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DMFParadox -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (11/1/2010 6:57:16 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PeonForHer
Thing is, Wyld, I have a feeling that the ones who think it's rude not to reply are almost certainly not the ones who'd conceive of sending rude messages.
I keep coming back to the same hunch, here: that one sort of man doesn't get that another sort of man exists.
This is true enough.
The pattern typically goes where some men will write nastygrams to get a response - any response. A thorough bitching out is better than silence, for them; it's closure. This dame's done, time to move on.
The ones who never try tend to block out self-knowledge of what emotions are involved in the ones that do.
As an experiment, I've tried nastygrams. Different kinds of women are attracted to it. And sadly, I do get more overall responses, and I'm able to spin about 20% of those into "But I'm actually a cool guy."
Overall, I'd say the rate of final 'success', success being measured by a positive interaction, was lower than the rate of response on the nice letters. But not much lower.
Further, the interactions just felt solid. You knew what to expect. And if they didn't respond - hey, I was an ass, I gave them a reason not to. I could drop it, mentally, and move on.
Whereas if I write a nice letter, somewhere in the back of my mind I expect a response. Even if I know it's not true to the reality.
The women who responded weren't the ones I expected to, either. I honestly expected the women who had 'people SUCK' written all over their profile to respond more, since like calls to like; I was mistaken, and in hindsight it makes sense, since they likely draw more fire. I was getting the attention of the 'nicer' women more often.
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To the op: go offline. But if you really must contact women online, here's the best way I've found.
Write a nice letter, but don't spend too much time on it. Expect to be ignored.
About 2 weeks later, write another nice letter, in a conversational tone, as if you'd gotten a nice response back.
1-2 weeks later, write another one. If she updates her blog, comment on it. Or just tell a random joke that pops in your head. Or tell a story that's interesting. Or point out a political or social cause you care about, like "I just wanted to point out that midterm elections are about to happen, and I'm plugging the vote to my friends! It counts!" or something less cornball, I'm typing fast, give me a break.
Use form email. Go ahead. Just keep each email to a single person distinct from other emails you've sent them.
After about 5 times, I've found that around 4 out of 10 women will write you back with a 'Stop Emailing me!' - do stop - or they'll bite at the bait. At that point start a conversation. Be up front - "looking at me, do you think I'd be a good catch?" You're subby, I'd be all like "Yo! Look at me! I rawk! ROAR" in not so many words, but you might want to take a different approach. I dunno, try it.
The women on here will probably get all over my case for increasing the email from unwanted suitors, but hey, they are not working for your best interests. They're working for theirs, and that's fair; just keep it in perspective. I'm telling you what worked for me.
One more thing. Be creative with your emails, but re-use. People do it in conversation all the time, they'll tell a friend a joke and tell other friends the same joke; don't feel that you're cheating by re-posting emails. Just be unique to you. I.e., don't repost other guy's emails. And take a second to customize to the receiver.
When you get a response, break out the tailor made stuff. Until then, be smart, don't waste your time re-inventing the hello.
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