is the dom/me always above the sub?

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is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/14/2010 6:01:43 PM

behavingbadly

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i don't think so. the sub gets pleasure from having someone else make decisions for them and etc. why would anyone do something they don't like. of course you compromise but why would someone do something every day they don't like?

< Message edited by behavingbadly -- 10/14/2010 6:04:08 PM >

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/14/2010 6:06:31 PM

Twoshoes

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You really could just read the rest of the forums. People have written so much on this and similar issue.

I don't intend to micromanage anyone, because I *know* people only value me for my ideas. Many "subs" do seem to want to be micromanaged. Luckily, I've decided I don't desire to be "Dominant" and I'm perfectly capable of "vanilla" (although, definitely not "tame").

However, I realized my ideas give me lots of leverage, considering I know many people who gladly manage details and let me have the final say or go-ahead.

I actually let others tell me what to do, until my agenda doesn't work with theirs and then I convince them they are wrong.

Incidentally, I don't get along with people who are unreasonable, pushy AND self-righteous. I make fun of their ideas. They get upset.

I've only 'lead' a group of people in an all-encompassing sense involving "directions" when 'Inspirational Leadership' was necessary (group of dejected people, failing sports team, etc).

And I do plenty of things I don't like, because that's what it ultimately takes to be in charge of your own destiny.

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 10/14/2010 7:25:36 PM >

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/14/2010 6:38:56 PM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i don't think so. the sub gets pleasure from having someone else make decisions for them and etc. why would anyone do something they don't like. of course you compromise but why would someone do something every day they don't like?

A lot of assumptions here...
A lot of subs don't have doms that make decisions for them and a lot of subs do things every day that they don't like (laundry).

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/14/2010 6:57:54 PM

Hillwilliam

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Hell, Everydamnbody does things they dont like every day. Otherwise, I'd have a fly rod in one hand and the hair of the sub that was fellating me in the other hand all day.

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/14/2010 6:58:48 PM

DesFIP

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There is always laundry. Unending mountains of it. The worst part is when you think you're all done and then you spot it, a pair of dirty socks he left under a table.

OP I have no idea of what you mean by above. Literally, he almost always is. Of course excepting the grandchildren I am always the shortest person about.

But we're of equal value. He'd look pretty silly ordering the thin air to get him a glass of water.

Some people enjoy being forced to do stuff they don't like. Emotional masochism. Others may not enjoy the activity per se, but they do enjoy getting to serve their dominant, or they enjoy getting ordered about in and of itself. And others enjoy knowing they've made their partner happy even if they themselves don't share in it.

The only thing that matters is that you know what your motives are and that you communicate them clearly to possible partners. And that your partner shares your values.

Here, we do mostly aim for a win/win solution which leaves both of us feeling happy. But that's us. Lots of others have different priorities.

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 6:27:01 AM

IronBear

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It would depend for me what the OP refers to as being above. Sexually: Sometimes. In a lifestyle home or 24/7 dynamic, there is only one leader (although if there are more than one dominant in the home such as my lady in Bruin Cottage, I have the final say although she has dominion over some aspects of running the home), thus the Leader is always above the rest (That is natural order). Socially, it would be rare indeed for any slave to be above me socially.

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 6:43:12 AM

KitchenWench

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

a lot of subs do things every day that they don't like (laundry).

LOL So true!

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 7:04:50 AM

DarkSteven

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I'm 5'9". She's 5'5". Any questions?

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 7:29:28 AM

Nslavu

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Is a boss always above the mail room clerk, the general always above the private. It's not about what you like or don't like, it's about an efficient working dynamic that creates and shows (if you're paying attention) the value in each position. That all goes to hell in a hand basket when one stops doing things just because they don't like something. So why would someone do something they don't like? Because they understand the value of their position and the things they do.

If you're doing things everyday that you don't like, and then spend your time consistently complaining about it, I think it's likely you've not yet understood your value -or- you don't really belong in the position you are in. You're fired! Please clean out your cage and leave the building immediately.

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 7:30:56 AM

ScaryJello

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For me, Yes. However that is only because I make sure all of my subs are shorter then me. :-)

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 8:17:55 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: behavingbadly

i don't think so. the sub gets pleasure from having someone else make decisions for them and etc. why would anyone do something they don't like. of course you compromise but why would someone do something every day they don't like?

This sounds similar to the "Dominant superior/submissive inferior" threads but I am going to go with the idea of "who's in charge". In that case, the answer is easy...the dominant is, in those areas arrived at through time, getting to know each other and negotiation.

As noted by many dominants on collarme, I don't like to micromanage. I do like to have control and I like to have the final say but if you feel you can't go to the bathroom without permission...decide what to specifically wear on any given day...etc., then you and I are not going to work. When it comes to household tasks and relationship tasks, I believe in an efficient use of time so that we would spend more of our time together doing things we liked rather than doing things we don't like.

That brings us to the question of "don't like". Though some of this thread appears to have been edited, laundry is a task that is mentioned. you don't like doing laundry, OP? Too bad...if that is your job, do it. If there is enough that your Mistress/Master orders you to do that you don't like...sit down and have a talk with them OR do like a lot of submissives/dominants do: let everything build up--- without ever saying a word to let your partner know what is going on inside you and then wait for the opportunity to blow up, leaving your partner confused as hell, and leave.
I don't like working on patients who come in from the feedlots and haven't bothered to clean up first so they have shit on their boots and the smell of shit and cattle on their clothes when they come into my office. But...their money is as good as the businessman or secretary who comes in. And getting their problem fixed is just as important to them as it is to the banker or lawyer or secretary. And luckily for them, it is just as important to me...and I can set aside the fact that I don't like their smell or their animal crud that ends up on my clothes.

In your profile, you state right out that you need a lot of handling. Perhaps that is where this thread is coming from. But a D/s dynamic is a lot like other dynamics mentioned here...the general over the private, the boss over the secretary, etc., etc.. If you want to buck the power structure all the time, then find a dominant who enjoys that. But don't be surprised if you go through quite a few...many dominants get frustrated with a constant struggle.

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RE: is the dom/me always above the sub? - 10/15/2010 10:38:07 AM

agirl

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I'll assume that you mean * always in charge* or * always has the last word*.

Well, no. There are plenty of relationships where that only exists in the bedroom, or in in whatever areas they've agreed on/to.

There is no * the sub does this, the sub gets pleasure from that*. There's a massive diversity, even just on CM, of *what subs do, what subs get pleasure from*.......When it comes to things like this, it's down to what you've both chosen to agree to.

agirl

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