RE: How many times should one make a request.

RE: How many times should one make a request. (Full Version)

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StrongSpirit -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 6:29:39 PM)
quote: Fraid not. If you're a woman on an adult site, that's actually the best way to get stalked, harassed, threatened, argued with, insulted, cursed out, or otherwise sorry that you responded at all to a guy you weren't interested in but who wanted you. Wish it wasn't so, but it is. You remind me of this guy that is oh so nice ... to girls he wants to date. But treats all other people like shit. Look, if I guy sends you a naked picture of his cock or a single, one line email, then you got a point. Don't reply to them, it isn't worth it. But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. There is word for what you are doing - Prejudice. Judging all people the same - without getting to know them - instead of treating them as individuals. Just because you don't want to get to know a particular person and therefore don't have to worry about consequences for acting poorly doesn't mean it's ok to treat them badly. If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? Well there are a LOT of nice, honorable men that would not even think of stalking you that you personally have hurt. Some men go months without a response. It hurts. On the other hand, I have gotten lots of reply emails saying "no thank you" and at least I know they respect me. The only person that has ever blocked me was a woman that never replied to me. When you ask why the internet is so rude, look in the mirror.

DarkSteven -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 6:39:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. There is word for what you are doing - Prejudice. Judging all people the same - without getting to know them - instead of treating them as individuals. Just because you don't want to get to know a particular person and therefore don't have to worry about consequences for acting poorly doesn't mean it's ok to treat them badly. If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? Well there are a LOT of nice, honorable men that would not even think of stalking you that you personally have hurt. Some men go months without a response. It hurts. On the other hand, I have gotten lots of reply emails saying "no thank you" and at least I know they respect me. The only person that has ever blocked me was a woman that never replied to me. When you ask why the internet is so rude, look in the mirror. Is not replying to someone treating them like a scumbag? I get lots of messages here from fakes claiming that they read my profile and want me to be their Master. I feel no responsibility to respond. And if you get hurt by a lack of a response, you have a thin skin. It happened to me all the time.

Tantriqu -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 6:51:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit quote: Fraid not. If you're a woman on an adult site, that's actually the best way to get stalked, harassed, threatened, argued with, insulted, cursed out, or otherwise sorry that you responded at all to a guy you weren't interested in but who wanted you. Wish it wasn't so, but it is. You remind me of this guy that is oh so nice ... to girls he wants to date. But treats all other people like shit. Look, If I guy sends you a naked picture of his cock or a single, one line email, then you got a point. Don't reply to them, it isn't worth it. But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. There is word for what you are doing - Prejudice. Judging all people the same - without getting to know them - instead of treating them as individuals. Just because you don't want to get to know a particular person and therefore can't be accept any consequences for acting poorly doesn't mean it's ok to treat them badly. Nope, wrong. As many of the other ladies have said, a polite 'No thanks' will get ourselves called btch, cnt, cckscker, ld, l*r, and &()£^(%. On here, because of my sexual prowess and proclivity, I have been threatened with rape, snuff films, rape, torture, rape, dismemberment, rape, disbreastament, rape, mutilation, rape, rape AND sodomy, prostitution/slavery, rape, death, death by raping, and oh, yes, death THEN rape. So to the OP: yes, if a man msgs me once and either doesn't meet my requirements and doesn't do as I ask in my profile, I'm not going to respond. If does meet my requirement and he quickly responds and corrects his mistake, I'll answer. But just keep in mind, if I've just received an unsolicited &()£^(% msg that I should die because I love sub men and they love me and we do FABulous things to each other, even if you're a subbie Prince &()£^*(%'ing Charming, I might be transiently so disillusioned/disgusted/dislibido'd that I might not reply. So yes, I realise this, and have given prospective subs a second chance. So, just like real life, it's too bad that the basement-dwelling dickheads on here sully the waters for the truly lovely guys, but blame them, and feel free to chase them off the boards: we have a few excellent sub men on here: GRRR!! Good dog! And to the OP: I like your name, too! Good luck.

SorceressJ -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 6:55:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit quote: Fraid not. If you're a woman on an adult site, that's actually the best way to get stalked, harassed, threatened, argued with, insulted, cursed out, or otherwise sorry that you responded at all to a guy you weren't interested in but who wanted you. Wish it wasn't so, but it is. You remind me of this guy that is oh so nice ... to girls he wants to date. But treats all other people like shit. Look, if I guy sends you a naked picture of his cock or a single, one line email, then you got a point. Don't reply to them, it isn't worth it. But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. There is word for what you are doing - Prejudice. Judging all people the same - without getting to know them - instead of treating them as individuals. Just because you don't want to get to know a particular person and therefore don't have to worry about consequences for acting poorly doesn't mean it's ok to treat them badly. If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? Well there are a LOT of nice, honorable men that would not even think of stalking you that you personally have hurt. Some men go months without a response. It hurts. On the other hand, I have gotten lots of reply emails saying "no thank you" and at least I know they respect me. The only person that has ever blocked me was a woman that never replied to me. When you ask why the internet is so rude, look in the mirror. When you wonder why people on the net seem so selfish, look in yours. [8\|] We are all individuals with our own agendas here. The reasons why we choose not to answer emails are our business. No one owes you or any other stranger an explanation or reply to satisfy your delicate sense of what should and should not be, no matter how wonderful and deserving you seem to think you are. Thank you, drive through..

RedMagic1 -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 8:26:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit Some men go months without a response. It hurts. If you find yourself in that situation, the only logical step is to change something. I would change the fact that I was dating online. It's not a medium for everyone. I think I would suck at speed-dating for example. Find a way to approach women that plays to your strengths as a flirter.

LadyNTrainer -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/27/2010 11:06:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit You remind me of this guy that is oh so nice ... to girls he wants to date. But treats all other people like shit. Are you telling me that you hand write "no thank you" letters to every telemarketer or solicitor who puts a random query in your mailbox? If not, do you feel like you are "treating them like shit"? I don't feel a social obligation to strangers who send me mail, especially when the mail is either selfish and shallow or crude and obscene. They're not even talking to me. They sure as hell didn't read my profile. If you think that I should reply to every one of these people, when I know from experience that I can already spot the guys who are going to be ugly to any woman who responds to them, then you're either a hypocrite or you must spend a hell of a lot of time writing polite notes to telemarketers. quote: Look, if I guy sends you a naked picture of his cock or a single, one line email, then you got a point. Don't reply to them, it isn't worth it. Do you not understand that literally 95% of the mail a female profile gets on this site fits this description? The vast majority of the mail I get on a social profile are "drive-bys"; basically guys looking for a quick horny fix. They aren't actually responding to anything written in a profile. Replying to a drive-by even with a polite "no thank you" will very often result in serious ugliness in your inbox. quote: But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. No, I'm not replying to the ones who are actually acting like scumbags (eg, the ones sending gross propositions or dick pictures), or to the shallow drive-bys. I absolutely do reply to the less than 5% of emails that are written thoughtfully and politely after actually reading my profile and engaging in an actual two-way dialogue as if I was a real human being. You'd be surprised at the number of guys who don't do that; they're ignoring everything I have to say and sending random invitations or one-liners in the hopes of getting lucky. Being socially ignored while being sexually pursued is not much fun, and I don't reward that behavior with any response. This isn't about men or women. I've gotten a few shallow trolls from female profiles as well, and I ignore those too. It's about responding to how people actually behave. My response is not predicated on whether you have an innie or an outie, but on whether you did a drive-by random trolling of my inbox as opposed to writing a thoughtful, personal reply to my profile to open a real human dialogue. quote: If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. Do you have anger issues, or comprehension issues, or both? Thoughtful, well written emails are not the problem. Random drive-by sexual trolls are. quote: If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? No. You're a stranger to me and you are not obliged to talk to anyone you don't know, particularly if they start off by completely ignoring everything you have to say and pushing their own agenda. That goes double if they are crude and obscene. Do you spend a lot of time talking to crank callers? quote: Well there are a LOT of nice, honorable men that would not even think of stalking you that you personally have hurt. I really doubt that, unless "nice, honorable men" write crude sexual propositions, or cut and paste one-liners to troll every female profile within 100 miles of them. quote: Some men go months without a response. It hurts. Waaah, the Internets are being mean to me. Learn moar social skills. quote: On the other hand, I have gotten lots of reply emails saying "no thank you" and at least I know they respect me. The only person that has ever blocked me was a woman that never replied to me. I wonder if she read your posts. Keep in mind that my social profile is "friends only", looking for online gamer buddies in the lifestyle. I never need to send a "no thank you" if the person writing me actually read my profile and wants what is offered there. ANYONE emailing me who is actually doing so for the reasons stipulated in the profile gets a "yes, thank you". Sadly, literally 95% of the mails had jack shit to do with my profile and ranged from "hi u do strapon?" to grosser than that. So no, I don't actually respect a guy who can ignore every freaking thing I said in my profile, totally disrespect what I said my limits were and not give a shit what I'm looking for. Being socially ignored while being sexually propositioned is pretty fucking tiresome, and it's asshole behavior. I respond by ignoring it, because when I do send a "no thank you" to the type of guy who asks strangers if they will fuck him in the ass, I'm either going to get hate mail or even grosser and more explicit sexual requests. I recommend to guys who don't believe me to open a female profile on the site, be nice and friendly to everyone, and see what happens. Keep a bucket of bleach handy; you're going to want it to wash your eyeballs.

JamesS66 -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 7:10:09 AM)
I can understand your points. I guess one bad apple spoils it for the rest of us. For me personally, its frustrating to not hear anything... often prompting a second contact. If I was told no thanks, I would thank them for honesty, offer friendship and wait to hear back (if ever). But I am also not the stalker type. Thanks for your replies... just a pet peeve to not get a polite reply.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 7:29:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JamesS66 If I was told no thanks, I would thank them for honesty, offer friendship and wait to hear back (if ever). If anything, this kind of response is more irritating than outright abuse. Outright abuse can easily be brushed off (at least for me) because it obviously comes from an idiot. But a response like the one above comes from a person who may well not be an idiot but who is incapable of listening to what I'm saying. If you ever have to formally extend an offer of friendship something has gone wrong. Friendships evolve naturally-attempts to create them like that (particularly after someone has already told you they are not interested) are creepy and unnatural.

Takeylarose -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 7:42:15 AM)
Fast reply If I get a thoughtful email from someone, even if I am not interested I always try to reply out of courtesy, it may take me a week or longer but I try at least. I want to talk to people of all (ok well most) walks of life and I wouldn't discount someone simply because they aren't exactly what I am looking for. I am still new to all of this so it's interesting to engage people and see what they are about. However I agree 100% if I get a sexually explicit message/one liner/ or something that seems too generic I will delete it.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 7:47:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? If you are someone I don't know who is calling me unsolicited, then why would this matter? If you are someone I know and care for, yes. Just because a stranger finds it convenient to call me doesn't mean it is convenient for me to answer. In fact I often don't. Same is true for letters. There are organizations who send me stickers and address labels and cards and such asking for a donation. I have not asked them for these things, but if they want to send theme to me, that's fine. I may or may not use them, I may donate them, I may recycle them, but I am under no obligation to respond to them. I do not owe any stranger my time, energy or money... beyond a healthy respect for life. (imo). Sorry, people are not entitled no matter how much they think they are, no matter how many insults they toss out trying to guilt others, no matter how much better they think they are. My time is MINE. NO ONE else is entitled to it unless and until I decide they are. As to the OP: I don't like the new name you came up with. It still is about someone other than you. I know you want to be bonded, involved, hooked up, whatever, but it's YOUR name. I'd say that if you want to get noticed by people, try to find a pleasant chat room (not popular amongst the people on the boards though) or get to know folks here on the boards. We're a pretty friendly lot. Good luck in your search. Best, sunshine

RedMagic1 -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 7:54:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious If you ever have to formally extend an offer of friendship something has gone wrong. I disagree. I have a profile on another site, to make new friends (and friends-plus) in the city I am about to move to. I got an email there last night from a woman who said, "I have to be honest, I am thinking of closing this profile because I decided to give my boyfriend another chance. I've been deleting all the emails, but I felt I had to respond to yours." I replied that I thought she was an impressive person, and I'd be glad to have coffee with her as friends when I moved. She responded by giving me her email address (which included her last name) and saying that if I passed the test of being cool over coffee, she'd put in a good word with some single friends of hers. Not just wanting to bang her, and meaning it, can open doors, and sometimes the guy has to say that explicitly.

Icarys -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:08:13 AM)
quote: Not just wanting to bang her, and meaning it, can open doors, and sometimes the guy has to say that explicitly. I said the very thing on another post. Yes I agree..It works for me too. Of course you know there are more than a few people saying they "mean it" when they really don't.

sunshinemiss -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:14:46 AM)
I'm looking through all my emails from Icarys and Red and realizing none of them said that they wanted just to be friends... and they mean it! I'm presuming that they both are chomping at the bit to get sunshine on a cloudy day.... [:D] I like this interpretation! YAY! Now where is that danged passport?

strangedesire -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:22:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious If anything, this kind of response is more irritating than outright abuse. Outright abuse can easily be brushed off (at least for me) because it obviously comes from an idiot. But a response like the one above comes from a person who may well not be an idiot but who is incapable of listening to what I'm saying. It's telling, though, isn't it? I don't mean to single out the guy you're replying to, but it's a behavior that red-flags me, particularly in a Dom. If someone cannot acknowledge your reality as valid, how can you trust them to respect your limits in more intimate situations? What he's doing sounds reasonably harmless, because it's a fairly minor issue, and he has no power over you. But functionally this behavior isn't any different from you saying, "Needle play is a hard limit of mine because it makes me feel unsafe," and him responding with, "Needle play is perfectly safe and I personally enjoy it, so your objections are not valid." If you're tied up, and he didn't tell you beforehand that he brought his needles with him, this is scary. Or if you tell a self-identified submissive, "I don't want oral sex," and in his mind he replaces that with, "Oral sex is an act of giving, and always pleasurable for the woman who receives it." If you get naked and he forces his head between your legs, it's still sexual assualt. Those are extreme examples, but people do it in a less extreme way all the time. Unless you realize what they're doing, it's infuriating. (I can do it deliberately - I did it once to my girl, calmly, just to demonstrate, and she almost punched me.) It's a way of totally devaluing another person's experience, without even acknowledging that you don't believe them, or don't think that their opinions matter.

Icarys -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:30:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss I'm looking through all my emails from Icarys and Red and realizing none of them said that they wanted just to be friends... and they mean it! I'm presuming that they both are chomping at the bit to get sunshine on a cloudy day.... [:D] I like this interpretation! YAY! Now where is that danged passport? Speaking for me alone..There's another way you could interpret that. [8D]

LadyPact -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:41:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: StrongSpirit You remind me of this guy that is oh so nice ... to girls he wants to date. But treats all other people like shit. Look, if I guy sends you a naked picture of his cock or a single, one line email, then you got a point. Don't reply to them, it isn't worth it. But you are treating all men you don't want as if they are scumbags. It's exactly the same as if a guy were to treat all women as gold digging whores. If you are so paranoid and scared of sending a polite reply to a man that sent you a thoughtful well written email, then you are just being rude, obnnoxious, and most importantly LAZY. What is going on here is you get a ton of emails and just can't bother to apply yourself 1/10 as hard as the men do. There is word for what you are doing - Prejudice. Judging all people the same - without getting to know them - instead of treating them as individuals. Just because you don't want to get to know a particular person and therefore don't have to worry about consequences for acting poorly doesn't mean it's ok to treat them badly. If I ignored your phone calls, would it upset you? Well there are a LOT of nice, honorable men that would not even think of stalking you that you personally have hurt. Some men go months without a response. It hurts. On the other hand, I have gotten lots of reply emails saying "no thank you" and at least I know they respect me. The only person that has ever blocked me was a woman that never replied to me. When you ask why the internet is so rude, look in the mirror. Let Me give you a little more detail regarding how this situation really happens. One of your comments was that people were too lazy to answer the unwanted email that they receive. My question to you in return is, when was the last time you answered seventy pieces of email in eighteen hours? When I created an alternative profile a couple of weeks ago, that was the way the numbers turned out. Keep in mind, that's over and above the correspondence that I had on My actual profile here, My Fet account, or My yahoo. (Not to mention, I actually have a life.) In that period, over twenty-five percent were from people that, had they read the profile, they wouldn't have written at all. Another ten percent were from male Dominants when I had listed Myself as a Domme. More were from people that were outside the age range I had specified. Even more sent rude pics. Out of those seventy emails the other account received, there was exactly one person who had read the profile and actually addressed what I had written on it. (I had mentioned that I was looking forward to attending events in the area, which does happen to be true.) That one guy sent Me information on munches in the area that I had said was the location. All of the others, I wrote back with some variation of thanks but no for various reasons (age, location, compatibility, etc). Over two thirds of the people sent something nasty back to Me after I had done that. So, when you say that it's fear or paranoia that leads women not to send a response, that's not the case. It's experience! Oh, most of them were polite in the initial contact, but when women on this site say no, we know what to expect. Something else I think you should keep in mind. When I did this a couple of weeks ago, there have been some serious improvements here since I put up this account three and a half years ago. The spam filter has changed a lot of things for the better and so have the reporting process for full frontal nudity. I didn't get My first form letter on the new account until the initial contacts were somewhere in the range of eighty emails. The thing is, I'm not a brand new person to this site. In the three and a half years that I have been here, I've received thousands of emails. I couldn't begin to tell you the kind of crap that has been My experience here. I'm not willing to feel indebted to someone just because they decided to write Me an email. You can go on all day about how you think women "should" respond because you want us to behave the way that you've decided is best. If you experienced what women do via mail here, you might be singing a different tune.

igor2003 -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:46:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Madame4a Actually, quite the opposite... a reply will always get yet another email, no matter the reply... its very different for women here than men... you have no idea how much unsolicited and obnoxious email women get here. See my first post in this thread... and ETA ... what LP said... better than I did quote: ORIGINAL: JamesS66 Fire away, but... Is it such a tough thing to do to repsond back? Just because your dom or domme, shouldn't mean you ignore an email. Most sites even have automatic replies. I am dom and often send welcome/hello notes to subs and also never hear anything back. The best way to not get a second email is, in my opinion, to hit reply and say "No, thanks". I'm not normally a person to argue, but to paint everyone with the same brush and say that a reply will always get you another email is simply not true. It may happen a lot of the time...perhaps even most of the time, but not ALWAYS. How do I know? Simple. If I write to someone and they write back and say, "Thanks but no thanks," I appreciate the fact that they wrote back and I do not bother them again. I may be the exception rather than the rule, but "always" is simply not true. On the other hand, if I don't get a reply back, and if I think that there really is a possibility of a good match then I will write back again after a few days. Why? As has been said many, many times in these forums many of the ladies here get a LOT of email. An email can easily get lost in the mix. It HAS happened...more than once... that I have received responses to a second email and not the first simply because my first had not been seen or noticed due to the volume of email received. First emails get "glossed over", accidentally deleted, deleted without being read due to volume, and various other reasons. If you don't want a second email from me then you should respond to the first and let me know that it was received and read. People keep saying that, "No response IS a response." Bull. No response simply tells me that I have no idea what happened to the first email..

LadyPact -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 8:57:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: igor2003 If you don't want a second email from me then you should respond to the first and let me know that it was received and read. People keep saying that, "No response IS a response." Bull. No response simply tells me that I have no idea what happened to the first email.. Not exactly. The email system here tells you if your email was read, unread, deleted unread, and so on. The new hover feature is great for this. People can now see the beginning of an email without having to open it and it also shows if there is a pic enclosed. It makes it much easier to delete the stuff that you don't want to see.

Icarys -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 9:01:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact quote: ORIGINAL: igor2003 If you don't want a second email from me then you should respond to the first and let me know that it was received and read. People keep saying that, "No response IS a response." Bull. No response simply tells me that I have no idea what happened to the first email.. Not exactly. The email system here tells you if your email was read, unread, deleted unread, and so on. The new hover feature is great for this. People can now see the beginning of an email without having to open it and it also shows if there is a pic enclosed. It makes it much easier to delete the stuff that you don't want to see. If we could get to some of the other additions that were mentioned on the other thread, we might be getting somewhere..Those combined with the spam filter might cut down a bit of trouble.

LadyPact -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (10/28/2010 9:14:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys If we could get to some of the other additions that were mentioned on the other thread, we might be getting somewhere..Those combined with the spam filter might cut down a bit of trouble. The auto response buttons were added recently, but I'll be very honest here. I'm not inclined to use them. I don't need to have a message that says how nice a person sounds, but they aren't local to Me. I say in My profile that I'm only interested in corresponding with local people or folks from the forums. Anybody who writes Me anyway isn't being "nice". They are ignoring what I've already said. I think I told you privately on the subject that I don't know how to work the other things that might be considered improvements. That's for someone who knows more about programs than Me.

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