you are desirable property because you've indentified and are working on something that matters to you.

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 6:17:22 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello HS:
Hey, I just thought of something.  About your weight... have your doctor check you for hypothyroidism.  I know it can be devastating both physically and emotionally.  It is grossly under diagnosed.  If it is something that is a problem, there is a simple remedy in the form of dietary and exercise changes if it is a low level issue.  If it's higher, meds may be necessary. 

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 7:37:34 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - i am a fat person, and my first dom loved that about me. In fact, he made me stay naked in the house, in front of lifestyle people, to the extent that i no longer feel naked when i am naked, i feel clothed in his regard. As he told me more than once, if i didn't love to look at your body, i would order you to put clothes on!   Damn , i loved that man!

Because of that experience and that man, i am not thrilled with my body, but i accept that men enjoy it and want to look at it - even though i don't think its all that.  And i am very comfortable naked. lol.
You have to lose the clothes and eventually you will be happy with the fact that you don't have clothes on. It just takes a while. 

The point is, whatever defect you have, unless you compulsively point it out, there is a good chance that He/She won't ever pay any special attention to it.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 8:23:01 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		OP, sunshine had great suggestions. My suggestion? Unleash your inner Diva; she is confident, sexy, knows she is the bomb and if she knows it, others do as well.

Work on whatever needs working on to be healthy, dress fabulously for your figure type, develop a signature style, something that people remember about you and smile.

Confidence is the most powerful aphrodisiac of all in men and women. No one wants someone who is insecure and needs constant uplifting. Compliments are fine, but no amount of compliments will offset a bad body image.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 9:53:09 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

OP, sunshine had great suggestions. My suggestion? Unleash your inner Diva; she is confident, sexy, knows she is the bomb and if she knows it, others do as well.

Work on whatever needs working on to be healthy, dress fabulously for your figure type, develop a signature style, something that people remember about you and smile.

Confidence is the most powerful aphrodisiac of all in men and women. No one wants someone who is insecure and needs constant uplifting. Compliments are fine, but no amount of compliments will offset a bad body image.


I have to say that I'm not confident in lots of ways, I just care less than past times. I don't dress fabulously, but I dress how I like. Basically, people remember me and like me because of all sorts of things, and nothing to do with the way I dress...lol.

I don't think I'm *da bomb*, I think I'm *alright and unlikely to make people puke*. I'm neither confident or sexy. But basically , being my slightly whackily dressed self, without expending my energy on what I look like, is really rather attractive to plenty of people. But you have to do it to know it.

The bits we neglect to see about ourselves, when we are focussed ON ourselves, are often the bits that attract other people. I've found that  men aren't THAT bothered about me being insecure but maybe because I've been eager to ditch it when I possibly can.

agirl



(in reply to sexyred1)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 11:37:33 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		Hello OP,

You've had some top quality replies so far (respect to all of you guys)

In addition, and without wishing to sound like a fortune cookie - The right master will help you overcome this with empathy and patience.

As for finding him - honestly... the search for the right person is as hard for supermodels as it is the rest of us.

Good luck

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 11:46:21 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		sunshinemiss gave some excellent advice.

In the same vein: Belly dance classes and if you have a female friend who is a photographer, have her spend time with you some night taking photos... a lot of them. Naked may be uncomfortable, so use a sheer scarf or piece of gauze.

Leonard Nimoy believes that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and turned that belief into:
The Full Body Project





_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to hotsimple)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 12:39:35 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline 		Greetings,

Beauty. What does that mean exactly? Beauty potentially describes something different to each of us.

A master's “beauty” can be in his passions for his submissive, in his clear thinking and desire and capability to be the true primal man, his strength of character, honesty and the validity of his goals and his methods. Of course his eyes I’m told. Further down on this list might be his biceps.

What about the woman? Perhaps a woman need not have great physical beauty to attract him. Perhaps a master is attracted to the confidence that comes with a woman living her passions rather than physical beauty alone. I’m speaking of those passions dealing with her desires, her hungers, her need to be true to herself in her chosen role, her wired role as the primal woman. Any man worth his salt knows a woman freed and empowered to live her passions will only become more beautiful, much more beautiful. I submit this is true even if she is dom to him.

Confidence is something even less tangible. It can change with the moment. For women, it is said that confidence comes from being beautiful. But it is also said that beauty increases with confidence. Both are as true as the saying “the rich get richer and the poor get poorer” and most of the time this is true.

So how does one overcome this catch-22, this seemingly impossible barrier to having the confidence to be beautiful so they can become confident? Perhaps it is by remembering your beauty as a woman does not start with good skin, soft hair and a sexy body with the perfect slut uniform or collar. These are worthy goals but one must start at the beginning and at the beginning a true man knows it is the beauty in your eyes as you look at him, he who would be a fool for only choosing you for how thin you are but focusing instead on how you act on your passions. You who are women know the passions I describe. Goreans generally describe it as the potential “flame” found within all women. This flame and your beauty grow only with the relationship you need obtain only with your inner beauty, only your actualized passions to start.

So, I suggest if you stay true to yourself, true to your inner passion and your natural beauty as a woman, if you start with these and never let any negative perception of your physical beauty block your path, then soon, very soon, you will find your beauty and the beauty in your life outshining any dream.

I wish all well,
Arturas


< Message edited by Arturas -- 9/28/2010 12:43:32 PM >

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 12:59:48 PM   
ladyseekinglord


Posts: 105
Joined: 12/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

One word of caution - people online are not always what they seem.  With your attitude of being broken but being desperate for a master, as well as being new, you are very ripe pickings for someone who might want to take advantage of you.  I would strongly recommend getting involved with your local community because most of the fakes, phonies, and predators will prefer to work behind a computer screen.



I thought she said she already had a master, but if not.. Yeah, what he said!!

lady

_____________________________

"Hold the heart of a slave girl and she will walk through fire for you... but if you cherish it she will dance in the flames."

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question for a master - 9/28/2010 3:06:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		All women have some body image problems. Supermodels obsess about their thighs. First off, don't criticize yourself. If you're like the rest of us, you probably put yourself down a couple of dozen times a day. Everything from seeing a clothing ad on tv and thinking "I could never wear that". To "I'm not going to the beach this year so nobody can see me in a bathing suit".

By doing this you maintain the problem. You reinforce your self hatred everytime you think or say something belittling.
Take a dance class. Follow along to the tv or get a dvd or take a class. The stronger your body is, through exercise, the more you will appreciate it for what it can do. And when you have positive things to say about your body, that counteracts the negative.

Plus remember, the guy that picks you isn't going to be turned off. He's going to be glad to see you naked.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ladyseekinglord)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 6:29:35 PM   
devilslongsword


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/24/2010
Status: offline 		Hi all I am devilslongsword, !Dom, I found my perfect subbie, we met and I wanted her to know my vanilla side first because I wanted a LTR with her. she was disapointed and left our meeting. After I sent her a nasty mail, stupid I know. Hurt her with that! We were as one before that, now we are none. Like to get her back but I dought that will happen. Should I give her time to heal or just move on?

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 6:31:10 PM   
devilslongsword


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/24/2010
Status: offline 		Dam not a computer nerd, LOL Devil

< Message edited by devilslongsword -- 9/30/2010 6:35:40 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 6:34:10 PM   
LanceHughes


Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
Status: offline 		START a NEW Thread!

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

10 fluffy points
50 nz points

Member: VAA's posse

(in reply to devilslongsword)
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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 6:40:14 PM   
devilslongsword


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/24/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks LanceHughes. Knew that was the case. She will be hard to find again thou.

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RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 6:44:20 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:


agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: devilslongsword

Hi all I am devilslongsword, !Dom, I found my perfect subbie, we met and I wanted her to know my vanilla side first because I wanted a LTR with her. she was disapointed and left our meeting. After I sent her a nasty mail, stupid I know. Hurt her with that! We were as one before that, now we are none. Like to get her back but I dought that will happen. Should I give her time to heal or just move on?


Neither.  You should work on your self control. 


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to devilslongsword)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question for a master - 9/30/2010 7:40:17 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hotsimple

I have a question for a master since i am new to this lifestyle..i am very uncomfortable with the way my body looks, otherwise I could fully submit myself to my master, how do i overcome this? I need for this to happen


Bottom line, people have to want to. People need to realize what will probably happen if  they don't. Excess weight is hard on a person's back and  knees, can cause circulatory complications. Weight along with being in their 40's makes them a prime candidate to develop type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol issues which can lead to strokes and heart attacks. Having those issues will end up costing over $1000 dollars a month in medications. Diabetics have a  high risk of limb amputation as well as blindness and nerve damage. Is this what you want for yourself? Don't you think you owe your dominant better than that?  People need to be honest with themselves and take a real hard look at their eating habits, their exercise routines even their mental states, Big may be considered beautiful by some, but is it worth losing 20 years off one's life?

< Message edited by Acer49 -- 9/30/2010 7:41:53 PM >

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to hotsimple)
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