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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 12:33:37 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		<pats lap>

Aw c'mon... let's talk about you!

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 12:34:21 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		NM.

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 12:45:45 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		ML!

You are a naughty naughty man! 
*smooch*

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 2:46:04 AM   
WolfyMontgomery


Posts: 234
Joined: 9/28/2010
Status: offline 		NM? I'm not sure if you meant that for me beyond my name being the one you were replying to. Though I'm not sure what you're saying 'nevermind' to, or if there's another acronym for NM that I haven't heard yet (which is totally possible lol).

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Fear me and my Gleaming Metal Chompers of DOOM!
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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 12:30:16 PM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		great replies and good perspective. It's definitely interesting to see how others have weighed in on this. Learning that many others feel the same and all that. It's also refressing to see especially in our sex is everywhere society.

(in reply to WolfyMontgomery)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 4:14:15 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofldan

I just get anxious about the timing when I am first stages of entering into a relationship. Guess it would be called the timing of it. Then on the other hand talking to the guys it's like whatever I will say what's on my mind no worries.


Greetings sofldan,

I find your approach to be a refreshing alternative to the verbal barrage that many inflict upon persons of interest. In my opinion it's far better to say less than too much. In fact, it's one of the things I always took note of when conversing with the opposite sex. Interestingly enough I found myself far more attracted to the men that exercised restraint when compared to those that chose to indulge.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 7:15:06 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		I happened to be speaking to someone the other day about this- that we meet people within the BDSM world, where our sexuality is often wildly public, almost by definition. For instance, I may not know anything about someone I see on CM, except that they like fisting and nipple torture- yet when we meet, what are the rules of etiquette and manners?

I have resolved it the same way others have, by simply putting the sex aside for a while and behaving according to the normal rules of vanilla dating- that is, there is an appropriate time to simply chat, to hold hands, to kiss, and to have sex.

But even then, it is a little odd to live in a world where people walk around naked, or have sex openly in front of others, yet maintain personal boundaries.

(in reply to sofldan)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 8:12:32 PM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		you hit the nail right on the head. It's almost as if reading a profile we get too much info and because it's so public it creates a conundrum. Gee I see you like nipple torture and fisting like to be tied up gagged and displayed in public. So how about them dolphins? Lol

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 9:10:28 PM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		So take that part off...

Even if you're looking for a casual relationship, surely two kinky people will have enough kinks in common to make something happen if it becomes relevant.

My profile: no ridiculously long list of interests, only the things I do every day.

(in reply to sofldan)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 9:21:04 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofldan

you hit the nail right on the head. It's almost as if reading a profile we get too much info and because it's so public it creates a conundrum. Gee I see you like nipple torture and fisting like to be tied up gagged and displayed in public. So how about them dolphins? Lol

So what's wrong with that last line?  Even if you see someone's profile here before you meet them face to face, why do you have to discuss their interest list?  What happened to asking them questions about information that wasn't revealed on their profile, complimenting someone on what they are wearing, or finding out what kind of food that they like?  Just because you have that information, doesn't mean that you have to ask about it.  Having a little tact never hurt anybody.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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(in reply to sofldan)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 10:33:00 PM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		I met with a gentleman just yesterday for the third time,  We have been chatting thru IM for about a month, and it was just yesterday that any mention of sex ever entered our conversation......how absolutely, positively REFRESHING!   I'm so sick of sex being the first topic, the only topic, mentioned every time I speak with someone, how HE likes it, how HE will take me, how HE has expectations about sex.  I can get sex anytime I want it....what I want is someone who actually has a thought in his head, can carry on a conversation about anything other than sex.  If it ain't happening outside of the bedroom, it ain't happening inside it!

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I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/12/2010 10:44:51 PM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline 		when I meet someone for the first time I always find something to compliment. It's just good manners. And I don't think I would discuss sexuality at all on a first date. Unless there was some animal attraction or some amazing sign like little angels with floggers instead of cupid arrows. It may not even come up until there has been some vanilla sex. It's hard to know. My last comment BTW was a little tongue in cheek, the last line in particular. What's really funny is after posting this last night an ex fling who remains a friend, (wont go into that story now) called because she was interested on my my facebook status said cutting leather.

well our sexual relationship never got to the point where I brought up my kinks. So I told her I was making floggers and whips that day. And she asked what for? And I told her I was making toys for my toy box. And she said oooo, you never mentioned this when we were dating and having sex. Is this new? I told her no that I've been in the life a few years, but decided recently to actively look for partners who are more inclined towards this lifestyle.

she understood and I sent her some pics of my work. Got some giggles. She will always be a friend but it was interesing to talk about. Update as I was typing this she called and we talked a bit more about it. Was interesting to discuss it and with a friend she wasn't judgemental at all and that was good. She wished me luck in my search and that's about it.

< Message edited by sofldan -- 10/12/2010 10:49:59 PM >

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Hey lemme tie you up, all the cool kids are doing it!

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/13/2010 4:51:07 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
  If it ain't happening outside of the bedroom, it ain't happening inside it!


Bingo!



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Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/14/2010 11:39:36 AM   
sofldan


Posts: 150
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: crazyml


quote:

ORIGINAL: soul2share
If it ain't happening outside of the bedroom, it ain't happening inside it!


Bingo!




Agreed


_____________________________

Remember the fallen who gave all for our freedom. US Army veteran.

Hey lemme tie you up, all the cool kids are doing it!

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/23/2010 7:48:25 AM   
sweetslips9247


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline 		I agree, and don't see that as an issue. We will discuss vanilla before we discuss sex. If we're not compatible outside the bedroom, we won't get into it.

Most women seem relieved to be taken as a person first, and a sexual creature second.

Thank you DarkSteven


I cherish this. It is important to establish mental chemistry for me first, compatability outside of the bedroom first before we if go there. If you stimulate my mind, maybe you can stimulate my body. Mental chemistry to me enhances everything.

< Message edited by sweetslips9247 -- 10/23/2010 7:50:03 AM >

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RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/23/2010 7:56:19 AM   
sweetslips9247


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/11/2010
Status: offline 		Sofldan.

I do agree that upbringing can have a major impact on how you express yourself sexually, emotionally or otherwise. And yes timing is everything. But if you have established a comfort level with someone, usually the communication is better. But regardless, communication is key. If you don't have that, what do you have?

(in reply to sweetslips9247)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/23/2010 9:42:55 PM   
DMFParadox


Posts: 1405
Joined: 9/11/2007
Status: offline 		To get over discomfort about stating your orientation, learn four things.

1. Learn exaggerations and jokes about the stereotypically dominant, aggressive traits. Ask, what would a fearless, take-charge type do in this situation if he was a CARTOON NETWORK character? Then take that and double it.

2. Learn how to exaggerate and joke about submissive traits. What would a demure housewife do? What would a Stepford wife do? Why would she do it? Why would she want to?

3. Challenge the stereotypical dominant and submissive. Call them to carpet. Demand that they tone down their actions. Think of all the things you would say if you were Daniel Webster vs. Congress.

4. Challenge the challenges. Play devil's advocate. Imagine Tucker Max is your defendant, and that you truly believe that the situation is not as simple as 'he's just a loud asshole and the women who got with him are stupid.' Look for situations where being a loud asshole really is the best answer. Where being unashamedly demanding is better than the alternative.

Memorize the best bits of all of the above, and pull them out when appropriate.

Practice being aggressively controlling, even if that's not your style; just to see how it's done. Practice forcing people to accept or challenge you. It's not fun if you're not naturally inclined, but the experience really pays off when you need to get your way. Knowing how easy it really is to act like Napoleon and how some people will fall over themselves to pay attention to you in this mode is really helpful as a dominant managing an S&M lifestyle, as is knowing the pitfalls of this approach firsthand.

Being comfortable in being openly dominant isn't a static thing. You can't limit yourself by being understated, and you can't limit yourself by being overstated; you must experience all and learn what tools are best for what situation.

< Message edited by DMFParadox -- 10/23/2010 9:53:32 PM >

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"The role of gender in society is the most complicated thing I’ve ever spent a lot of time learning about, and I’ve spent a lot of time learning about quantum mechanics." - Randall Munroe

(in reply to sweetslips9247)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/24/2010 9:09:36 PM   
DarklySubtle


Posts: 36
Joined: 7/19/2010
Status: offline 		Most of the interests checked off in my profile are non-sexual. And although I talk about the way I want to make a partner feel, and the reactions that I want to elicit (some of them, anyway), there's very little in there about what I would actually do. And that is quite deliberate.

Count me among those who have no real interest in being behind closed doors with someone I can't talk and laugh with. And when the chemistry really is there, the talk and laughter seamlessly become part of the seduction.

< Message edited by DarklySubtle -- 10/24/2010 9:11:41 PM >

(in reply to DMFParadox)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: am I just old fashioned - 10/30/2010 2:11:18 PM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		Old fashioned or not, not everyone talks about sex.

Before Andrew and I met and did the nasty we didn't mention sex or sexual preferences once.  We spoke lots about most things, ourselves, morals, ethics, religion, politics, family, work, Ds, you name it, and completely nothing about sex.  When we did meet we followed our sexual instincts and we still do.


(in reply to DarklySubtle)
Profile   Post #: 39
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