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what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 7:01:31 AM

lily84

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quote:

hi guyz,
As a dom ,my happiness 's dominate my doggies.Actually, until now i've never had any thought of a relationship out of bdsm .But sometimes i feel confusing .im wondering how bdsm in marriage and if theres any limits or not .If i got married with a slave one day ,how 'd my lifestyle become ,still interesting or getting bored soon ....hmm ...really fussy !
If u ever did or got some experiences of it ,pls feel free to tell me ,tx .
Lily

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 7:04:48 AM

SirCumsSlut

Posts: 433
Joined: 4/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lily84

quote:

hi guyz,
As a dom ,my happiness 's dominate my doggies.Actually, until now i've never had any thought of a relationship out of bdsm .But sometimes i feel confusing .im wondering how bdsm in marriage and if theres any limits or not .If i got married with a slave one day ,how 'd my lifestyle become ,still interesting or getting bored soon ....hmm ...really fussy !
If u ever did or got some experiences of it ,pls feel free to tell me ,tx .
Lily

Well Lily, I have been Sir's for nine years and we have been married for eight of those nine years.........nothing has become boring, as a matter of fact it has gotten more exciting........Some may say that love and BDSM don't mix, but imho they are wrong

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 7:17:38 AM

Proprietrix

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From: Ohio/West Virginia
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Although I have no experience with marriage (and never plan to), I don't see how it would really change the relationship much, if any. Marriage is a legal contract, and what people make it. It might be beneficial for tax purposes, religious preference, handling vanilla family better. All of which could be a plus. But as for the relationship itself getting boring, all it takes to prevent that is a little creativity.

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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

(in reply to lily84)

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 8:23:18 AM

crouchingtigress

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From: Maui
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Sometimes folks feel like marriage locks them in, they feel safe, so they can let themselves go a little or a lot, sometimes they over eat, sometimes they dont dress up ect..

In D/s I have seen it effect either the dom or sub in the same way, one can loose interest, Doms stop planning elaborate scenes and subs stop going the extra mile in their service. D/s is a symbiotic dynamic meaning it cant only work with one person doing the work.

Doms have to step up and take the role of Inspirer, which of course takes time and work to get in to the mind of a sub and find out what what motivates her, and subs need to enjoy their role, be enthusiastic, be grateful or else all the fun goes out of it...

Not that this will happen to you, just that it could, and knowing that it could you could instill prevention measures.

Truth is vanilla or d/s all relationships are work, and need a steady infusion of creativity, enthusiasm, support, compromise,communication and forgiveness to make work.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 8:28:37 AM

OnyxGoddess

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to add a little thorn in here....the only complications i feel come when you have children. upbringing, religion, discipline, gender roles all really flood to the surface all of a sudden. also, children can dictate how you and your dom-me/sub/slave interact. in front of our children my cuck and i are traditional in regard to family....vanilla. when we close our doors or go out alone in public the bdsm gloves come on.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 8:31:35 AM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
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Good morning lily.

For me, marriage is like a collaring ceremony and a collar like a wedding ring. They show to others within your community your devotion. In my case, they will have to go hand-in-hand, as I will not accept a collar without marrying my parnter.
Marrying your partner would be 24/7 at its finest. You woul not only have the lifestyle community but the 'vanilla' community as well seeing your commitment to each other as well. Think of all the yummmmy things you could do. You would always have someone to play with and to be there with and for, it takes work, I won't lie to you, but its worth it.
I have not been in 24/7 for long periods of time,a s I am a single parent, so when I finally [if ever] find a Master who I love that much and we 'take the plunge' marriage and collaring will be done, with proper 'audiance' if at all.
How can it become boring?! All sorts of new toys and ways of using them,heck, all you would have to do is long on here and as for 'new ways' or 'ideas' and soon you would have more than an enought to try.

Good Luck.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 8:41:29 AM

1969slave

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i was married, but one of the conditions to becoming his slave was that we divorce so i could serve him as a true slave and not as a wife.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 9:17:04 AM

MistressLorelei

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I seek a long-term relationship where D/s is a constant part of it. I would welcome marriage as it adds a legal (permanent) element to the mental (permanent) connection. The relationship would be the same with or without the marriage certificate, but it would be nice to have the marriage for the vanilla side of things, and just because.

I envision two separate wedding ceremonies.. a vanilla one with family and friends, and a smaller one with a handful of those in the lifestyle.... him on his knees getting collared as we exchange Bdsm style vows on the wedding day... and Me making it clear that he is owned for the rest of his life.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 10:23:25 AM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressLorelei

I envision two separate wedding ceremonies.. a vanilla one with family and friends, and a smaller one with a handful of those in the lifestyle.... him on his knees getting collared as we exchange Bdsm style vows on the wedding day... and Me making it clear that he is owned for the rest of his life.

Isnt that last part what happens to most men on their wedding days? LOL I'm joking, I couldnt resist

But I LOVE your idea that sounds so perfect and so sweet.

~Lashra

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 10:32:51 AM

darq

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I think my family is afraid of my wedding day.

They know that I'm a very dramatic person. I'm not going to do anything small or informal ...

They know that I'm into BDSM and that I will probably marry a dominant man.

With that in mind ... They're nervous ... lol

Honestly though, I plan to keep the BDSM aspects subtle. My dress will be custom made because I want it to be something that the adults will see that clearly, he has to cut me out of it .. But to any children it would just be a pretty dress. I wont wear a collar because I dont believe in ownership ... So thats not a huge concern. There will be many subtle details ... My vows for example will be the more traditional 'love, honor and obey' and I want his to say "love, honor and cherish' ... Little things.

In day to day life ... I might 'serve' my husband in front of my children ... Things like bringing him his meals, sitting at his feet, being respectful ... But I'm obviously not going to be naked or wearing cuffs or crawling on my hands and knees. I dont think you have to be totally vanilla just because your kids are around ... I think children should see mom and dad kissing or holding hands or dad stroking mom's hair ... Signs of affection. Children should realize that marriage is about love and love is about being kind to each other.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 11:17:26 AM

GoddessDustyGold

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I don't see marriage as a problem. It is a legal union. No more and and no less. In any 24/7 relationship, if there is sexual or sensual interaction, it takes place at the appopriate time and place. The Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism most often take place within the context of a scene (i.e., parents usually do not have sex in the living room while the kids are watching tv). The D/s, that is the Domination and submission, in any D/s or M/s relationship is the overall dynamic and energy that steers the relationship and defines the roles within it. A D/s or M/s relationship is not 24/7 fet wear and scenes. If that is all you are interested in regarding domination, then you might get bored! Only you can make that call.
It's an individual thing, but marriage, if one is inclined, does not need to change anything.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:02:14 PM

slave52001

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hello
iam a sub from kansas city mo. i cant under stand why a godess would even think of marrige a slave contract is far greater than a marrage contract.

slave52001

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:10:08 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slave52001

hello
iam a sub from kansas city mo. i cant under stand why a godess would even think of marrige a slave contract is far greater than a marrage contract.

slave52001

In fact, I do use a contract. And I am, personally, not interested in marriage. However, if there is ever a problem, the most I would expect My contract to do is protect Me in court if a whiney slave decided to leave and then take issue with anything. I am not abusive, so that wouldn't come into play at all. But it is amazing what some people can come up with when they think they need to get back at another.
A slave contract is only as good as the slave who signs it.
YMMV

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/25/2006 4:11:38 PM >

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They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:15:33 PM

MistressLorelei

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slave52001

hello
iam a sub from kansas city mo. i cant under stand why a godess would even think of marrige a slave contract is far greater than a marrage contract.

slave52001

The question involves bdsm marriage... a slave contract is not part of every Bdsm relationship. Besides in a lifetime, even if the marriage certificate is meaningless to the relationship, the legal benefits can be beneficial... like at tax time.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:21:36 PM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
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From: Southeastern, MA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: 1969slave

i was married, but one of the conditions to becoming his slave was that we divorce so i could serve him as a true slave and not as a wife.

Ummmm, perhaps a stupid question, but, why couldn't you be a "true" slave while married to him? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:24:54 PM

jezzabelle

Posts: 391
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From: Southeastern, MA
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quote:

ORIGINAL: slave52001

hello
iam a sub from kansas city mo. i cant under stand why a godess would even think of marrige a slave contract is far greater than a marrage contract.

slave52001

A marriage can be just a deep, committed and meaningful as a slave contract. It's all in how the two involved make it and how deep the committment is for them. One plus, a marriage legally binds two people together while a slave contract does not.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 4:51:56 PM

foxnotinsox

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I know of a girl whose marriage was in trouble [no, not me].
She found BDSM online and, with the blessing of her husband, started to explore.
Eventually he became interested in it too.
This year, they celebrate hmmm 4 years as Master/slave, and 33 in which they are married.

Sooooooooooo .... heheh it *can* go both ways ... by spicing up a *dull* marriage.

< Message edited by foxnotinsox -- 4/25/2006 4:52:54 PM >

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 5:07:10 PM

Proprietrix

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From: Ohio/West Virginia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: foxnotinsox
I know of a girl whose marriage was in trouble [no, not me].
She found BDSM online and, with the blessing of her husband, started to explore.
Eventually he became interested in it too.
This year, they celebrate hmmm 4 years as Master/slave, and 33 in which they are married.

I love hearing stories like this. I wish more spouses were open to expanding within their vows.

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IMO, IMHO, YMMV, AFAIK, to me, I see it as, from my perspective, it's been my experience, I only speak for myself, (and all other disclaimers here).

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 5:26:39 PM

MistressLorelei

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

Isnt that last part what happens to most men on their wedding days? LOL I'm joking, I couldnt resist But I LOVE your idea that sounds so perfect and so sweet.

~Lashra

Yeah but with a vanilla male... after you own one for a while... it seems like you have a strong desire to return them... or maybe that's just my experience. lol. If the male can accept and understand the relationship will be Female-led... while on his knees... that will be the start of 'happily ever after' for Me.... marriage certificate not necessary, but if he's the one... why not.

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RE: what do u think about bdsm in marriage? - 4/25/2006 5:36:25 PM

OnyxGoddess

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with regard to children seeing mommy and daddy showing affection, mommy sitting at daddy's feet....I'm the dominant in the relationship...seeing daddy sitting at mommy's feet and noticing that mommy is in charge of everything at some point would signal to the children that daddy is subordinate to mommy and when they hit those teen years .....well they might try to take daddy on which is something that i do not want. my parents were'nt into bdsm but i did notice that my father was "less" of a man and I myself challenged his authority. If your relationship has been that your sub does everything in a certain bit of attire or acts/speaks a certain way-well that certainly does change when the children come around so to an extent your relationship does go vanilla.

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