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Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 3:30:47 PM

JuliaV

Posts: 7
Joined: 10/12/2010
Status: offline

I'm obviously new here and I attended this private party of doms and submissives a while ago. I was really nervous. I felt like puking to be honest. It was the first time I'd even thought about dwelling into this. It was something I've been curious for a really long and at the same time it terrified me. I go to college here in the city, etc. I'm from the city. Though I've 'seen it all' I was mortified. Anyway, everyone's talking and socializing. I know, essentially, no one.

But there's this guy that I noticed from the corner of my eye staring at me. I wanted to look at him obviously but it was the weirdest thing. I really just couldn't. And I felt myself going red. I stood up and went to get a drink and he seemed to be following me. I'm fairly tall at 5'9 and relatively thin. But it seemed like he towered me and I felt this feeling of... 'engulfment' and I just wanted to die lol It seems silly but bear with me. (Sorry that this is so long, btw.) In this deep voice he asks me to look at him. I'm all flustered and shit but I raise my head and look at him. Anywhere but his eyes. I really can't explain why I can't look doms in the eye.

He later, after we had coffee a few days later, told me that that was potentially the biggest turn on for him. That I couldn't look at him in the eye.

And I'm just wondering, some sort of affirmation, as to if this is common. Like, do other doms/Masters feel this way? Like I said, I wouldn't know. Never even slept with anyone let alone have a dom.

But yeah. What's up with this? Thank you in advance :)

Post #: 1

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 3:41:28 PM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JuliaV

He later, after we had coffee a few days later, told me that that was potentially the biggest turn on for him. That I couldn't look at him in the eye.

And I'm just wondering, some sort of affirmation, as to if this is common. Like, do other doms/Masters feel this way? Like I said, I wouldn't know. Never even slept with anyone let alone have a dom.

But yeah. What's up with this? Thank you in advance :)

I think you'll find that what's normal for you is not normal for the next person. There is no standard. There is no agreed upon normal.
It boils down to what is compatible between two specific people....

That being said....the first thing Shore did when I met him was to remove his sunglasses so that I could see his eyes.
I stare into them at every opportunity. So, no. Based on what you wrote, not common for me.

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(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 2

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 3:50:54 PM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

Hi Julia,

Are you normally shy? Your reaction may just be a manifestation of extreme shyness. It is a big step you're taking.

January

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[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 3

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 4:50:42 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Sounds like there was a lot of chemistry and for you, that translates into extreme shyness.

So when's the next date? And go as slow as you need to. No matter how much he tries to push.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to January)

Post #: 4

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 6:46:08 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

I've never felt that way about anyone. I like looking men in the eyes and would have a hard time not doing it- to me feeling submissive comes in part from seeing his eyes and how he is looking at me. In fact when I see in a profile that a man wants eye contact restrictions I tend to think he and I wouldn't be a match.

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 5

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 7:05:12 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

Welcome to the forums Julia! I could almost feel your trepidation, but in a giddy intoxicating way.
Since you mention you are very new to the lifestyle, he may have sensed that delicateness about you
which I believe holds a sense of allure and intrigue for many a man...maybe even a challenge.

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When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

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Post #: 6

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 8:28:42 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

And I'm just wondering, some sort of affirmation, as to if this is common. Like, do other doms/Masters feel this way? Like I said, I wouldn't know. Never even slept with anyone let alone have a dom.

Your a virgin? Not that thats a bad thing, it isnt. Just not exactly the norm these days.

And, yes, i also have experienced what you did. But its rare for me. I can look some men deep in the eyes and not flinch. A few caused me quite a bit of squirming to even glance into their eyes before dropping the look.

But dont go by what everyone considers normal. Normal just isnt a part of the vocabulary as far as kinksters are concerned.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 7

RE: Eye contact? - 10/12/2010 9:12:51 PM

Kaliko

Posts: 3381
Joined: 9/25/2010
Status: offline

I have gotten that way before - not with a Dominant, but with a man that I had intense feelings for. I couldn't look him in the eye, I blushed and hid my eyes, and he knew it. How could he not? It went on for years. Incrediby embarassing, but incredibly hot, in a weird way. He knew what he did to me.

I say enjoy the discomfort of it. There is something unique there.

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 8

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 7:48:27 AM

bliss4us09

Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline

Slight turn on when a sub can't meet my eyes; slightly greater turn on when she can but does not when instructed not to.

(in reply to Kaliko)

Post #: 9

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 2:24:50 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Do

quote:

ORIGINAL: JuliaV

I'm obviously new here and I attended this private party of doms and submissives a while ago. I was really nervous. I felt like puking to be honest. It was the first time I'd even thought about dwelling into this. It was something I've been curious for a really long and at the same time it terrified me. I go to college here in the city, etc. I'm from the city. Though I've 'seen it all' I was mortified. Anyway, everyone's talking and socializing. I know, essentially, no one.

But there's this guy that I noticed from the corner of my eye staring at me. I wanted to look at him obviously but it was the weirdest thing. I really just couldn't. And I felt myself going red. I stood up and went to get a drink and he seemed to be following me. I'm fairly tall at 5'9 and relatively thin. But it seemed like he towered me and I felt this feeling of... 'engulfment' and I just wanted to die lol It seems silly but bear with me. (Sorry that this is so long, btw.) In this deep voice he asks me to look at him. I'm all flustered and shit but I raise my head and look at him. Anywhere but his eyes. I really can't explain why I can't look doms in the eye.

He later, after we had coffee a few days later, told me that that was potentially the biggest turn on for him. That I couldn't look at him in the eye.

And I'm just wondering, some sort of affirmation, as to if this is common. Like, do other doms/Masters feel this way? Like I said, I wouldn't know. Never even slept with anyone let alone have a dom.

But yeah. What's up with this? Thank you in advance :)

It depends on your nature. There are some people who have a difficult time maintaining contact with anyone but especially those that they feel an "authority or intensity" vibe coming off from.

I like to look in a submissive's eyes, for the most part and it is a turn on for me when they look down and then, when instructed not to look down, look into my eyes.

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 10

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 3:05:57 PM

Zevar

Posts: 801
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: JuliaV

I'm obviously new here and I attended this private party of doms and submissives a while ago. I was really nervous. I felt like puking to be honest. It was the first time I'd even thought about dwelling into this. It was something I've been curious for a really long and at the same time it terrified me. I go to college here in the city, etc. I'm from the city. Though I've 'seen it all' I was mortified. Anyway, everyone's talking and socializing. I know, essentially, no one.

But there's this guy that I noticed from the corner of my eye staring at me. I wanted to look at him obviously but it was the weirdest thing. I really just couldn't. And I felt myself going red. I stood up and went to get a drink and he seemed to be following me. I'm fairly tall at 5'9 and relatively thin. But it seemed like he towered me and I felt this feeling of... 'engulfment' and I just wanted to die lol It seems silly but bear with me. (Sorry that this is so long, btw.) In this deep voice he asks me to look at him. I'm all flustered and shit but I raise my head and look at him. Anywhere but his eyes. I really can't explain why I can't look doms in the eye.

He later, after we had coffee a few days later, told me that that was potentially the biggest turn on for him. That I couldn't look at him in the eye.

And I'm just wondering, some sort of affirmation, as to if this is common. Like, do other doms/Masters feel this way? Like I said, I wouldn't know. Never even slept with anyone let alone have a dom.

But yeah. What's up with this? Thank you in advance :)

There is not a formula or standard for eye contact for myself as a dominant man. If you find looking into the eyes of a dominant man difficult then that is more than likely something that is related to your submissive mindset. If a dominant man finds that sort of submissive mindset appealing, again that is his preference.

Further you mentioned that living this Lifestyle is somewhat new to you. There is more than likely a sense of inadequacy that you feel but not necessarily consciously, perhaps not. Either way, don’t fret!

If you are truly suited for this Lifestyle then naturally you will become clear of this and set forth to live as you deem right for yourself. If not, of course you will do what it is to live however you deem right for you, eye contact with dominant men or not you get to decide what works for you or not!

Take good care of you!

< Message edited by Zevar -- 10/13/2010 4:04:38 PM >

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 11

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 3:50:14 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

For me, the eyes are the gateway to the soul or whatever it is, that can bring me to my knees. I love getting locked into a stare while he does nasty things to me.

Damn, I twitched a lil bit typing that...

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 12

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 3:51:53 PM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

~FR~
I don't know if there is a norm. Probably not. But I know that, even though I can look at the face of a Dominant man, I find it very difficult to look directly in His eyes. If I'm told to look directly in His eyes, I will, but then I will look down again right away. I can be extremely shy, around Dominants especially.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Post #: 13

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 4:12:28 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

Personally, I look everyone dead in the eyes when I'm speaking to them, and sometimes startle the hell out of people when I continue looking at them instead of looking away nervously and self-consciously while we talk. It's one of the things I'm most proud of, because it makes it clear to people that I'm very confident, honest and present.

That said, when I am sliding into a deeply submissive, sexual mindset, my eyes start to close more and more until it's almost impossible to keep them open, and looking up at him is extremely difficult. It's not something that's under my control, though if it was I wouldn't want to change it. I think it shows a great deal of helplessness and I know he gets pleasure from making me open my eyes and look at him when I'm having a hard time doing so.

So I don't know if eye contact issues are normal for everyone, but they are for me, and they tend to denote intense feelings of submission. Hope it's the same for you, OP, and if it is, and the guy is a good one, enjoy it

(in reply to sweetsub1957)

Post #: 14

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 4:22:05 PM

chiaThePet

Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline

What really throws them off is having eyes in the back of your head.

See, right here, just above this big mole.

Excuse me. It's not a mole? It's a what? A nose?!

Ohhhhhhhhh!

So all this time I've been walking backwards?!

Hey guys, wait up. Look at this. It's not a tail.......it's not a tail!

chia* (the pet)

_____________________________

Love is a many splendid sting.

You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to JuliaV)

Post #: 15

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 4:35:46 PM

Inthewoods

Posts: 36
Joined: 4/5/2010
Status: offline

Eye contact is a challenge for me, even when instructed to do it.

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 16

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 4:45:06 PM

JstAnotherSub

Posts: 6174
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiaThePet

What really throws them off is having eyes in the back of your head.

See, right here, just above this big mole.

Excuse me. It's not a mole? It's a what? A nose?!

Ohhhhhhhhh!

So all this time I've been walking backwards?!

Hey guys, wait up. Look at this. It's not a tail.......it's not a tail!

chia* (the pet)

hahahahaha dammit that made me snort and it hurt!

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to chiaThePet)

Post #: 17

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 4:56:29 PM

BurntKitty

Posts: 3340
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: Here To Eternity.
Status: offline

I can have a perfectly stony face when I'm playing poker. However.... when my former SO would look me in the eyes, I'd melt, my toes would curl & I was a pile of girl goo.

Never mind how I felt when he yanked my hair to pull my head back to look at him. ~shiver~

(in reply to JstAnotherSub)

Post #: 18

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 6:46:27 PM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Inthewoods

Eye contact is a challenge for me, even when instructed to do it.

it's the same for me, i have great difficulty making direct eye contact with anyone, dominant or not, even if told to do so.

to the OP, the Dominant you interacted with could have been so aroused by your inability to make eye contact with him because it's one of those little things that reads very submissive. the very first time we met, my Master said he found my extreme shyness and nervousness, eyes always at my feet, soft high-pitched voice and stumbling over my words to all be very intoxicating to him...because for him, those are all indications of one who is naturally submissive.

(in reply to Inthewoods)

Post #: 19

RE: Eye contact? - 10/13/2010 7:24:56 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I remember when I first met Master one of his requirements was that he wanted me to look him in the eyes. I can't say I really have a difficult time doing so most of the time but there are times when he starts with one of his deep burning stares and I have to look away.

With other people though? No not really....no problems at all. I usually try not to look people in the eyes though because to be honest, I usually don't want them to think I'm actually interested in them in any way or because I don't want to get involved in a conversation with them. Not looking someone in the eyes is my way of sneaking away so I can get away from them instead.

(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 20

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