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LadyPact -> RE: The need to be rude?!? (10/7/2010 8:11:04 PM)
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ORIGINAL: samboct
Let me define polite email, since there seems to be some confusion on this point. A polite email involves reading someones profile, figuring out some common interests, and discussing them with the recipient and perhaps making a suggestion for further interaction.
Frankly, the topic wasn't about polite emails. It really did start on the topic of rude emails. As has been mentioned, the word rude in itself is subjective.
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My comment is that these polite emails are now going unanswered. This reduces the utility of the site as a whole since the ability to meet like minded people for sex/romance/one night stands is diminishing. A site such as this needs a critical mass to function. Loss of that critical mass means that the site will no longer be viable.
No, it doesn't reduce the utility of the site. Many of us do just fine at this. I'm still meeting just as many folks from CM as I ever did.
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There are two reasons I've heard for why polite emails are going unanswered:
1) some women are so overwhelmed that they simply can't find the time to respond.
2) some women are scared of potential responses which are threatening/aggressive.
You're skipping a lot of things here. Some women just plain don't want to answer your mail. It could be age, lack of a picture, something on your interest list that she considers on her hard limits, or a score of other reasons out there.
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N.B. I've focused on women's responses here, since it's clear that men initiate most email contacts outside forum discussion.
At least you have finally realized that.
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Relating to these points are:
1) Spam- defined as mail unmatched to the recipient and sent out randomly. Length or content irrelevant.
2) The nonexistent suggestion to send polite responses to spam.
3) That some men may send aggressive emails if rejected.
4) That aggressive emails may be linked to rejections of men who make advances without reading profiles.
I have really become confused regarding your sense of entitlement about responding to emails. Why is it that you think someone owes you a debt of a return email just because you write one? Might I point out to you that you didn't answer My question from earlier? When you get emails demanding tribute or the other examples you mentioned, do you write them polite email back?
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Why rudeness thrives on this site? Attempts to solve this problem have been rebuffed.
What you are calling rudeness, other people are calling personal choice. Not everybody has to use the site the way that you have determined that it has to be done.
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Let me reiterate some possible steps that can be taken:
1) Limit the number of emails that can be sent to new contacts in one day.
2) Provide a more visible tutorial on the tools on this site to block and delete spam and report unwelcome emails.
3) Develop a set of community guidelines or suggestions for both men and women. I think this thread clearly shows the problem is not the sole responsibility of either women or men on this site- it's due to the lack of responsibility that anonymity brings. Focusing on men or women as root causes leads to bathos and no progress.
4) Allow users more latitude to select what types of emails they wish to receive- perhaps based on MPAA ratings. For people that like sending cock shots, this would make sure that their recipients don't mind receiving them.
5) Perhaps block emails from senders who have not first read the profile of the intended recipient.
6) Limit emails to forum participants.
1. Strangely enough, one of your comments earlier today was the huge advantage that this site has in comparison to Alt - the free email feature.
2. I'm actually with this one. The reason there has been such an improvement since the spam filter has been initiated is that people are reporting more and just using block/delete less.
3. It's made no progress because some folks don't want to recognize the issue. There are threads (the FAQ for example) that do talk about net etiquette. One of the most popular threads on the entire site is Stephan's post on how to contact a woman here. http://tinyurl.com/2pyp9h
4. I'm going to wish you good luck with that.
5. You've got a problem with this one. Why should someone have to read a person's profile to comment on something they have written on the forums?
6. This would work for Me personally, but it wouldn't work on a universal basis. I get emails from folks who don't use the forums, but are asking questions about events in the area. I've gotten notes from people asking Me for references about a third party. I've had people want to know where I've purchased My corset. They have never made a post. (By the way, I don't consider those spam at all.) Those are also uses for the site.
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Clearly the site administration has a challenging problem to solve. First- are these suggestions merely the result of an unhappy vocal minority and that the average user is content? Also-if FetLife is the competition (and from a business sense, it certainly appears this way)- then people who are happier sharing a community but are not actively seeking companionship may be happier on that site since it does not have the search features of this site. Implementing suggestions of people not actively seeking companionship might be counterproductive.
This is not a case of a noisy few. At the next munch or event that you go to, ask any of the women there if they have accounts on CM. Many women have left this site over it. Read the thread that was reference here by LNT. All of those women are listing emails from CM.
I'll be perfectly frank about this part. People seeking a primary partner are no more or less important on this site than anyone else using it. To be perfectly blunt, I'm highly successful at using this site in meeting people. Just because My reasons for being here don't live up to your self-important standard, doesn't mean that I, or anybody else who is here for a reason other than yours, should have less of a voice on this site.
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