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CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 2:23:29 AM

bethsmith1988

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I have talked about being taken to the dungeon at a bondage party but when I am there I am afraid and don't want to go. Should the Dom take me to the dungeon anyway?

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:06:17 AM

soul2share

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Why are you afraid? And just because you want to go, it doesn't mean that you have to participate in any of the activities. Talk to the dom in question, lay out your ground rules, and go. You don't say if he's your dom, he's just A dom, do you trust him? If he forces you to do something against your will once you're there, I'm sure there are plenty of people there that would intervene....just holler "RED!", it's pretty much recognized as a safeword everywhere. And when you get out of the situation he forces you into, RUN, don't walk, to the nearest exit and leave the man!

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:07:40 AM

kiwisub12

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Good grief! Who are we to know? We don't you or your dom, or how long you have been submitting, or how long he has been domming, or what type of party, or what things you like and don't like, and what type of things the dom likes and doesn't like, or most importantly , what type of relationship you have.

I will say, at the first play party i was taken to, when i was two weeks into our relationship and two weeks into me being into bdsm, i was ordered to strip and get on the cross. I got a somewhat abbreviated beating and then allowed to put my clothes back on. It was a lot of firsts - not the least being, the first time naked in front of other people - and if i hadn't had a level of trust in my Sir, i probably would have asked to be allowed out of it. It probably also helped that he had told me ahead of time that we would be playing.

I kind of get the feeling that you think a "real" dominant would order you to and force the issue. And there are doms that probably would but that perhaps isn't right for your relationship. If you sort of want to play, but are too shy/bashful/modest/scared perhaps you could give your assent before the party and let your dom force the issue at the party - which can be very hot as well.

In the end, this matter is between you and your dom - but you really owe it to yourself, if you have any inkling of the possibility of pleasure at a public scene to try it once at least. It doesn't sound like a hard limit to me, from what you wrote.
.

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:15:24 AM

DarkSteven

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I have never heard of bondage parties. Play parties, yes, and I suppose that "bondage party" is a euphemism for that.

What actually occurs in the dungeon? Any idea why you're afraid of it?

Who is the Dom? Is he your Dom, or a generic Dom there?

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:19:30 AM

phoenixmoonn13

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does it feel right for you to go if not ask your self why. as teh others said we odnt know you or him or the party so not easy to answer

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:22:35 AM

bethsmith1988

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at home when it is safe it seems like a hot idea and i have curious. we were doing bondage outside for a couple of years . slaves get tortured in the dungeon and i guess it can be mild or severe. i have been clothespinned etc and told i have a high tolerance to pain

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:24:32 AM

Nslavu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bethsmith1988

I have talked about being taken to the dungeon at a bondage party but when I am there I am afraid and don't want to go. Should the Dom take me to the dungeon anyway?

ffs, how did you get out of the chains again?

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:25:16 AM

bethsmith1988

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at home i have agreed to doing it and i guess i do feel a real dom would make me do it

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:41:57 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: bethsmith1988

at home i have agreed to doing it and i guess i do feel a real dom would make me do it

Ah, so the real issue is that you have a fantasy about being in the dungeon AND you have a fantasy about being forced to do it.

This is not your Dom's issue. This is your issue. Forcing you to do things you don't want to do may not be that high on his priority list. And for all you know, he might have his own reasons for not wanting you to go to the dungeon.

The ball's in your court. Initiate a discussion with him (probably on paper would be best, as opposed to verbal), in which you ask him about his thoughts about the dungeon. Tell him your thoughts. After a bit of openness, let him know that there are times you like to be forced to do things, and this is one of them.

I can almost guarantee you that the concept of not being a real Dom unless he makes you do things you don't want to do, will not have occurred to him. Also, that once you let that genie out of the bottle, it may be very hard to put it back in.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:53:58 AM

Nslavu

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good point.. she gets out of the damn chains, she can get of the bottle too. And here I was thinking everything was escape free.

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:58:18 AM

bethsmith1988

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It's embarassing to talk about it, I like the idea of writing it on paper. I know about the genie in the bottle. I was scared being stripped at a bondage party now there is no going back to having my clothing on at them.

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 4:59:01 AM

BonesFromAsh

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According to this post http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3336310 it sounds like you've already been to a "bondage party" with your ex who said someday you would be taking part in what you witnessed. You said you were "horrified" with some of what you saw, but you also seemed fascinated.

The dom you mention now...is he your current partner? Have you discussed your past experiences?

Given this statement...

quote:

at home i have agreed to doing it and i guess i do feel a real dom would make me do it

...are you maybe comparing a past partner with a present one?

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 5:06:12 AM

bethsmith1988

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he is someone i have met but not really in a steady relationship now

my x did not take me to the dungeon

i do not know if this guy will or will not

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 5:14:24 AM

DarkSteven

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Okay, beth, look. He's not even your Dom yet, and you already have preconceived notions about how he should Dom you? You owe it to him to see him as a person, not just someone who may or may not fulfill your fantasies.

From his point of view, he may decide to force you, but chances are damn good that he won't. If he does and you have a negative reaction, he can't get you out of it easily, and you will likely blame him for putting you in that situation, and rightly so. That's one huge risk to take, and I wouldn't even consider it at the beginning of a relationship.

Focus on how his style goes, and how he likes to Dom you, and later see if you can introduce the topic. And if his views differ from yours, see if you are able to submit anyway. It's not worth throwing away a solid relationship for the sake of a single fantasy.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 6:24:55 AM

Pyramus

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You go, you watch, you leave. What's there to be afraid of?

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 6:58:33 AM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Pyramus

You go, you watch, you leave. What's there to be afraid of?

She's not talking about attending the party itself. She's talking about going to the dungeon, where she would get stripped and be naked in front of strangers, and getting tortured, mildly to severely. I get the impression that other people than her Dom would be doing the torture. It would not be just watching.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 8:48:59 AM

Blankpain

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I'd love to watch!

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 8:49:04 AM

lovingpet

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~FR~

Let me preface with saying this whole subject hinges on whether or not you have the basis for the level of trust needed to do this. For some, little trust seems to be needed and they are the first to offer themselves up as a test subject for any and all newly arrived dominant people. Others need more and some would have to be extremely secure in their partner and relationship as a whole. I don't know what you need in order to take this step, but it is of importance that your partner knows. Without knowing whether he has the foundation necessary, he could do harm to you at least in an emotional context.

Prior to my first time doing anything public, I had two partners. We were all in agreement that the three of us were in a single dynamic. One of these partners took me to a nearby club. I was nervous to the point of being sick to my stomach. I stalled us in leaving. We arrived very late in the evening. He had said that we most definitely would play and that I would not get out of it. We left that night having never done anything but watch. Now while that was good in a way since it gave me an opportunity to see what goes on at such a club and did not risk me having a negative experience my first time, he had not kept his word. A few months later, same senario only with my other partner. We were later arriving than he wanted us to be, but it was not because I managed to hold us up in the least. I was still nervous to the point of being sick to my stomach, even holding back tears before we even got there. He told me we were going to play and we did. He took great care in working me through each step and it wound up being one of the hottest nights we have had. It is still a difficult thing for me to do, but we keep working on it. I have ONE partner now.

The point is this can be a trust builder or a trust breaker for the two of you. I don't propose that all dominants who want to play publicly should do as he did. It worked for us. The biggest thing is for him to know you well enough to know how he wishes to pursue this and that he sticks by it. If he says he is going to take you to the dungeon but that you are only going to watch, he needs to not give in when you start bugging him to play with you too. If he says you are going to play and all your efforts will not get you out of it, then he'd better do it and do it well. Keeping his word is not enough either. He needs to make sure of your well being also. Can you trust this man to do these things? Only you can answer that. Does he know you well enough to be able to do these things? Only he can answer that.

I wish you the best and hope that you both are able to get what you need in this. Take care and play responsibly.

lovingpet

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 8:57:25 AM

lovingpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

he might have his own reasons for not wanting you to go to the dungeon.

I just read the replies and was nodding to this one. There is a group here that my partner simply refused to allow me to attend. He went with causal friends, etc because it was one of his local groups and they also did charity stuff. I didn't understand why he wouldn't take me. Was he hiding me or something? It turned out the leaders made some very poor decisions in what they allowed at parties. He simply would not place me in that environment because he sees himself as responsible for my well being and would not put me in harm's way. This guy could have a very similar reason for not taking her to this particular dungeon. This may really have nothing to do with you, OP.

lovingpet

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RE: CHICKEN - 10/11/2010 10:21:18 AM

bethsmith1988

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I think you have a good point about him not doing what he said he would, back at home I was a bit upset I did not find out what it was like but also relieved I did not have to go through with it.
I understand how you felt although I was not sick I was very scared.

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