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LadyNTrainer -> RE: How many times should one make a request. (11/5/2010 6:42:28 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
Your wording conveyed your dislike for certain human behaviours due to the negative connotations of the terms you chose (lies, deception, manipulation, etc). Your subjective view of these behaviours may be apparent to people with intuition and may be perceived as negative judgments.
That's because subjectively, they are. I do experience them negatively, and it is difficult for me to view behaviors which are deceptive, even benignly so, in a positive light. I should probably try harder to clarify that my subjective experience is not intended to imply universal moral judgment, just my own all too frequently confused and frustrated perspective. What words would you use to describe these behaviors that are more neutral?
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Non-direct behaviours aren't always viewed as lies and deception, because of a distinction made in intent.
I do understand that when someone asks if the dog ate my homework, they are neither inquiring about the dietary habits of a pet canine nor do they have any intent to be deceptive. My subjective experience is still a frustrating one, because the social freighting on an indirect communication can convey sarcasm, disapproval, humor at someone else's expense, or exactly the opposite. I have no good way of determining which of these subtexts are being conveyed. All I have to go on are words that don't mean what they are supposed to mean, and whatever cues I can pick up from the environment, so I am going to have a difficult time responding appropriately. In short, it's still a giant pain in my ass. Why can't people just say what they actually mean in so many words?
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Similarly, the use of Interpersonal intelligence for social deception is simply a matter of intent. No amount of deception, however apparent or hard to notice is inherently bad and can even be amusing due to its ingenuity until there is reason to be suspicious of its intent. If ill intent is found, then negative terms like lies, deception and manipulation are used.
There's ill intent, selfish intent, careless intent, no particular intent, good intent, and a lot of shades in between. The problem is that they all still translate to my having to do the equivalent of playing three-dimensional chess in my head in order to keep up my end of the conversation, and it gives me a headache. That doesn't make it wrong or bad for other people, just something that I personally dislike and avoid.
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In conclusion, when someone approaches you with non-direct social behavior, it's meant to be a puzzle for your brain to identify or fail to identify, but invariably appreciate, because it's the equivalent of a pattern puzzle, just meant for another area of the brain. That's how we learn, grow and test each other's mental fitness.
Young lions spend a lot of time pushing and shoving each other to test one another's fitness. They do it to human keepers as well. Lose your footing in a lion enclosure and nothing good comes of it whether you are lion or human. They're hardwired to constantly test this way, whether others around them consent to play this game or not. Apparently, so are humans. I won't say they're wrong or bad for doing it - that's how evolution made them for a good reason - but I will say that it is a giant pain in the ass.
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