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ownedgirlie -> RE: Keeping Seperate Homes (4/25/2006 12:25:24 AM)
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Okay, True, you're going to make me think tonight. Oddly enough, after this past week I was thinking along some very close lines here, and was thinking of writing about it. So I'll use your thread to do that. Bear with me, this got lengthy, and probably ventured off topic a bit, but hopefully it speaks to your point…hopefully…lol.
I have been learning, growing and developing with my Master for about 2 years now. From the first conversation, I was drawn...and the bond has only become stronger. And yet, we have all these obstacles between us, which would cause many people to say we could never work. But still, we have managed to connect at a level I did not know existed. He wanted to know things about me - personal things, but I also wanted to share them. Never before had I wanted to let someone IN so much. As I shared my thoughts and feelings daily, he learned all about me- how I processed thoughts, how I ticked, what sets me off, what makes me melt, what makes me laugh... He learned every part of me – and mostly by phone and letter. We have spoken nearly every day, even if just a brief note in IM. Even with our distance, he has reached into my soul, and shown me me.
Along the way, he taught me not only basic lessons, but lessons that were extremely hard to learn. He taught me to be strong, and self reliant, and independent (I had temporarily lost those traits in my marriage). He taught me to value myself, and speak for myself, and to not let anyone put me down. Some of those lessons in finding my own strength nearly brought me to my knees. But he knew I would get it. He knew I would rise up. He does not coddle me. He does not treat me like a princess. He his not always very tender. He is turning me into someone who will thrive and be strong in the event of his passing.
I know this is a really longgggggg way of leading up to my point here. I see my Master one or two weekends a month. Sometimes it is for the weekend. Sometimes just for the day, or a few hours, or even a few minutes. Every time I see him, I am ecstatic and slightly nervous. It is true I wish I could see him more. We have discussed moving me closer to him, but I am close to my elderly parents and my Dad is quite ill. So I stay put. Meanwhile, through the use of modern technology, he generally knows where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with…and always my thoughts and feelings. He knows almost as much about me as if we lived together. How many times have I heard LDRs are not really "real?" But the thing is, Master is always with me. Always. We are connected. This is very, very real.
Master knows I do or don't do what is required because he knows I must. Serving him is the core of who I am. To do otherwise would compromise us, and deny us who I am, and I would not dare do that. Because he knows me so well, he knows that about me.
Last Tuesday at 1am I had a serious family emergency involving my Dad. He would be in the hospital all week. That same morning, at 6am, Master was boarding a plane across the country for a business trip. I left him a voicemail of what was going on.
Was he there for me? Every step of the way. Did he need to be physically present to do so? No, he didn't. I felt him. He guided me. He contacted me, and I reported to him what was going on. He reminded me of my strength, and I drew from him. All of those difficult lessons my Master had taught me - to be a pillar of strength for my family, to be strong for myself, to do the right thing...everything came together. I realized my Master is always there for me. No matter if he is in the same room, or across the country. I can rely on that, and he can rely on me to do what he expects of me, be it as small as writing a paragraph about something, or as large as holding my family together while spending every night in my Dad's hospital room.
I know this is a really long journal here, and I apologize for all the words. I wrote all of this in an attempt to show that two people (or more) can indeed have an intense bond (M/s, D/s, or otherwise) whether they share a home or not. While I most certainly do not intend to demean those who share a home, I am a firm believer that a relationship and all it gives and creates has nothing to do with proximity and everything to do with the people involved. I was in a marriage for 17 years, after all, and had nowhere close the bond I have now, with a man I live 2 hours from.
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